Corrin

Unbiased, I sit on the ledge of the roof in the Safety blocks. The city blazes and stretches into the horizon—a big pulsing heart of light, jutting out into the sea. A gem of the United Nations, foul to an extend of incomprehensibility.

Behind my back sirens bellow and choppers circle the blocks. After I snuck out from the hideout, undetected by another thug, I called the police. This mayhem will be plastered all over the news tomorrow.

Another gang overtook them, undoubtedly sponsored by my father or any other family that was displeased with the workforce.

Overtaken. Slaughtered.

Save people.

I scoff.

You, moron.

These people dying falls on my head. And they always will. This task was always meant to be done alone. Vigilantes do work alone, don’t they? I’m not one. I don’t know what I am anymore. Where do I go? Whom do I follow? One thing I’m certain of— I’m far away from serving any remains of the ambition I once had.

Maybe the people father killed were guilty? Maybe I’m a wrong naïve kid and he’s a right and mature adult?

Maybe not.

“Hey, little chicken.” Dan’s deep voice behind me. I swivel to my brother, dressed in a dark workout clothing. “Glad you called.”

“Who did it?” I leap from the ledge onto the roof, all but twitching with fury. “Who destroyed the gang?”

“Well… I sort of did.”

My shoulders tense. “What?” I step to him, my pulsing hands going for the knife.

“Whoa, easy.” Dan raises his palms. “I didn’t kill them, directly. I just gave the order.”

“Gave the order?” Red clouds my vision as I brandish my knife, uncertain what to do with it. I don’t want to hurt Dan, but I don’t think I’m in my best state of mind after everything I saw.

Dan, likely after a good night’s sleep, reacts faster. His hand snatches mine with a knife and against my strong footing, pulls me closer. I know the move as we’ve practiced it over a hundred times, and I know Dan defeated me when he executes the sequence flawlessly, slamming me on my stomach. Twisting my arm behind my back he rams his knee between my shoulder blades. “That’s a lot of rage you got in there, bro.”

“What do you mean you gave the order?” I twist my head to see him, but he holds me firmly. “I’m doing all this because of you! Because you always wanted that damn power father has!”

“Stop screaming.” He twists my arm a little more until I grit my teeth. “Look, after you burned those shipments father became paranoid. He flipped out in the study like a lunatic. The owner of the shipment was baffled and absurd angry too. They couldn’t find anyone who did it.”

“So what you just follow—”

“Let me finish!” His grip tightens, but it’s weaker than I remember it to be. “God, did I hope you’d leave. I suspected something might be up as I knew you were alive. I guessed you might’ve gone back and into the streets and ended up in one of the gangs. For safety measures I decided to check on my old gang, learn of the current situation in the Safety blocks. They said one of the gangs was weak and it wasn’t long before it’d be overtaken,” he pauses, still holding me. “Makes sense. A weak gang needs people and would try to do something reckless. Especially, if you’re there. Anyway. I visited the place, which is impressive by the way. I met this girl. Aida. She was visiting. I talked to her.”

The hair on my nape rises. “You talked her into betraying us!” I spit, straining. “You got inside her head!”

“Maybe, I did, all right! But I wasn’t doing it so I could watch you people die! And will you stop struggling?”

His words fly past my ears. “Then why did you do it?”

“I wanted to talk to you, to sort things out. I told her who I am. That I’d be able to fix the job issue, provide for them if we sort this problem out eye to eye. Aida told me about you, about the shipments. I asked her to keep you being alive a secret and I took her to Father. We agreed that she’ll get you guys into the casino for the talk.”

“The talk?” I clench my free hand into a fist. “You knew he was ready to kill us!”

“He told her he wouldn’t hurt any of you,” Dan says in a hushed voice, sitting on me.

“Well, he lied!” Oh, I’ve never felt such a powerful ache to hit my brother. Just one hit to show him what a moron he is.

“I told her to direct you specifically into the basement, but then the cops arrived. After Father insisted that your gang was causing too many problems. One more family backed him. So they sponsored the rival gang. I had to bring the news. I didn’t think those guys would kill everyone.”

“You didn’t think?” I twist my head to shout, my neck and the scar under my scarf throbbing. “You didn’t think? You fucking moron! After he tried to kill me! After you spent time with the other, powerful gang! You didn’t think?”

Dan leans in. “I took it on myself to kill you, Corrin, so that I could save you,” he hisses, close to my ear. “You’re the only one I was willing to do it for. I’m on your side as much as I can be.”

“Those were children!” I shout, struggling. “Police will find it out. It’ll be big news. Our family will be destroyed like it should be.”

At the corner of my eye Dan tilts his head, dubious.

No. It won’t be big news. A polished veil will be laid on the issue. Who’ll care about three dozen homeless kids anyway in a city of twenty-five million?

Terrel did. Aida does. Sevina does. I do. Anyone still not corrupted by the basic human instinct. Everyone surviving not only for themselves.

My head drops to the dirty ground, cheek against concrete. I give up, exhausted, devastated. The urge for violence passes and I’m surprised I was ready to be violent in the first place. I need some sleep to clear my head.

“Bro?” Dan whispers, noticing I’ve relaxed. “You okay?”

“Peachy.”

I can’t take this anymore.

His grip on my arm relaxes and he climbs off of me, standing.

Oh, I’m so tired of blood and death. If only I was like Dan. If only I was like they wanted me to be. Why couldn’t I? I should’ve left for good like Dan said, settled somewhere in the east coast and read my damn books. People would live! A bunch of innocent children would live. Terrel would live. Even if my father surrenders his position how will I sit beside Dan’s side? So what my family won’t be killing people? At least a few dozen crime families and organizations share Havason City. “Who called the police?” I ask in an emptying voice, still laying on the ground as if it could protect me from the conversation.

Dan sighs. “Definitely not one of ours. Must’ve been one of you.”

It comes to me. “It was Will,” I whisper to myself.

“Will?”

“Woman who’s one of your thugs. Who’s… family I killed. She’s with us.” It makes sense. We left her in the dark. I’m certain that in a heat of the moment she was capable of tracking the van and sabotaging the location with a raid from the police department. And after we returned she was calm enough, suggesting she already knew we were in trouble.

Dan lingers on the information for a moment, thoughtful. “Yes, she’s the thug from our family who works with you,” he says slowly. “Will Brown?”

“Brice,” I say, mired in my head.

“She got Father into a lot of mess.”

I sit, leveling Dan with a glare. “Dan, if you don’t want me to spill everything to the cops you’re going to run the family. You are the only person Father trusts.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure of it,” Dan retorts. “Father begins suspecting something. He may never look like much, but Father is a paranoid madman. He rambles into my face about my responsibilities and he didn’t even send me to investigate the shipments. He said I’m not as strong as I was.”

“Welcome to my world.”

“And I’m not because I keep wasting my time on your idiocy. You have no idea what it’s like to be at the side of the mad man.”

“Doesn’t matter. You have to take his place.”

The following silent moment I almost hear the devastated roll of his eyes. “Corrin, you moron. As much as I would like to I can’t do that.” He sounds dismal and it provokes me again.

“You fucking coward. You’d rather follow his every order!”

“In exchange for my life. Yes!” He shouts back. “And your beloved cops, they’ll kill you themselves.”

I chuckle. “Yes, of course. I’m afraid your intimidations don’t work on me anymore.”

“I’m not intimidating,” Dan’s voice oozes seriousness. “Tell me, little chicken, how can you know which cop is paid off and which isn’t?”

I gape. He’s right. Sevina can, but to check every cop would be impossible.

“Corrin,” Dan says after a pause, his face features rigid and tense, looking even older. “I’m doing what I need to survive, surely by now you understand that—”

“What about security? Could you sway them to your side?”

“Business is much more than security, Corrin.”

“I know, but they’re an immediate circle surrounding Father.”

Dan hesitates. “Yes, they are.”

“Have you, maybe, noticed them unhappy with Father?”

Dan takes a moment. “Corrin—”

“You have!” I knew it! The way Father always hollered at his men, refused to pay them well. I’m certain half of the security are displeased with the rule.

“Even if some of them are, it doesn’t change a thing. It’s not enough,” Dan sighs. “Hell, I’d be down for overtaking the business if we had more resources. If we, if I knew more about Father, if there wouldn’t be so many risks and we had more power.” We have recourses and we have Sevina’s powers. “I’m on your side, Corrin, I don’t want to watch you die.”

Hope kindles in me. I can still make my brother listen. He wants to rule, he’s on my side. There’s no other option left. To convince him I have to use the only Ace we have.

With a heavy sigh I force my mouth to speak. “There is a girl. She can see people’s lives.”

Dan’s snarl is full of weariness. “Cut the bullshit.”

“I mean it. She can see everything that’s in your head.”

“Sure.”

“Does it look like I’m joking?” I leap to my feet. “I’m telling you. She can tell us everything about Father. All the secrets. If we know them we might have a chance to bring him down or talk to him. She was the reason we started this. The only reason I got as far as I did.”

Dan watches me for a while, reading the lines of my face. When he doesn’t discover any signs of lies, he says. “It’s the girl Father said he met?”

What? Father met Sevina? I decide to play along. “Yes, it’s her.”

“Father doesn’t know if she’s alive. When the cops arrived at the casino he had already left, but one of his men haven’t reported back.”

So that’s the reason no one busted capo’s car repair shop and the warehouse yet. My father thought Terrel and Sevina originated from the gang hideout, which is now destroyed. “So you’ll arrange for her to meet Father? So she can look?”

“You refuse to surrender, don’t you, little chicken?”

“I don’t want for people to die,” I whisper. “I don’t know how you take this, but I…I can’t. And I’m doing something about it.”

“I don’t want to see them die either, but they’re always gonna whether you like it or not,” Dan retorts absently. “Look, if you’re saying this girl can actually… see people’s lives. She’s very valuable and resourceful.”

“Yes, she is. She’ll tell you all you need to know to take over Father. You’ll be able to rule it.”

Dan’s eyes glint. “I’m not risking that yet, but I might take her to IT.”

“Wait? So IT’s exist?”

“As real as you and me and I have the access.” He smirks, but it disgusts me.

“And they’re really that important?”

“IT’s are the only people who can access the Crimes Black Net. It’s a separate untraceable worldwide network only select people can access. People in crime who have IT’s.”

“So sort of the like deep web?”

Dan shakes his head. “No. The government knows of deep web, has its hands in it. This however; no IT— no trace. Thank God, whoever created it for us.” He hands me my knife. “Okay, I’ll see what I can do. You talk to your girl. I’ll keep in touch.”

…

By the time I return to the garages the sky clouds over and fall rain touches the surface. I find Sevina helping Wills capo to tinker with his car. As she vacantly handles him the tools she tries to avoid giant clouds of smoke, billowing from his cigar, by stepping left and right. He beckons to me and we aid him in silence. To my dismay I notice I don’t mind the cigar smoke. I even find it relaxing.

Another car arrives and capo dismisses us. We head to the living room on the second floor.

The room makes no sense as it’s kitchen and the living quarters merged into one. Thank God, it’s spacious with bright gray concrete walls and vast industrial windows.

“Where’s Aida?” An unnerving flutter twists my stomach.

“I let her go.” Under the table Sevina opens a small fridge. She takes out a TV dinner, pokes a few holes with her knife and shoots it into the microwave on the table.

I come closer. “Why?”

“Let’s not talk about that.” She lingers on my eyes but averts them.

“Let’s.” I do have a vague idea. “Did you meet my Father?”

She turns me her a little swollen cheek. “I met his pad—” She lifts a shirt at her side, exposing four little burn marks “—and his man’s taser.”

I gasp. “He tortured you?”

She tips her chin. “But this other man was in a hurry. He stopped him. So I got tazed only twice. It’s no big deal.”

I gawk, no words forming on my tongue. Only twice.

Tenderly, I lay my hands on her sides, sliding my fingers over her wounds. “What was he like?” She heaves a sigh, disinclined to share. “It’s all right, you don’t have to tell me.”

Gratefully, she nods. Maybe I could alleviate her mood if I showed her she’s not alone having troubles? “I killed a man today,” I whisper with a dismissive shrug.

Sadness burdens her features. “Don’t fake disdain.”

“I’ll cry if I don’t.” Her arms slide around my waist and she hugs me, a soft gesture of support. “Sev, I…I don’t want to be in my family.” I bury my head into her hair. “I’ll let Dan rule it.” To my surprise she nods into my shoulder. I pull away to see her face. “Why are you nodding? We agreed I’ll be a part of my family.”

“Because I know what it’s like, remember?” She points at her eyes. “I know your reasons. I can’t force you to help Dan.”

“But Dan will be alone.”

“Yes, he will.” She’s slow with her words. “If only…” she peers off somewhere into the distance.

“If only what?”

“Nothing.” She shakes her head. “Did you…uh…” She gestures at her outfit, now a dark long-sleeved shirt and casual combat pants. “Did you change my clothing?”

My face darkens. “You don’t remember? In the bathroom?”

“No.” Her voice stays calm. “But I am sure I’ll learn it soon enough. Let’s not talk about that either.”

It’s a good thing I didn’t feel anything when I kissed her or undressed her as I was too tired and worried for anything to sparkle. Or to even notice I was undressing her.

With an abrupt realization I cock my eyebrow and my inner man-child puffs his chest. I undressed a girl. Though I wish it was under different circumstances.

Sevina hugs herself and moves to the windowsill. I follow her like a dog. “If you forgot what happened. It’s bad. I mean, I never thought you can forget things.”

“Whatever. I forgot it.” She shrugs as unemotionally as it can get, but deep despair leaks through her words. “I’d just like to… not to rely on my eyes.” Rain licks the other side of the window, winds banging against the glass. “It’s like there is nothing else anymore. Just lives and lives, and at the same time it’s now terrifying if I don’t look. I…” She swats her palm. “Ah, what’s the point. We can’t quit anyway.”

She looks miserable. No doubt she hasn’t thought about anything else but her eyes for a long while. I want her to smile like that one time on the roof and forget about everything. And I want to forget that I killed a man, that I saw a graveyard worth of children’s bodies. “Have you ever danced?” I lean on the wall with my back, next to her.

Her eyebrows arch and she bats her eyelashes at me. “No. Why?”

I extend my palm. “Come on.”

She shakes her head. “No, Corrin. It’s not the time to dance. I have to prepare for people’s lives again.”

“I know what you need.” I unwrap my scarf. Either it’ll work or become the new most embarrassing moment of my life. “Let me blindfold you.”

She leans back, scowling. “What?”

“If you won’t be able to look you won’t have the urge to.” She blinks as if not convinced of what she’s just heard. “I know you want to look at people, Sev. At me. I know you want to see good,” I say, my voice gentle and inviting. “I know it’s hard when there’s no comfort in people’s eyes for you. I’m asking you to trust me on this, all right? Just this one time forget about your eyes.”

She clears her throat, uneasy, before she lets out delicate. “Okay.” Then quietly adds. “You better get me some ice-cream after this.”

I smile, mischievous. “After I’m done with you you won’t need it.”

She gapes, flushing. “You know, you’re good at hitting on people.”

“I’ve dated every girl in my class,” I chuckle.

“Yeah, sure. Don’t lie to me. It was only one.”

Now it’s my turn to blush. We both giggle, tension from my odd request dissipating in the air.

“Okay, give it to me.” Sevina shakes her limbs off as if she’s about to go to battle.

“It’s a dance, not a fight.”

“All the same.” She closes her eyes.

“Trust me.” I lay the scarf over her eyes. Tie it, watching every hair on her head, then take her hand gingerly and pull her away from the windowsill.

“If you drive me into the wall, I swear—” She jerks her head sideways with a sharp breath.

“I won’t,” I close the distance between us and lower my hand on her waist. “A step to the right.”

Her rapid pulse reverberates through my palms and she’s shivering. Her mouth is gaped, inhaling for long breaths of air. As if about to trip she twists her head to the side and I wrap my arm around her waist tighter. “Relax, trust me.”

The corner of her lips raises. “This is my ultimate trust. I mean, it’s not like I danced with a guy blindfolded before all this. Actually, I’ve never danced before. I have no idea what I’m doing.”

“Good thing I do.” I hold her firmly but diligently as if handling the rarest and most expensive silk.

From side to side we sway, nothing but shattering rain on the windows for the music. Her breathing calms, adjusting to mine, head steadying in front of my face and lips shutting. A weak hum begins pealing from my vocal cords and my heart jumps a beat when her voice joins in. My mother’s song… She remembers it.

Word to word…

I’ve never heard her sing. Her sharp accent disappears, words sailing like a field of soft summer grass.

With the last word of the song she stops. Her hand slides to my chest and halts on my heart. Thoroughly, she listens. My body pulses and I force the air out through my mouth, leaning in closer to her face. She lifts her chin as if she sensed it and I wish instead of a brown scarf I could see the amber of her eyes. Is there passion? Fear? What am I to her? Does she love me or is she using me to keep her sanity?

I’m all right with whatever she chooses.

Her warm breath dwells on my lips and I inhale, letting it engulf my mind in ardor. My muscles itch, but I’m steady. I don’t have the right to kiss her. I simply don’t… But I wait and against my will keep my hands unruffled around her waist.

“You’re shivering,” she utters, shifting against me and it makes my head spin.

“Of course, I’m shivering,” I retort gently, bold with a whole array of pleasant sensations steaming through my blood.

“Is it the place? I thought it was big enough—”

“No, it’s-it’s…” she knows all my romantic adventures, I might as well be honest, “manly thoughts.”

“Oh.” I recall she can’t see me.

Just as I begin chiding myself for losing my mind, just when I think it’ll be awkward her body inches closer and her lips touch mine delicately. My belly flutters and I slide my eyes shut, pulling her close to me. A hot breath escapes her and the world around me melts away. Our lips meet again. And yet all the aroused thoughts are not enough to abandon my mind— I kiss her tenderly and with utmost care.

She pulls away, arching back in my embrace, her hands on my chest. Red flush colors her cheeks and tame pants escape her lips. Slowly, I relax my hold, letting her warmth slide away from me. With one hand she lifts her blindfold.

She looks to the side as if realizing she’s done something she shouldn’t have.

“Too far?” I voice.

“No.” She smooths out the scarf and puts it over my shoulder. “Thank you.” Her eyes slide across mine before she takes her TV dinner, which has long since finished.

“Thank you for what?” I turn to look at her. She stops by the door, not turning.

“Everything.” She leaves the room.

…

Thoughts of the dance and the kiss evaporate fast when Quint and Will don’t return for the entire evening. Sevina lowers her cell and shakes her head, tightening her lips. I sit in the van, wringing my hands.

A few hours later I loiter outside in the rain, waiting. Sevina stands in the door frame near me.

Just as I open my mouth to express my worry a figure rounds the warehouse’s corner.

“Oh, you’re okay!” Quint calls out in a shrill voice, his shoulders slumping with relief. He staggers to us.

“What happened?” Sevina and I meet him halfway under a street light.

He props his arms on his knees, his face and shoulders wet from the rain. “They took Will,” he says through his breathing.

“What?” Sevina clutches his shoulder, supporting him. “How did it happen?”

“I don’t know. We were doing the usual routes. Two vans blocked us off. It happened so fast. They knocked me out. I woke in the street.” Sevina and I exchange glances. Quint straightens and pain shoots across his face. “I saw your brother there too.”

Sevina snaps her head at me. “Let me look.” She steps to me but I avoid her.

“No.”

She grabs my arm and pulls in closer, her palms seize my head, gently, but persistently. “Look at me, Corrin.” The coldness of her voice is cutting. I comply.

She gasps, releasing me. For five seconds her face contains all the inner conflicts I feel, but then it turns hard. “You told him! You told Dan about Will, about me!”

I slouch, swallowing. “I didn’t know what to do. I’m tired. Dan said he’ll talk to Father. That he’ll take you him or to IT so you can look. You are the last chance we have. The hideout was destroyed. All those people…” Please don’t be angry. She grits her teeth. Oh, she is, especially now, that the stage of emotions has passed.

“You should’ve asked me!” She shoots. “Shit, Corrin, I thought we were together in this.” Her eyebrows arch. “I know it’s hard, but we should’ve decided what to do together.” She glances at Quint. “All of us.”

“There’s nothing to do.” I open my palms, desperate. “I didn’t think it would happen this way. I didn’t think Dan would do this. He said he’d take us to IT.”

“Your brother is a son of a bitch.” Quint wipes water from his dark forehead. “About time you learned not to trust him. Oh, and I was left with this.” Grunting, he turns and peels his damp shirt off his back. Damp from blood. Red lines edge across his shoulder blades— knife carvings.

“My God,” escapes me.

“It’s the address,” Sevina voices.

“They want us to come?” I say, looking at the address and the phone number on Quint’s back.

“Good job, Corrin.” Sevina grits her teeth, fighting back anger and disappointment. “Dan said he’d get me to your Father and that’s what he did. Reid wants me to come.” She swivels to the garage. “I’m going.”

I seize her by her hand. “No, you’re not.”

Veins in her neck tense. “If Dan told your father about my eyes, they won’t hurt me. I can’t let Will die.”

“Look, maybe Dan didn’t do it.” I pray it’s true. “Let’s wait till the morning. He has to contact me still. He has to be on my side.” Dan was so convincing, and sincere. Why wouldn’t he be?

Sevina lingers, biting her lip. “Okay, till the morning.” She twists her hand free of mine. “Quint, come. Let’s patch you up.”

In the room on the second floor Sevina sits Quint on the couch. I lean on the wall, further away from them and can’t help but feel guilty for betraying everything to Dan. I should’ve been stronger and more patient. But even if Dan’s selfish, he’s my brother, he couldn’t have done this.

“Quint.” Sevina’s voice brushes against my ears, barely a whisper. “Aida left. She said bye. And uh…something else has happened.”

Quint dries himself with a paper towel. “Yeah?”

“The gang. It’s been overtaken. More than thirty kids are dead. Other’s taken.”

Quint’s face twists, lips pulling tight. Sevina puts her hand on his shoulder. “I’m sorry.”

Quint gives me a brief look I can’t read, accusing or apologetic, then turns Sevina his naked back and sinks his head into his arms. “Just clean it, please.”

I lay clothed on the mattress in the corner of the room, in my mind chanting the address from Quint’s back, and like a feral cat observe the place. Capos girl sits on one of the free sofas, her cellphone light wrapping her lean face into a ghost. She coughs and sniffs, dissipating all the menace about her. No wonder she got sick, all the poor girl wore was her underwear, even now it’s only an abysmally warmer sweater.

Sevina finishes mending Quint and leaves to clean herself in the bathroom. Quint shuts the lights and rests on a metal-framed bed, on his belly like a turned-over mummy. He falls asleep in an instant.

Sure the place is safe I close my eyes.

Dan couldn’t have betrayed me. He’s my brother. He saved me. But what if he has other intentions? What if his idea of the best solution isn’t the same as mine?

The door creaks and light steps approach me. Sevina sits on the edge of my mattress. “Sorry, I yelled.”

“Ah, we’re far past sorry.” Her silhouette looks hunched and apologetic. “But I’m sorry as well.” An unexpected surge of inefficacy and impotence weaves into my body, a feeling of failure. Unnoticeably, for the first time in a while, I curl slightly into myself. “And I’m sorry I’m…” I trail off.

“Weak?” She whispers, her gold eyes observing me from the darkness. My silence is my agreement. “You’re not weak. You’re just different.” Her pitch jumps as if she’s smiling. “Some of us can withstand this lifestyle better than others. And that’s okay.” Yes, but why can’t I? “Want to move to the bed?”

“No. Floor’s better.” For some reason, I recall the ginger touch of our lips, brushing against each other. She kissed me because she wanted to. It wasn’t like in the hideout when she ran her hands over my back to shift my attention and calm me. This was her choice.

“Uh…take me in?” She rustles on the mattress.

I move aside and she lies next to me, compresses herself into a ball and muffles into my chest.

“Sorry in advance if I dream.” I hug her.

“When this is over, we’ll buy a kite and we’ll fly it,” she mutters.

Warming inside I touch my chin to her hair. “Deal.”

We drift off.