As soon as he was on the driveway, Noah rushes for the front door and slams it closed behind him. When he was finally sure that he was out of sight and safe, he sighed in relief.

He doesn’t have a good memory of Rogues. When he encountered one for the first time he was only ten and it was killing a pack member right in front of him. That incident made him paranoid of all werewolves. Rogues weren’t any different from them when it came to appearance so who’s to say that there wasn’t one among them.

That was all in the past now, he had recovered from that experience; however, he will never get rid of the occasional paranoia. It’s mostly a hunch and he can’t really tell by smell so all he’s got are instincts. If that sense is triggered, his automatic reaction is to run away as fast as possible.

But now I’m back home. I’m safe.

He leaned on the door and slid down. His ears were ringing and he felt light-headed all of a sudden. He breathed slowly, trying to calm himself. For all we know, I could be wrong. They can’t be Rogues, not when they’re in the middle of town. At a store no less. Travis didn’t react so I’m probably mistaken.

There was still a part of him that believed otherwise and it worried him. Some of them are able to blend in with the public and even pretend to be humans. But his pack has dealt with Rogues and Lone Wolves before, they should be able to differentiate one from the other especially if someone posed a threat. If Travis, one of their older members, did not find those two even a bit suspicious —even with their kind’s sense of smell— then it’s possible that it was a false alarm and they’re really just wolves passing by. That must be it and he was just paranoid.

“What are you doing?” Ryan was peeking at him through the kitchen door entrance.

At the sight of him, Noah feels extra relieved that he wasn’t home alone. He just raises the bags of groceries at him.

“Took you long enough. I’m making dinner tonight.” He takes them from him and rummages through.

“Where’s everyone?”

“Theo’s at Kate’s for a sleepover and Mory got called for a last minute pack meeting.”

Noah peels off his jacket sluggishly. Now that he had calmed down, he suddenly felt so tired. And he couldn’t help sighing heavily when he took his shoes off. In a quick second he senses Ryan looking at him with worried eyes. Noah just gives him a forced smile.

“I’m gonna take a shower.”

He knows that Ryan will bring it up later at dinner. The guy has a very perceptive mind and it’s like his maternal instincts are activated the moment they’re together. It’s not bad but it gets annoying sometimes. What did he see? Is it because he came home looking like he was being chased? He has got to find a way to change the subject. There is no way he can tell him that he thought he saw Rogues. It’s going to make things weird.

But there is way.

It’s about time Noah tell him about her.

—

Dinner was ready as soon as Noah got back downstairs. Ryan’s cooking always smells good so he gladly dug in. They were quiet for quite awhile so he assumed that he wasn’t going to bring it up. It was ridiculous how guarded he was from the start.

“They’re not back yet, huh. I wonder what’s taking them so long.”

“It sounded urgent. Mory and Amanda were in a hurry to leave after they got the call.”

“What do you think it was about?”

“I wouldn’t know. Besides it’s been so long since they had those kinds of meetings.”

“Yeah…anyway, did you know Nat’s back from Penton?”

“She texted me. I’m kinda jealous she spent all summer there and we’re stuck here.”

Speaking of being stuck here, this is probably the best time to tell him about his plan. “I have to tell you something. I’m moving out.”

Ryan looked confused by this sudden news.

“Why? I don’t think you can afford paying rent. We can still stay here for one more year.”

“No. I meant I’m moving out of Fortbeck and I was hoping you’d come with me.”

It felt strange saying it out loud and to think he declined her offer in the beginning. He probably would never have went through with this decision if this place didn’t become so suffocating. Leaving felt even more appealing after their encounter at the convenience store. It just proved that they were never going to tangle up in each other’s lives. If it’s going to be this way, then why the heck not? There’s nothing left for him here except emotional baggage. A fresh start was what he needed.

“…You’re joking.” Ryan tried to make sure. “How are we going to do that?”

“I met this girl at Nat’s party, she offered to give us a ride. We’re meeting up tomorrow.”

He was hopeful. Deep inside he prayed the guy would just give in and agreed. But knowing how Ryan thinks, it’s not going to be that easy. He still wished it would.

“Okay. You’ve been acting weird recently and now you’re telling me you want to run away with a stranger. What’s going on Noah?”

In that moment, he would’ve told him. He really wanted to tell his best friend that he found his mate but got rejected. It would lift some weight from him, not just because of the contents in the secret but so he wouldn’t have to keep something from him. All he could do was make an excuse.

“I thought you didn’t want to stay in Fortbeck. You just said you felt stuck here.”

“That’s because this place gets stagnant sometimes but I didn’t say I was gonna leave. Our pack is here, this is our home.”

He also considered those things when the offer was given to him. It meant leaving the pack, the only place they ever knew. Both of them grew up here and probably would stay here forever. If Lucas wasn’t his mate and remained as that one broken friendship in his life, he wouldn’t be this hard to tolerate. He was a presence Noah wanted to avoid.

Ryan looked at Noah seriously and Noah could feel it then that he knows this isn’t the whole story.

“I can tell you’re hiding something else. What’s the real reason you want to run away?”

It must be a big deal if Noah is willing to step outside their pack territory. Away from the protection against the Rogues, the very thing he is afraid of. It doesn’t make sense and for that reason, the both of them needed him to say it.

“…I can’t.” Is all he could muster. “You wouldn’t understand.”

Noah said that to the one person who knew him probably more than he knows about himself. They’re practically brothers but he still doubted the trust of the other. Something in those words struck an angry chord in Ryan. Was it the ego or his pride? All of a sudden he stood up from his chair and slammed his hands on the table.

“I’ve been there for you since we were kids. Before and after things changed, I was by your side the whole time you tried to shut yourself in. Throughout your anxiety and fears, I was your moral support. I never stopped being. We both know how well we know each other so you’re damn wrong if you think I wouldn’t understand.”

He spoke angrily but looked hurt.

“What can’t you possibly tell me?”

Noah could only maintain the eye contact for a short time, the tension in the room uncomfortable. He shares the same sentiments. It was hard to keep secrets from each other. He also cares about Ryan so he wants him to come with.

If I just persist enough, he might just budge. He desperately thought.

“I-It’s not important. We need to take this chance now more than ever—“

“YOU need this chance. I don’t.” Ryan sighed, he was done trying. “I’m not going to help you run away from your problems, again.” His eyes told Noah he was being firm on this.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”.

“Every time things get too difficult for you to handle, you run and expect time will make it go away. Whatever is going on with you, stop cowering away and fix it yourself.”

How am I supposed to fix this exactly? Should I run back to Lucas and beg him to rethink his decision when he’s now engaged with someone else? Even if I set aside my pride, he hates me since we were kids for many reasons I can’t count. Especially for seven years ago. What now? There’s no fixing this. Accepting and moving on is for the best.

Noah’s thoughts rapidly talked to himself, searching for a way. He was growing frustrated with the situation. Why can’t Ryan just not ask questions for once? If he knew, he’d understand and he’d easily go with him. But that’s the problem. He won’t. Despite how both of them wanted to.

“I’m done with dinner.” Noah leaned back with his plate still half full.

Even though he didn’t want to admit it, he decides to postpone their conversation and continue it tomorrow which is exactly what Ryan said he’d do, hope time will handle things for him. And the guy doesn’t seem satisfied that he opted on this and makes a comment before Noah was out of the kitchen. He said it rather calmly but the words were laced with malice.

“If you had stopped running away, maybe things wouldn’t have changed.”

As Ryan said, he always supported Noah after that incident. Lucas put the blame all on him but unlike that guy, Ryan forgave Noah. He was the one who told him that he has nothing to be sorry for and it was never his fault. It was the first time he went against his own words.

“You don’t mean that.”

“…I do.”

Ryan prepares himself as Noah grabs his shirt, ready to take the hit. But before he could even swing his arm back, someone was knocking on their door.