《Pains of Infinity》Having feelings is a tough job - Or the one where I talk and feel things

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I put on the kettle and prepared the coffee for the professor, made myself some tea. The old man patiently waited for me to be done with the water, milk and my own cup and sit down in front of him at the kitchen table. I did so and looked at him like I was already full of his bullshit. Though, he ignored this completely.

“So?” I asked nursing my cup.

“It is no secret there are more schools like Huntig Academy out there. And we are very proud of our pupils. And there is going to be an annual convention of the best of our trade. We, of course, are going to attend and demonstrate our skills and advantages. And, I would like you to be one of our representatives there.”

It got me wondering if he wanted me to represent Huntig because of the stunt I pulled the other day with the wolf. It meant he wanted to come out first or something, which meant, the convention was important to him. Which lead to the possibility there would be more skilled and experienced hunters. That was to say, it would be more dangerous than me being here. Neat.

“Okay. When will that be?”

“In a couple of months. You will be informed about it properly when everything is settled and ready.”

“Okay. I don't mind.”

At that, he finished his coffee and left placing the mug into the sink. I could only wonder how he didn't burn his mouth out. I mean that was just made...

“You're going to the convention?” Vince didn't hide his confusion.

“Why are you still here and why are you eavesdropping?”

“I was not listening in on you,” Vince snapped back, ears reddening. “But it's really, really unusual for Vertig himself to do something like that. I mean, they just send out the invitations with the requirement of attending.”

“You mean it's compulsory?”

“Yes. For those they choose.”

“Well, then, I guess I am lucky.” I smiled wide and walked back to my room.

Vince followed and closed the door behind him, so others who were still lingering in the hallway wouldn't hear us.

“So what really happened?”

“The bitch was riding Wann when I came back. On my bed. So I threw her out. And she came back with this,” I pointed to the tool still held firmly in his hand.

He sighed deeper than ever and rubbed the bridge of his nose.

“Why am I not surprised.” He sighed again. “I don't understand, why he is so angry with you, because you're a... cool person,” he finished lamely, rubbing his neck.

I raised an eyebrow.

“I mean it. You're cool. Like you give off this intimidating aura about you, but in reality, you're this cute cuddly kitten who can kill vicious beasts with bare hands... And you're still talking to me,” he finished blushing crimson, still scratching at the back of his head.

I laughed until my sides hurt. I mean, he called me a kitten. And a cute one to boot. No one ever called me that. The best thing anyone called me was “heartless”. And his blushing face did things to me, too. It was weird, but not unpleasant.

“I'm not sure about the kitten part, but yeah. Thanks. And you're not so bad yourself if I'm still talking to you,” I smiled.

“Good.” His smile faltered a bit, but he willed it to reach his eyes and beamed at me with full force.

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After that he briefed me through the reason for the convention, and the rest of my lectures and classes. The first close combat class would be tomorrow at six PM and I should not be late for that, otherwise professor Michail would have “none of my shit”. After we just talked about random stuff, like his relationship with others and his own family.

“I couldn't bring myself to kill him. I just couldn't, you know,” Vince told me when I asked why Wann was being an ass to him.

“Your brother? What happened to him? I mean, you said it was a Moon case, so I kind of get it...”

“He was bitten during one of the hunts, but hid it from us. And during Full Moon, he turned and killed some of our family members. The hunt was issued and I found him first.”

“And then, because he's your brother, you just stood there and would have let him go? Are you stupid?”

Vince's eyes shot wide and he dipped his head down in disappointment. He knew what he did was not typical for hunters, but he probably expected me to be on his side. He looked a bit betrayed and blushed deeper; he was wringing his fingers and hiding his eyes from my view.

“I realize killing your own kin is never easy, but if he already killed, there was no going back for him, if he couldn’t even recognize you. Moon Walkers are intelligent, but only the pure ones or those who are old. Those who are made... Well, in most cases they lose all senses and sanity and are beyond lost. So in this case, Wann was right.”

Vince looked at me and sighed. He rubbed the back of his neck and sighed again. He knew I was right. Everything I said was right and he found it hard to admit it, but he would have to do it eventually.

“But, laughing at you for not being able to end your own blood is even more moronic. No human being would be so hot and ready to take the life of a family member. If it was my brother, I wouldn't be able to do it,” I said believing my words. At least now, when I had my humanity in check. There were times when I killed countless humans just for the sport of killing. It felt good, but then my conscience decided to somehow appear and I felt like shit. Atoning for my sins did no good since I wasn't able to off myself. But that's not of importance now.

I talked a bit about myself. I told him I grew up in the middle of nowhere, or more like in the center of a dark forest full of bloodthirsty animals. How I grew up with no family and how, because of me, my mother died. Also about how others wouldn't accept me to their circle no matter where I went because I was abnormal. I was always an outcast, being the way I was. Of course, I never mentioned I wasn't human. It was still not the right time for him to know.

So we talked and talked, and he was getting deeper and deeper into my brain and heart. This person was not annoying or bothersome or unbearable to be with. He was just there. He listened and answered. He saw me for who I was, not for what I was. And it made my heart do those strange tingly things and getting all warm and fuzzy. I wanted for the morning to never come. It just felt so nice and warm talking to him. Until Wann barged into the room and ruined everything.

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He reeked of cigarettes and alcohol. And the moment he laid eyes on Vince something ticked in him and he began spouting profanities and hurtful things. I honestly wanted to snap his neck off, but figured, it would make Vince feel worse. So I just said my good-nights and walked him out of the room, actually shielding him from Wann's stray punches.

“Thanks for tonight,” I said.

“No, thank you for trusting in me. I'm glad I got to hear a bit of your story.”

The crooked smile on his face left me wondering if he really felt better or worse. I sure hoped he was not feeling pity for me, because that would be not cool. I didn't feel pity about the things I lived through. I felt regret and sorrow and pain, but not pity.

Wann was being an ass so I smacked him once and made him pass out. I was not in the mood to listen to his nonsense. I laid in my bed thinking maybe I made the right choice by coming here. Maybe from now on my life wouldn't be as boring as it was before.

*****

Morning came and I was in a conflict of emotions because the fog was covering the entirety of the city. It was so thick I could barely see the trees outside. And they were pretty close, like a meter away from the window. And I was expecting a sunny day, just like yesterday.

Wann was nowhere to be seen and as I heard afterward from other residents, he was out on the run alongside the river bank. I figured as much, after all, he was a muscle freak. Too much of a one...

I ate breakfast in the kitchen, even if there was a mess hall somewhere in the complex of the academy, I liked making my own food. Khai and Sylvester were sitting and eating their own breakfast, apparently having the same ideas I did.

Even though Khai was more on the side of Wann, he wasn't that bad of a guy... More quiet and a bit of an idiot. Well, I could tolerate his lame jokes and the sweaty smell coming from him. But that's all. As a human being he was not interesting and not worth much of my time. So was Sylvester. Boring. As of now, only Vince was interesting enough. And I was still not sure what made him so intriguing.

After eating and washing up we gathered our stuff and walked out together to our classes, however, instead of Korean, I had Spanish that morning. It appeared we were mostly put in rooms at the equal level of skills and studies. And since the semester had just begun, they placed me at the same level as everyone else here. Well, not completely everyone. There were like three levels and we were the second one. It just meant I’d have to catch up on other languages and theory classes the year after the next or something. Not like I was planning to stay here for this long...

The walk was fun, if one could consider being attacked by crows as a fun thing. I mean, those were some hardcore birds. They’re so smart it sometimes scared me. And they could feel the supernatural. It’s in their instinct to either flee or fight. I gathered, we passed near their nesting spot so they defended it. I got scratched quite a bit on my face and hands, but only minor injuries, nothing too extreme.

The guys who were walking with me helped to chase them away until we reached the classroom. We all came to class covered in feathers and scratches. It's a shame no one got their eyes poked out. I wanted to see that happening at least once in this century.

Wann came late to class and as a result I was put into the same group for language practice; the teacher divided us in groups of two and I had no pair. We had to make a dialogue about the recent events on the school grounds.

“How do you say 'I'm too stupid to use a weapon against a wolf' in Spanish?” Wann sneered, beginning the “discussion”.

“How do you say 'my brains don't get enough oxygen because of the muscle mass in my head'?”

“The same way you say 'I'm a freak and I stink of rotten flesh',” Wann spat out.

I flipped a chair standing up. It tumbled right next to the instructor and crashed at the wall.

“You have a problem with me, Wann?” I hissed as I had his collar in my grasp.

“Yeah, I- I do!” he was returning the motion and grabbing me by my jumper collar.

“Stop it right now!” the instructor commanded. But what could she do?

“So if you do, tell me straight,” I barked out.

“You s-stink. And you're- you’re a f-freak. And I want to- to- to s-stab your eyes out and cut you to pieces and- and burn you up.”

“Wow. Just because I stink? Dude, you have serious anger management issues.”

At that, he swung his fist at me and I backed off. I mean, it would have hurt otherwise. The instructor was frantically shouting at us and flailing her arms in attempts of separating us. Others left their seats and pooled in the back of the room when both of us took positions to attack. None of them was brave enough to try to stop us.

Wann was seriously pissed about something, but I couldn't put my finger on it. I mean, he wasn't that pissed about the girl last time. So maybe my presence alone was enough to irritate him to madness? Heck, if I knew.

“You came out of nowhere. Stole the s-spotlight and after ev-everything you've done, Vertig asks only you to be at the con. Don't you think there's a bit of fa-favoritism here?” his alluring voice had burning spice to it, despite him stuttering in rage, but it made the girls in the classroom melt and I thought I could sense lust coming from them. Yup, it was definitely his voice that made them all go crazy about this unattractive piece of muscle.

“It's not my fault you're weak, Mutt.”

His mismatched eyes blazed and a shiver ran through my body. I had not been this excited in a long while. I was looking forward to our brawl until the instructor intervened.

“You either stop or I will ban you from this class and fail both of you.”

The failing mark had nothing of importance to me, but Wann seemed to be tamer. I guessed, he really wanted to follow his family's footsteps. After all, most of his family were outstanding and well-known hunters. One of them even got me, almost... A century or two ago.

When we calmed down the instructor asked both of us to leave. Wann grabbed his bag and left without a word. I glanced at the woman and pursed my lips. She did not give me the time to argue and I had to leave too. As I stepped out of the classroom, Wann was on his phone talking to someone.

“...meet me in my room in fifteen.”

He glanced back and cocked his head in a mocking manner. He actually was daring me. Honestly, it didn't bother me one bit if he was going to have sex in the room we both shared or not, as long as it's not on my bed.

I was thinking of going on an exploration trip, but the sun was coming out of the shade of the dispersing fog and I had a load of things to read, so I just headed in the same direction as the guy in front of me.

The whole walk back I could smell that taunting smell of blood I felt the last time I was in the training hall. It was so faint I couldn't figure out where it was coming from. But then Wann lit his stink stick and the smell got blocked out. Which was a good thing; in another case I would have just jumped the nearest person and bared my fangs to their neck.

I walked slowly to give Wann some time to cool his head and not to go into rampage just because he was pissed at me. I didn't want to get blamed if he hurt his partner or something. Still, I wasn't planning on interrupting them or something. Well, I'd give him time to leave the room if he wanted to fuck... If he didn't leave, it's not my problem.

Though, to be honest, I was still keeping a bit of hope he was not meeting anyone in the room to mate with them. Maybe he had other business in mind. And that smirk of his was meant to just agitate me and not sign me into his plans.

I was wrong. He indeed was in the process of having an intercourse, on his own bed, thankfully, with another man when I stepped into the shared room.

The other man didn't notice me enter the room, he was lying on his belly and facing the wall, and the noises they both were making were enough to drown out any of the sounds I made. There were no clothes on him nor on Wann.

Ignoring Wann's disgusting face I sat down at my desk and took my books out. I was considering going to the kitchen, but it was occupied by Sylvester and the other two at the moment.

The pair in the middle of doing the dirty was quieter than when I entered and I mused it made no difference to me if they were doing the dirty, or just sitting there.

The textbook on hunter history was quite interesting, with all their imaginative descriptions and super weird lore about most supernatural creatures. It was so full of bullshit, I kept reading even past the pages I was required to read.

After a while, though, I heard the ecstatic man under Wann draw in a deep breath and hold it in. I turned to see what was wrong on instinct. He saw me. All his muscles contracted and his face flushed even redder. Wann ignored his plea to stop and the accusations of not letting him know about someone watching them. I was not... But Wann didn't listen. He hastened his pace, but the man (or was it actually a boy?) began to struggle under a heavy body.

“Hellsing, please... Stop... No- Sto-”

His voice cracked as he began to cry hysterically. Wann got into a frenzy and pressed the boy further down, crushing his shoulders with pressure of his muscly arms.

My self-control broke when I smelled blood. The boy cried biting into his fingers as his rear bled under rough thrusts. I snapped and stood up.

“Wann, stop,” I commanded.

Of course, he didn't listen.

The boy was wrecked beyond repair and Wann was beyond comprehension. I had to resort to the last straw for someone I didn't even know. But as it was, I was in danger of jumping someone in this room and committing a huge mistake. I still wanted to have some more fun at this city and exposing myself to the best pupil of the academy would have ruined the plan.

“Argent,” I placed my hand on his sweaty shoulder, “stop,” I ordered with a calm, but sharp tone.

His hasty movements halted and he looked at the sobbing wreck under him. Then I pushed Wann away and pulled the boy into a half-sitting position. He looked at me with wounded pride and I could clearly see he wanted to disappear.

“What's your name?” I asked.

“... Tai,” he whispered.

“Tai, I'm Fang.” I smiled clenching my teeth. The smell was too strong. “Now, everything is going to be okay. Argent will take care of the mess he made. So stop crying, okay? And you should not let others treat you like that.”

The boy nodded, but when I was about to stand up and walk away, he grasped my sleeve with all his might and I just decided to stay for a while until he calmed down. He looked like a wounded animal left in the traps to be devoured by whoever found it first. I felt an uncomfortable pang prickling my heart and it confused me. Maybe I've spent too much time around humans...

As I ordered, Wann brought a damp towel and began cleaning the mess he’d made. I mean, I understood he wanted to spite me, but as it were now he hurt not me, but the kid who had nothing to do with all of this.

I should have left right then and there when the first blood showed, but I couldn't just leave the guy be violated while Wann got satisfaction out of it. Even if I walked out not because of the action, but because of the thirst... Either way, I knew I was in the wrong, too. Maybe I should have left the room, that would probably have been a better idea, but this whole thing was too new to me. But the guy was at fault, too; he shouldn’t have gotten involved with people like Wann, if he didn't want to get hurt.

My thirst for blood was manageable so I just got back to my readings. I heard Wann apologizing a couple of times while helping the boy clean and get dressed. When everything was clean enough and the boy was good enough to stand on his own, Wann walked him to his room, or so I heard Wann saying. Not that it mattered to me; the order wore off after he did what I told him to do.

I didn't see Wann the rest of the day and the night. I guessed, he was cooling off somewhere. Or on the contrary, getting hot and sweaty, who cared, really?

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