The Walk of Shame wasn’t something new to Cat, but this one...this one was different. Everything was normal. Students walked through the halls like zombies at the early hour, hardly talked to one another. The sun shone through the window on the far end of the hallway, just like it did every morning. But even though everything was the same, so much of it felt...new. Fresh. Vulnerable. Like a cold breeze, even though it must have been seventy degrees in the dorms.

As she approached the elevator, the doors opened, as if ready for her, but she stopped immediately. Cam’s voice.

“...pass, anyway. So, like, why bother?” Cat stumbled backward, toward the door of the stairwell, and opened it without thinking to go through it. Cameron walked out of the elevator, facing the other direction, talking to a redheaded guy that looked more displeased about being awake than anyone else she’d seen so far. Her heartbeat was so loud in her ears she almost couldn’t eavesdrop. Her limbs moved without direction, and her mind just kept repeating “don’t look over here” over and over again.

“It’s too late to petition for pass-fail,” the redhead said miserably. Cat let the stairwell door shut in front of her face, sealing her away from Cam’s path, and looked out the little window. Her friend didn’t notice, and continued on his way to his dorm, waving to his friend. He didn’t even look to see who shut the door, and just walked straight to his dorm room. Wait. Why did she just hide from Cam?

Maybe there was more of a conversation to have with Peter than she thought, Cat realized as she made her way downstairs. She maybe couldn’t handle everyone reacting to what happened on top of her own thoughts--this was hard enough without their constant opinions or jabbering. Or taunting. Oh, God, how was she going to handle Hannah? If her instinct was to hide from Cam, the most understanding of anyone in the group, there was absolutely no way she could deal with anything Hannah said.

Oh God, what if Hannah’s awake? Cat picked up the pace walking to her own dorm, and was thankful upon entering to discover that her roommate was still fast asleep, none the wiser. As silently and quickly as possible, Cat set her bag down, stripped off her dress, and grabbed for another to put on. The hanger banged against the other when she grabbed it, though, swing off the rack and clattered loudly against the plastic bin below. Really? she wanted to shout. Hannah stirred right as Cat stepped into the fresh dress.

“Oh, geez,” Hannah mumbled through her yawn. “You got in late. I tried staying up….” Another yawn. Cat twisted around with her hair already in her hands to prepare to throw it into a bun, and gave a tired smile to her roommate.

“Yeah, and I slept in a little. Running behind. We can catch up later. How late were you up?”

Hannah had her eyes shut, but blindly felt around the dresser for her phone.

“I was up ’til three. When did you get back?” Totally not just right now. Cat turned to her mirror to try and fix the leftover makeup from yesterday; it would be easier to lie if she didn’t look at her right now.

“I must have just got in right after you passed out. I lost track of time. You know how I get….” Hannah groaned.

“You’re such a fucking nerd. We’ll catch up at lunch.”

“Dinner--I’ve got pre-calc. See you then.” And before Hannah could question her more, or find any flaws in what Cat said, she waved, grabbed her bag, and popped out of the dorm room again.

Okay. Maybe she and Peter had to come up with answers sooner rather than later. Hopefully sooner would be a little easier. Maybe after some time alone, at work, she could sort herself out more.

There was little time left between lattes and macchiatos, though. Midterms continued ravaging the campus, driving the caffeine-addicted procrastinators to steal her attention even though Cat desperately needed some time to think to herself. The fifteen minute break wasn’t nearly enough.

It was, at least, easy to get used to the idea of her stomach swirling like this. Everything from the past year just multiplied exponentially, the nerves, the excitement, that weird, soft and tender tug at her chest. Yet at the same time, none of this felt like the new relationships she’d had in the past. Even her first boyfriend, with the intense and raw feelings, there was this light and fluctuating fragility. But when she left Peter’s room this morning, there was something...heavy, comforting. Safe. She’d see him later, and things would just pick up like before. Well...they certainly knew each other much longer, and much more intensely, than anyone she’d ever been with before now. Whatever this was, it didn’t follow any of the rules she knew. Where she used to be so scared and insecure, she knew that this--whatever this was--wasn’t a fleeting moment. It was solid, constant.

Peter’s unanswered question still lingered after her shift, from this morning and that awful night of drinking. No, she thought to herself as she hung up her apron. She’d never been in love before. She’d said the words to her family, to friends, even boyfriends, but never in the way Peter asked. No one seemed to understand how weighted those words were. People said them in English all the time. To friends, to celebrities. But it wasn’t as easy to say in other languages, like Spanish.

Cat took her time walking to the library, to the group study room on the fifth floor where Peter texted he was. Would he ask her again? Would he be satisfied with “I don’t know”? She certainly wasn’t. But it wasn’t fair to even think about when she couldn’t even handle the idea of what she would do if their friends found out everything that just happened. Besides, what if after all the excitement died down, things dulled? What if knowing the two full halves of Peter cancelled everything out? Or worse...what if she felt more than he did? What if right when she had an answer, and it happened to be an affirmative one, he decided it wasn’t worth it? What if they couldn’t get along after all?

Cat found her way to Group Study Room 512, but couldn’t erase the frown off her face. Through the glass door, she saw Peter hunched over his laptop, headphones in, laser-focused on something. He didn’t even hear her open the door, which gave her a moment to try and plaster on a smile. He continued staring at his screen and typing as if his fingers were beating out a fire, even when she sat in the chair beside him. At least if he didn’t notice her, she didn’t have to spend the energy to pretend to know anything. But just a second more, Peter animated from his spot, pulled out his headphones and gave her a smile.

“Sorry, got in the zone.” His eyes were similar to this morning, waking from a trance, a little red. Cat smiled a little.

“Essay?” she asked. He nodded. “Due tomorrow?” Another, much slower, nod.

“I...intended on doing it yesterday.” The way he said it, with a hint of mischief, made her giggle. She had an essay to submit, too. But later would be fine. It wasn’t due until midnight.

Cat leaned on her elbow a bit with pursed lips, the questions still floating in her head.

“So, um, did you see Cam this morning?” she asked, fully knowing the answer. Peter let out a heavy, annoyed sigh.

“Be prepared for dinner. I got an earful before class, and lunch was--more than a little irritating.” Cat’s face fell. What? Did Cam...not approve, or--?

“What do you mean?” she asked cautiously.

“He’s in that, uh--moon phase, or...fase de luna--uh--” Oh, this was about Brad.

“Honeymoon phase,” she translated flatly. So Peter didn’t tell Cam anything either. Why was this a surprise?

“Yes, honeymoon phase. He won’t shut up.” This didn’t settle her stomach. She nodded, though, and picked at her nails.

“So, um...our friends…,” she started slowly. Peter straightened in his chair, watching completely. But she didn’t have anything else to add to it, she couldn’t find the words. Peter waited a full minute before he started to speak.

“Well?” he asked through a sigh. Cat shrugged. “You know me. I’m...a fan of my privacy. Not one for PDA, really.” That was an understatement. Cat could only nod at that.

"Except when you're drunk," she remembered. Peter's nervous chuckle made her smile. “Yeah, I was…. I was kind of hoping that maybe this--” She gestured between them, her cheeks burning, “Maybe this could be just ours for a while.” He relaxed a bit when she said this, and just nodded. “I don’t know if I’m ready to deal with Hannah or….” Now he frowned.

“Yeah….” But Hannah knew so much. How in the world would they be able to shove all of that back into secrecy? And she had such a big mouth, even if just Hannah knew, there was no way she wouldn’t tell Kelsey or Cam--there were no secrets between them. Thick as thieves. Cat and Peter were the outliers, the newbies in the group. But they always had secrets they didn’t share with anyone else…. She’d have to figure out how to stall Hannah. Peter seemed unbothered by it, though, and just waited for Cat’s signal. She watched the gears in his mind turn, the way his eyes explored her face, how he leaned on one arm and just waited patiently.

Now her stomach shifted to a lighter flutter, the more she stared at him. They sat so close already, but unlike the other times when this feeling overcame her, this pull and tender thumping of her heart, she had no reason to fight it. He just looked at her, understanding and patient. Did this count as PDA, if she tried to kiss him in the library? They certainly weren’t being too secretive last night, making out in the elevator, the hallway. No one was around then, either, though.

As she battled the semantics in her mind, Peter seemed to want to answer her question, and bent down to give her a small kiss. God, his lips were so soft. And the scratchiness of his stubble perfectly complemented his gentle movements.

She wanted more than this, but he pulled away with words already on his tongue.

“Didn’t you have some extra credit to do?” What a damn tease.

Peter and Cat left the library at separate times so that they would arrive at dinner separately. She had half a mind to try and convince him to skip dinner, maybe say he got pulled into work or something so they could have some alone time in his room again...but she was, unfortunately, starving. And she was a little curious about Cameron’s date.

He was the last to arrive at their table for dinner, a plate full of pizza and a face full of smiles.

“Cat!” he announced as he sat down beside her and Peter, “I didn’t get to tell you about my date last night!” Peter caught his face with his hand, clearly annoyed. This would be his third time hearing every detail, at least. And throughout the entire time it took Cat to eat her taco salad, Cam detailed how Brad took him to a nice, little hole-in-the-wall place that served the best tapas around, how they saw a movie after, went back to Brad’s place; at that point, Cat thought to pipe up:

“We don’t need to know everything…,” she said carefully as she set aside her fork. Cameron disagreed, though, and insisted on its importance.

“You know how, like, when I hooked up with Brad last year?” Cat nodded, hoping her expression of discomfort would spare her some of the awful details. “Well it turns out that was just a fluke! He’s actually amazing! I thought he sucked super bad, which was a shame, because I kind of took that as a sign that we should part ways, but after all of that, we still talked and stuff….” Hannah finally raised her hand to stop Cam, grinning.

“And then he realized that he’s totally in love and to try and give him a chance!” she announced. Cat flinched. That word….

“Yeah!” Cam agreed, laughing.

“Love?” she echoed, raising a brow. “You guys are already saying that whole thing?”

“Well, when you know, you know!” was his simple answer. After he said this, he looked at her. “What, you think it’s too soon?” How was it up to her? Though, yes, it did look a lot too soon from her side of things. Then again, what kind of expert was she? She’d been battling herself the whole year with her feelings of Peter-slash-Pumpkin, and she was no closer to an answer.

“I guess if you know,” said Cat with a shrug. Hannah’s stare felt far too warm, but Kelsey didn’t notice anything different.

“You ever say it before, Cat?” Kelsey asked. Well, saying it and meaning it were different things.

“In English, yeah, but not, like...,” she trailed off. Kelsey, Hannah, and Cameron all shot her a look of confusion. She stared at her empty aluminum bowl and poked at it with her fork.

After a quiet moment, Peter spoke up. “It’s different in other languages sometimes.” At least someone understood. He and Cat were raised by a culture that was so different from their friends’, even if Peter turned out to not exactly belong to what he practiced after all.

“Different how?” Cameron didn’t seem to understand. Though maybe it was inappropriate to just assume that Cameron wasn’t actually “in love” with Brad. Maybe he was. Maybe he wasn’t so scared to think about it like she was.

“It’s like,” Cat started with a breath, “in English, you can say things like, ’Oh, I am in love with your shoes!′ or just tell your friends that you love them and all of that. It’s not so simple in Spanish.” Cameron pursed his lips, but remained silent.

Kelsey asked, “You don’t love your friends in Spanish?”

Cat shook her head. “Not like that. It’s just...different words.” Kind of. “Just...used sparingly. If you say ‘Te amo’ to someone, you’re...it means you’re, like, head over heels. It’s--”

“Oh!” Hannah realized, nodding, “Yes, I heard about that! Like German has, like, five different words for love or something like that? Like family love, friendly love, love-love?”

“Close enough,” was Peter’s answer. Cat couldn’t help it; she finally looked over to him, watching him, struggling to get any sort of feel for his thoughts on the matter. He said he’d been in love before….

“Okay,” Hannah continued. She looked to the ceiling as she synthesized her thoughts, then pointed to Cam. “So, like, do you te amo this guy?” That question seemed to stump Cam a little more, and he just stared at her, blinking. Hannah now looked to Cat. “You? You ever te amo anyone?” That stupid question, now full of shitty grammar. Cat sighed.

“I’ve never said it in Spanish. I’ve said it in English because I thought I was supposed to.”

Cameron spoke over the last bit of what Cat had to say: “You know, maybe! I think so! Why not?” Really? He just learned about the different kinds and he just had his answer, simple as that? Cat stared at him, her lips pursed together, and then dropped her gaze to her empty salad bowl.

“Well, I guess--I guess we’re happy for you, Cam,” she said with a fake smile. She was, but just at that moment, it was difficult to smile about. Maybe he had more insight than she did about it. Maybe he was more experienced. Everyone here seemed to be.

“Thanks! We’ve got another date coming up once he gets his work schedule.” Peter’s eyes bulged for just a fraction of a moment; Cat bit back her laugh.

“Well, anyway, I’ve got to submit an essay….”

“Yeah, I’ve got homework.”

“Me, too.”

Cameron let out a sigh, seemingly satisfied and still floating in a cloud, and rose dramatically. “Life is beautiful!” was his stupid announcement.

Kelsey branched off to go to her own dorm building, leaving Hannah and Cam to continue their stupid conversation about how Brad was Cam’s new soul mate, that it was so romantic that Cam swore off dating until he couldn’t help but be with Brad.

Cat gathered her trash and gave a glance over to Peter, who seemed to be hovering a little longer at the table while she gathered her dirty napkins. Right as Hannah and Cam turned to the trash can, Peter lowered his voice a little.

“Speaking of date,” he whispered under Hannah’s laugh. “Tomorrow night? Dinner?”

Thank goodness she had to throw away her trash when Hannah and Cam returned. Her cheeks burned a deep red, emphasized by how much she tried to hide her smile. She managed to take a deep breath and twist to the group. Hannah and Cam already slowly started to walk to Casa del Sol, and Peter still watched her for her answer. She gave him a small nod, relishing in his dimpled smile, and fell in line with their friends.

Peter opened the door for everyone, stepping back to let them out first. When Cat passed by him, he added, “I’ll bring my toupee.”

She had to pretend to be in a coughing fit to avoid laughing too hard.