《A Will to Recognize》32. Blister

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He was agitated, unlike anything I’ve seen before.

It grew in stark contrast with his usual self that seemed so wise and reserved.

‘What happened?’

I knew he wasn’t on friendly terms with Melissa, but why was he going out of his way to make that obvious?

I didn’t know the reason Melissa had for wanting to stay in the exam, but I’m sure it was important for her. I was sure of it. But Daniel, I know he had no good reason to be adamant about getting disqualified on purpose.

He was the smartest person I knew, so the things I could see must have been even clearer to him. Did he choose to do it knowing that Melissa would oppose the idea?

‘Why?’

He should be more sympathetic to other people’s pleas. That was how I recollected him to be. At least that’s what he always did with me.

Even when I asked dumb questions anyone should know on purpose, he always took the time to explain it. I knew it was fake of me to do that, but if I didn’t, he would barely talk to me at all.

He was always there for me physically—but never mentally.

It wasn’t a change, he was always like that. I thought it was normal for friends to be like that.

Yet I only knew Melissa for a couple days now, I also knew I could trust her as a friend. It was what made me aware that the relationship dynamic between me and Daniel was anything but normal.

I could trust him, but he never trusted me or anyone at all for that matter. I thought I knew him, but I didn’t.

It was so different from the friendship between me and Melissa that I was starting to think Daniel and I weren’t friends even though we knew each other for much longer. It felt so one-sided trying to initiate conversations without any feedback in response.

Was this disappointment? Did I expect too much?

“Give us back our coins!” Came the cry from a distance mixed with panting and footsteps.

A body laid beneath me. Crushed by my weight.

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‘I’m sorry.’

But I can’t let you disqualify us.

I didn’t know what else to feel. I just knew that Melissa needed my help. I don’t know for what reason yet, but as a friend, I know she will explain it to me later. I trusted that she would trust me.

‘I’m sorry.’

Even though I’ve known you for so long. Why is it that I am able to trust someone I just met a couple days ago more than you? It doesn’t add up, Daniel.

I should have known sooner. There are a lot of things that I should know as your friend, yet I know none of them. Are you really my friend?

‘I can’t believe I’m doing this.’

“Ae…”

‘Say something.’

“...”

‘Why won’t you say something?’

“...”

‘Stop looking at me like that.’

“Let go of me…”

“Let go…” he said again.

But I won’t.

I see how it is now.

He doesn’t see me as a friend, does he?

Why did it take so long for me to realize it?

My first friend was never you. It was Melissa.

‘Why do you glare at me like that?’

I had him pinned, yet I couldn’t help the uneasy feeling from creeping up on me. It wasn’t true disappointment. No. I thought it was disappointment, but it was really a regret. What did I do wrong for things to come down to this? What went wrong in our relationship?

I already told Melissa to run first since the group of people were targeting her, so there was no else left but me. And Daniel… I wasn’t sure if I could see him as anything more than a human.

Even with how close we were right now, I could barely hear his inaudible mumbling. Something along the lines of, “I’m stupid.” Or was it “You’re stupid?” Is that how you see me? I’m the stupid one?

‘...’

Wow.

My fist clenched, but I knew better.

I knew not to do it.

I’m not supposed to cry either.

I can’t be weak anymore. I was a grown-up. I knew better.

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“Tssk, dammit.” He bit me. But it didn’t hurt at all.

‘Where had that clearheadedness of yours gone?’

I forced my grip down on him harder, making sure he would never be able to move from that position.

I no longer cared if he bit my arm off, I wasn’t going to let him disqualify us. For Melissa’s sake.

“This is the last… Let go.”

I ignored his words again.

But I should have pinned him down harder.

“Eh?” His arm came out to block my eyes and I could feel something like a serpent wrapping around my waist.

Something pressed against my stomach as I was thrust off the ground.

I tried resisting with all my weight, but I only made it worse, eventually reversing our positions with him on top of me.

But he didn’t pin me down like I did to him.

“This is how you do it.”

Before I knew it, I found one of my arms squeezed to the ground while my other arm was squished by his chest. I was immobilized just like that.

I tried pushing him off, but something lodged into my hip started hurting the moment I tried anything.

“Do you really want this?” he asked, his voice deeper and darker.

It was only now that I was reminded of his small body for his age. How was he still so strong? Even after I grew stronger from killing all those monsters, how was he still stronger than me? What’s the secret? Did you also slay monsters?

I kept wiggling, trying to get up, but the pain stopped me every time on every mode of escape.

‘This is nothing.’

I wasn’t weak.

“If you keep doing that, your pelvis might break.”

“You can’t disqualify us,” I barked back as I continued resisting.

“It doesn’t matter, why do you care so much?”

“It’s Melissa, is that right?” He stopped to ponder something before muttering, “I guess it makes sense if it’s you.”

‘What did you mean by “you?”’

He continued talking on his own, unlike how he usually conducted himself.

“You do realize that the idea of collecting coins for an exam has nothing to do with measuring combat ability, don’t you?”

“...”

I couldn’t find the right words to usher out a response.

“This exam is inefficient and is a lie, don’t you see?”

“If she wants to become a member, there are numerous other ways that work better.”

“I bet if you put a word in with Scarlet, she could do something.”

“Professor Eigenvalue too.”

He was about to say something else but decided he said too much, allowing the silence to envelop both of us.

“I’m sorry,” I said, not knowing what else to say, but I knew I had to say something. Anything to fill the cracks. But perhaps saying nothing at all would have been better.

He gave a quiet and annoyed gaze at me before getting up, not acknowledging my words in the slightest.

And he left in the other direction, away from the boundaries no longer seeking to be disqualified from the exam.

I wanted to follow him, but my body stayed there. So I ended up laying on the field with no one in my company. Not even the sun was up there in the azure skies.

‘Why did I do this?’

I knew things wouldn’t have taken such a turn if I had simply stayed put. The road ahead was never supposed to be bumpy, but I had to mess it up.

I was even planning something since it was his birthday tomorrow.

Did he have anyone else?

‘No.’

So why?

Why was I so stupid.

I should have believed in him and trusted him even if he didn’t fully trust me.

But now, the little semblance of what could be called “trust” he had for me was gone. And I knew first hand that there was no one else in his life like me. Even his parents were no good.

Why did I have to burn our bridge down?

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