After a night of drinking, Zen came to terms with certain things. However, he could not make these decisions alone. Too many have died, and while he knew these teens were not against murder, he was not expecting Party Freedom to completely annihilate Party Undead.

He had to let his party members know. After all, two of the guild’s highest-ranked people were there.

“Did you not get any sleep?” Liu Feng asked as Zen clutched his throbbing head.

“I did,” Zen replied with a scratchy voice. “However, the memories crammed into me didn’t give me any peace.

While the Seer was still here, Zen took the opportunity to ask about his fight with Johan.

“Ah, you saw that in the clip too? It was probably the most interesting thing that happened during the entire event. There were simply too many errands to run, and if Amazonian did not tell Death Princess where those rats were hiding, I might not have found them.”

Zen almost could not believe his ears. This man casually put on a robe top and shrugged the near-death experience from yesterday as if nothing happened. Were all mafia like this?

Then again, he had no rights to talk. Ever since the opening ceremony, Zen was having a hard time differentiating virtual reality from reality. It still felt as if he was watching everything from a screen while participating in it. The only difference was how there were lesser people around now. That decrease in number was a wake-up call.

Even in games, people died. There was no respawn in hardcore modes. He only had one chance to succeed.

The morning in the kitchen was quiet. Zen snuck in to make some french toast without alerting anyone. He did not feel like cooking for the masses with a killer headache.

Yet, the smell still attracted people. His first visitors were Bolt and Yelena.

“Did you get any rest at all?” the cheese lover laughed and ruffled Zen’s messy bed hair.

As he woke up when Liu Feng did, Zen did not have much time to take a shower. He was too mentally preoccupied with analysing all the information from the last night to bother. As a result, his youthful appearance started to show signs of ageing even though he hadn’t gone through puberty properly.

“I was thinking,” he admitted while flipping the french toast, watching the egg mixture bubble.

Really, why did he choose to cook something with egg after everything that happened? It made little sense, but Zen had a feeling it was a subconscious decision.

Bolt hummed, and Yelena helped herself to some strawberry milk from the fridge. The afro haired man noticed that haunted look in Zen’s eyes. It might be his first time witnessing death in such a manner. The deaths he witnessed in the opening ceremony might feel like watching a movie to him.

However, after getting to know some of these candidates in person over three days before the Egg Hunt event, Zen grew attached and could no longer think of them as strangers. Their murders were now a reality closer to Zen, and the teen felt burdened by it.

The fact that people died under the hands of those he commanded made him feel responsible. Zen might not have killed anyone yet, but his no offence strategy failed. People still died, and he was brooding.

“Do you blame them?” Bolt asked.

Zen did not answer immediately. Did he blame Party Freedom for taking out Party Undead? No. In fact, he was glad that one threat was out of the window. Without numbers, Guild Carnage was no more.

However, that did not change the fact that he was partially responsible for half of the eight deaths in the event.

“No,” he stacked the last of the french toast sticks and started preparing some drinks. Liu Feng wanted Oolong tea, so Zen made that separately in a flask for his sworn brother.

“They did what they had to. It was my fault that I could not protect them better with the strategy. My mind lagged in the first game of flag capturing, causing everyone to stumble.”

Self-blame. Yelena recognised those signs. It was something all rookies who go to war experience. However, it was a useless thought. She was going to beat it out of him literally.

Zen was not prepared for the hard impact to the back of his skull. If anything, he was momentarily stunned, not knowing if he was feeling pain or relief from that. The hot water spilt all over, and Zen wanted to clean it up, but Yelena wasn’t having it. She tugged him by the collar and threw him over the shoulder. Zen landed on the floor with such a loud thud that even Bolt cringed.

Dazed, Zen could not move and watched as Yelena sat on his stomach and pulled him up by his shirt with both hands. The young commando’s eyes sparkled brightly, and Zen was mesmerised by her strength.

“Did you or did you not follow the strategy?” she glared at him.

Zen nodded. “I did.”

“Did you or did you not do your best to work around new information on the ground situation?”

Zen nodded again. “I did.”

Once more, Yelena asked him. “Did you or did you not fight for the best outcome that could be?”

This time, it clicked.

“I did.”

He tried his best, and this was it. Everyone did their best, and this was what happened. If Liu Feng went all out against Johan and Felix because he thought that was the best course of action for winning the game, Zen had no right to be unhappy about it. If Party Freedom thought that it was important to take Party Undead out after the first loss, Zen should not feel remorseful over their kills. In fact, he should take pride in his discovery of the health items.

“I did,” he said with more clarity. “I did my best, and so did everyone else.”

Satisfied that the haunted look was now gone and replaced by that bright clearness she was familiar with when Zen first joined as rank hundred, Yelena let him go.

“Then hurry up! I want to eat already!”

Zen looked over to the platter of french toast and nodded. He prepared a few flasks of coffee and tea with one especially for Oolong tea, then invited the invigilators to follow him to the party’s meeting room. The rest of them should be waiting outside now as he was late.