It had been a hard month. Ken was very unhappy with himself. Heaven Ken was so freaking annoying. He kept saying things like “I understand” or “I know what you’re feeling” when it was clear as shit that he didn’t!

They’d damn near tried everything. From meditating together to running at each other as fast as they could. Their current guess was that they were supposed to “try to understand each other.” For the last couple weeks they’d taken turns sharing stories, but that was only pointing out how different the two of them were. Heaven Ken who’d gotten to go study magick for a couple lifetimes was all “choose this” and “decide that.” Hell Ken who’d experienced his own torment was getting sick of how Heaven Ken kept acting like he knew shit he didn’t.

Whenever he’d share his experiences in Hell, Heaven Ken would ask for stupid questions which had nothing to do with what he was trying to share and then would start freaking lecturing him. Of course, when Heaven Ken would try to tell him about his magickal studies it was just as alien. It felt like Heaven Ken was only using his sharing to lecture about “finding and using his personal power to decide what he wanted.”

They’d just had another fight about that. It started over something stupid like Hell Ken dropping some meat and cursing “Of all the luck!”

That wasn’t ok for Heaven Ken, he had to start freaking lecturing. “Stop blaming luck and make better choices! We are still here because you won’t let go of your limitations! If you ever want to get out of here we have to stop believing that we’re stuck!”

“I don’t know what world you remember living in, but I remember a ton of shit we couldn’t control.” He’d replied. “Remember our Job? Yeah… that was some prime manifestation perfection! I clearly lived my life without any limitations! What makes you so sure I’m the problem?! Maybe you’re a fucking fantasy that I need to end to return to sanity!”

The argument had devolved from there and finally he’d had to leave Heaven Ken to go clear his head. Strangling the mother fucker was getting more and more reasonable seeming every day. For a couple weeks they’d been paranoid and had never left the cave at all, but cabin fever had gotten the best of them. They’d ventured out little by little and as the days had passed without danger, the Dragon’s warnings were starting to seem more and more like some sort of weird hazing or joke.

Ken was lost in his thoughts as he brought himself to a nice place in the woods he’d found a while ago to plop down against a tree beside a beautiful stream. It took him a few minutes to notice what looked like a deer staring at him from the other side of the stream. He was a majestic specimen with easily 14 points in the peak of his health. They sat there staring at each other for a moment.

Ken suddenly had a flash of thoughts. Coming to the water and smelling a weird smell where he was sitting. Deciding to return because...

Ken looked up and the deer shook his head while looking at him. “Was that you?” Ken asked.

Ken had another flash of thoughts. Pity for a weird creature making weird noises and thinking little confused thoughts because he won’t...

“Won’t what?” Ken asked.

The deer raised his head and sang out what sounded like a mating call and the returned to standing there.

“Won’t what?” Ken asked again getting a bit creeped out. Something about this felt very wrong…

New thoughts pierced his consciousness. Running as a pack, scents of prey shared with each other. Old, wise and tricky deer ahead. Confusion with new smell. Running toward both.

Ken was on his feet by the time they arrived moments later. You’d figure a large wolf pack would make more noise, but the only way he knew they were there was when 2 wolves stepped out from behind trees on other sides of the deer.

Old, wise tricky dear not running? A wolf mind projected. New trick?

Easier Food. The deer projected back. Images of swinging deer antlers killing wolves and Ken without horns or claws being easily killed by the wolves.

The Wolfs’ Jaws dropped, and their tongues hung low. Wise, Tricky Deer! Humor.

The wolves stepped around the deer respectful of his antlers and circled around Ken. Gratitude to Prey!

“Ken! Help!” Ken raised his head to call, but that was the exact wrong thing to do. Like a flash a wolf had jumped and tore out his throat as soon as he’d raised it.

The whole pack jumped on top of him. In truth this wasn’t half as painful as some of the ways he’d died in hell. Everything became surreal quickly though. Bloodloss to the brain and all that.

His world was growing dark by the time he heard himself cry out in anger and then fear. His last thoughts were amusement. Heaven Ken’s “manifesting what he wanted” didn’t do much good did it?

-

“Two of him?” Ken knew that English wasn’t the language they were speaking, but he understood the words fine.

“Yes Allfather.” A strong woman’s voice replied. “When I was choosing my half, I decided to grab both and then give them to you as a gift.”

“A Gift? Couldn’t you just have chosen two others?” He replied.

“But then it wouldn’t have been a gift!” She said.

“Well let’s look at them then.” He said as he walked closer. “You! Man! Awaken and Hear. Let my and my brother’s gifts take hold and allow you to taste of life anew.”

Suddenly he felt his body again. Ken was on a table. It was rough, wooden and sticky smelling of alcohol and honey. He opened his eyes to a vast hall. On either end the hall continued until he could see no further and there were countless seats. The air was chilly, but a huge fire in a hearth behind a throne ahead warmed him.

“Heh… It IS you!” A tall man whose timeless look left you guessing his age while he seemed incredibly old looked down at him. He was wearing ancient clothes with armor of some sort underneath it. A bow, a spear and a sword leaned against the throne behind him. “I was beginning to think you’d never call in your favor!”

“My favor?” he and Heaven asked at the exact same time. He turned to look and there was Heaven Ken to his right.

A raven flew across the room and settled on the Allfather’s shoulder. It looked oddly like the Raven was whispering into his ear before he spoke again. “Oh… and a nice mess you’ve made isn’t it?! You made a deal to be taught, but split yourself up beforehand. Now you’re dead and unless you can find another option you missed out on this life you’ve been planning this whole time! Count yourself lucky that you died in battle… pathetic though it was. For now, you rest in MY hall!”

“Other option?” both Kens said together.

“You never were one to settle, were you? Are you sure you don’t want to spend countless days battling and then feasting in my hall?”

“I’d like to go back to my life please.” Both Kens said in unison.

“So back to the Cave you were in before?” The Allfather asked amusement in his voice.

“Yes please.” Ken asked, but Heaven Ken continued. “Could you help us first though?”

“From the goodness of my heart?” The Allfather asked?

“Didn’t you say…” both Kens started to ask.

“… The favor we agreed to was returning you to life. It doesn’t include bringing you together. As difficult as the path your teacher put you on is, it would eventually work even if you might take a few lifetimes to understand. I could help you, but I would want another favor from you.”

The Ken’s stared aghast at each other. A few lifetimes?! They could barely tolerate each other for a month! “What favor?” they asked mutually.

The Allfather laughed. “There is a time for war. Your city is readying for one. An army of the old people of the land is preparing to slaughter the population of your city. I want you to build an army to defeat them.”

The Kens looked at each other for just a moment. Favor? He was planning on doing that anyway. “Deal!” they announced together.

The Allfather smiled, clearly happy with their choice. “Ok then. So lets explain what has happened here. Your world has two souls come together to make a single one. Together you are the soul that was formed, but separately you are just… broken. You (he pointed to Heaven Ken) are the part that remembers your spirit nature, and You (he pointed to Hell Ken) are the part that remembers your ancestral nature. One of you has more “enlightment” and one of you has more “real world experience.” Both perspectives are helpful for problem solving in your world, but you basically decided to distrust yourself. Part of you believes your ancestral self can solve all of your problem and part of you believes your spirit self can solve all of your problems… what you need to realize is that both of you are wrong.”

The Allfather continued, “One choice is to have you come to terms with this. That was what your teacher was offering you. Another choice is to be reborn without this confusion. That’s what you just signed up for. It will seem completely timeless!”

With that the Allfather reached out and touched Heaven Ken who turned into ash. Before Hell Ken could even react the Allfather touched him and his body turned to ash as well. Somehow Ken was still aware of what was happening. As if he was remembering a story he remembered the Allfather taking their ash and merging it together before whispering “Remember.”

Ken felt himself drawn into his ashes and his life replayed. Ken re-experienced every moment, every breath and every heartbeat in a rush of images so fast he could barely follow it all. As his life continued, the ash that made him swirled up into heat, faster and faster until his memories came to the point of his magickal slaughterhouse, and in a flash of light the swirling ash suddenly cooled into a naked Ken.

It felt as if he’s just woken from a sleep which had started when he had killed everyone. Ken remembered dreams where he had spent countless hours experiencing the tortures he’d visited on the people in the room and he remembered dreams where he was taught weird stuff about focus, will, planar dynamics and astral battle, but both dreams were fading already. Even his time talking to the All father before being reborn felt like a dream. For a moment Ken felt the disorientation you’d feel if you were napping about being on a train and then woke up... on a train. What was real? What wasn’t?

But then the memory of what he’d done before the dreams truly hit him, and Ken fell to his knees crying. The Allfather looked down at him and sighed. “...Really? That was barely a moment’s anger. I always expect too much of you.”

When Ken continued to cry, overcome with sorrow for what he’d done, he heard the Allfather speak one more time. “I don’t feel like comforting you. Go back to your cave. You have all the time in the world. Deal with it.”

And with a weird distortion that felt somehow familiar from dreams of time between the slaughter and his rebirth, Ken suddenly found himself in a Cave with a fire that seemed very familiar and a deer on a Spit. Ken remembered his dreams well enough that he knew he didn’t want to go outside.