《Terra Nostra》The Dragon, The Man, The crybaby.
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After having to make a deal with Arad, regarding his memories and private life. Simon was currently trying to feel what Arad called "The light inside his mind". According to Arad, once he felt or see this light, Simon would be able to correctly start training his soul.
But after spending two hours without any improvement, Simon was losing his patience.
Seeing him failing, Arad sighed while shaking his head, he couldn't help but said inwardly 'I guess I would need to improve his character, or this would take a really long time.' He crossed both of his arms as he began to carefully think of a plan to Improve Simon's personality, as Simon was currently unable to make a real advancement. His current circumstance didn't afford the necessary peacefulness that cultivation required.
His mind was a chaos, his spirit was at is lowest, his traits weren't the necessary ones, all that Arad saw was an unqualified youngster.
With a complicated look on his face, Arad said to Simon.
"You can stop meditating, I need to talk to you."
Hearing his voice, Simon opened both eyes as he sighed. He could tell that the plans that he has in mind would need to wait as he couldn't even do what Arad said to him.
Seeing the current expression on Simon's face made Arad nod, as it would make it easier for him to explain.
"I see that you are aware of your current state, you can't even concentrate your mind. While there are a few things I could help you with this, it wouldn't help you in the long run. As what I'm intending to make you learn, is to made you be able to reach this state by your own volition." Hearing his words, Simon nodded as he grabbed tightly his feet.
"But that isn't the only problem, you, as a whole, are the problem." Hearing Arad harsh words, Simon looked at him carefully wanting to hear his explanation even though if it hurt him a little.
"When I tried to make someone learn meditation, I'm looking for that person to have a peaceful mind, a calm personality, and with the correct predisposition. You lack all of them, your past experiences make you unable to achieve something akin to peace of mind. Your current mental health isn't going to help you reach any goal you put in front of you."
Hearing his words, Simon closed his eyes as he accepted what Arad was telling him. He was aware of the truth that his words contained.
"But you at least want to change. That's the only reason why I'm telling you all of this, while I can give you the key to reach the world of power, I can't walk that path for you. If you are unable to make the footsteps necessary to reach them, there's nothing I can do. So making you know this, let me tell you what you need to do."
Arad grinned slightly while he said at Simon.
"First of all, you have to begin with making a daily routine, you can't continue to waste your time while doing anything. Second, you need to work on something, your intention to make a kingdom in this barren place seems to me like a good start. Having some responsibilities to attach you to this place and began to look after something, will help you to fix slowly that broken mind of yours." Arad looked at him as if he was lecturing a junior on his previous life.
"Third and last, at least for now." He approached near to Simon as he smiled gently at him.
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"You can start here without any power or other things. You don't need to be powerful to be happy Simon. While it's true that it would help you at the end of the day, it wouldn't have any meaning if you found yourself alone and lost, like your past self. Tell me Simon, what would you really do once you have power?" He asked with genuine curiosity.
Not having expected Arad telling him those things, Simon was taken aback. He looked at Arad's face, as he could see the care behind his gaze.
He took a moment to think about his answer.
With uncertainty in his voice, Simon answered him.
"I think to find something akin to happiness? I used to think that doing whatever I wanted without nothing impeding me, would make me understand a few things." thinking his words he added. "Doing things I wanted without harming anyone." He then looked back at Arad, waiting to hear what the old man would say.
Arad sighed, while he closed his eyes and then said to Simon.
"You really don't know what you want, right? Boy, is there really anything that you wanted? Like having a family, a lover, anything." Arad asked him.
Simon retracted the gaze from Arad's face, as his current exasperated expression make him feel embarrassed. "Not really." He finally said to him after thinking a little bit more "Back in my previous life, I wanted to change the world and society. Or having enough money to find someone to make a family. But now that I am here, I first wanted to explore and see if I could live something like those stories I used to read. But after knowing about my situation, I sincerely don't know what else to do if I were to have power. I think I would wander around the world while helping whoever I crossed paths with?" Simon put a serious expression on his face while he said with a frown.
Arad didn't say anything to Simon, as he saw he didn't finish what he was saying.
Simon took a few seconds to order his thoughts and then he continued. "I think I don't really need a purpose to do in my life, I could just live my life? Having goals or something like that if I were to have powers, would only become a burden in my life. I know that this could probably change once I start to feel attached to someone from this world. But I can't really imagine living a life so long as yours while having so much power." He then nodded as if he reaffirmed his words.
Arad looked at him like he wanted to laugh.
"Setting aside how erratics are your thoughts. Why are you so worried about having power? If you see that having power would be a burden for you, just stop looking for it. That dragon over there wouldn't care if you wanted to just live your life under her protection. Here in this place, you would find more peacefulness than anywhere else in this world, I could tell that you are aware of how horrible all societies here could be.
Living with someone so pure as Camille would help you find stability, she's not going to act like the people outside there and if you are worried about your utility in the meantime, now you have me at your disposition to help you search for anything you have ever learned. While this kind of life would be boring for your expectations, this would be the best you can do for your current self." Arad said to him while he grinned, looking at the serious expression on Simon's face.
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Seeing no reaction words from Simon, Arad continued, now with a gentle look in his face.
"Simon, you need to understand a few things. You killed yourself in your previous life, I don't know if you noticed, but your actions here, they don't have any sense. You are only following your whims, there's nothing moving you to take actions. It's sad to see how are you trying to find a meaning behind your lack of will to live. Even if you say to yourself that this is a second chance, your actions are only telling me that you don't have any idea what to do."
Arad took a pause as he began to move his hands.
He then continue.
"Listen, after a while, when you traveled around this world, having following your whims, you would find yourself again lost. That's why I wanted to make you understand that doing a few changes in your plans, you could start to change that broken view of you. Yes, you need a goal, to not lose yourself. You need a home, to always have a place to come back. You need someone to find peace, to always have someone to rely on, like you are in need now. I know that you are aware that there's are a lot of things that you are in need, try to focus on filling those needs Simon, then, after you healed and filled all the scars in your heart, I'm sure you will find a purpose for yourself." Seeing the lost look in Simon's eyes, Arad feel bad for him.
He approached slowly to Simon, as he put his hand on his hair, head patting him.
Simon who regained back the focus on his eyes, began to feel something souring on his nose, with a knot impeding him to say something. He felt all his limb tensioned as he gritted his teeth, trying to not cry in front of Arad.
Seeing Simon state, Arad smiled gently while he said with a soft voice.
"There's no need to hold back Simon, there's no shame on feeling down. Even if I am a stranger for you, you don't need to suppress your feelings anymore." Hearing Arad's voice, Simon couldn't hold back a tear. He tried to close both eyes to prevent the tears, but with no avail as they started to fell. Losing a bit of tension in his arms, he moved both hands towards his face, trying to hold his tears.
But as is a dam was broken, the tears in Simon's eyes didn't stop, as the knot in his throat was unbearable. He tried to swallow once more, but it ended in a groan.
Simon stopped trying to hold his tears back with his hands, as he hugged himself, like one of those many times that he often founded himself when he was back on earth during his youth. Trying to gain solace in, at least, his own hands.
Seeing Simon stopping holding back his feelings, Arad tried to hug him, but before he could, a silhouette appeared in front of Simon. Looking towards it, Arad saw Camille in her human appearance looking at Simon with a frown in her face, she then bent down towards Simon and tried to hug him.
...
Camille was aware of how strange was Simon acting after their discussion. He started to talk to himself when he was alone, so she began to think that he probably was affected a little bit for what happened before.
But after a few hours, seeing him still acting strangely she began to paid attention towards him. After hearing him talk once more, she heard him say, for the first time, a few things that took her for a surprise. First of them was that Simon was talking about a previous life, like the current he had was just another one. The second was his state of mind, she first thought that his actions in the days prior were him only being childish, as the first day he appeared in her nest, they shared a long and profound talk with each other, making her think of him like someone wise. But after acting like a clown and as if he were a child, she began to think that he was probably taking things not seriously.
Now, however, she saw that she had misunderstood him. Hearing his words, only now she did notice how lost he was, she compared him like those persons who lost everything in the human's towns, that didn't have anything to thrive for. Seeing him crying alone on the floor make it her feel a sting sensation in her chest.
With a soft and comfortable voice, Camille said to Simon.
"I'm here, okay?" She hold on him tightly as they both stared at each other. She watched how the confusion in Simon's eyes changed to understanding. She saw how he broke eye contact with her as he gazed to the floor and started to cry again, while a groan escapes his throat.
Camille tried to caress his back as she tried to calm him now that she was at his side. After a few seconds of struggling she decided to just accompany him without asking for anything, knowing that words could wait for later.
They stayed like that for a few minutes, until Simon tried to hug her back. She then saw him raising his head, as he whispered. "... thank... you..."
Camille giggled a little as she said to him. "You don't need to thank me, Simon, I'm sorry if I was harsh with you before. But I was worried about you, I consider you a friend, so I didn't want to see you throwing away your life. Also, whatever happened to make you feel like this, it doesn't matter okay? You can count of me if it's too much for you" There was a caring look in her eyes, as a smile formed in her face while she said to him softly. "But you will need to apologize to that little girl, I was first looking after her." Feeling Simon trying to move away from her, she broke the hug as she let him regain his posture.
Watching him having a hard time to maintain direct eye contact, she smiled briefly. Simon closed his eyes as he tried to suck a breath, but the crying spasm interrupted him. He then opened his eyes, he gazed briefly at Arad, who was behind Camille smiling at him, Simon nodded as he smiled gratefully.
He gazed back at Camille as he said to her.
"I'm sorry for acting like this during all this time, something happened that made me able to open my eyes. If I ever happen to make a mistake again, I ask you to help me see it. I will try to do the best of me for now own." He smiled weakly at her as he added. "Also if it doesn't annoy you, could I stay here living with you?"
Hearing Simon's words and latter question, Camille smiled softly while she said.
"Don't worry, I will be there if you ever need me again. Also you don't have to ask me that, I have planned to make you take responsibility for bring that girl here."
She raised up, Simon followed her action. Now both were standing gazing each other while maintaining a smile.
"I have never taken care of a child so, I'm counting on you." He was moving his hands, as he didn't know what to do next, he began to feel awkward for what happened.
"Yeah... Ummm, if you wanted to talk, we can do it later, I'll be back there as the little girl would probably wake up." Camille smiled awkwardly at Simon's statement as she answered him.
Feeling as if he was having given a life chance, he said hastily. "Yeah! If I needed something I will give you a call." he saw her waving at him as she disappeared.
After waving him back and seeing her disappearance, Simon relaxed his body, as he directed his gaze towards Arad who said to him.
"See? I told you that being near that dragon is what you need, her caring soul would help you during this page in your life." Seeing the smile in Arad's face, Simon didn't know why he did want to punch him in the face. As he saw how the middle-aged men were intending to console him if Camille didn't appear.
Sighing, Simon closed his eyes, as he feel it much peaceful than before. He then opened his eyes as he said to Arad. "Thank you for your words, it really helped me." He then watched outside the cave, where the sun was slowly rising.
With a little hope in his heart, he said to himself.
"It's time to start from scratch."
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