“Neve no like this.”

Who even decided her name would be Neve? Didn’t she say I could pick out her name?

“What’s with this baby talk, we had a whole proper conversation only a few days ago. Now every time you speak it’s as if you’ve completely lost your grasp of the English language.”

Neve, or whatever she calls herself these days, has an air of animosity about her.

“Neve wants child’s life, okay? Let me be how I want to be.”

All of this started just the other day when Neve and Bell interacted with a small child on their walk through the city.

Apparently, a desire to fit in has completely stunted her vocabulary; but it doesn’t bother me all that much – she does seem to be a child at heart, no matter how old she is.

“Okay, I will treat you like a child then. You happy?”

Neve lifts her chin with pride as she stands in the living room of one of the new apartments we are looking at.

There’s a whole lot to catch you up on. So, Bell misread one of my signals an-

Oh wait, no I told you that…

Okay so we have decided to look after this small vampire for the time being; I mean she obviously comes from another world and seems just as lost as I was.

That’s pretty much it; damn – it feels like so much has happened but that just about sums it up.

A cheeky grin emerges on my face.

“And because you’re a child, you don’t get a say on what house we get; so I say we go for this one.”

The real estate agent has just been observing this entire conversation from the corner of the room in silence. Sometimes it looks as if he is about to butt in and say something but chooses to keep his mouth closed.

Neve looks as if she is about to burst into flames – quick, Mr. Real Estate Guy, wave your hand in the air for me to cool this monster down.

Oh wait, no, please, don’t do that – that would literally be fanning the flames at this point. Just sit and stare at us like you have been this whole time, okay. You’re doing a great job.

“What the hell, really?”

Aaaaaah and just like that she’s back to talking like a regular jerk, I’ve missed you Neve, like I miss my old life and being a vampire.

Which is not at all.

Oh god, can you hear yourself right now? Who is the jerk here really, Hiro? Put on your big boy pants and sort this situation out.

But before I can even begin to rectify this sudden turn of events, Neve chimes in again with her childlike demeanour.

“Papa mean, he did this on purpose.”

Oh great, now we’re back to this again.

Seriously, if I was super master writer Hiro, then I would think this sudden change to baby talk is just an excuse to not have to write complicated sentences. Not to mention, if someone were to do this then it would be totally capitalising on the simplistic cuteness of the character without putting any effort in.

Good thing this is real life and not a story; I hate writing like that.

I smile and give a light wave to the Mr. Real Estate Agent, signalling that this extremely weird and dysfunctional family chat has come to an end. Your terror is over, and you can go back to your happy life!

“I can’t argue with her, if she doesn’t like the place then it’s not the right one for us.”

The agent is still hiding in the corner, all I get out of him is a simple nod as he stares into the abyss.

“What happened to weird guy in corner?”

Neve tilts her head as she questions the current situation the poor gentleman has found himself in.

I bend down a little, putting my hand on Neve’s back to signal that we should move onto the next place.

“Ummm, well.”

Neve turns around for a brief moment while exiting the house, deeply anticipating my next words.

But this is probably not the time to have the conversation about how strange our dynamic must seem.

“You know what? Some people are just weird, let’s just leave it at that.”

Neve shrugs a little as she turns back and exits the apartment; that answer seems to have settled any lingering childlike curiosity she may harbour towards the situation.

“Where are we off to now?”

I think about my response for a second as we leave the complex.

“How about we grab some food?”

Neve runs ahead of me onto the high street, eyeballing the various restaurants that pave the way of the city streets.

Yes, we are eating at restaurants.

Turns out, Neve is a progenitor.

What does that mean? Basically, she was born a vampire, not only is she much stronger than most other vampires due to this, but it also means she does not have to drink blood to sustain herself.

Actually, the only purpose of her drinking blood would be to create more vampires – other than that, she doesn’t need sustenance at all. That’s not to say she doesn’t like food thou-

“Oooooh, oooooh – I want to try this, please I saw this in a manga, I want to try this!”

Neve pulls on the cuff of my shirt as I catch up to her; she’s currently jumping up and down outside of a Takoyaki joint.

“What do we say?”

Jesus, what kind of person have I turned into. I don’t care if she says please or not – I’m not her parent.

“Please, Papa! Neve want Takoyako!”

Right as she shouts her polite request to eat at this stall, two much older young delinquents pass us by with a smirk.

“Aren’t you a little too old to be talking like that?”

Mockingly, the two boys mutter their abuse towards Neve, turning her once childlike excitement over getting Takoyaki into a mess of tears.

Just to dig the knife in further, the second boy speaks a little louder as they pass us and get out of our direct line of sight.

“Also, it’s Takoyaki not Takoyako, dumbass.”

In an instant, as if my body moved entirely on its own, I swing around and take two effortless leaps over to the two delinquents.

The moment is over so quickly I can’t believe how much distance I covered in such a small time; at no point did I ever even get time to think what I would do once I got here.

I don’t want to fight anyone, I’m over that life of violence – also I don’t think it serves as a very good lesson for Neve.

I can’t let them go either.

I know just what to say.

What comes naturally to someone like me.

Before the boy can even notice I’m there and react, I bend down ever so slightly so my mouth is almost touching his ear.

“Did you know that blood gets darker the longer it’s out of the body? The second it drains from a person’s skin it instantly changes tone.”