Asural, Desmond, 10416 P.C.

The Refuge Sanctuary felt different with Annabella and Stephanie gone — there was an air of unease that curdled Todd's stomach. It could have just been him. He hadn't been in this world without Annabella by his side, and now she was gone and Stephanie with her.

At least she wasn't gone gone. But then, he had no way of knowing if something had happened to the girls. It made the unease grow.

Benjamin had started training Todd in swordsmanship practically the day after Todd had arrived at the RS. "Knowing basic sparring skills will prove to be beneficial in your quest," the man had told him. Once Annabella had recovered she had taken over those lessons — he had sparred with her nearly every day for the past two weeks, learning how to hold the sword properly and swing it. "It's not a stick!" she would say over and over.

He hadn't understood what she meant at first, but slowly, he began to. Slowly, he not only understood but began to implement the knowledge. He began to love the feeling of power the sword gave him when he held it in his hands, whenever he managed to swing it in a proper, fluid-like motion, whenever it connected with his opponent's sword. It gave him confidence. A bit, anyway, until Annabella inevitably beat him every single time.

At least he had a good excuse: she had trained her whole life. He hadn't.

Now that Annabella was gone, Benjamin had once again taken up the role of fencing teacher, training Todd in swordsmanship the whole day. Todd found the experience exceptionally different. Instead of being full of intense energy like Annabella had always been, Benjamin was slower, his moves powerful and calculated. Benjamin also brought in several of the other teens to spar with Todd, calling out faults and encouraging good habits as they duelled. When Todd duelled Jessie, he had the annoying sense that she was merely teasing him, forcing him into the offensive constantly as she danced around. When Benjamin ordered them to wrap it up, Todd was on his back before he had time to react.

He wasn't surprised. Jessie had been skilled with every weapon she had been given. It was fascinating, if not a bit formidable.

The supper meal was drawing near, and most of the kids had disappeared to wash up for supper. Todd busied himself with putting the weapons away, doing his best to keep his mind off of Annabella and Stephanie. He had been struggling to not think about them the whole day, but the pit in his stomach remained. It was a distraction that unfocused him, deterring him from his goal.

What is my goal? He pushed the sword-stand back to the corner, his thoughts pestering him. Without Annabella constantly repeating her mantra down his neck, he wasn't quite sure what his goal was. The goal of the Deliverer was to find the Immortal One's son, but what was his? His, personally?

Home? Annabella had promised him he'd go home when this was all over, but... what was home? The longer he was away from Cathy and Henry, the more he realized that their house had never been any sort of home. He had been homeless for quite a while now.

"You seem miles away, Deliverer," Benjamin said, his low voice echoing across the TR room.

Todd turned. "Just thinking, sir."

Benjamin stood in the doorway for a long moment before he started across the room. "Their departure still worries you."

That was the very thing he had refused to think about. "It bugs me."

Benjamin planted himself beside Todd and folded his arms, letting out a deep breath. "There are many things we cannot control, and Annabella is one of them. I've had to learn over the years to let go and let the Immortal One protect her. She's smart, albeit foolhardy at times. She always finds her way back to my doorstep, though."

"And if she doesn't this time?"

"I continue to trust that the Immortal One's plan is in motion and unstoppable."

For a long moment, they stood in silence, looking over the quiet room. There was a sense of calm in the quiet of the normally bustling room. Todd pondered the man's words, struggling to understand them. "How... do you trust in something or someone you can't see?"

"It's called faith."

"That's what Stephanie said. She called it blind faith."

"In a sense, I suppose, it is. Faith in the Immortal One is no ordinary thing. It is the assurance of what we hope for: freedom, safety, rest. It is the ability to be certain of the things we cannot see. The term 'blind faith' is often used in a derogatory way, but it is exactly what we hold to. I trust the Immortal One to do as He said He would do. The blindness comes with my inability to see the whole extent of His plan."

It kind of made sense. "Why do you hold onto that faith?"

"Because I have seen Him. I see His hand in everything. Without Him, this haven would not exist. Without Him, these children would not be living the lives they have here. Without Him, there would be nothing."

Todd thought quickly. "But you've actually seen Him, haven't you? Motch's takeover was only fifteen years ago."

"You are right," Benjamin said with a knowing look. "I was actually a part of the palace guard for the Immortal One Himself."

"So that's why you know all this combat stuff."

"I was trained as a soldier, yes."

"Did you ever see the Immortal One's son?"

The faintest smile appeared on Benjamin's face — it was beyond rare to see one on the man since he spent time in the world above and did not want to draw unwanted attention to himself there by making it a habit. "Yes. I saw him often. Just a little youngster, running about the palace. My Jake would chase him around — in fact, I do remember quite a boatload of children that roamed the palace halls. I haven't seen a single one of them since Motch's rise to power."

Todd frowned. "Your Jake? You have a son?"

Benjamin gave a slight nod, his gaze far away. "After my wife, Crystal passed away, things got hard. I worked nearly full time in the palace and I had no time and no one to care for my two children. Susan — my eldest — was only eleven at the time, and although she did her best, she couldn't run the house in my absence, especially when Jake was an obnoxious toddler. One day, Lady Lucille — the Immortal One's wife — discovered my plight and took them in as if they were her own. She was only just pregnant with the boy then. When she gave birth, my Susan was so excited, taking care of him while the Queen rested, and in a short while she hired Susan on as a nanny, even as young as Susan was. Susan cared for Terrence and Jake diligently." Benjamin smiled distantly. "She was always so much like her mother."

He was speaking in the past tense, and it had not gone unnoticed to Todd. "What happened to them?" he asked quietly, unsure if he should be treading the hallowed grounds of this man's memories.

Benjamin took a deep breath. "I lost Jake to the fires when Motch attacked. Susan died protecting the Immortal One's daughter, Saryn. The Veiled Lady herself struck her down."

"I'm sorry."

"Gone before their time, as many are."

"How can you have faith?" Todd asked without thinking of the insensitivity of it. "You lost everything. How can you go on believing when everyone you loved is gone?"

His question was genuine. Personal. Todd had lost his mom and dad and Michael — he'd even lost his fun-loving sister to the abuse of a monster, and now he had lost Mikayla to grief. Nothing would ever be the same again.

"That, son," Benjamin replied warmly, "is called hope. It is the ability to push on, to keep living when everything and everyone you lived for is gone. It's the knowledge that this isn't all there is. The hope that there is more — not only in life, but in death." He put his huge hand on Todd's shoulder. "They aren't truly gone. We will see them again. Until then, I fight to make the most of the life I have now. I trust. I have faith. I hope. The Immortal One will do as He says, no matter how long it may take. We just need to trust Him and let go of our worries."

Annabella had mentioned surrendering before. "It sounds like cheating," Todd admitted. "To throw everything on the Immortal One, I mean. We need to deal with our own problems." Suffer in silence, Henry had called it. Be a man. Deal with everything on your own. Never show weakness. "Surrendering everything is like... giving up."

"Surrendering is letting go of the control you never had. Surrendering everything means giving the Immortal One everything He deserves." Benjamin placed both hands on Todd's shoulders. "You were chosen for a heavy burden. These shoulders will become strong, son, but they were never meant to carry the weight of the worlds. Leave that to the One who made them." With a slight smile and firm squeeze, Benjamin let go of Todd's shoulders. "Get cleaned up for supper."

Todd obeyed, thinking on the man's words all the way back to his room.

Surrender. To let go of everything, to give it all up to an unknown, invisible being. To trust.

He didn't think he could do that.

"Todd, are you okay?" Jessie asked him during supper. She sat beside him at the table, her utensils down — she was already finished eating. "You've barely touched your food."

He took a deep breath, looking around the table. It was full of chattering kids; Bethany sat across from him, giggling with another little girl and poking each other as they ate. He hardly had the urge to smile. He turned to Jessie. "What do you think of the Immortal One?" He kept his voice quiet. He didn't want it to become a table discussion.

She furrowed her eyebrows, resting her arms on the table. "What do you mean, what do I think of Him? I know He's powerful. Dreadfully powerful."

"Dreadfully?"

She gave a small shrug, tilting her head as she eyed him. "He's got all this power and what is He doing with it? Isn't it all just a little messed up? Only the Immortal One knows where His son is, so why do you have to go looking for him? Let Him reveal our saviour." There it was, that flare of sarcastic drama he was used to seeing in her. This time, though, he didn't miss the edge in her tone.

"You think my whole role in this is useless."

"I think it's a ploy." She played with a strip of her blonde hair, braiding it between her fingers. "He's got a plan, yeah, but I don't think it'll be good for any of us. Especially not for you." She blew the braid out of her eyes. "We're disposable to Him. Little pawns in His games."

Todd studied her, trying to decipher her true feelings. She was good at hiding them. "You really think that?"

Jessie's blue eyes grew cold. "Where was He when Desmond fell? Where was He when my parents were killed? Where was He when your parents died? Who am I kidding? He doesn't care about Amissah at all, and now He's tossed Desmond aside. We're just supposed to believe that He's got a plan while His people are dying." She picked up her butter knife only to pound it on the table for emphasis, startling the little girls across from them.

Todd took a breath, staring down at his untouched plate of food. She had a powerful point. "Benjamin says I ought to surrender to Him. The Immortal One, I mean."

Jessie shrugged, gathering up her plate. "Do as you will. All I know is that all of His end up dying one way or another. I suggest you find some way out of the role they've put you in. You don't deserve to die, Todd, no matter how disposable the god thinks you are." She stood, climbing out over the bench.

Todd couldn't hold back his burning question. "Why are you here, if you don't believe in the Immortal One? Everyone here trusts Him."

Jessie's smile was slight, yet full of knowing. "Everyone, Todd?" Without waiting for his response, she left.

Todd turned back to his rice, her subtle, accusing words gnawing at him. He caught himself quickly, frowning. Was he feeling guilty for not believing the same as these people, for struggling with the idea that a Creator was watching out for him? In Amissah, he had never even heard the theory of it. Why would a loving Creator condemn over half of His creation to a life of unbelief, never knowing, never seeing? Why would He randomly pluck Todd out of the unbelieving masses and appoint him as Deliverer?

Jessie was right. It was all just a little messed up.