Kilkaja

I did not mean to kill that Nuoevan, but I had to. The Nuoevan was trying to kill Astha and he clearly was the source of Nimeth's misfortune. Still, was it the right thing to do? That Nuoevan deserved it, but what if I ended up having to choose? If, for instance, my enemy turned out to be a good person in his own way, but he was our enemy and we had to kill him, or circumstances caused them to become dreadful and violent against us. Would I...do it?

That's when the question of my moral compass came to light. As I was no longer the ex-slave who needed protection, it was time for me to choose the path I needed to go forward. This time, however, I was aware than any actions had a consequence. I was no longer directed or protected by someone. This time, the choice was mine, and I must bear the consequences myself.

The death of the Nuoevan slavers that attacked us shook the town more than it should. While death was common, as Akjati claimed, this was the first time a big group of them was killed right in front of everyone's eyes. It seemed that they did not really want to have anything to do with a Nuoevan business and tried not to butt in. The moment Astha used his sword to kill one, followed by many others, quickly changed their opinions on us. Some respected us and some feared us.

I quickly dawned to us that despite all the ruckus, no one broke the fight. I knew the place was lawless, but I never thought it would be that lawless. Nevertheless, I felt we shouldn't cause anymore problems. We should just finish our business here and get out.

After recovering in the bar's second floor, Akjati explained to me that he, as the slaver claimed, was an abolisher. He was part of a secret group who smuggled slaves out of their old life and find a life for their own, far from Nuoev, our home planet, and far from any other Nuoevans. However, unlike other abolishers, his smuggling business was not progressing that well.

"I want to cut them off the dreaded collar, but I can't," he said while sighing. "Aside from never having slaves, I saved other slaves, so their collars are not mine. All I can do is remove the tracking device. Even then, it has mixed results, as you can see with them."

I took a glance at the Nuoevan bodies still on the streets. Astha helped the townspeople along with Sel. Somehow, they felt rather obligated to do it.

"So, what did you do before this?" I asked.

"It's pretty much a legitimate transport company somewhere far from Nuoev. I was an off-worlder, you see. Born and raised outside a Nuoevan community. I'm already an outsider. In fact, I still use my transport company to...smuggle Nuoevan slaves and occasionally slaves of other kinds when applicable. That being said, I think it's no longer legitimate with the word 'smuggling' being used, huh?"

As I contemplated on Akjati's words, Astha and Nimeth walked into the room, followed by Nimeth.

"We found why you got caught," said Astha. "I saw one of the Nuoevans looked at us in horror and ran away. I guess there was a mole and she was the one."

"Who?"

"Harna," said Nimeth.

"Oh, a shame. I never thought she would be the mole," said Akjati, feeling betrayed. "She put her bet on the wrong people, and now she got nothing. All I can do for her now is to wish her good luck."

"Shouldn't we...shouldn't we try and find her?" I asked.

"Even if we should, Harna made her choice. Forcing her to stay because we deemed it safe only makes her despair even more, knowing that her life is nothing but following orders. It is a sad truth, young Kilkaja. That is how Nuoevans are."

He got a point, even though I did not agree. However, I could sense that he felt betrayed, and that feeling of betrayal made him unable to forgive Harna. I could convince him to try, but that only served to make his point even clearer.

"That slaver also serves to remind us that we are no longer save here. We must leave this planet immediately," continued Akjati. "Nimeth, tell the others to pack whatever they need. We will be leaving soon."

"Where to? No one out there's going to be sympathetic with you, Akjati. In fact, we painted a big target on our asses because we saved you," said Astha. "If that asshole was part of a syndicate..."

"He will be," said Akjati. "Even more reason to make haste."

"Then get to a lunar station called Lekan," I said. "There, find a Vyrnian name Arcturus. He will be accompanied by a human. You'll know a human when you see one."

"The Vyrnians? What business do they have with the Nuoevans?"

"Some pirates took over the lunar station," said Sel. "I helped Arcturus with it. I...had a bit of a rough start with Kilkaja on that space station. We patched things up, but, uh...."

I must admit that Sel did scare me when she proposed to kill me, convinced that it was the only way to free me from slavery. Arcturus convinced her to stand down. She asked for my forgiveness and I gave her, especially after learning about her past. Even so, that part of our history seemed to embarrass Sel to the point of her looking away sheepishly when she realized what she did. She looked kinda cute when embarassed, possibly because of her expressive face. I mean, even when not embarassed, she was beautiful, especially with that wedge-shaped head and almond-shaped eyes she got. Oh, and the big ears, too, along with her slender....

Oh. Got a bit sidetracked there. Well, you can't blame me for admiring her. Anyway, moving on.

With the tracker updated, we had nothing left to do on this planet, so we decided to return to Astha's ship and flew away. Before we go, Sel gave Akjati and Nimeth the coordinates to Lekan, where the Vyrnians could help them.

"And be prepared to be asked for a help in return," I said, remembering what George said back on Arkari. "They are gathering allies for a fight against their enemies."

"Nuoevan allies?" asked Nimeth with a rather sarcastic tone. "Never knew they'd stoop that low."

"You'll be surprised how different they are compared to the other Vyrnians," said Sel with a wink. "Just don't test their trust or you'll get the short end of the stick."

Sel was still wary that Akjati might just be tricking us into trusting him, but my empathic senses could tell if he was lying or not. I hope he was not lying about my Sage powers, because if he turned out to be an empath, I might be tricked myself. The only way was to trust that whatever happened, the Vyrnians on Lekan would be prepared.

"We aren't going to bite the hand that help us, right?" said Akjati. "And besides, with Kilkaja being a Sage, I don't think I can lie in front of you. Sages are known to be able to sense lies."

"You know we can't completely hold on your words, right?" said Sel.

"Then trust Kilkaja," said Akjati. He turned towards me and said, "I know you're thinking that I might secretly be a Sage myself, but if that is the case, you'll know the first time you read my emotions. Sages are good at detecting lies, but they are not a great liar themselves, especially among Sages."

"How do you know all this if you're not a Sage as you claimed?" I said.

"I spent my time reading stories about the Sages. The unmodified one, mind you. It's hard to justify Sages as part of our history if the current Nuoevan government tries their best to keep it under wraps. I can lend you my copy if you want."

"Maybe later. I'll go back to find you soon, Akjati. Also, let me give you a suggestion. The Vyrnians in the colony are not going to trust you that easily unless I explain your intentions. Tell them Kilkaja sent you, and make sure the human is there. His name is George Atmell."

"What is he to you?"

"I owe him much in regard of finding myself and he's the first person I truly trust. If you find him, tell him I say hello and promise to get back. Will you do that for me?"

"I will, Kilkaja," said Akjati. "I won't betray your trust. I can promise you this. Good luck on your search, and may we see each other again."

"Yeah," I said. "Tell George I say hello."

With a simple nod of understanding, we both walked our separate paths. We got out of the bar as Akjati talked with the other Nuoevans. Before we parted I could sense hope in the old Nuoevan's emotions. He gained hope just from meeting me. I would need to make sure it was not for naught.

As we lifted off, Astha tracked the next point with Sel's map, and it turned out to be somewhere in space with no nearby planet. He sighed and said, "Well...we might end up taking more than just days to find Sethis, after all. Even with the tracker, we still got an old ship that can't go into maximum warp."

"How fast can it go, then?" asked Sel.

"Somewhere between warp 3 and 4. Basically, it takes at least 12 hours from this point to the next."

"That long? You know we are trying to find Sethis before it's too late, right?"

"Don't you think I know that? The ship's old and we still have its structursl integrity to contend with. Push it past that and it's game over for us."

"Are you concerned about the trophy?" I asked.

"And our lives. I should've just share it with my brother a long time ago, just in case something wrecked the ship." Astha sighed. "I want to blame the war with the Felinians, but I fucked myself up this time."

"Then buy a new ship," said Sel. "You do have some credits saved up, right?"

"Two reasons. Conscription and ship drafting. I was planning to buy a new ship after the war's over, but then Aurelis Three happened. Even if I survive that, most ships are used to help the war efforts, including the private ones. Even this ship was to be drafted if I didn't hide it, though no one's going to take my ship for various reasons. This ship is supposed to be retired, grounded, and turned into a personal home. It's still space-worthy, but I'm not sure for how long."

"Then let's buy a new one now so we can find Sethis."

"We could, but I bet no Saukaur out there's going to sell a ship now. And don't even suggest the Frontier region. We'll be ripped off sooner than we got a new, well-functioning ship."

Sel went silent for a moment, apparently pondering on Astha's words. She then said, "I could disagree with you about many things in the frontier region, but I must agree with you on that."

"At least we agree on that. Now that we know this might take a while, let me ask you something. Do any of you suffer anxiety staying in a small space like this for too long?"

"I lived on a pirate ship for years," said Sel. "In fact, this ship's leagues better than the one I've been."

"I overcame it a long time ago," I said. "Why?"

"Because this might be our home for a while," said Astha. "Maybe not for more than a couple of weeks, but still. We need to start thinking about supplies and such. Sel...do you have any place we can resupply? Somewhere preferably safe?"

"I know several places. But, Astha, do you believe Sethis is going to be alright? I know he's tough, but the Frontier region will test that toughness to the breaking point."

"He is strong, but...he's still facing a very bad trauma before he got caught. In short, we need to find him as soon as possible."

"Then I suggest you only resupply once and only stop to let the warp engines cool down," said Sel. "We'll get some power cores for impulse speed. From what I know about warp engines, we might be able to go on for weeks before the Zero Matter's depleted. But, it's best if we buy a backup, just to be safe."

"Well...if that's your plan," said Astha. "Okay, then, Felinian. Lead on."

Sel might not notice, but when she declared that we stayed on board and continue without stopping, I sensed some worry in Astha. There was a feeling of worry and possibly fear about something. I could ask him about it, but at that time I thought that his fear might be a normal thing everyone had. I mean, we're venturing into a region where most of the space-faring inhabitants were criminals. Even someone who knew what he was doing like Astha must've an underlying fear. Sel had doubts, too. I, especially, doubted a lot of things.

We stopped on yet another unnamed planet to resupply. Saukaurs did not use food synthesizers but they had a large room reserved for pantry and fuel storage. The three of us could eat a small amount to conserve, especially since we were only walking around the ship, work out, talk, and check the net. To alleviate boredom, and given my newfound interest on video games, I used part of my credits to buy a gaming system that I've been searching on the net. I found one on bargain price on the planet's shop interface (it turned out to be a black-market built dedicated console of the real one and packed with games intended for other race's consumption) and hooked it up on Astha's monitor. Both Astha and Sel seemed to not understand the draw of video games, but they nevertheless understood why I like it.

The travel to the next point from the last planet took us ten hours. We stopped to let the tracker updated, which pointed us to another point in an uninhabited star system, 15 hours away. Our travel ended up with us traveling from one point to the next in search of Sethis's last known position, and it had been like this for three days. I was surprised that Sethis did not even stop on another planet such as the first unnamed one we stumbled upon. The ship just kept going and going. I told Astha and Sel about this, and they also found the pattern peculiar.

"Maybe the ship's being attacked by pirates," said Sel. "The Frontier Region is like a free space for pirates. They can raid each other to their heart's content. However, only risk-takers or suicidal ones would do such a thing. It's too dangerous to raid other pirates."

"Or they knew this ship's vulnerable enough to raid," said Astha.

"I won't bet on it. No one's going to the Frontier region for a holiday. You either is running from the authorities or you have a mission. Otherwise, this place's a shithole."

Then it was my turn to think of a scenario, and it could be the best break we got.

"What if...what if they are meeting someone en route? What if they contacted a ship?"

"Oh, yeah," said Astha. "You got a point there."

"That is a good idea," said Sel. "It is normally very risky, but the trackers were in places where activity is low, perfect for a safe, illegal trade. That also means we are not tracking the same ship, and that's where your tracker's going to be the star."

"Well, thanks. I always thought it's a shitty piece of tech for giving us the headache," quipped Astha.

"So invest for something more reliable next time instead of tracker points," said Sel. "It is shitty and an antique. I thought you pride yourself as sophisticated hunters."

Sel winked as Astha did not really have a way to come back from that. Back then, I did not even realize why it made Astha so...well, defeated. His emotion was just a sense of loss, like someone who lost. After Sel patted his scale-covered shoulder and went to get some food, Astha scoffed and shook his head.

"That hurts. A lot," he said. He then turned to me and said, "I wanna say that you might want to think twice on who you like, but I guess you're drawn to her attitude, huh, Kilkaja?."

I was confused, and Astha knew it. He sighed and said, "Let me give you a tip. Play your cards well and she's going to like you. Don't play the compassionate card too often. You gotta have fangs to show, too."

"But, I have fangs," I said, completely oblivious of what he's saying.

"And I have a pair with a lot of venoms on it. I don't mean the literal one."

Astha then took me to his trophy room and said, "I can tell you two have the hots for each other. I won't gonna judge your preferences, but Sel's a very different kind of gal."

"She is a Felinian."

"That, too. Nothing's wrong with that. Just make sure to consult...ah, scratch that. What I mean is, she's an untamed beast with eight lives to spare. She's not going to just follow you around because you're this...innocent-looking, four-eyed, ebony-skinned guy who happened to be an empath that understood her pain and wish to be around her to see her safe. Knowing her, being too kind will end up creeping her out."

"So, what do you suggest?"

"Nothing. You do what you want. I'm just giving you a little relationship advice, because you clearly don't understand who she is aside from healing her trauma with your empathic powers. You won't know someone until you know who they are, not just from the trauma they suffered. If you can't even understand that, then you're just a shrink; no emotional attachment, all professional. You're there to heal her emotional wounds, but no further."

Astha was rather direct in telling me about everything. To be honest, that helped me understand Sel a bit more than just her traumatic past. I was still fairly new about romantic endeavors, given that slaves did not have that kind of luxury. In fact, as George pointed out, I was only drawn to Sel because she's covered in fur and because I felt that I could help her heal. This journey helped me understand the Felinian a bit more.

But then, after I pondered about my approach towards Sel, I remembered something about Astha.

"But wait a minute," I said. "You said you're gay, right?"

"Yeah. So?"

"Is your advice going to work?"

"Kaj, when it comes to love, it's all about knowing who you love and whether you two are going to work. When it comes to love, gender doesn't apply. You like her, and she has feelings for you, so that's the first hurdle jumped. So, now...find the next level by beating the challenge, okay? Isn't that what you do best? Understanding how a game works?"

That comment somehow made me smile. Astha and Sel may not understand the draw of video games, but that did not mean they were going to shut themselves out of it. In fact, I knew Astha was trying to help, and yes, that help was something that I quickly found to be beneficial.

Thus, I took Astha's advice and changed my approach with Sel a bit. We were already an item at this point since we liked each other for a different reason. She liked me because I understood her pain, and I liked her because...well, her fur. But it only took the long, several days journey to make me understand her a bit more than our first date.

One day, while Astha was asleep, both Sel and I sat near the console. It quickly felt like a date, and we wasted no time in talking to each other and even admiring the view within the warp field. We both told each other what we thought about the warp field. I gave a very honest answer as I regarded the warp field as an unknown freedom, something that I had always wanted for so long but never given chance to. The warped light around us signified that we kept moving forward, now without chains to hold us back.

Sel gave me a different and simple answer, however.

"I can only see them as an effect," she said. "It's pretty, but after a time...it's just an effect. You start to see similarities and even some patterns. It's a magnificent light show for me."

"Oh...," I said, slightly disappointed that she did not see it my way.

"But, you're right. I don't see the warp field as a freedom, but I always see space and its endless beauty as one. Even if we have traveled this galaxy, there's always something out there waiting to be discovered. It's pretty much the reason why I want to travel."

Then her mood changed. I could sense it just before her feline expression changed.

"But it's also a way to cope, and to escape," she said. "Pirate life is harsh, and it's even harder for me since it was...an effort. I took me a great deal of strain to even let myself deal with Saukaurs. It took me a great deal of strain not to shout out a slur to their faces, to insult them for being these serpents. I could only see them as rapists and idiots...all because I could not move on from a hurtful, pride-hurting past."

She clenched her hands.

"I want to change my view. I want to see them in a different light. What we saw on Astha's home planet did not help change my views."

"But you did give Astha and the Aurelis Three survivors a chance," I said.

"I might need time to understand the survivors. I'm okay around Astha because, well...because he already shows that he's not interested in me. In fact, he's more interested in you, though I know he knows his limits. It will take more than just your support to make me see Saukaurs in a different light."

I know this was a repeat of what happened on Aurelis Three. She poured out to me, and I would give her suggestions to make her life easier. But then, I remembered what Astha told me about understanding her more than just her trauma. It then dawned to me that while I knew Sel's past, she did not really know me that well. I loved her, but did she love me? Was it something mutual? If she's the one pouring everything out, then Astha was right: It was just me assessing her emotions.

It took me a couple more times together to finally be more comfortable talking about my past, and this time, it was my turn to be more open to it.

"You know, all of you saved me when I basically almost lost myself," I said, around two days since that conversation. "I was regarded as an object and nothing more. They only gave me food so I could function. In time, the Nuoevans on Lekan only saw me as a punching bag, and my spirit faltered even more. Did you remember that time when you suggested that it's better to end my misery by killing me?"

"Uh...yeah. I regretted that decision. I still am."

"I was scared of it, but a part of me just wanted it to end. The violence, the suffering, and being so helpless without my powers...I just wanted it all to stop. I was not strong and I started to think of myself as nothing more than a battery. Arcturus did save me, but then...I did not know where to go and what I could do. Then, you and George came. George gave me a reason to be curious and be more than just a slave, and your forwardness and even your teasing showed me that life isn't just being given orders and be punished for being wrong. It has color, and that's what I see in the warp field: colors and patterns of limitless possibilities. You might think of it as an effect, but I see it as a life I want to discover, and it's all thanks to you and George."

"You gave us too much credit," said Sel with a smile. "To me, you're like an innocent child preparing to step out into the vastness of space, finally gaining his freedom. Can't help but tease you for it, which is amusing."

"You might want to dial down the teasing a bit. You might embarrass me."

"Well, I could point out your fur fetish to tickle you a bit," teased Sel. "You may have four eyes, but you look cute when you're blushing."

And I did. This time, however, I found my footing. I quickly returned the favor by saying, "It's not wrong for being covered in fur, especially one with those bright green eyes of yours."

This was the first time I heard Sel let out a purr, fitting for her feline appearance. She looked very, very pleased that I said that.

"Oh, someone's learned how to flirt," she said with a sultry voice. "You know, I remembered our first date and to be honest with you, it's a little lackluster."

"Oh? How so?"

"We just talked, and held hands, but nothing more. Let's fix that."

Then without warning, she kissed me. At first, it was just an innocent kiss to the cheek, but her emotions told me that it was the start of something more. Her mood became that of a sultry, graceful cat, waiting to claim her prey. She's as wild as Astha said, and that's something I really liked. I mean, it's not wrong if you know you can trust her, right?

We then started making out and quickly became drowned in our own world for a couple of minutes before we stopped and looked each other longingly. That's when I realize that maybe, maybe, she'll want to have move to the next level and we could finally declare our love to each other.

But I wasn't going to get too hasty, and Sel knew that to. Maybe later, when we finally have more privacy.