《My Second Life is an Absurdist Power Fantasy?!》The Plan Takes Effect

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Jack and Rose sat hunched in alleyways on opposite sides of the street Madeleine would be trying to trick the gnolls into chasing her down. Rose pressed herself flat against the near side wall, the red of her skin lost against the flickering firelight and red-brown clay of the wall plaster.

Jack for his part sat curled up behind a large wooden cart parked in the alleyway he occupied, curled up into as small a space as possible, and trying to talk himself out of being scared completely shitless.

Way to go, loser. You could have had an eternity of bliss, and instead you're here in a fiery hellscape about to try and rescue a little girl from being probably raped and definitely murdered, god knows in which order, by a gang of seven foot tall hyena monsters that outnumber you six to one. Oh, and you're the asshole who convinced that girl to use herself as bait to lure them in, so if she DOES get murder-raped, that'll be your fault. Go you.

Jack couldn't help wonder if there was any way he could maybe, just maybe, talk Frumpkin into letting him switch options. He was suddenly having just the absolute worst buyer's remorse right now.

Before he had time to dwell any longer, however, he heard the faint patter of small feet grow closer and closer, until a moment or two later he saw the small form of Madeleine run past, breathing heavily. She was followed several seconds later by sound of much larger feet pounding the ground, accompanied by yelping and barking and snapping.

Rose looked across the alleyway and made eye contact with him, raising her hand up, signalling for him get into position to hold his place. With a deep breath and a gulp, Jack pulled himself to his feet, and gripped his axe tighter.

The first gnoll flew past, then the second, then third and fourth. Then the fifth.

Rose nodded across at him, and without another hint of warning, dove out of the alleyway and directly into the sixth, burying her sword cleanly between its ribs and bearing it into the ground.

Welp, here goes nothing.

With his best attempt at a warcry, Jack rushed out of the alleyway, and directly in front of the remaining six gnolls, who drew up short, seemingly just as confused by this unfortunate turn of events as Jack was terrified.

"Heh...uh... h-hey guys!" Jack squeaked. He shifted into his best attempt at a battle stance, but his hands were shaking so much that he was was afraid he'd drop his axe if tried to move.

Behind him, he heard a yelping screech of another gnoll, then Rose's voice shouting at him.

"Jack, get them! Hurry!" She said, parrying one of the creature's blows with the flat of her blade. Jack saw that not far beyond her, the other gnolls who had rushed past them had turned back around and were heading back towards them.

He gulped and turned around, just in time to see an axe swing from the nearest gnoll on a collision course with his face. Before he could consciously process what was happening, he felt his arm swing up, pivoting his axe in an arc as he took a step backwards, glancing the strike harmlessly away.

Oh, right. He knew how to fight. Why did he keep forgetting that?

After several seconds, one of the gnolls seemed to have a moment of brilliance, and while Jack was parrying a blow from one of its brothers, dove for Jack's legs.

Jack tried to react in time, but even with all of his Frumpkin-given talent he couldn't fully manage to get out of the way of the tackle, and in his efforts to dodge being taken to the ground managed to turn directly into a swinging gnoll club.

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His vision exploded into a sea of stars, and he stumbled backwards, still trying desperately to ward off the flurry of blows being aimed at him.

["You gonna do something? Or are you just gonna stand there and let them swing at you?"] Frumpkin asked, eating something that sounded suspiciously like potato chips.

"I'm doing my best over here!" Jack thought, knocking aside another axe blow.

["No. No you are not."] Frumpkin said matter of factly, letting the words just hang in the air.

"Well what am I supposed to do?!" Jack asked, just barely managing to avoid being skewered by a spear tip.

["You know what you are supposed to do. You did it every day with Rose."] Frumpkin said, taking another crunchy mouthful of whatever he was eating.

"That is completely different! That was practice! And there was only one of her!" Jack said, just barely ducking a swing that would have taken his head clean off.

["...Are you always this whiny? Just do the same thing. Seriously, it'll work. Or you know, don't. What do I care?"] Frumpkin said. ["I'm just trying to help you out here, kid."]

"You know what? Fine. Whatever you say. But if I die from your advice, I want a second chance." Jack said, sidestepping another swing.

["I'll make you a deal, kid- if you die as a direct result of following my instructions perfectly right now, I'll let you try again. But only this once. So don't get used to it."] Frumpkin said.

"Wait, seriously?" Jack asked.

["Yes. For the love of me, do something before I die of boredom over here."]

Doing whatever he could to soothe his nerves, Jack set about trying to figure out how on earth he was going to convince himself he was good enough to win this fight. He just had to believe he was good, and he'd be good, right? Even though he'd already done it before, the idea just felt insanely stupid now that he was in a life or death scenario.

But Frumpkin had just guaranteed that if he screwed it up, he'd get another shot, right? So what did he have to lose?

He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and said "Alright, well, here goes nothing..."

The next attack parried by instinct harmlessly to the side, and, channeling the state of mind that he'd learned to use when sparring with Rose, he spun around the deflected attack, planting his feet and bringing the axe up in a forceful chop that caught the attacking gnoll square underneath the chin. The blade caught the creature's furred muzzle and sang clean through without resistance, splitting its face clean in half with a gurgling whimper and a spurt of blood. The gnoll slumped into a furry heap as the other five, seemingly spurred on by the death of their comrade, laid into their attacks with renewed vigor.

He felt a sudden rush of adrenaline at the turn of events, and this filled him with more confidence, which he channeled. Maybe he could actually do this after all. Maybe. He didn't feel THAT confident. Not yet, anyways.

Strangely, the first attack was all it took for Jack to start getting in the flow of the fight. The rush of five attackers kept him on the defensive for the majority of the next several moments, until the gnoll with the spear managed to overextend himself with a thrust aimed for the space where Jack's chest had been only a split-second before.

Seizing the opportunity, Jack instinctively grabbed the gnoll's wrist with his left hand, and with a powerful blow from his axe, severed the creature's arm at the shoulder. The gnoll shrieked and grabbed at the gushing stump of its shoulder with its other hand, before crumpling to the ground in a bloody heap.

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Realizing he now had a gnoll arm in his off hand, Jack got a sudden inexplicable impulse to score some style points, and when the next attack flew at his legs, he leapt over the attacker's blade, and smashed the gnoll square in the mouth with the severed limb, knocking the creature stumbling several feet off to the side. Jack rushed the disoriented beast, and with a second, resounding wet thud struck the creature's head with such force that something cracked, and it slumped to the ground in a twitching heap, its neck now sitting at an abnormal angle. The arm, for its part, was also apparently broke in the process as well, and hung like a limp, bloody noodle in Jack's hand.

He dropped it non-chalantly, and turned to face the other gnolls. Almost without him noticing, the fear that had nearly immobilized him only a minute before was almost entirely gone. Well, not gone, really. He still felt the presence of fear even now, with his heart racing and stomach roiling, but a strange sense of self-assured calm filled him now, overruling that panic in favor of practical focus.

Frumpkin was right.

...God dammit.

He was never going to hear the end of this.

As he turned his focus back to the rest of the remaining four gnolls, he saw for the first time that they had gone from pressing the attack to seeming unsure of whether to continue coming for him, or turn and flee. Seeing an opportunity, Jack sprang forward, rushing at the nearest one of the four and bringing his axe around in a wide arc, attempting the cleave the beast in half. It raised the blade of its cleaver-like sword and braced to deflect the blow.

Jack's axe struck the cleaver blade, and with a roaring screech carved straight through the blade metal and sank halfway into the creature's ribcage until it buried itself stuck in its spine. The gnoll expired instantly with a gurgle, and Jack went to try and pull the axe blade from the gnoll's body.

It wouldnt budge.

He pulled harder, twisting and jerking, but to no avail. The damn thing was stuck, and it wasn't coming out.

Seeming to notice his sudden dilemma, one of the remaining gnolls began to cackle its hyena laugh, and Jack looked up to see the three of them approaching him now, the looks of uncertainty and anxiety on their faces replaced with new-found confidence at this unexpected turn of events.

And just like that, the fear that his new-found sense of confidence had been masking poured back in, and Jack felt a sudden, overwhelming sense of dread crawl up inside his head. He let go of the axe handle, putting up his hands and slowly backing away from the approaching gnolls as snarled and snapped with glee at their pending revenge.

"Hey, uhh.... Rose?" Jack called out, "Uh, a little help?"

The gnolls continued to advance slowly towards him, snarling their teeth at him in wicked smiles.

Jack glanced behind him to see that Rose and the other gnolls were gone, which served to only increase the amount of panic he was feeling increase dramatically. Where had they gone? Was she okay? Had they gotten her too? What was he going to do? Think, Jack! THINK!

As if on cue, he remembered the first wish he made.

Oh, right. You're a sorcerer, dumbass. Now melt their faces off or something!

Jack stopped moving backwards, and centered himself again, bringing his hands together in front of him and closing his eyes as he focused on trying to bring the right spell to mind. The image appeared in his mind's eye, and like clockwork, the trigger word fragments began appearing into his mind in a flurry. He tried to bring them together into some semblance of order, trying desperately to remember which trigger piece stood for which effect as he heard the gnolls drawing closer. He'd had so much practice doing it with Eleanor. Why did it have to be so much harder now?!

Finally, just as he heard one of the gnolls snarl and the scrape of something metal, the correct word fragments fell into place as he remembered the correct combination.

"FILIPENDULOUS!"

He opened his eyes and threw his hands out in front of him just as the closest gnoll swung at him. A sudden burst of energy shot from his hands and slammed into the gnoll, knocking it nearly a dozen feet backwards as the energy surrounded it and coagulated into hundreds of feet of steel cable binding the gnoll's legs together, and its arms to its sides, causing it to drop the axe in its claw to the ground with a clatter. The other two gnolls froze in place, their new-found confidence having suddenly vanished in the face of this new development.

Jack lowered his hands, and, seeing the axe on the ground in front of him, bent down and picked it up. He leaned back up, and looked at the two standing gnolls, who were glancing back and forth between each other and him, deciding whether or not to try their luck any further. Jack took another deep breath, and felt his sense of calmness start to return again. He could take two of them. Definitiely.

He was surprised by his sudden self-assurance. Not even fifteen seconds ago he'd been panicking, and here he was, feeling perfectly capable of facing down two heavily armed mutant hyena men again. This was already getting a lot easier.

That was, also, going to take some getting used to.

Jack gripped the gnoll axe in his hand a little tighter, and started to walk towards the other two.

No sooner had he taken a step towards them than the pair turned and ran back towards the town square they'd come from, dropping their weapons with a clatter as they sprinted away, their tails quite literally between their legs.

Jack stopped, and dropped the axe in his hand. He almost felt disappointed that they decided to run. As he watched them run into the distance, it suddenly occurred to him that he should probably stop them before they got away.

He cleared his mind, and envisioned the spell. Finding the correct word fragments wasn't hard. He had an absolutely vivid image of the first time he'd cast it before.

He took a deep breath, threw up his hands, drew them together, and shouted the trigger word he'd probably never be able to forget.

"RACHMANINOFF!"

The red-orange fire roared out of Jack's hands in a torrent, gathering into a sphere of blazing heat as it hurtled towards the backs of the two fleeing gnolls. Within a moment, it collided with the two shapes, exploding on impact with the nearest in a bright and deafening blast that nearly knocked Jack over, and blew down large chunks of the charred buildings in the shockwave.

The flash cleared almost immediately, leaving behind only a small amount of smoke in the air, as well as dust and ash from the buildings. The nearest gnoll was nowhere to be seen in the steaming crater of the fireball's blast impact. The second one had gone from running to flopping around on the ground in a shrieking pile, its entire body ablaze with magical fire. After a moment the creature grew quiet and still, leaving Jack alone with the corpses.

The smell of burning flesh and fur hit Jack's nose like a hammer, and made him gag. He pulled his t-shirt up over his nose, and walked back over to his axe, which still sat buried in the gnoll he left it in, the beast's blood starting to congeal around the exposed blade and seep into the cracks of the scrollwork. Planting his feet on either side of the dead creature's body, he grabbed the handle of the axe with both hands and pulled and jerked until finally the weapon popped free with a meaty wet plopping sound. Somehow, the smell of gnoll guts managed to be even worse than the previous horrible smell, and Jack doubled over, wretching as he threw his arm over his nose and stumbled away from the corpse.

The gnoll he'd bound in steel cable wasn't moving either. When Jack inspected it, he found it just as lifeless as the others. Apparently he'd managed to crush it to death when he bound it up. Oops.

After pulling himself together for a moment, Jack looked around his surroundings for any sign of Rose or the other gnolls. The street he stood in was empty of moving shapes. In addition to the six dead that he'd taken care of, three more gnoll corpses lay further down where he'd seen his companion fighting previously, one of which conspicuously lacked a head that Jack for the life of him could not seem to find.

As he turned a corner on the narrow street, he stumbled onto two more gnoll corpses, one with a familiar-looking sword sticking out of its skull, and a large swathe of fabric he recognized from Rose's shirt clenched in its claw, soaked around the edges in crimson.

He looked frantically left and right, trying to find any sign of his compatriot, but saw nothing but the corpse, Rose's sword, and splatters of blood, some of which continued in a trail of drips and drabs further on down the street.

The sight sent a sudden surge of panic down Jack's spine. What if it were Rose's? Had she been overwhelmed and tried to run away when they injured her? What if the last one had caught her, and killed her while he was too busy being terrified?

Oh god.

The thought of her being cornered and murdered by those beasts made him physically ill, and he ran down the street, following the trail of faint splatters here and there across the cobblestones.

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