《Nandemonogatari: The Story of Something Else》Chapter 08 - The Story of Decking Dweebs
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The baiting team lead the group of nerds through the park towards the middle. They stop near a building and a bench with a small of shoes on top. The bench is lit by a rough beam of light coming from a light on the building. There’s some bushes just on the edge of the light. “If anyone needs to use the restroom, here’s your last chance,” Saito says.
Yuuri and Katsuki both raise their hands immediately, prompting Saito to say, “Well, I’ll come with you then.” He pauses for a second, realizes what he said, then quickly continues, “T-To stand outside the door and keep you safe! Yeah!” The two girls roll their eyes, but give him the okay to follow them.
Kirika leads the tabletop club over towards the bushes. She notices Yuudai’s hair from behind a nearby bush, and turns to the Tabletop Club members. “Ah, this seems to be the place. Now keep an eye out for anything… supernatural.”
One of the Tabletop Club members reveals a miraculously hidden plastic weapon. He waves it around in the air before shouting, “Come on out you demon scum! My mace of +1 ghostslaying will make mincemeat out of you!”
Another member slaps him in the back of the head. “You moron! If they’re demons, why would ghostslaying work on them?”
Raidou looks at Yuudai and whispers, “Shit, they’re packing heat!”
Yuudai whispers back, “They probably don’t even know how to fight…”
Kirika gives the Tabletop member an odd look, saying, “T-These are special demons.” She looks left, then right, then leans in close to loudly whisper, “Ghost demons. They snatch you up, leaving only your shoes behind. Like those!” She points to the shoes on the bench, and several of the Tabletop club members recoil in fear.
Saito makes sure that all of the Tabletop Club members are in the ambush area and then whistles a tune. Kirika gets the message and says, “Okay~. Can you guys stay right here and check? I will lo-”
Kobun takes a step forward and yells out, “Check? I CHECK FOR TRAPS!” He grabs a 20-sided die from his pocket and throws it on the ground. “Damn, I rolled only a 4…” The “demons” slink behind the bushes, knowing their hiding spots are secure.
Kirika stares for a moment at that stunning display of failure, then looks over at Saito confusedly. “Uh, I think I’ll go to the bathroom too, guys! Be right back!”
One hat-wearing Tabletopper yells towards the bathroom and the escaping elf, “Don't worry m'ladies, you're safe with us on the case!” He then tips his hat in their direction, apparently in a gesture of goodwill.
Saito mumbles to himself, “Do… Do they know I’m not a girl?”
They poke their heads out from the bathroom and peek out to watch the Tabletop Club’s reaction. Kirika giggles mischievously. “I think they bought it!”
Yuuri just says, “I hope this works…”
Kirika fidgets slightly. “I feel like they were all staring at me… a little too much”.
Saito says, “Yeah. They were. They’re kind of weird, they also thought I was a girl.” Saito shivers, this time only half because of the cold.
Kirika stares curiously at Saito. “But why were they so focused on me?”
Saito shrugs as Yuuri suddenly hugs Kirika. “Because you're a little cutie who did a good job today! Nice one, Little Komori!”
Saito smiles smugly. “Yeah, we ALL did our jobs well.”
Kirika blushes from the sudden close contact with her senpai. “T-T-Thank you, S-Senpai!” She suddenly perks up, breaks away from the hug, and peeks around the corner. “I-I hope our friends are doing okay...”
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Saito speaks up. “They’ll be fine. Well at least they better be, you can’t start shit all day in class only to be all talk when you actually have to fight.”
Yuuri adds on, “Especially against THAT club.”
The conversation trails off as they watch the tabletop club just sitting there rolling their single die.
Saito sneezes and shivers. “M-Man it’s c-cold. This sure is taking a while…”
Hearing the signal, Raidou emerges from the shadows with all of his arms raised and his scariest face on. "FOOOOOOOLISH SONS OF MAN, YOU DARE ENTER MY DOMAIN!?"
Toshi steps forward holding an oversized foam sword tightly. “FOUL DEMONS, WE SHALL LAY WASTE TO YOU!” The entire Tabletop club suddenly huddles together and they all take turns rolling a d20. The “monster” starts looking around in confusion. Finally, Akina’s impatience gets the better of her as she jumps out of the bush and dashes towards the group.
The short chubby girl jumps up in joy. “Yes! I rolled the highest, so I get to go first!” Her joy is short lived as she receives an uppercut courtesy of Akina. She hits the ground, out cold.
Yuudai jumps out of the bushes, swinging his club with a loud roar. Cerys appears in the middle of the Tabletop Club’s circle, laughing loudly as she swipes randomly at one of the nerds. Akina joins in with her own maniacal laughter as Raidou bellows, “FOOLISH SONS OF MAN, YOU MERELY GET TO BE FIRST TO SEE HELL!” He then rushes the mace wielding nerd.
After the shock wears off, the tabletop club manages to avoid most of the attacks, but Raidou lands a clean hit on the mace-wielding member. As he hits the ground, Raidou yells, “RAAAAGH! KNOW THE FURY OF THE GODS.” He laughs smugly, but the laugh trails off as he realizes nobody else’s attacks landed.
Cerys tries to give an evil laugh, but it’s shaky. “Ny-nyehaha, you’re still out o-of your league here!”
Akina has no such lack of confidence, grabbing the chubby girl by her nape. “I’ll beat you to death like this weakling.” Her grin is enough to drive fear into the entire nerd group.
Raidou crouches down to look the nerd he punched directly in the eye. In his booming voice, he says, "YOU FALL AS EASILY AS THE LAST HUMAN THAT SUMMONED ME." He looks up at Raidou, wide-eyed in fear, and gives a girly shriek before passing out.
Mayumi comes up from behind the fat roleplayer and reaches her hand out towards him. “I wonder what the range of my powers actually is”, she ponders, then attempts to use her mind powers to lift and choke the behatted teen. The fat on his face immediately turns red, but after a few seconds of exertion Mayumi drops him on his ass, wipes the sweat off her forehead and says, “Damn, you’re fat. But now I at least know I can do more than set things on fire.” She smirks and pulls out a boxcutter. “Oh well, I’ll just have to cut you up real good.” She then slinks up to him, horrifying the large kid as she slides the blade out and holds it up to his face. “Tell me your name before I take it away from you.”
The boy shakily answers, “G-G-Goro! M-My name’s Goro!”
The nerds, having learned how to fight through classic turn-based fantasy video games and dice rolling, pathetically attempt their counter-attack. Toshi runs at Mayumi in an attempt to save Goro, but she gets clocked by Mayumi’s elbow and gets knocked the fuck out. Kobun runs at Raidou, yelling, “Kusanagi, I’ll save you!”, but as he finishes his declaration Akina throws the other girl at his face. The collision knocks them both out and into a pile on the side.
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One of the remaining club members yells out, “Oh no please don’t h-” Yuudai interrupts his plea by smashing him across the head with a thwack.
The only one left standing after this is Goro, who readies a cheap foam warhammer. Raidou turns toward him and gives a death glare. Goro hesitates and gulps, but furrows his brow and charges Raidou anyway. He swings the hammer with all his might… but Raidou catches it, effortlessly pulls it from Goro’s hands, and tosses it aside. Goro stares slack jawed at Raidou, ready to beg the imposing figure for his life.
As Raidou reaches Goro he lifts his hands… only to begin clapping softly. His voice roars out. “YOU HAVE PROVEN YOUR BRAVERY, SON OF MAN. I WILL ALLOW YOU TO LIVE, SHOULD YOU PROVIDE ME WITH A PITTANCE.”
Mayumi slides out from behind Raidou, circling Goro like a sexed up shark. “How disappointing, you were all just a bunch of one-pump chumps.” She pulls out her boxcutter and holds the obviously dull edge to his neck while seductively whispering in his ear. "So what do you wish to part with? Your money, or your life?"
Goro throws out not only his lunch money, but his gaming fund, several trading cards, some worn-out dice, and a pocket sized rulebook, then sprints off into the darkness.
Akina walks to the nerd pile she created and fishes Kobun up out of it. She looks at the blush on his face from being under the chubby girl and throws him back down. She clicks her tongue and spits out, “Pathetic.”
The scout team approaches slowly, Yuuri being the first to speak up. “Oh my, are you all okay?”
Raidou searches through the spoils of his battle, counting it out and inspecting some of them. He finally clears his throat and says, “Neat.”
“It seems like you cleaned their pathetic clocks,” says Katsuki, walking in last from the bathrooms. “Snag their money and let’s roll.”
Cerys walks to the bench to grab her shoes and as she walks back she says, “We got money from that last nerd, and I assume once the others wake up we'll take their money as well?”
Akina looks over at Cerys, “Why wait? Just loot them now.”
Raidou gets down to loot Kusanagi but he suddenly scrunches up his face. He looks down at Kusanagi's passed out body. "He...he smells. I don’t want to loot him right now."
Yuuri gives a hearty “Ohohoho!” at the idea of their petty crimes. “I knew you guys had this!”
Akina grabs the two nerds by their legs and hefts them up, shaking them and wondering if money will fall out. Yuudai starts to dig through the pockets and any bags of the remaining members for cash. Between the five remaining members, the club manages to make off with a total of 10,000 yen.
Saito counts the money in his head. “Y-yo, 10 K’s in total. If P-prez still has her p-p-panties in a bunch after this, I’m gonna…” He sneezes. “Freak out.”
Katsuki slaps him on the back of the head. “I’m right here, you frozen dumbass.”
Akina discards the nerds she just shook down back into the pile. Kirika steps next to her and asks, “T-they’re still alive, r-right?”
Akina doesn’t look at her, but responds. “Their dignity sure isn’t.”
Katsuki walks over to the pile too and blurts out, “I'm not sure they HAD dignity in the first place.”
“Oh… Well, no one was hurt, right? I'd hate to be responsible for people getting hurt... even if they were weird creeps,” Kirika says nervously
Yuudai joins them with his arms folded seemingly thinking deeply on the topic.
Cerys walks over mostly out of her costume, looks at the plie in disgust and says, “Let’s leave them here, they'll never know it was us that did it to them.”
Saito shrugs. “As long as I d-don’t get in trouble for them getting their a-ass beat, I’m fine.”
Raidou cracks his knuckles. “But man, that was fun. Then again, kicking ass generally is pretty fun.”
Katsuki pulls out her phone and looks at the time. “It's getting late, should we call it a night and get back to our dorms? We can decide what to do tomorrow during breakfast.”
Saito quickly speaks up. “Y-yeah, let’s hurry back. I’m f-f-freezing!”
“Perfect!” Yuuri then yawns. “I’m kinda sleepy anyway.”
Yuudai strikes a thinking pose. “Won't they be awake by then?”
Cerys waves it off by saying, “When they ask what happened just say that you all got away while they were attacked. That should work well enough.”
Kirika practices her scared voice. “I was so scared~.” She clasps her hands together under her chin.
Yuudai cracks his knuckles much like how Raidou did. “That was surprisingly fun.” He then stops and looks at his hands, then mutters under his breath, “I hope this didn’t wake something up inside me.”
Raidou looks down, still wearing his ceremonial garb. "Huh. I should probably switch outta this get up before headin' home. My Ma might get freaked out."
Kirika turns to Raidou and tilts her head to the side as she looks up at him. “Do you not live in the dorms, Raidou-senpai?”
Raidou shakes his head. “Nah. My ma lives close by so I just take a bus. Although she does want me outta the house, so maybe I could hit up the dorms.”
Kirika smiles brightly at Raidou. “That's nice. My parents insisted I stay in the dorms so I get the true experience like they got. I write letters to them!” She pauses for a second seemingly in confusion. “They thought writing would be better than texting or calling, for some reason.”
Everyone starts walking back to the dorms except Yuudai, who is still lost in thought. Mayumi notices that and turns around to bring him along. She can barely hear him mumbling to himself. “They should be okay, right? I don't think I hit 'em too hard.”
She walks up to him and pats him on the shoulder. “As long as you only hit enemies like that, then everything is fine.”
Yuudai looks up at her face, and sees a genuine smile, which calms his nerves. “Thanks, Mayumi.” The two then catch up with their friends on the way back to the dorms.
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