We stopped dead inside the door. Espy and Beni were in the kitchen, the younger with her feet up on the table while she drank tea.

Espy was doctoring her own cup. “Beni, must you?”

But she ignored her aunt. “Where have you two been?”

“Uhhh,” Evan opined.

“Gotta go to the bathroom.” I kissed Evan on the cheek and all but bolted for the stairs.

Sorry, Babe, I thought, but you can come up with an excuse. Night would be falling any minute. We only had so much time, and I was not about to waste it.

Beneath the bathroom sink, I found exactly what I needed. Saints are always prepared, even if the preparations call for an enema bulb. Without letting myself think too hard about the physical mechanics of what I was doing, I whisked my clothes off and filled the bulb.

I stared at it for a moment, then reached behind myself. Putting it in was weird, and didn’t feel good at all. Not that it hurt, just definitely different. But if I couldn’t even handle this, there was no way I could get ready for Evan.

All the sites I’d browsed since realizing I was gay had stressed the need for proper lubrication and cleanliness. This was accomplishing the second task.

Slowly, I squeezed the bulb until I was full of water. Then I waddled to the toilet. (I really should have sat down first.) Voiding was weird, embarrassing, and loud, and I was fervently hoping that nobody could hear. The worst part was, once wasn’t enough. Usually you needed to do it a couple times to get clean, according to the internet. I flushed the toilet as soon as I was done, not even looking down after the first time.

I rinsed myself two more times before I worked up the moxy to check the water. It ran clear on the third, and I was ridiculously thankful that was over. I felt little burn of envy that straight people could just get naked and have sex without all...this. But I shook it off, and pulled my clothes back on. I would need them to leave the bathroom.

Evan was sitting on his bed, one leg bouncing from nerves. He looked up as I entered.

“Hi,” I said, just inside the doorway, suddenly shy.

“Everything go, uh, okay?” He asked, cheeks a little pink.

Strangely, seeing him a little awkward too made me less so. I nodded and came toward him, but he stood up as I approached.

“Babe.” He took both my hands. “Are you sure about this?”

“Do you not want to?” I asked, nerves returning.

“I just mean…” he searched for words. “I know this is your first time, and it’s all happening so fast. I don’t want you to regret anything.”

I brought our hands up so I could kiss his fingers. “I could never regret being with you.”

He smiled, stroking our thumbs together. “You’re sure?”

“I’m sure.” I said, injecting the words with as much certainty as I could muster. “Are...are you? Sure, I mean. Are you sure you can, you know, do this? Even if I’m not a girl?”

Watching my face, he brought our hands down, down until I was touching him through his jeans. I gulped at how hot and hard he was even through the denim.

“I’m sure.”

He walked backwards until he was sitting again, pulling me on top of him. Straddling him like that, I had to lean down to kiss him. It was the reverse of every other time we’d kissed, my mouth over his.

“I loved seeing you in my shirt,” he pulled back to say. “But now I want to see it off.”

I lifted my arms and he pushed the fabric up off my chest. I had to clench my fists to keep myself from covering up.

Of course he noticed. “What’s wrong? Did I do--”

“My scars,” I muttered.

But he just smiled. “Oh.” He shucked his own shirt, and I almost bit my tongue. “Me, too,” he said, patting the matrix of lines and nicks on his own torso. “Don’t be self-conscious.” He placed a small kiss above a jagged claw mark above my heart. “You’re perfect.” Then his tongue found my nipple, and I had to bite my lip to keep from screaming.

I didn’t know it could feel like that, like a livewire sizzling over my skin.

He looked up with a smirk. “I am curious about this one, though” He tapped the honeycomb of scar tissue over my right hip.

“Ch-chicken wire,” I managed.

“Chicken wire?”

I could only nod.

“You’ll have to tell me that story some time,” he said. “But not right now. Stand up.”

Unsteady, I slid off him. Once we were standing, he reached for his fly. I turned redder than anything has ever been red before. In one swipe, he pushed his pants and undies down. His cock bounced up against his stomach as he shimmied his feet out of them.

“J-josh,” I stammered. “You’re so hard already.”

He really did want me.

“Course,” he said. “You?”

Licking my bone-dry lips, I reached for my buttons with shaking fingers. His hands flinched, like he wanted to help me, but he didn’t move. I think there was a part of him that still thought I would call this off.

As if there were any chance of that happening now that I knew what he looked like naked.

I held my breath and shoved my clothes off before I could second-guess myself. I had to walk my feet out of the pant legs, too, but I’m sure it wasn’t as sexy as when Evan did it. But it did prove that I was also painfully hard.

“Me, too,” I said, aiming for casual and hoping I was in the zip code. “It’s not as impressive as yours.”

“Don’t say that,” he husked. “Just as adorable as the rest of you.”

I grimaced. “Don't call it adorable, that’s--ahh!”

He wrapped his hand around me and my knees buckled. If I hadn’t grabbed his shoulders I would have kissed the floor right then and there.

“E-Evan!” I whined, too shocked to be embarrassed.

He shushed me with a kiss, still stroking. I never knew something could be so rough and so soft at once, the calluses of his hand and just enough pressure.

“S’at feel good?” He looked down at my face and grinned. “Guess so. I’m glad.” He kissed me again, deepening it with his tongue as he tightened his fist just a little.

I don’t even have words for the sounds that came out of me, but I tried to swallow them.

Against my lips, he murmured, “Don’t do that. Let me hear you.”

“They are still downstairs,” I hissed.

“So?” He said. “I’m sure they weren’t born yesterday.”

“I can’t think about that right now!”

He chuckled, a low, dark sound that went straight to my dick. Why was everything he did so hot? “Fine.” Grinning, he used his grip on me to pull me towards the bed. “I guess we can’t drag on all night, anyway.”

We sank down onto the mattress, and he rolled us so he was over me. Almost every inch of our skin was touching, his weight pressing us together. He stared down at me, stroking my face.

“What?” I panted.

He just shook his head, and made my head swirl with another kiss.

“What now?”

“Hmm?” Dazed, I blinked up at him.

He ran a finger down my nose. “I don’t know how, remember?”

For supposedly not knowing, he was doing a pretty bang-up job so far.

“Lube,” I managed. “You have to--put it in me and on you.”

He nodded, face strangely serious. “Got it.”

As soon as he pulled away, I missed the feel of him, but he had to lean over to rummage in his bag.

“This work?” He held up a purple tube.

“What have you been using that for?” A flare of jealousy snaked through my guts.

But he just gave me an unimpressed look. “Masturbating, obviously.”

“Oh,” I said.

“...You don’t have one?”

I shook my head. “I don’t like it for that.”

“You do it dry?” He asked.

Was that weird? I felt the need to explain, “It’s more intense.”

“Kinky,” he said.

“Am not,” I muttered.

He just laughed a little.

“Should I turn over?” I started to roll, but a hand on my hip stopped me.

“No, I want to see you.” He gestured to the head of the bed. “Toss me a pillow.”

“It’ll ruin it,” I said, stupidly.

“Literally could not care less.”

I handed it to him and lifted up so he could stuff it under my hips. Now I was literally propped up for him.

“Damn,” he whispered, and then one broad finger stroked over my hole and I felt like I was dying. “You’re all smooth down here. Can I…” he trailed off, staring down at me.

“Can you what?” I somehow asked.

“Well, with girls, they usually like…” He was blushing, and it was so beautiful I didn’t think I could stand it. “You know, oral.”

In the smallest voice, I said, “Yes.”

Even as he was crouching down, I didn’t think he would do it. What straight guy would put their mouth there? Then I felt his breath against my cheeks and I stopped breathing, heart pounding.

He licked me. Only one quick, exploratory swipe, but I still gasped. Not a southern-belle-in-a-movie gasp, more like I was choking on nothing but air. I think the sound emboldened him because the tongue grew more confident.

My head thrashed, hands grasping at nothing, as he licked me until I started to pout open.

“Fuck!” The intense whisper came as he pulled back enough to run a finger through the space he made. “I gotta--I need to--” He fumbled with the tube in his other hand. “Finger it in?”

“Josh, pleeease,” I moaned, squeezing my eyes shut.

I heard the squirt of the lube, and then a wet finger hovered over my hole.

“Look at me.”

Helpless, my eyes fell open. His own were so dark, the green nearly swallowed up by need.

“Tell me if it’s too much,” he said. Eyes intent on my face, he pushed the first finger in, just to the first knuckle.

“Nnh!”

“Should I--”

“More!” I gasped again as he complied, pushing the rest of the finger inside me.

My shocked insides fluttered around him. I could feel it, and knew he could too, how the ring of muscle rippled against his finger.

“You’re so tight,” he whispered. “Is this gonna work?”

“Nother one,” was all I could say, but even that ended in a moan as he pulled back to squirt more lube.

My body fought the second finger more, and I had to consciously relax to let him in. Then he was two fingers deep in me, my mouth working, teeth clenching. He found a rhythm, pushing and pulling. Then he tried to separate his fingers while they were in me and I arched off the bed.

“Is that enough?” He sounded like he was in pain.

“Yes!” I gasped, though I didn’t really know. I just knew I couldn’t wait anymore.

He straightened up. “Give me your hand.”

I tried to lift my leaden limbs, but he ended up holding my wrist to pool some lube in my palm.

Darkly, he said, “Your turn.”

Oh, Names.

He knee-walked up between my legs, pushing them apart even more with his thighs. Shaky, I reached for him, and we both moaned as I palmed his length, smearing as much lubrication as I could all over him. Honestly, just this was intoxicating, his cock in my hand. I never thought I would get to touch him.

“If you keep doing that,” he ground out, “I’m not gonna make it.”

I settled back against the bed. “Th-there.”

Moving his hips back, he used one hand to prop his head against my hole. Then he pushed, and it burned, of course it did, but he was in me, sinking inside. At least that’s what it felt like, but he only made it an inch or two.

There was a high-pitched keening I realized was coming from me.

“Baby, you gotta,” he panted, “you gotta let me.”

“S-sorry,” I tried.

“Don’t be sorry,” he said, trying to gentle his strained voice. “Just relax, okay?”

Nodding, I tried to open for him at the same time he tried to move again. We both gasped as he pushed inside.

“A-Almost,” he panted, and thrust his hips.

“Uh!”

He sighed. “There.”

His hips were flush up against me. Somehow, I had taken the entire thing. I could feel it in a way I hadn’t expected, my insides making room, stretched by it.

“Evan, please,” I pleaded. “I need you to kiss me, please, I--”

He kissed me, soft and tender despite the moment.

“It’s okay,” he murmured against my lips. “It’s just me, okay? Look at me.”

I hadn’t even realized my eyes had closed again.

“Are you okay?” He asked. “Does it hurt?”

“I-I don’t know,” I stammered. “It’s so...much.”

“Want me to stop?” His voice was so sweet. I knew he would if I asked him to.

I shook my head.

“Baby, I need you to tell me, okay?” He said. “I need to hear it.”

Flushing, though I don’t know how I possibly got any redder, I said, “Don’t stop.”

He smiled, kissing me again. “Put your hands on my back.”

Hanging on to him for dear life, I splayed my hands across his shoulders.

“I’m going to move again, okay?” He said.

I whimpered.

“Just hang on to me,” he soothed. “Tell me if I should do something else.”

As if I would have the capacity for that.

“Okay,” I said.

And then he pulled back, working his length back out of me. Every hair on my body stood straight up, like every nerve ending was being dragged out of me. When just the head was still in me, he thrust back in, punching the breath right out of me.

Slowly at first, then gradually faster as he got used to it, Evan found the right pace. I was puffing and moaning with every move, completely lost. My body had finally decided this felt good, and the little bit of girth I’d lost when he first entered me had been fully recovered. And then some! I don’t think I’d ever been this hard in my life, and the way Evan’s stomach rubbed against me as he thrust definitely didn’t hurt.

“I never knew,” he gasped in my ear. His head had lolled to the side. “You feel so good inside.”

My heart swelled. I was just happy he was enjoying this as much as me. There was still a part of me that thought he’d come to his senses any minute now.

“I’m not gonna last,” he said. “I want us to come together.”

He pushed himself up, grabbing my dick with one hand, and holding my ankle with the other.

“Ohhhnaaaaames!”

He started jerking me in time with his thrusts, up and down, in and out, and I had no idea what my own name was anymore. I had already been so close, and it only took a couple stripes before I was ready.

“Evan!” I tried to warn him, but my voice dissolved in a wail as I fired. My body seized up on him, clamping down tight, making him feel even larger.

“Yeah, Baby, go!” He shouted, thrusting in hard and staying there as I jerked in his grip.

Warmth, and I realized he was coming inside me. I shivered at the thought, liking the idea of it as much as the feeling.

He collapsed on top me and my legs fell like stones. For a moment, our harsh breath was the only sound.

I bit my lip. How would he react now that the heat of the moment was over?

“Damn, Babe.” He threw an arm over me, turning his head to look at me. “So that’s gay sex. Is it alway like that?”

I had a second of quiet, incredulous laughter. “How would I know?”

Thumb catching my chin, he smiled. “I like that. It was sorta both of our first times.”

“You’re right,” I said softly. I hadn’t really thought of it like that. “I like it, too.”

“How are you feeling?”

“Like I could float away,” I said honestly.

He grinned. “I meant physically.”

“...Too soon to tell,” I decided.

Laughing, he leaned in for another kiss.

“What time is it?” I asked. There was still a hint of pink coming through the windows.

“Uh, I think it’s only been like twenty minutes.” He sounded a bit embarrassed. “I swear I can last longer than that.”

“Promises, promises,” I teased.

And then froze as a knock came at the door.

“Sorry!” Beni called, face turned away as she opened the door.

“Beni!” I screeched, yanking the sheet up out of reflex.

Evan sat up straight, but our clothes were on my side of the bed.

“Get out!” I demanded.

“Sorry, can’t.” Still looking away, she held up a phone. Espy’s, I think. “It’s your dad.”