Dumbfounded, I just stared at her. “You need to...what?”

She smiled, but it was a sharp smile, self-deprecating. “I completely fell apart down there. I put all our lives in danger--I put your life in danger, and I’m sorry.”

“Y-you’re joking, right?” I said. “Espy, you’re the only reason any of us are alive--”

She held up a hand, and I broke off. “Please, let me explain.”

I nodded. She clearly had something she needed to get off her chest.

“If I’d remembered the notebook sooner, it might not have been as bad as it was,” she said. “But when those snakes started coming out of the sink, I…” She sighed. “I just lost it.”

“We were all freaking out,” I said. “It was freaky as hyle--as hell. It wasn’t just you, Espy.”

“But I lost my mind for a minute,” she said, and her eyes were haunted, a similar expression to the one on her face in the kitchen. “It reminded me of Soledad.”

Her sister.

But she wasn’t done. “I don’t know if you were ever told all the details about the day she died. Do you know what a viper is? A vampire, I mean.”

I shook my head, suddenly apprehensive of what she was about to tell me.

“It’s a vampire of royal blood,” she said. “Old blood, even older than the Masters. Supposedly, vipers are descended from the Dragon himself. Their fangs drop down like a snake, like a movie vampire.”

“...Oh,” I said faintly.

“Just like a real viper, their fangs are venomous,” Espy went on. “But because they’re vampires, their venom is infused with their powers. A viper’s bite poisons the mind and the body. It’s incredibly painful...” She trailed off and had to shake herself a bit. “To this day, I have no idea what Soley was doing outside of Empyrean with the kids. I’ve resigned myself to the fact I’ll never know. I don’t know how he found them, either, but a Saint and her children were too tempting to pass up.”

I had a terrible feeling I knew where this was going.

“I woke up from a nightmare,” she went on. “My sister screaming, crying, reaching out to me. But I knew it wasn’t a dream. We’re twins, me and Soley. Just like Beni and Brenden are. Twins can always find each other. So I went looking for her, and I found her car in front of an old factory. She was inside with that creature.” I almost thought she wouldn’t go on. “Most vampires have no power over the animal kingdom. The undead are unnatural, and the natural world shuns them, but this one could control snakes. Solely was covered in them. They were crawling all over her body while he taunted her not to move, or they would bite her.

“I tried to sneak in, but he found me. He was so fast, faster than I’ve ever seen. I never had a prayer. He bit me on the leg to keep me still. While he tortured my sister, I was frozen by the visions his poison showed me. But he got tired of us, and was going to go after the kids next. Solely tried to stop him. She jumped up, and all the snakes…” Tears were pouring down her face. “She didn’t make it two steps. I knew it was up to me, or the twins were next. I…

“I cut my own leg off,” she said. “It was the only way to get free of his bite. The twins were in the car. Beni was still out. She always did sleep like the dead. But Brenden...he was awake. I think...I think he heard the screaming.”

For as long as I live, I’ll never see anything more terrible than Esperanza St. Thomas, eyes dead and voice flat, weeping as she told me her story.

“He was too focused on the children,” she said. “Brendan had a knife, brave little boy, and he was trying to fend off the viper. Somehow he didn’t sense me. I staggered up to him and kept stabbing and cutting until his blood ran black.” She dashed at her tears with her hand. “Anyway, when I saw that hissing, writhing mass of snakes down there, I was right back in that factory.”

“Mother of Angels,” I whispered. “Espy, I’m so sorry. I never knew all that. Beni never talks about it.” (Only that she and Brendan were no longer close because of that night, but I didn’t think Espy needed to hear that right then.)

“I’m supposed to be the one apologizing,” she said. “That battle is over. I should have been focused on the one that’s really happening. We almost died because I lost myself.”

“Please don’t think that,” I said, sitting up so I could look a little more dignified. “If I had lived through that and snakes popped out of nowhere like a bad horror movie, I would have gone catatonic, probably. You saved us, Espy, not me. If you hadn’t been working on my mother’s book, we wouldn’t have had any anti-magic. But we did. Because of you.” I wanted to reach for her hand, but wasn’t sure she wanted to be touched after reliving a memory like that. “We’re alive because of you.”

She shook her head, suddenly looking like a young woman of only twenty-eight, and not the all-wise Magda. “I wish I could believe that.”

“Then do,” I said firmly. “You didn’t do anything wrong. That’s just the survivor’s guilt talking.”

“Survivor’s guilt,” she echoed. “Where did you hear about that?”

Quietly, I replied, “My mom died having me.”

Espy’s lips parted in surprise. “Seth, you don’t blame yourself for that, do you?”

I hunched my shoulders. “Not logically, no. But sometimes...maybe guilt isn’t logical.”

“Oh, honey,” she said, like when I was a kid. “I was only ten when Sera died, but I remember how happy she was. I remember how much she loved you.” I guess it was my turn to feel my eyes burn. “I used to sit next to her and feel you moving. She would just beam. There was nothing she wanted to be more than a mother. She--she always wanted a big family. I think she grew up lonely, just her and your grandfather. They were considering her for Magda when she got married, did you know that?”

I shook my head, placing a palm against one eye.

Espy nodded. “It’s true. She had just pulled off some big job, I don’t even remember, but she didn’t want that life. She wanted you.”

The dam broke, and then I was crying. “But I killed her.”

“No, no,” she said, reaching over for my hand. “It was just one of those tragic things that happens. Her mother died that way, too. She always knew it was a risk, but she didn’t care. She loved you that much, even before you were born. You weren’t her death, Seth, you were her life.”

“I’m sorry,” I gasped. “You were supposed to be doing the talking. Didn’t mean to make it about me.”

“Misery loves company isn’t a condemnation,” she said. “It’s commiseration. I haven’t talked about that to anyone in a long time. I’m guessing you haven’t talked about your mom, either.”

I squeezed her hand, closing my eyes against the rainfall. “I guess near-death experiences make us sappy.”

“I guess so.” She laughed, even if it was a little watery. “I’ll make you a deal. I’ll try not to blame myself for Soley, if you do the same about Sera. Guilt be damned.”

“Deal,” I blubbered.

We cried together for a few minutes. It took us a bit to get a hold of ourselves again.

Then Espy wiped her eyes. “I should have asked, how are you feeling?”

“My head hurts,” I said. “Think I used too much Spirit.”

“That happens sometimes.” She stood up, leaning on her cane. “Come downstairs when you get dressed. We need to make a plan before nightfall. I’ll make some willow tea for your headache...and don’t make that face, you’re drinking it.”

I sighed. “Yes, Espy.”