《A Will to Recognize》21. Starting Line (6)
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“Oh look at the time. Alright, classes are over. Go to your dorms to be assigned a room if you haven’t yet. Now get out.” The grumpy professor ended with a groan as he urged us all to leave his room.
“Hey, are you sure that was the right class?” I overheard someone saying that right after leaving the room.
If I wasn’t wrong, that was Politics class. I did not know what was up with him, but oh well. Some people were just chronically depressed. I understood.
It was a normal occurrence.
I understood completely.
It was dreadful.
Classes were over. Students were leaving. Schools were empty. A continuous cycle ensued with little fluctuations in between. If I dared to, I think I would leave this place. I didn’t know what for, but does a person really need a reason to run amok from place to place? It may be a mindless path, but wouldn’t such randomness be more fun? The unexpected. The bravados. The stupid things.
I could build a treehouse somewhere in the wild. One day I would hunt some fish or eat bugs for sustenance. The next I would shit in some water reservoir or something. That feeling of waking up every day not knowing what to do was something I could die for: What am I going to eat today? Will I die today? Which bird bastard shat on my tent?
I rather envied those guys who survived in rainforests or deserts for fun. It looked fun trying to build everything up from scratch. The food was shit. The water was shit. And their lifestyle was generally shit. Yet, there was something about the shitty life of simply surviving. You’d encounter a bear so you had to run and hide. You’d kill somebody and no one would know. And eating the wrong plants could give you a lifetime’s worth of diarrhea.
I think I understood why it felt so appealing to me.
Everything about the simplistic lifestyle corresponded with my ideals. I could do whatever the fuck I wanted and no one would be able to stop me. I could kill anything without remorse. I could live when I wanted to live and die when I wanted to die. What can they do?
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‘Fucker.’
It was dreadful.
‘I’m a piece of shit.’
And I didn’t want to understand it.
‘I’m retarted.’
‘I’m gay.’
‘I’m a pig.’
What am I acting all happy about?
‘I’m an idiot.’
I could remember it clearly.
It already happened twice.
The first time was dismissible, but it really wasn’t. I let myself think that because I was lazy. And the second time… Who cared if it were a simple demonstration? How could I ever let myself get hit like that? I didn’t need to know why I wasn’t able to move. The answer would only disappoint me.
But it was because it disappointed me. It was because of it.
So I had to know.
And I already knew. I was weak. I’m still not pushing myself enough.
I didn’t care what everyone else thought.
‘Fuck off.’
I told the prying eyes.
‘Don’t look.’
‘Look as much as you want.’
‘Look away.’
‘This will be you.’
‘Keep looking.’
The tree didn’t do anything wrong. The only thing that was wrong with it, was that it was the tree closest to the male dormitory building.
‘Fuck.’
The little flesh on my knuckles weren’t conditioned at all. I hadn’t hit anything hard ever since I learned how it felt to die. All I ever did was punch the air. All I ever did was practice against my imagination. I needed to practice against something real. Something that could be destroyed. Something I could feel.
‘I could destroy this tree.’
I kept bashing it.
‘I had total control over its fate.’
You say I am bleeding? So I should stop?
‘Fuck off.’
You say my hand is broken?
‘Shut up.’
Leave me be.
Leave me, for I was saner than a sane man.
[Sweeping (Transcendent) has reached level 2 of proficiency.]
[Received: 1,000 Merit Points]
“HAHA!”
‘Watch me laugh.’
Between me and the moon, we both saw it.
The stars too. They also saw it.
‘I’m a genius.’
I figured it out.
How the Sweeping Technique worked.
‘I figured it all out.’
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Yes.
‘Don’t stop.’
I continued going blow for blow on the unmoving tree.
It would grow louder, and sometimes quiet enough to hear my pants.
The wind would whistle a tune every now and then.
With it, carried cold currents that permeated through my body.
How long has it been?
‘Don’t think.’
Where are we?
‘In Hawaii.’
Why am I doing this?
‘Why not?’
Right.
I could stop anytime I wanted to—but I won’t.
I was going to accompany the moon on this lovely night. It was the only thing I could see.
‘If you’re bored, circulate your mana.’
Hah, right.
[Mana Channeling (Common) has…]
***
[Mana Channeling (Common) has reached level 9 of proficiency.]
[Received: 100 Merit Points.]
~~~~~~~~~~
Name: Daniel
Race: Human
Title: Masochist
System: Crouching Dragon System (Mythical)
Merit Points: 4,100
Life Force: 27/80 (8 years)
Strength: 8
Physique: Conditioned Physique - Lvl.1
Magic: Mana Sense - Lvl.1
Techniques: Mana Channeling (Common - Lvl.9), Draconic Swordsmanship (Rare - Lvl.2), Draconic Thrust (Rare - Lvl.0), Draconic Sense (Epic - Lvl.0), Sweeping (Transcendent - Lvl.2)
Active Skills: Blurred Eyes (Epic)
Passive Skills: Dragon Hearted (Epic)
Curse: Unnoticed Potential (Legendary)
~~~~~~~~~~
“Look, he’s still there.”
“Did he get locked out past curfew?”
‘What the hell am I doing?’
I hadn’t slept at all, yet my energy was… I was filled with energy.
It didn’t make sense. It was absolutely ludicrous. My entire body ached. And my lower back threatened to snap at any moment.
I didn’t know what happened to my hands, but the blood had formed its own bandage.
‘I’m being self-destructive.’
I was well aware of the fact, but I did not regret it for some reason. Where has my regret gone?
I could feel the chills in my body. It went in and out with every breath, circulating freely, though restricted in a circular manner. I no longer had to pay mind for it, as it did itself subconsciously. I may be seeing or feeling things, but I had a feeling that it was all real.
The mana particles I inhaled were circulating on their own. It reached every muscle fibre, providing a cold numbness. My body didn’t hurt as much as I thought it would.
But I knew my body wouldn’t last long in such a condition. I couldn’t keep doing this.
I would have to hold off on training for at least a week before I could even try light training. My knuckles were all busted up, but surprisingly, my wrist and all the tiny bones didn’t break. But I may be wrong. Who knows?
The blood had clotted up too well, and too fast. I should have died.
‘I survived.’
I looked at my watch which somehow was in mint condition.
My entire appearance was sloven, torn in the wrong places.
Remembering a piece of paper I had in my pocket, I took it out to see it all crumpled up. I couldn’t read the words. But I remembered him reading the contract aloud for me.
‘A training facility.’
I remembered those words.
‘Professor Eigenvalue…’
I read through the gibberish on the contract, not knowing what to make of it. I knew the first couple of lines were something about benefits, but he had not read aloud the responsibilities portion.
“...”
‘How do I write my name?’
—Samantha—
{You have slain a Terracotta Deity!}
{You have learned Reaper [Skill]!}
{You have gained experience!}
{You have evolved into a Mage!}
{Raphkalis [Skill] has leveled up!}
{Your base stats have increased!}
{Hero’s Responsibility [Blessing] has ranked up from [Rank 9 → Rank 8]!}
{Your divine authority has increased!}
{Showing immediate status…}
~~~~~~~~~~
Physique: Holy Knight [1,382,747 / 10,000,000 EXP]
Magic: Mage [2,042 / 1,000,000 EXP]
Skills: Reaper [Level 1], Cold Resistance [Level 3], Divine Asphalt [Level 5], Poison Resistance [Level 12], Everstill Sword [Level 18], Raphkalis [Level 27], Limit Breaker [Level 37], Heat Resistance [Level 86]
Blessings: Hero’s Responsibility [Rank 8]
~~~~~~~~~~
“You have completed the 100th trial,” said a new voice.
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