《Tangent Villainy》1. A Hero is Born
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The great wooden doors bulged and splintered against the relentless barrage of the heroes. Lights of dazzling colors pushed through the cracks until the doors gave wave with a satisfying crackle, much like the final pop on a sheet of bubble wrap. The oaken remains of the door joined the shimmering pile of coins that filled the throne room among other various shiny oddities ranging from emeralds to a healthy heaping of rubies. The knight bravely stepped forward, each step sounding like the clinking of a cowboy spurs. Justice had arrived. He opened his helmet and looked down at the coins on the ground and the unfathomable amount of eyes that stared back at him. As perfectly sculpted as the eyes were on the face of the coin, the pair of eyes that matched them lacked the same intrepid stare. The king slowly rose from the throne that towered over the sea of treasures. The knight drew his sword, the sound of the metal echoed throughout the room. The sword glimmered with an unmistakable heavenly glow.
The purple-clad mound of robes stood motionless. The young king's hardened ring clad hands drew together in a slow booming clap. Each clap filled the room with an ever-increasing sense of dread. A small army formed behind the knight. You could see them wince with every motion of the king's hand, but the brave knight kept his sword drawn.
" King Christian, my name is Sir Lanning, and it is the divine will of the angels that your reign of terror comes to an end."
A laugh echoed out from far above Sir Lanning. A confident laugh. A laugh that could send shivers down the spines of lesser men, women, or creatures. Or so you would think, if such as thing as binoculars had existed in this world then you would have seen that the young king's face was covered in something that resembled a severe amount of sweat.
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" Just keep clapping, it's working" The young king Christian thought to himself. Beads of sweat began to drip down his brow. Since Christian had come to this world he had really tried to make it a better place. At first, at least, that had to count for something. Who knew it would be hard to balance the economy and social issues of a feudal fantasy world? Christian had taken one macroeconomics class in college and had hoped that the B he had earned from tactically glancing at the nerd's paper beside him could have carried him to the finish. GoblinCare was a disaster. But Christian had managed to rule the world. Even if it just was for a little bit. A smile had worked its way on Christian's face. He had some good memories here, he had worked hard. It wasn't easy finding the right adventurers to ambush after they came out of a dungeon. He glanced to his right at the poster at the wall. It wasn't easy creating a medieval rip off of Die Hard either that swept the play circuit and made him millions either. But it was all worth it in the end.
" Where's your dragon?" The knight curiously looked around, checking every corner of the room.
Ah yes, the Dragon equality act he had passed as a quid pro quo for helping him take over the world had restricted dragon treasure guarding heavily. There was no dragon coming to save him.
Christian stopped clapping. " My dragon will be back shortly don't you worry, But I thought we could settle this like true leaders, one on one. One fight that decides the fate of this world."
" I accept" Sir Lanning spoke. There was no hint of the fear in his voice.
Well shit. Christian's heart sank. His arms felt awfully heavy. What kind of man would accept a one on one duel with the evil king? The madman. the nerve. Christian rumpled through his robes. where was that excel spreadsheet anyways? what was his attack and all that crap? Christian only dumped all his points into the important stuff, charisma, and thievery. All that fell out of his pockets were just more coins, it had been so long since he had checked that damn thing. Well, he was going to lose. Christian locked eyes with the budget medieval John McClane he has nursed and created... unless...
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" Very well foolish knight, prepare for the end of this little insurrection." Christian cackled. the crowd shivered. So dumping all his points in Charisma was worth it in the end. Unparalleled theatrics.
King Christian walked forward slowly, his hands raised above his head.
" I'm sure you don't trust me knight, so I have raised my hands as a small token of respect."
Sir Lanning's eyes narrowed he kept his sword drawn as he edged forward on the sea of coins.
The two men stopped a few meters across from one another.
" Where's your weapon?" Sir Lanning interjected.
As the knight spoke a purple cyclone erupted from above. Coins and jewels were tossed around the room as they slowly began to mass together into a golden greatsword that was covered in the face of its wielder. The crowd gasped. Christian smiled. This was truly some of his best stalling.
" Behold." Christian bellowed, " This is the power of my UNLIMITED Greed."
"Very Well." Sir Lanning charged forward, his heavenly sword matching the golden glow of Christian's newly formed sword.
The two swords clashed. Christian staggered backward. All he held in his hand was the hilt of his destroyed sword. Shit. All-flash and no substance. Just like the scathing reviews for his attempts at sequels.
" My... my... Where did you obtain such power, my boy?" Christian asked.
" Boy... We're about the same age." Sir Lanning regained his composure. " Now it's time to end this nightmare."
" Wait, wait, wait I surrender!" Christian held up his hands. " A heavenly knight would never strike down an unarmed individual."
" Fucking kill that slimy bitch." A group of groveling voices chanted from the back of the small army.
Christian swung his head around and saw a group of his former allies the goblins advocating for his death." Goblins, how could you... we go way back. I told you I would get you GoblinCare passed implemented these things take time."
" We haven't seen squat from being members of your dark army."
" I paid you handsomely!! " Christian countered.
" Well we're Goblins anyways, we can never have enough and looks like your hubris got to you pal. " The lead Goblin nudged towards the pile of riches.
" What kind of Goblin knows what hubris is?" Christian spoke around with a confused look. The crowd gasped.
"Kill this racist prick."
Sir Lanning moved forward his sword drawn upwards for the finished blow. Christian smiled. Everything was going just as it was written up. Little did these fools know Christian had a poisoned dagger magically taped to his back. He would end this with the help of his greatest ally. Remember there's no plagiarism in another world. Christian grabbed the dagger from his back and hurled it at Sir Lanning. It was a perfect throw.
Clank. The dagger was met by Sir Lanning's heavenly sword and disintegrated on impact.
" We've all seen the play you know." Sir Lanning said with almost a look of pity in his eyes, " However I commend your commitment to your work."
Sir Lanning's blade flashed. This was the end. Again. Hopefully for good this time though Christian as the holy steel ripped through his body.
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