《The Deliverer's Destiny》16.3 - Stephanie
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Asural, Desmond, 10416 P.C.
Over the next several days, things began to get better. Or, at least, they changed. Stephanie still avoided all of the other kids — and they avoided her too — but Annabella's leg was healing and Todd... well, something had definitely changed in Todd. He was quieter, if that was even possible, but there was a determination in his eyes and in his actions that Stephanie could not just see, but feel. In his training, he was calm, doing everything Benjamin wanted him to do with careful precision, not losing patience when he failed or messed up but instead moving forward as if it hadn't happened. There was a sort of resignation to his attitude as if he had finally accepted his fate and was just going through the motions. Stephanie wasn't sure how to feel about it all, or how to approach him on the fact that he had stopped smiling. It bugged her more than she thought it should've.
On their sixth day in the compound — Stephanie had been keeping careful track — Annabella was released from the hospital wing. She now hobbled around on crutches, crutches she tried ditching as often as possible. Justine gave Annabella strict orders to stay on them, and Stephanie took it upon herself to make sure the older girl followed the doctor's orders to a T.
"Look, Stephanie, I don't need a babysitter," Annabella argued as she hobbled down the hallway on her crutches — crutches she had tried shoving into a broom closet not two minutes prior.
"But your crutches do," Stephanie quipped, following her along. "You treat them so... uncaringly. I'm here to make sure you give them the credit they deserve."
"You're not funny."
"And you're a horrible crutch caretaker."
Annabella didn't reply — either deciding to ignore Stephanie or becoming distracted. They had entered the library — a small room filled with more books than Stephanie had ever seen before. As a Trainee, she was taught how to read and write, but the only books available to her were the ones given to her by her trainers. These books... they were different. Benjamin said he had collected them over the years, saved them from being trashed or burned. Stephanie had only read books about history or weaponry or Desmond itself. Yes, some of these were history books and books with maps and art and weaponry, but some of them were, as Benjamin called them, works of fiction. There were wild stories about the lives of people Stephanie wasn't sure had even existed. She had never enjoyed reading, but the other day she had picked up an interesting book about a human dragon-rider named Filly. Colette was the one who finally told Stephanie that fiction meant they were fake — so, not real. But Stephanie found the story intriguing all the same. It contained images and ideas that Stephanie struggled to understand, like dragons being partners with humans, and song and dance were a regular practice of the main characters. Stephanie couldn't sing. She hadn't even dreamed of attempting such a thing.
Todd was in the library — so he was what Annabella had found so distracting. Stephanie couldn't blame her. The young man sat at one of the desks, pencil gripped in the hand his cheek rested on, his hair sticking up in all directions; he was raking his other hand through it every five seconds, it seemed. Stephanie had realized the gesture to be instinctive to him, performed a lot when he was stressed. Several books lay open before him, and every once in a while he scribbled on a piece of paper or flipped a page. He was frowning, his forehead creased in concentration, deeply engrossed in whatever he was studying. Studying had become a huge part of Todd's training, as Benjamin wanted him well-versed not only in weaponry but in Desmond's geography as well.
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He hadn't seemed to notice their entrance, so Stephanie didn't feel too weird about staring. She knew why Annabella found the boy so distracting. In his scattered state, he was rather cute, and she was feeling the attraction herself. Which was an uncommon feeling for her. She had always viewed the Trainee boys as her fellow Trainees and only that. Romance was forbidden them. This was the first time she had ever felt this way. She couldn't stop thinking about how he had danced with her...
Stop it, she told herself. Romantic entanglement was not something she had time for. And not something Todd had time for, either. Lately, he had been so busy, she had barely been able to talk to him.
Todd spoke without looking up. "Either of you know the name of Desmond's largest city? Besides Zusia." So he had noticed them come in.
Annabella hobbled forward. "Tohane. South-west."
Todd nodded absentmindedly, writing on his paper. "They're into the fishing industry, it says, but they produce most of Desmond's potatoes too, 'cause they've got the best soil for it."
"Good," Annabella stated. "You're getting to know your stuff."
"Only because it's being drilled into my brain." Todd tossed down his pencil and sat back in his chair, running his fingers through his hair. "This is mind-numbing! Why should I have to know or even care about the fact that Tohane has the most potato farmers? This really feels useless to what I'm supposed to be doing."
Stephanie didn't like the tone in his voice. "Knowledge is power."
"Yeah, but this isn't knowledge, it's potatoes." Todd put both hands to his head, exhaling loudly. He looked up at them. "What are you guys doing here?"
"Just wanted to see how you were doing," Annabella said evenly. Stephanie knew she had noted his sour mood. "Clearly, not well." She sat down heavily on a chair. "Benjamin says you've been in a mood."
"I have not."
"Your tone betrays your words."
"I'm not in a mood!"
Stephanie cut in quickly. "Then why have you stopped smiling?"
Both Todd and Annabella looked up at her in surprise. Annabella's look was brief, because she quickly looked back at Todd, waiting for his answer.
Todd stared at Stephanie, looking troubled. "I... I didn't think you'd notice."
Stephanie pulled up her own chair and sat down. "Well, I did." How could she not? She had never met anyone like Todd. No one smiled, and definitely not as freely and as genuinely as he had. When something both unsettling and refreshing was suddenly gone, anyone was bound to notice. "Why'd you stop?"
Todd looked like he was gnawing on his bottom lip, trying to come up with an answer for her. "People... don't usually smile when they aren't happy. No one's happy here, and I guess it rubbed off."
No, no, stop that. "You were the one who told me smiling heals."
Annabella spoke up. "Can you really heal unhappiness?"
Stephanie knew Annabella wouldn't be any help at all. She, however, was thoroughly bugged by it. Something had happened, something that probably had to do with that little girl who had come in. Todd had seen that girl's grief and had been affected by it. Their Deliverer was beginning to lose his most powerful trait. How could Todd change their world when he was busy being changed by it?
She leaned forward, narrowing her eyes on him. "Why did the chicken cross the road?"
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He blinked at her in surprise. "Are... are you trying to make me laugh?"
She felt the corner of her mouth twitch dangerously, and she knew he saw it. Internally, she was panicking. What was she doing? She was caving. Look at me now, Marcie. Caved by a boy. "No, you're supposed to make me smile, remember? You failed last time. Try again. You said you would."
Annabella broke in. "Stephanie, this is dumb. We don't have time for this. Todd needs to study." She grabbed her crutches.
Stephanie ignored her. "Still think you can make me smile?" she challenged Todd.
He studied her for a moment. Finally, he said, "No. I can't make you smile."
"Why not?"
"Because smiles are usually given." He gave the smallest smile she'd seen on him. "There. Happy?"
"Happy people smile." She wasn't doing or feeling either.
"I lied. Unhappy people smile, too."
"Then why did you stop?"
He paused. "I guess I thought it'd help me fit in better?"
Stephanie tilted her head slightly. "You're not here to 'fit in', Todd."
He rubbed his face. "Look, okay, fine. I don't want to be here. I don't want to be this 'Deliverer'. Why was I chosen? I don't even belong in this world and I'm expected to save it."
Annabella stepped in. "You're finding the one who'll save it."
"Why can't you find him?" Todd asked, gesturing at her. "Clearly, you're much more fit for the job. Or why can't this guy find himself, for goodness' sake, what do I have to be here?"
"Because the Immortal One said so," Annabella retorted.
Stephanie shook her head. "That's a dumb answer, Annabella."
"Then I don't know!"
"It's because you're you, Todd," Stephanie said. "Who knows where the son could be? He could be in hiding, he could actually be a Trainee in the army, he could be a slave or a prisoner for all we know! That's why we need you." She pointed a finger at his chest. "You and your smile. You and your heart. They always taught us that love was weak but I..." She faltered, shaking her head. "I don't want to believe that. You are good, Todd, you are good and you have a caring heart, and that is why you were chosen for this."
Todd watched her, his face unreadable. Finally, he said, "I don't think I'm strong enough."
"Which is why Benjamin is training you." Annabella's voice was softer than usual, as if she had finally caught on that Todd needed encouragement, not strict words.
"Yeah. But Todd, I think you were chosen for this because of your heart. You care. That'll change hearts faster than a show of strength," Stephanie said.
"But strength is helpful," Annabella added quickly.
Todd glanced between them, but then focused on Stephanie for a long moment. He smiled. "This is why I trust you."
Stephanie slowly returned the smile. "Thank you."
Annabella stood up. "Excuse me." She was gone before they could stop her.
"Is she okay?" Todd asked.
Stephanie had a feeling she knew why Annabella had left so fast. "I... She will be. People just... I mean, smiling isn't something that sits well with some people."
Todd gazed at her. "You smiled."
She lifted her hands and felt her cheeks. The sensation had been so... weird. The way it pulled at her lips, her mouth. Weird, and yet... natural. She lifted her lips into a smile again, feeling the form of it with her fingertips. "It feels weird."
So this was what it felt like to smile. Just the motion lifted her emotions in a way she had never felt before; it was as if the simple smile somehow manipulated her feelings, pulling a sense of happiness over her that she was unused to. She did it again, noticing every sensation it caused inside of her. It made her feel lighter, yet fuller as if she were being filled with the light-hearted expanse of true happiness, full to overflowing. It filled her with a sense of power, a heightened sense of rebellion. She let out a breathy sound: a laugh. Looking up at Todd, she found him watching her with a look she couldn't quite describe. A look of joy, and yet there was sadness in his eyes contrasting with his smile.
"This feels so weird!" She laughed again, tears forming in her eyes. Was she crying now? That happened when one laughed? She wiped at her eyes. "This is so weird, I'm smiling and I'm crying at the same time."
"That happens sometimes," Todd replied simply. "People cry from happiness too."
She sniffled, wiping her eyes and laughing a bit again. "I guess, 'cause that's what I'm doing." Marcie would have loved this. She could practically see her best friend standing at the table, smiling down at her — truly smiling. Was that what Marcie was doing now? Could Marcie see her?
So many questions tumbled through her mind, but she pushed her focus back to the boy sitting across from her. "Todd... what happened? With the little girl?"
A shadow crossed his face. He dropped his gaze, looking down at the papers spread before him. "Her dad died, and she was just... so full of grief. I felt her pain, and I realized..." He sat back with a sigh. "I was sent here to help these people, and I am not strong enough. I spent the whole night trying to prove myself wrong, or someone wrong, I don't know. I just..." He raked his fingers through his hair. "I kinda just decided that I was stuck here, stuck in this role despite my hopelessness in it and it just... I don't know."
"Made you mad?"
"Yeah, I guess. Mad that I'm not strong enough. Mad that I can't... I can't save these people, Stephanie."
Stephanie let out a breath. She understood how he was feeling, overwhelmed with everything that was expected of him. It was a weight no one should have had to bear alone. "You're not alone in this, Todd," she finally replied. "You have Annabella and I. And..." She paused. "I'm with you the whole way."
He lifted his gaze to her. "Really?"
"Really."
He smiled. "Thanks."
She returned the smile.
"Hey," he suddenly asked, "you think you could show me how to shoot a bow and arrow? Benjamin hasn't started on them yet."
Her smile deepened. It felt good. "Sure. It takes a lot of practice, I'll warn you."
"That's all I do anymore anyway."
She stood. "Come. We'll start with a crossbow. Let's see if Benjamin has any. We'll work on your aim."
Todd flipped all of his books closed. "That sounds a whole lot better than studying."
Stephanie smirked. "Oh, it is." She turned, but stopped, eyeing Annabella's crutches still leaning against the chair. "First though, let's find Annabella and some rope. I swear I am going to strap these to her."
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