The free cavern was beaming with life and happiness, and nowhere so true than in the well hall, for there were warm foods and ale, with dancing and laughing and talking. More than half of the people in this lively mountain were glad to be free from the supreme leader’s clutch at last, while the rest was glad for having so many new members joining this lonesome tunnel.

Everyone was so happy, except for Lana.

As a stream of tears ran down her face and dripped upon her wrinkled shirt, she tried to force a smile upon her lips in an attempt to join her people’s celebration. But she couldn’t even do that, and all it achieved was making her sobbed even more.

“Wall…” Lana muttered dryly. As she sat alone upon a stone slab that served as her chair, her bloodshot and teary eyes locked upon her lap and covered with her arms; she couldn’t help but bitterly wondered why everyone was celebrating when it felt like the world had ended to her. The answer was so simple that it hurt. They won.

With 433 commoners rescued from the hold of the evil supreme leader, not to mention only a single casualty, the resistance nearly quadruple in size, but that wasn’t the only victory they had…

On the very same day that they were taking people from the city, many more teams of free caverners had entered into different secret passages and, taking advantage of what the group she was in as a distraction, took hold on of all sorts of supply. A group led by Jacob raided a solar gun factory, gaining them a large number of weapons, another group attacked the city’s storehouse and brought them back enough grains and meats to feed the cavern for a quarter of a year, dragging back to the cavern by using wagons Robin ordered to be built beforehand. Fabric storage had been raided, medicines, electronics, tools, alcohols and so much more had been ceased to further their cause. The rebellion’s future was looking bright, and Lana knew she should be celebrating the victory of her new home, but she just couldn’t.

‘The free cavern is not my home.’ She thought as she continued to weep ‘Wall…makes this a home.’

She sat alone during the celebration, crying and moaning for the loss of her friend, occasionally raised her head from the table, hoping against hope to see Wall entering from one of the tunnels, alive and well. But it was nothing but a vain delusion, he was dead.

‘I try to save him and repay my debt…’ Lana thought as she scrubbed her teary eyes ‘But he ends up saving me again, surrendering his own life for this stupid girl.’

The memory was still raw and painful in her mind, the tunnel was collapsing behind them and the guards were closing in, Wall was hurting, and Lana refused to leave him. But he pushed her away, not letting her to die alongside him…

After the tunnel had closed up, Lana, sobbing and crying, tried to dig through the rubble to find Wall, in a hope that he was still alive among the pile and pile of stone and wreckage. It was a hopeless attempt, some of the rock was near twice her size, and every time she managed to move one-off, another three fell down to replace it, but Lana kept at it regardless, digging and digging until her hands were blistered and bloodied. By evenfall, the other caverners pulled her away from the task and dragged her screaming and crying from the wreckage. At the time, Lana felt she was so close to Wall, like if she managed to uncover a few more stone, she would found him, perhaps even still alive, hurting from the weight of stones, but Lana knew she was being delusional, for she had barely gone through a single foot of rubbles.

The celebration grew louder and louder as the night went on, half chaotic and without order, the way freedom lover enjoyed. No matter how hard she tried, Lana couldn’t make any sense of it, as if the whole world had all gone numb. She spied the people who once sat with Wall, they were his friends, as far as she could remember. They seemed to be saddened as well, but still joining on the celebration regardless, the worst part of it all was that Lana knew why, they still got each other, while she only got Wall, who was now gone. All she wanted to do now was to hide her head away into her jacket and continued to cry.

A person dropped by, perhaps pitying her, he gave Lana a cup of sweet ale with a smile and condolence, though she could not make out the word. Lana tried a sip of the drink, thinking that it might help her mental state, but the ale was tasteless to her, not sweet, not bitter, she simply couldn’t feel any flavors. She left the rest of the cup alone and continued to sob. The person stood there for a while, looking like trying to say something, but then left without another word.

What worse about it all was the fact that Wall’s death could have been avoided entirely, and the tragedy was all her fault. If she had not lagged behind to give that dead man a coin, or being exhausted in that tunnel, Wall wouldn’t have been shot, and mayhap he might still be here. That made her cried even more.

“It should have been me…” Lana said sadly, and she knew it was true. She was the one who killed Wall, in a sense. It should have been her who got shot, the one left behind as the tunnel collapse. Wall was a valued member of the cavern and had been living there for more than a decade, while Lana was nothing but a weak and useless eleven years old girl.

As the victory celebration reached its height, some of the members starting to sing and play a sweet song for everyone, and many bawdy dances and cheers were being performed on both floor and tables. That was when two people appeared before her.

The pair turned out to be the brown hair twin, with one leaning upon the other, his shoulder bandaged from the wound he had taken in the tunnel. They too offered condolence for her lost, saying that they were deeply sorry for leaving her and Wall. Lana listened to them silently, not blaming them for any of the tragedy, but neither did she pay any mind on what they were saying, for as sad as it might be, she couldn’t help but mellow in her grieve and shut everyone out.

They introduced themselves as, Hos and Ark, thought Lana remembered those were not the names they called each other back in the tunnel. Regardless of what new name they picked, she did not even remember who had which, for she did not make any attempt to do so. After realizing that they would not be receiving any reply, they gave each other a quick look and then left her alone to her sobbing.

‘Soph wouldn’t have cried…but I’m not her.’ Lana thought longingly, missing her sister more than ever. Sophia’s would help her get back up and they would deal with her grief together; Lana knew it in her heart. But the hope of reuniting with Soph here in this cavern now felt less and less possible every moment and was now but a childish daydream. For a moment Lana had an urge to sneak back into the city and cried everything into her sister’s shoulder, but the thought of even returning there brought back the memory of Wall’s death too much that it pusher her deeper into her sorrow.

When all seemed darkest, Lana forced her hand together and tried to her best to give a prayer, asking for the holy god of the grand church of fate to help her in her time of need and to bless Wall’s lost soul, but her hand stopped halfway as her fingers twitched in unnatural bent…it didn’t felt right.

‘No kind god would allow any of this to happen.’ A dark voice crept into her mind, the very same one that spoke to her in the execution pit ‘If there really is a god, then that god is evil, to give us a world full of pain and sadness.’

The realization only made the crying worse.

As more time passed, Lana could sense the victory celebration dying down, for the beating in her head was starting to go away, but the hurt still persistent. Suddenly she felt someone’s presence coming near her.

“Cheer up, will ya? You are bumming everyone out.” A female voice told.

Lana raised her head, and through her teary eyes, realized that it was Robin, the leader of the resistance, who was standing next to her.

“Lana, right?” Robin asked “Is that the new name you picked? It’s an odd one to be sure, but I’m not judging.”

She shook her head.

“Oh, it’s your original name, I see, didn’t come up with a new one yet, huh? Mine’s Robin, but I think you already know that, me being elected your leader and all.” She took a seat opposite to her, and after a moment, gave her a reassuring smile “Look, I am distraught as well to lose a member, our numbers grow to 574, and, trust me, I truly want it to be 575.”

Lana did not answer, all she wanted now was to be left alone in her grieve, to lets the pain washed over her and cried for the person she would never see again.

Robin, realizing that Lana did not wish to answer, sighed and said “Fine, I’m sorry for collapsing the tunnel and kill your friend, satisfy?”

Lana did not try to make any reply.

“What do you want me to do?” Robin went on “If I did not close off the tunnel, the guards will reach us and arrest everyone who had escaped on the spot and even risk having our base being discovered. It is a hard choice, but a choice I have to make as a leader; I am obliged to save five hundred instead of two.”

Lana nodded in silence, though she herself did not know whether it was out of understanding or politeness.

“To be honest, I don’t know a lot about Wall.” Robin admitted “I have been here for nearly a year and I still can’t remember everyone’s name, can you believe that? And it will be a lot harder now after our numbers expanded to such caliber. Though this past week he’s been bothering me quite a lot, telling me to advance with caution and all that. I know he wants what best for our little resistance and all that, but he really getting in the way of progress, you know?”

Lana did not make any attempt to give a response, but simply stayed silent, wishing to climb into her bed and cry herself to sleep, but the only thing keeping her from it was the nightmare she might have.

That last non-reply seemed to be the last straw, however, and Robin snapped.

“Oh, boohoo! Your friend dies.” Robin started to say, and the word made Lana’s frail body trembled “But guesses what, young lady, that experience is not exclusive to you. I watch one of my best friends die in my arms, so stop fucking sulking, it wouldn’t do you any good, trust me.”

Lana was shaken by her word, unsure what to do, she raised her head so her gaze could meet hers.

“Good, now you are listening to me.” Robin finally said and gave Lana a reassuring smile, which was strangely warming. After a closer look at her face, she saw that Robin’s miss-match eyes were blue and green, and the determination sparkled in blue one reminded Lana of Soph. One of Robin’s eyebrows had a fade scar running through, which gave her plain look a strange edge to it.

“I know what it’s like to lose someone dear.” Robin told Lana, clutching her hands in hers as a sigh of comfort “But weep only as much as you need to, Lana. For no matter how much tears we shred, it will not bring them back to life, trust me, I once cried my eyes out just like the way you are doing now. After your loved one perished, the only thing that remains is your memory of them.”

Lana stopped to think about what had happened in this last month. Wall had saved her from the execution pit, had mended her legs and bandaged her wound; he saved her from a guard, and then took her to a safe haven that was the cavern of the free, giving her a new life. He took her under his protective wings, trying in every way to make her fit into her new home, always being there for her and simply talking and taking care of her. And then…and then…

Lana gave out a fit of sob as tears ran down her face “There, there.” Robin tried to say “Cherish the memory you had of him, and he will always be with you no matter what, that what’s I do anyway. Here, have this.”

Robin pressed something in Lana’s hand, a hard tiny object of oval shape. She retracted her hand and saw what inside; it’s a locket…Wall’s locket.

“I have some of the members cleared away his room” Robin explained “I am not trying to disrespect him or anything, but it will be a waste to lets them sit there and get cover in dust. Regardless, I found this on his bed, took a little sneak peek, and I think that if there is someone who might want it, that person will be you.”

Lana’s hands trembled as the locket sat on her hand, it meant a lot to Wall, she knew, but it would mean a lot to her to have it as well. As curiosity overwhelmed her mind, Lana’s fingers touched the buds that locked away the picture inside, but her conscience went against it. Whatever the locket hold, it was not her place to intrude, the memory inside was precious to Wall, and Lana wanted to leave it that way, what mattered to Lana was the locket itself. She attached the chain on the back of her neck, letting the locket dangled over her chest, and strangely, she felt like Wall was with her again. The tears did not stop though, no matter how much she told herself to stop.

“You remind me of myself when I was younger.” Robin told her “Shy, innocent and so so passive, despite the horror we all face.”

Lana raised her head, still sobbing, she could not imagine such a person as Robin to once be someone like her, someone who is useless, weak-willed and rarely feel any positive emotions.

“I don’t know who my parents, admittedly.” Robin started to say “The sadness shelter claimed that I was born to a courtesan, with some stinking noble as a father, the pill the order gave my mom to make her barren was not working properly or something, I forget the detail. Regardless, she had no way to care for me so I was dumped at the orphanage, or so they tell me, but that bitch of a mother or my noble father never dropped by to pay a visit, not even once, so I really have no confirmation. Life is quite hard in this fittingly name place, but I try my best to keep it optimistic, which is, admittedly, my first mistake.”

Lana nodded as the young leader went on about her life. She was only half-listening, fidgeting around the locket as Robin went on. It would be rude not to at least paid attention to her story, as she seemed to be trying to comfort Lana with the telling of her past.

“All I want is a simple life; you know, I just want to be happy, living peacefully, with enough food to fill my belly, and maybe find a handsome someone to settle down with, every girl's dream, I sure you have something like that at some point. That’s why I try my best at school, endure those wrinkly priestess endless abuses, and going to bed starving every night; I did not break, because of the hope for a better future.”

“Then snap, occurred a twist of fate, and that very future I dream of turned into ash, for the dark and unfeeling god who looks down on us all decided that I must follow my mother’s shameful footsteps. In short, when the picking day comes, they decide that I will make quite a courtesan.”

“What?” Lana gasped, her hand clutched upon the locket harder than before. She had liked the story so far, it was so similar to her own, but the sudden downturn hurt so much.

“Yeah, I don’t like it any more than you do, but sadly, we are not living in a fantasy, our past is our past, and we can do nothing about it. You are a young girl, Lana, so I will not subject you to the…training I got from the order of courtesans, just take my word on it when I said it is likely the worst experience a girl can face. On the first day, the old courtesans spoke of how rewarding the work can be. You will be intimate with the nobles, they say, you will be favored if you do your job right, they say, you will be given beautiful jewelry, they say, if you are lucky, you might be allowed to tend the supreme leader’s crypt too, they say…”

Robin spat on the floor “I don’t believe a damn fucking thing; more like these old hags were so beaten down that they can’t see through the obvious truth. No one wants that life, I tell you. My dream was shattered at the moment that pink dye was dipped on my face; yes it is put on my face and right in my eyes, and it gave me quite a stink eyes afterward, which was nearly as worse as them picking me in the first place, like how evil you have to be to do such a thing? Regardless, my life will never be peaceful; food is never adequate, as they need me to be as thin as a stick to look my best, which is stupid because seeing ribcage under your skin is not pretty. The worst thing was that I will never have a lover, as it is in the courtesan’s code to cast away your own affection and dedicate your life and body to the nobles, specifically pleasing the nobles.”

“But one night, year and a half into my humiliating training, I have a breakthrough of sorts; I suddenly realize that I am not obligated to do any of this. I am not forced to be subservient to these glorified harlots, the murderous guards, those awful priestesses, all of the nasty nobles, or even the supreme fucking leader himself. All my life I was taught to follow their will and obeyed the system, but I just realize that I don’t actually have to. It was just as simple as that, the first step of taking control of your life is to realize you are not in control, I always said, the second is to get the fuck out of the city.”

Robin turned around to see the cavern, with all of its people and the warming bonfires “I only heard of this place through rumors, here say through here say, you could say, but I bet everything on it. I gather my courage along with a dozen of my friends whom I secretly managed to convince that they must break free from the system of oppression as well. Rebellious thought worked like that, Lana, when one comes to be, it will spread like a plague, a good plague though, to be sure, but quite an epidemic nonetheless. I picked the night of the full moon for my escape, letting the glow of moonlight guided us, and for poetic reason, I’m sure you understand; we took our plainest outfit, which was still very skimpy, to tell true, the order didn’t exactly outfit our wardrobe with the type of fabric you would normally wear. We escaped through the window, tying our bedsheets together and climbed down from our sleeping cell, which was basically a prison, then we were planning to use the darkness as our cover and climbed over the wall, but we were founded before we managed to enact our plan, caught by a squad of guards sent to arrest us.”

“What…did you do?” Lana asked.

Robin gave a smile, a hint of smug on her lips “I convinced them to join me, of course. Before they managed to handcuff all of us, I speak to them of the oppressive system of this city, the inequality between nobles and commons, and the fact that we had little to no freedom our entire life, and somehow, they listened. After I finished, they threw down their guns and renounced the very name of Musol Godlead-to-hell, which was when I realized that I got quite a talent at convincing people. The first to do so was the sergeant, and he gave one last order to his squad to join me for a path to freedom, I think I managed to charm him a little bit too. Isn’t that right Jacob?”

The man in question passed by and gave Robin a light peck on the cheek “Yeah…you got me good.”

“Having Jacob with us, he hailed the gate’s black guards to let his squad into their barrack, took them out with his solar gun and pulled up the portcullis, letting us through the city’s wall and into the outside world. It was quite a victory, but our hope and spirit soon gradually withered away. We did not know where the cavern is, as it happens, so all we could do was to wander till we find some sort of clues. Soon our water food out, then our water, Jacob and his squad hunted the strange animals we found wandering the cracked and bleak wasteland, but it was not enough. It was not long till our number dropped down, two of my friends died out of starvation, along with one of Jacob’s, then one of mine died from an infected wound, another simply collapsed from the heat, never to get back up again. It got to the point when one of us conferred that we should go back to the city, saying something close to ‘freedom sucks ball’ and that he would rather live in my so-called ‘oppression’ than don’t live at all. I managed to convince him to stay with us, but he disappeared a day later. Jacob assumed he went back to the city, and said that it was fruitless to track him down. Poor guy, he would definitely be executed for desertion; I think his name is Daul or something along those lines, I tend not to dwell on stuff like this.”

“Regardless of that guy, we pressed on into the unknown, chasing the futile dream of freedom that was so far from sight. But when it seemed all hope is lost and we were basically crawling through the sand, we found the place and we’re finally admitted into the cavern of the free.”

Robin spread her arms, liked to confirm the fact. But as Lana thought she was finished, she continued “As you can see from your time with us, as the name of this place suggests, we are free here, and with me as a leader, I will make sure we are also a force to be reckoned with, and perhaps every common will also be free as well, if our currently little rebellion did not go haywire on me. The time I live here is likely the best time of my life; I meet a lot of people, making new friends, connecting with old ones, developed a relationship with Jacob, but also meet Marah…”

She gazed longingly upon the cavern roof, where the shadows of the celebration below danced by the campfire, creating a very vivid image “Marah, is a strange guy, admittedly, he was born here and had never went into the city, but somehow a master of all things technology. He always makes me laugh with his joke, always had a way with his word and is just so so sweet, the opposite of a stoic and often time brooding Jacob, really, but the latter guy was also loving in his own way as well. Right now I manage to create a stable relationship between the three of us, but I’m afraid Jacob is going to be tearing Marah’s throat out any days now with this going…”

Robin saw Lana’s face, and it was as if she snapped out of something “God, I just make this about me, didn’t I? Sorry, you’re the one losing a friend and here I am going on about my own life and problems, I do that sometimes. The point I tried to make is that, I feel your pain as well; I know what it’s like to lose someone dear to you. But you have to move on, I can’t let those five death loomed over my head forever, nor that Baul guy’s betrayal, and so shouldn’t you as well. Wall wouldn’t want you to grieve over him too much either, I’m sure he will also want you to move on.” She gave a clap on her shoulder with a smile “So tough up, okay, or wallow in sadness forever, it is really your choice and I wouldn’t judge.”

Lana nodded in appreciation, she got that Robin was trying to make her feel better, in her own idealistic sort of way. Lana touched Wall’s locket again, she certainly felt better now, at least a little bit.

‘She dealt with this unfeeling world by changing.’ Lana thought ‘But can I do the same?’

Wall could deal with this world, and so did her sister Sophia, but Lana was not either of them...or could her?

‘Cherish the memory you had of him, and he will always be with you no matter what.’ Robin’s advice rang through her head, like the last bell that signals her death, but this ringing would signal her life. Wall would always be with her, no matter what happened, and his name would live on through her, so Lana would not forget the person who was with her in the darkest time of her life.

Lana made up her mind.

Robin, noticing her silence, stood up to leave “Well, if you need anything else, Lana…”

“No” She muttered, and for the first time since forever, a look of determination formed on her face, and it was here to stay “Not Lana” That name belonged to a weak girl, she needed to be a new person, for Wall sake and for her own “I found my new name, it’s Walia from now on.”

Robin smiled “That’s the spirit.”