Part 8 –

{Alice}

“Okay, so let’s go over this again? I am a dangerously unstable Witch with next to no control over my own powers... and the first idea these teachers have is to have me try my hand at a fricking summoning ritual!?”

“I never said it was a good idea...” Ithelyn shrugged with her shoulders before placing a hand gently on my back. “But the teachers are rather certain to be able to handle anything you could possibly call forth from behind the veil.”

“Yeah... I’m not sure about that. Whenever I try my hand at magic people get hurt, usually me. But no matter... Say... uhm, where can I get changed... or find my luggage?”

“Come, I’ll bring you to my room. The other’s are busy with getting shown around. They were.... surprisingly caring about you. Didn’t even want to bother with the welcoming speech, to be fair Patty was also quite spooked. But I am sure that all will be okay once we talk with them. Let’s go.”

I was more than happy to follow behind, when Lyn let me up a rounded stairway and away from the dreary cellar. We went higher and higher for at least a minute or two before something suddenly came to my mind.

“Say... Lyn.”

“Yeah?”

“Those teachers seemed to know you rather well. One called you by your name and the others didn’t even flinch when you kicked in a door. You... aren’t like actual royalty or something... right?”

“Hahahaha! No.” All of a sudden she embraced me from behind and buried her face in the curve of my neck. “Don’t you worry, Alice. I’m a nobody... I just have a family name with money and power behind it but all of that is out of reach for me. I am the cast off, withered fruit of a sick branch. There is no fiancée or any kind of title waiting in my future. Nothing to keep us from each other... no, I am forgotten and free, just the way I like it.”

While she seemed earnest there was still something about it all that was bothering me. “But... you kicked in a door!? Shouldn’t the teachers want to punish you for that?”

“Ohhhh... that, I mean sure they want to punish me, but they learned long ago that Ithelyn Dawnstar can’t be stopped! If I want to go somewhere, then I will, the costs be damned!”

“I... take it you went to this school before?”

“Yeah my entire teenage years, and by the hells I did sooooo much detention. At some point the teachers just have up. Because everyone around me will soon notice the futility of trying to teach me manners or etiquette.”

“The rebellious teenage Ithelyn...” I dryly remarked. “I can already see it before my eyes...” With a deadpan stare back to her I skipped up the last few steps.

“Hey! Don’t you mock me! I bet you weren’t any better as a child! Go on, tell me about the escapades of your youth!”

“Uhm...” I nervously scratched the back of my head while I looked at the different tapestries on the wall. “ Would you believe me if I said there weren’t really any... and could we leave it at that? Sorry, Lyn.” I threw her an apologetic smile. “Being a conduit from birth doesn’t exactly make for the most entertaining of childhoods. On one hand you have a lot of visits to doctors and specialists and on the other hand everyone around you is afraid of you... or if they aren’t afraid they see you as good target for bullying... neither is all that... nice.”

“It’s okay, Alice.” Two strong arms wrapped around me in a tight hug. “You don’t have to go on. I’m here for you. By the way... this might sound weird but did anyone ever tell you that you surprisingly beautiful to look at?”

“I am... beautiful to look at?” I had to blush when I thought about the implications. “Haha... Lyn! That is such a gay thing to say!”

“Is it?” Somehow despite the intimacy of the moment she seemed absent minded. “It’s just... Your soul... it is so weird in comparison to other’s... so small yet it attracts so much magic. It’s by all accounts a little thing but it never wavers, never seems to fear extinction. Rather than a living being’s soul... it seems almost stagnant, stuck in time ... so different from all the other... morsels... like a wonderful seed just waiting to be groomed...”

“Lyn... you are starting to be creepy. Can we just go to your room?”

“Ah... yes, sorry about that. I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable. Sometimes I get lost in thought...”

“Yeah... I could see that.”

For the rest of the way there was an uncomfortable silence between Lyn and me. She seemed to want to say something but every time someone passed us by she faltered in on herself. Despite her at times brash and almost haughty behaviour it seemed that she was rather shy beneath all the bravado. I wanted to help her, wanted to tell her that she was an amazing person but even now I couldn’t bring myself to say it.

I had more than a crush on her that much I was sure of. In fact it would be accurate to say that I fell head over heels for this strange girl. Maybe it was just that what had attracted me in the first place? Figuring Ithelyn out beneath all the weird opposites that she displayed, was... entertaining. She was like a beautiful puzzle that I could slowly come to understand but at the same time, there were darker voices in my mind.

Since I was little I had never truly been alone in my head. Little whispers and hushed words told me of things I shouldn’t know. They told me if lies people would tell before they even left their mouths. And the worst of it... they told me how to make people hurt. What things to say to make the pain worse... what secrets to let slip to bring them to the edge of despair.

For years I had tried my best at drowning them out. Focused my mind on stifling the parts whispering of treason and betrayal. But since waking up they had steadily grown louder. Only short look at a person seemed to be enough... the more troubled they were the easier the words slipped into my mind. And the ones coming from Ithelyn were by far the loudest.

‘Guilt... he never returned... was it her fault? Hunger... oh, such a deep gnawing hunger... She never loved her... poor little girl... Hunger... pain... it eats away at her... bit by bit she slips away... No! Stop! I don’t want to hear any of this! Get out of my head!’ Thick droplets of sweat ran down my back. It didn’t even matter if I looked away from Lyn, any other person we met was another target for the voices.

‘Cheats on his wife... the shame... Still remembers that one time... she saw her sister in the bath... touched herself that night... Fear... what if they know... he sees the blood every night... Hatred... those filthy commoners... she too wishes to be free... Gods... please. Make it stop. Why is it that I have to hear this!?’ Heavy tears started dripping down my cheeks.

I knew that the people were looking at me, I knew from their looks that they felt something to be wrong. All my life I had to endure those damned stares, the fear, the hatred... the certainty that something was wrong with me, that I didn’t belong in this world. As if I was a nasty cut in this world, something that pretended to belong here but deep down the people knew. The more magically sensitive they were the worse their reactions usually got. Sometimes it was just pity but more than often enough it was hostility. Soon even Lyn would feel it, the certainty that something about me was wrong. ‘I should run now, bring distance between me and this entire school... the staff around here they are so exposed to magic they will know... and then all the others and even Ithelyn will know... that I am nothing but a... Concern... she worries about her... wants to protect... Honesty...’

“Alice... hush, I’m here don’t worry.” I didn’t remember Lyn approaching but with the simple gesture of putting her arms around me it was as if a dam was broken. Not caring about others I buried my face in her chest and started bawling until my eyes were red and puffy. Only then I finally managed to calm down a bit. With no more tears remaining to cry, bit by bit my fear was replaced with cold, numb emptiness. But just as I threatened to slip into the dark hole that was the deepest reaches of my soul, warm words laced with sympathy and affection pulled me back up.

“I am here for you Alice. I promise you this despite what happens, despite having only known you for a day... I will do everything in my power to be there for you. When ever you need support, you need to talk or you just need a hug... don’t hesitate to ask me. You are literally my first ever friend and the hells can break open before I will just let you go.”

When I looked up her face showed only kindness and concern for me.

“Ithelyn... I... thank you... and I know, I asked of you to be my girlfriend but I don’t want to force you or anything. There is... many things I didn’t tell you. Some of them are a lot more troubling than others. We should... talk about us and what we really mean to each other and about who we are.”

“Can we... talk in my room? It might be more comfortable than out here in the hallways. It’s not far now... please? I, uhm, I had your thing brought there too, I’m sorry if I was too hasty with that...”

“It’s okay Lyn. You were trying to do good, that still counts. Let’s go.”

The next few minutes of walking out of one building and into the next, were wrapped in silence. It wasn’t the kind of silence in which you are certain of a beloved person’s closeness and enjoyed the moment together. No, this was a pronounced, heavy silence; the silence of two people who had many things to say to each other but no idea on how to start the conversation. The awkwardness continued on even after we had stepped into Ithelyn’s room.

It was by all accounts a lot more beautifully furnished than the other rooms I had seen on the Academy’s website. And most certainly a lot better and bigger than the little crap hole that I had rented. What surprised me the most were the clear signs of use and personal things all around. It was as if Ithelyn had lived in here for years and barely left, then again that couldn’t be, right? My certainty was shattered when she almost casually so took out two cups and filled them with already brewed hot chocolate.

“So... how long ago was it that you left the Academy again?”

“The Academy... hmm.. a couple years. But I frequently visited for a few weeks at times. Either for study purposes or well personal reasons.”

“Huh. I guess that explains why it is so... homely in here.” With a sad smile she gave me one of the cups, which Hugin immediately used as an excuse to hop on to my shoulder instead of hers. “Thanks.”

“Alice... I should come clean about some things.” She said before sitting next to me on the sofa. “We... We haven’t spoken today for the first time.”

“We haven’t?” I certainly hadn’t expected this development!

“No... I have been having a crush on you for months...”

“What but... that makes no sense! I would have remembered you! I... what... how?” I had to take a long sip to calm my self and immediately grimaced because of the heat.

“I told you about how I burned down my mother’s garden... well, not soon after I took a job in a book shop... and I came across you one day.”

“I’m confused...” What she was saying didn’t make sense. “I remember wanting to going to the store, I bought books on the creation of pocket spaces... but I would have remembered you. Now that I think about it I can barely remember ever going there... I just suddenly... I should have remembered going there!”

“No... you wouldn’t have. I... gods... I feel so shitty admitting it but I was scared and I’m not good with people, so I, uhm, used a charm on you... to make you forget my face. I never expected it to work so well!”

“You... you charmed me!? You... why!? You made me forget get hours of my life! Why would you...” I was almost about to scream in her face maybe punch her but Hugin's weight on my shoulder made me held in for now.

“No! Please, you must believe me I didn’t want for any of that to happen! Something interfered with my spell!”

“What?”

“Yes! There was already a charm on you, something powerful and old! My spell must have activated it... I... please believe I never wanted to hurt you.”

The voices told me that she was truly sincere, yet there was something else. something a lot more important, that bothered me. “You said your spell triggered something... something that was already on me?”

“You... aren’t angry?”

“Of course I am! But no matter now! The other thing! Tell me about it!”

“I’m not sure...” Suddenly she Ithelyn seemed lost in thought. “Like I said, it was powerful and old magic... but it was not something that had been placed recently. The spell work was fraying at the edges, unravelling almost... Alice... I know it did some shitty things but if I could touch you I might be able to tell what it was that I felt that day.”

“Fine. Just because you want to help. But don’t think that I will let this whole charm thing slide!”

With a gentle smile Lyn slowly approached me, and from one moment to the next the air around her changed. Powerful magic exuded of her, her already pale hair seemed to shine with an eerie light all by itself. Her fingers danced across my frame leaving trickles of shivers in their wake. And when she spoke, her voice was laced with power.

“This is... unordinary. The spell on you is frayed but of an most unusual make... a tapestry of spell work spans your body not for a single purpose but many. Wait what is this... by the gods... how is your soul still intact? The spell it... was designed not only to be powered by your own magic but to disperse it entirely. There are elements that influence the mind... or used to influence it. The spell is breaking... it’s fading even if I am not sure why. Something damaged it beyond repair but it’s purpose is clear to me now. Alice, somebody wanted to make sure that you would never be able to properly use magic... and to reach that goal, they crippled both your memory and your soul.”