'Clearly, I have only one way out of this situation...'

Bill stared down the two soldiers, and crossed his arms. "Yes, your sensors are correct. I have unearthed a homosexual, and revealed him to the world! You're welcome, good sirs."

Mister Trainer collapsed to the ground, and looked at Billy in horror. "How could yo-"

One of the soldier's fists slammed into Mister Trainer's gut, knocking him out. "Alrighty! We'll handle this from here."

Billy turned around, and shed a single tear. 'I had to do this, it was my duty as the Hero! If I didn't, those brutes would've killed me! If they killed me, humanity would be defenseless, and society would be doomed to collapse! I must prevent the extinction of humanity, no matter what! My actions just now have saved countless innocent children! The Hero must be willing to make any sacrifice necessary...'

The shorter soldier grumbled. "I suppose this mean we will only be getting one smiley sticker today..."

The tall one shook his head. "Don't be greedy, fool! Consider yourself lucky you are getting one at all."

The shorter one pouted. "Fine. Also, Billy, the Great Wizard Pope King wants to see you. You should probably head over now."

"Alright. Good luck with your work, brave soldiers!"

Thus, Billy began his walk towards the Capital as the soldiers began building a pyre.

The path between the Capital and the village ran through barren plains of red rock, only decorated with the occasional thorny, flesh eating Blood Rose. Winds carried with them an irritating red dust, and the sun made sure to burn with an uncomfortable intensity.

Billy pushed forward, alone, on this wretched path. As the ceaseless drudgery continued, his mind drifted towards his home.

'I wonder what is going on back on Earth. Does anyone miss me? My coworkers... my family?'

In one of the many decrepit bars in the city, a large gathering of office workers celebrated their manager's untimely demise.

A petite woman stood atop the bar, laughing with wild abandon. "Hell yeah! Let's have another round of applause for the accountant bastard's death!"

The worker's gathered clapped, cheered, and hollered out in joy. Some were so overjoyed that they teared up.

Sam, the aforementioned petite women, grinned. "I figured this was a cause for celebration, so..." Sam reached for her pocket, and pulled out something that shocked all gathered.

A single can of beer.

The workers almost collapsed in shock after witnessing the can of beer. They quickly rushed over with a glass in hand, and tears in their eyes.

Sam grabbed the glass from the first man in line. Then, slowly, she opened the can of beer.

Everyone present was silent; eyes glued to the can in awe.

Sam held her breath as she delicately brought the can towards the glass. Slowly, the can was titled, until a single drop fell into the glass. Then, the glass was topped off with water.

This process was repeated for all employees.

Nearby, a worker was sobbing uncontrollably. "I have never been able to afford this much alcohol! Thank you Sam!!"

A stream of similar comments followed.

Sam blushed. "No problem, guys!" After enduring the ceaseless cacophony of compliments, Sam soon sought the comfort of companionship, and sat down with her buddies.

Sam grinned. "Yo, Sally! How's the beer?"

Sally smirked. "Alcoholic. I would even say it is the right amount for spilling secrets..."

"Wait a sec! Did you figure out how an elephant fell out of the sky? Or did you figure out how it landed in just the right way so that Billy's corpse was found inside the elephant's asshole?"

Sally leaned forward. "All that and more! The secrets can be yours; for a price!"

Sam frowned. "I gave you beer."

Sally cocked her head. "Oh, right. Nevermind, I will just tell you. It's nothing special, apparently the helicopter pilots that were carrying captured animals to stock the CEO's private zoo had not been able to sleep for a whole week. Pair that with the budget only allowing old rubber bands instead of cables, and it was really no surprise something like that happened."

Sitting next to them, a nasty smelling man snorted. "That's the excuse those lazy losers came up with? Pathetic! I work without sleeping for weeks at a time constantly, they just need to grow a pair of balls!"

Another man behind them turned around, and glared at the smelly guy. "Maybe that's why you ran over my dog, you son of a bitch!"

The smelly guy chucked as he leaned back in his chair. "Ain't what insurance said happened..." Of course, he was at a decrepit bar with old stools, not chairs. Leaning backwards resulted in him falling backwards into a pile of trash.

Sam spat at smelly guy as he groaned on the ground. Then, she turned to Sally. "So any other interesting things happen?"

Sally rubbed her chin. "Well... apparently that group of furry terrorists attacked a corporate research facility. I also think I heard about some priest getting squashed by a falling giraffe. That's it though."

Sam sighed in relief. "At least it isn't anything too crazy this week. Hey, after this we should look for those pilots! We should definitely thank them!"

Sally nodded. "Agreed. I already sent them a thank you letter. It was the least I could do for the guys who gave that accountant bastard an early ticket to Hell."

Billy shook his head. "Of course they miss me, I am pretty damn epic! I feel sad for them, though. What will they do without me? Those poor souls..."

Billy's eyes traced the long, dusty, winding road of red rock he still had left until he reached the Capitol. "Actually, am I the poor soul now?"