Good Vibes

“You’re a what?”

“A panpsychist.”

“Whoa. Trippy. What the hell is that? You psychoanalyze cookware or something?”

“In a way.”

“Really? Double trippy.”

“Panpsychists study consciousness with the belief that all matter is conscious. From a frying pan to an amoeba to a rock to a duck-billed platypus to that joint you’re smoking.”

“So, I can talk to my doobie? Tripple trippy. It is truly a Doobie Brother!”

“Unlikely. Remember, consciousness has nothing to do with intelligence or the ability to communicate. It’s all about resonance, oscillations between two states, and the ability for the right type of vibrations to sync. Shared resonances that expand to more and more constituents can achieve greater complexities—especially in the gamma, theta and beta waves of human neuro-electric activity. So, I don’t think your doobie will be talking to you anytime soon.”

“Oh, man, but it has lots to say. Smokin’ A.”

“I’m sure. But I really need you to focus on this next part.”

“Is this the test?”

“It’s all just a test that we’re really here. Consciousness is our quantum check on reality, and reality is simply all the observable possibilities combined into a single wave function.”

“Surf’s up, dude. Cowabunga. Quatro trippy. Quatro trippy.”

“Indeed. Are you ready?”

“First, take a hit with me, man. We gotta generate some good vibes.”

“Now you’re seeing it. That’s what it’s all about. Good vibrations. Shared and shared alike. So, give me that hit. And talk into the lava lamp.”