《Just a Dream (First Draft)》Chapter 11 - Second step
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“ Wakey, wakey. ”
` I don't want to `
“ Time to wake up. ”
` I still don't want to. `
“ Sigh, very well, force it is. ”
Immediately I felt my blanket ripped from me and used to gently slamming into me. Having no choice I opened my eyes to see my brother, waving it at me. “ Common it's time to go. ”
Sighing inwardly, I reluctantly stood up and went for my clothes. ` Up the mountain it is again. `
It has been 2 days since my brother started this. On the first day just climbing that mountain was tough but the training with emotions was the worst. To have been exposed to all those horrible things. ` I can never again look at the world the same. I used to think the World was ok as it was. ` I had never met anyone that wasn't good to me but having that peeled away by being exposed to negative emotions took that thought away from me.
Feeling the raw emotion that brother sent me over the Link changed how I view the world. No longer was it so rosy but now it was more grim. Wearing the easiest to move in clothes I went downstairs. There, brother awaited me.
Having already packed lunch, we immediately went. Soon we were at the foot of the mountain and we would go up. The first time I went up it I underestimated how hard it would be. Not to mention that brother not only forced me to walk till I was at my limit.
Only then would a break happen, and only then would he place his hand on my shoulder and do something. The more it happened the more I felt something happen inside me but it was really hard to notice it. The only reason I could notice it was that I felt my fatigue vanish faster than it should be possible. ` Before I always ignored it but today I will ask brother about it. Hmph, I'll do it right now.`
Taking a deep breath. “ Brother could you tell me what you did to make my fatigue lessen. ” Raising an eyebrow at my question was all I got at first but then he started talking. “ So finally asking about it. I was wondering how long it would take you to ask. Ok, since you caught your breath enough to talk it should be enough to walk.” Saying that he just started to walk and I had no choice but to follow.
It took a minute of our walk but brother started to explain stuff. “ To explain it the easiest way possible is to tell you what Life Essence is first. ”
“ As the name says it has to do with life or to be more specific it has to do with anything living. But the best examples are biological lifeforms. Life Essence is generated in our bodies in our every moment life but the quantities are so small that only over a longer period of Time is there enough to be useful at all. ” This time he stopped and looked at me. “ I am sure you felt it a tiny bit otherwise you would have said nothing. Am I right? ”
I could only nod. On the first day I felt nothing. It was only on the second day that I felt something and only today when I felt it even more, came the thought to ask about it.
“ I can imagine your next thought. If Life Essence is generated in our bodies then why is one unable to feel it. ”
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` Not really, all I wanted to know was what it was. Best I nod again. ` And a nod came and my brother continued.
“ To explain that you first have to know that Souls exist. ” Soul?
“ You mean the Soul that everybody says exists. Why is that surprising? Everybody knows Souls exist. ” At that brother rolled his eyes again. As I lately spent more time with him I saw him often do that. Seeing it happens makes me feel like I said something stupid.
“ Silly girl. No they don't know a soul exists. No, they imagine it existing as an expression for something they don't understand and it was mostly religions that continue to claim Souls exist and that it's of the most importance in the world when in fact one does not even need it to live. ”
“ How would one not need it? I don't understand. ”
“ You will. While in our bodies there does exist a Soul to normal humans it is not a good thing. ” This time he didn't have a happy look on his face. '' In fact it's the opposite, it inhibits the potential of lifeforms by sucking in the Life Essence one generates just by living. ”
“ If the soul had not existed, any lifeform of about 10 years of age should be able to use it unconsciously and for those over 20 they should become aware of its existence and I suspect that if the Soul did not exist a human should have at least double the life expectancy of today's humans.” He stopped for a second and continued. “ So without Souls a human could live for more than 150 years without any problems and not to mention the physical capabilities they could have exhibited with Life Essence as the growth factor. ”
This time I felt hatred in his voice. “ Instead the Soul inhibits that and we are stuck as we are now. Luckily for us humans we have big brains otherwise we would be like all the other animals in the world and only think about food, territory and sex. ”
“ Brother I can feel the Hate you're emitting. Please calm down. ” Hearing me I could already feel him shift emotionally. Once he's calmed down I asked. “ Why does it evoke such emotions in you? ”
Giving me a glance he shifted his gaze at the sky. “ Sigh, I don't actually hate Souls that much but I do hate what it took away from the world. We could have had a far more interesting world to live in but all that we have now is a mundane world with no wonder in it. Or the wonder exists but it's hidden away from the normal people. ”
After that he turned a bit silent. So I didn't ask him to explain more. The rest of the way up the mountain we walked without any change front the days before. When I couldn't do it anymore a break was issued brother used his his Life Essence to help me lose the fatigue.
Once we were at the clearing again I looked around again to see the view. It's still breathtaking to see so far away. To see the mountains go up and down and see the distant villages or that long mountain chain that I could see in the distance. ` Too bad the longer the distance the more it blurs. `
While taking in the view, brother did not interrupt me. He may have said it was not that great of a view but I knew he enjoyed it too.
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Done with the view I turned to him. “ Are we going to do the same as before? ” Nodding, he said. “ Yes, but after lunch we will do something you will be able to enjoy. “
` Wonder what that would be. `
And so my training went. According to my brother I was a natural empath. When he first told me that I had looked it a bit up online. It said an empath is natural at receiving emotional signals from others. With that I had an idea of what it was, but it was only when my brother sent me all these emotions that I recognised what it truly meant.
Unlike normal people, any emotion I receive is amplified to me and with the Link between brother and me it was only easier to receive them from him. The way my mind and body reacted to each of them was different but the ones I hate the most are Hate, and Fear.
Whenever I experience Hate it's like I get sent to the deepest of pits possible and feel like I should not exist at all and for Fear, all my body starts giving off signals to either flee or fight.
But every time I feel Fear I am stuck in the same place. My vision gets narrowed and I feel as if there was a big something in front of me just waiting for me to make a mistake and eat me.
And when it ends it's like I have been running for a long time. My heart would be beating so hard my chest was expanding and contracting faster and I sweated all over the body.
Time passed and soon lunch came. “ Brother during lunch can you tell me more about this Life Essence. ”
“ Sure. Hmm , where should I begin? ” Taking a second to reconsider, He starts. “ I've told you what Life Essence is but not how it was generated. You see any lifeform that has a consciousness and a biological body no matter the form or size generates Life Essence. What does change is the amount generated and the amount stored in the body. The bigger the body the more is generated and the more is stored. ” A second later he continued. “ But while bigger is better it's not the best path. The best path is actually the greater consciousness the greater the utilization of that said energy. And humans with our big brains are very high up on that ladder. ” I ate slowly to stretch the time.
Brother took a bite from the sandwich, chewed it a bit and continued. “ To provide a good example let's take the long extinct dinosaurs. Due to their big sizes they could generate and store a lot of Life Essence but due to their small brains the only way that energy was used was to make themselves bigger. Of course just that is not enough to explain their great sizes. No, what I suspect is that in their time Souls did not exist, maybe there is more to it but now I can only speculate about it. ”
Swallowing my bite could only say. “ WOW, does that mean that if one can get enough Life Essence one could grow to their size too? ”
“ It's a good thought, but it's not that simple. If just Life Essence was the key everything would be bigger. No, the biological side is also important as it is the ground on which Life Essence is built upon. ” He stopped a bit and gave me a curious glance. “ I think you'll like this one. I looked a bit into our human history. Specifically the part about fantastical creatures or anything that our brains could have imagined and I am sure one of them you've heard of being mentioned. Giants.” Giants?
“ You mean Giants are real? ” He nodded again. “ Yes, there is a big possibility of that being true but if they did exist once then in our current world they could still exist but it is far more likely of them being extinct. You see humans don't like anything that does not look like a human or is useful in some way or just looks plain cute. ”
Hearing brother drifting off about bad humans I could only think of all the mystical creatures that could exist. ` I wonder if I will ever meet any of them. ` Dreaming about it lunch passed and it was time for another round of gruesome training.
` Oh wait, brother said I would like this one more. Wonder it will be. ` Standing there I looked at my brother but all I saw was a hesitant face. “ What is it brother? Is there a problem? ”
“ Not exactly a problem but I am hesitant a bit about this. Sigh, It has to be done anyway so best get it done with. Before I start I need to ask you something. When you were at school or going there have you ever felt as if somebody was watching you from behind? ”
“ Yes, In fact many times. ” Indeed I felt it many times. Most of the time when I turned around to see who it was it was either boys or older men but I even felt women stare at me too. “ When I do I usually ignore it and it passes by fast. ”
Brother nodded as if I did something good. “ Indeed all lifeforms are kind of sensitive when something looks at us. But to you it's not the stare that matters, it's what the stare contained. ”
Not quite understanding but I didn't interrupt him.“ There is one emotion that can exist in two states. Both positive and negative depending on how you look at it. Can you think of which one I meant? ”
` Hmm, if I consider that he first asked me if I sensed it means I felt it before. If I think of the past and that it was mostly men that I noticed stare at me like that does he mean attraction. Wait. `
“Wait, you mean attraction, as in sssexual attraction? ” He grinned at me and just nodded as if it was the most common thing in the world. “ Yes, attraction in general. But for humans the one that tips the can is Lust. It's the strongest in us aside from Love and Hate. In fact it's the most used emotion we as humans use as it is the most ingrained in us after all. ”
“ What do you mean it's ingrained in us? ”
“ Oh, that one is easy to explain. In our evolution if only sex was used to have children then why do you think for us humans sex feels so good that its hard to live without it after one has tasted that fruit’? '' He is still giving me that smirk.
“ Explain better. I don't quite understand it. What does evolution have to do with how sssex feels. ”
“ Hahaha, silly sister. Think of it like this. When a child is born it takes on the genetics of the parent right? ” I nodded as that was obvious. “ Then what would happen if the parents had a lot of sex and it feels very good. Would that child inherit that too? ”
“ I guess. ” Brother rolled his eyes again. “ You guess, sigh here, think like this if that child also had pleasure then its kids will also get it. It started like that with us humans. The more our forefathers enjoyed it the more of that particular genetics was passed down. As the children inherited that gene, they then used it to more, and so did their children and then their children too. Over time our bodes evolved to express that gene and our bodies adapted to bodies where sex is no longer just for children but fun too. ”
“ Get it now? ”
“ You mean that the more humans exist the more they will be sexual? ”
“ No, little sister. I mean that humans are already at the epitome of sexuality. You need not look further and just look at yourself in the mirror.” He stopped for a second. “ Beautiful human females are the peak of sensuality for men and strong and good looking men are the peak of sensuality for women. It doesn't matter for their standing in the world as long as they look good it is hard for us humans to keep our Lust controlled at all.”
Something must have shown on my face as his smirk got even bigger. “ Yes, little sister. You got it right. Now you will feel Lust like never before. ”
“ Prepare yourself. We will start slow. ” With no more warnings he started.
I prepared and waited, but nothing came. When I looked at my brother all I saw was that smirk on his face. Still not noticing anything, I voiced my doubt. “ Umm brother have you started because i don't feel anything yet. ” Raising an eyebrow he looked me into the face. “ Are you sure you don't feel anything? ”
` Him asking probably meant he started but I do not feel anything yet. ` I tried to feel anything but still nothing strange came to me. “ Umm, I still don't feel anything strange. ”
“ Haha, little sister. That is the problem with Lust in us humans. It is not strange at all. In fact it's a feeling ingrained in us so deep that we just love the feeling of it. Think about my words a bit. I'll ramp it up for you to notice it. ”
` What did he mean? We love it. ` Again I tried to notice anything. The only thing I can notice is that my heart is beating a bit faster and my breath turned more shallow. But that's it.
Turning back to my brother I looked at his face. The only thing I saw was the seriousness in his green eyes. ` Brother should not be joking with me right. ` But another glance at his shining green eyes told me otherwise. ` I had not been looking at his eyes in quite some time. Now that i think about it, how did i not notice that his face changed. He lost his slight plump cheeks and his face was more angular. `
` Wait, it's not just his face. The shirt he's wearing is showing an outline of his body. ` On the shirt one could see the imprint of the chest muscle. ` I wonder how it looks beneath it. Is there more muscle there too? `
“ Are you sure you don't notice anything. ” I heard my brother's voice again. “ Yes. ”
“ Then why do you appear to be infatuated with my body? ” What? “ No, I'm not. ”
“ Yes, you are. You must have thought of something along the line. “ When did brother get so handsome? ” or since you looked at my upper body how about this “ Does he have more muscle under that shirt? ”. ” ` Ugh, how did he know? `
“ Am i right? Of course I am, I can see it on your face. ” Hurriedly I touched my face and I felt nothing suspicious there.
“ There is no point in touching your face. You wont notice it either way. The problem with Lust in the lover levels is that it's so ingrained in us that it only shows in unconscious behavior. ”
“ I am sure you have noticed how the gaze of boys sticks on any girl they see or the other way around of how girls gaze at boys. And if they stick to that gaze more they start using their hands unconsciously for some random things or they say some random things if they are noticed. ”
“ All of that is ok when they are young but the first sexual experience changes things. They became much more conscious of everything and their physiology. The same would have happened for you but we can circumvent that with the help of our Link. ”
` What does he mean by that? How will that help? ` Brother focused his gaze on me. “ Prepare yourself. This time everything will feel more invading. ”
With that said I immediately felt it. It was like all this time his gaze had been centered all over me but now it got more focused. At first I felt it on only my face. It felt like the gaze could touch me. It went from my eyes to my nose to my mouth. I could feel brother's gaze all over my face but then it went lower. From the lips to the chin and then it stayed on the neck as if exploring it.
All while during that time my heart kept beating harder and harder, my breath got shorter and shorter.
Once his gaze was satisfied on my neck it went lower. I could feel it going from the middle of my neck slowly down and down. Slowly it went in the middle of my expanding and contracting chest and suddenly it changed direction to my left breast. It stood there for a bit but it kept exploring it, measuring it.
Immediately it switched to the other and did the same. After it was done inspecting my C sized breasts it suddenly went down to my belly button. It stood there for a while, then it explored my stomach. When it was done with the stomach I could feel it going down inch by inch.
To me it was like I was transfixed in that place. As my attention was centered on that gaze I ignored everything but my chest going up and down, and my heart which to me felt like drums.
Slowly it went down and down and soon it would reach that place. ` no, NO, NOOOOO. `
With that cry I broke through my daze. Quickly I used my hands to place them in front of that place to interrupt it, at the same time I quickly lost control and my body fell to the ground.
“ Finally broke through, though it did take some time. ” I ignored him and tried my best to get back on my feet. But it was hard. It felt like I lost all my strength. I Am not sure how long it took me but eventually I could stand up.
Finally getting my breath under control I looked at my brother. He was looking at the sky but somehow I could still feel his gaze centered on all of me at once.
Still looking at his face I said nothing but soon he turned to me. “ I think we should leave it here today. ” That's all he said and home we went.
Like that a week passed. Going up the mountain, train to feel emotions, get used to them. After that first time it was easier to break away from his gaze. Especially once I knew what to look for.
During the whole week he would interrupt me with various sudden shocks of fear and other negative emotions.
But there was one thing I did not say to him. I think he knew I knew but I still didn't say a thing.
All that time I could feel his gaze envelop me. No matter what I did and no matter what was in between us.
I could feel his gaze center on my whole.
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