《Steadfast & Fervid》Chapter 54

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Was it sad that the highlight of Spring Break was the end of it? The awful bus ride, to boot.

My little brother is such an asshole, she typed to Pumpkin. They’d been going back and forth for several hours, now; he made the time go by much faster than the ride to Culosa, kept her giggling and thinking about philosophy and whatever topic he saw fit to distract her with.

Isn’t that the job of a little brother? came his smartass response. Cat pshed aloud.

He ratted me out to my parents. I may have done something that turned out to be kind of illegal and he just sang like a canary! Well, from the Google questions she typed, it looked to be illegal. She didn’t know any lawyers. Oh, but maybe when she got back, she could ask Peter to ask his lawyer, and find a loophole to keep them out of trouble. It was all for him, anyway. Or--for him and Oscar.

A canary was used to warn people of incoming danger, so maybe in a small way, your brother was helping you?

Helping me?

By discouraging your life of crime?

I’m not a criminal! And right when she was about to get irritated, he started to send her gifs of various cute animals in jailbird outfits, and a clip from a movie called The Producers she’d have to check out when she was in a position to get her headphones. In Pumpkin fashion, he had her laughing to the point that she had to cover her face with a hand to prevent the other bus patrons from staring at her.

In any case, he deserves what he got. I hid an egg under his bed in an old sock and it'll be forever til he notices.

LOL did you really? That's golden!

She reveled in the hours of texting back and forth with him, despite the fact that she couldn’t seem to get her legs in a position to not cramp. Or the absolute nerves that shocked her stomach to ice that indicated this was another day gone. One day sooner to her real date with Pumpkin, but also the same day she would get her pre-calc midterm back.

Ugh, that midterm.

Hannah tried to comfort her about it on their way to dinner at the food court that night.

“You don’t know if you actually failed or not,” she kept repeating as they sat down to a table large enough for their group. They were the first to arrive, but Cam and Peter joined them not five minutes after Cat roused herself into another set of anxiety.

“What’s she upset about?” Cam asked over Cat while she held her face in her hand.

She tried to shout, “I’m a failure!” but her words went ignored as Hannah explained her midterm woes.

“Oh. Cat, I’ve failed plenty of tests. It’s not the end of the world.” In what world was that comforting?

Peter stayed markedly quiet, which was probably smart of him, because if he said something one way or another, she’d probably go off on him in a moment’s notice. Just the fact that his silence bothered her clued her in that maybe she was a little too worked up. She couldn’t even bring herself to look at Pumpkin’s latest response to her on Talkative, something she was always in the mood for. And, for the first few bites of her sandwich, she thought that perhaps she was just going to be like this for the next couple days--until Kelsey walked into the food court.

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"Oh my God!” Cam shouted, half through laughter. Hannah squealed, and Peter laughed so hard, he silently doubled-over with a red face. Not as red as Kelsey’s, though.

“Kelsey!” Cat called to the lobster-red figure in the doorway. “You got hair dye all over your body!” The girl wore a strappy sundress and sandals, and walked as though even bending her beet-red legs was impossible.

“Ha-ha,” she called as she waddled over.

Peter lifted his head enough to squeak out, “You look like you were dipped in hot sauce!”

Cat snorted. “Should we call a doctor? That can’t be safe!”

Kelsey slowly pulled out a plastic chair and began to lower herself into it, wincing at every movement.

“Yeah, yeah. Laugh it up. It hurts like a bitch. Did you know not all sunscreen is waterproof?”

Cat couldn’t help herself. “Clearly you didn’t.” Peter returned to folding himself in half in laughter.

Peter lifted his head for air and added, "There were red signs everywhere, Kelsey!"

Kelsey glared. “Are you done? I can hardly handle one of you, let alone both.”

She hesitated before holding up a finger and said, “You look red with anger. Okay, I’m done!”

“If I could move fast enough, I’d slap you!”

“And risk getting slapped back?” Cam interjected, gasping. “You’re not that dumb!” As Hannah shrieked with laughter, Cam continued, “But hey, you got Cat out of her funk, so thanks!”

“Glad I could be of service,” she spat sarcastically. “Nothing’s better than being a ginger with fair skin and getting a burn this bad. Really.” And, it should have made her feel guilty to admit, but Cat really did find it quite therapeutic to sit there and mock Kelsey. And with Peter's added quips, Kelsey could hardly get a word in without something being turned against her. Even Hannah and Cam added a few insults when they saw how much Cat laughed.

But right when Kelsey seemed to be at her true limit, Peter switched the target to Cameron's cargo pants: "All those pockets and he still can't carry a tune." Cam was in good enough spirits to be the main target of the roast for the rest of dinner.

Laughing at her friends made Cat exhausted enough to fall asleep that Sunday night; Monday, as Mondays usually did, flew by without Cat paying much attention. But Tuesday...Tuesday made her want to explode.

She woke up before her alarm, trembling with anxiety. Math test. Date. Why did she schedule the date on the same day she was supposed to get her test back? She should have known the pressure would be too much. And even as she got ready this morning, attempting to look extra cute to give herself some confidence, she couldn’t steady her hand enough for a winged eyeliner.

“You okay?” Hannah asked when she returned from her shower. Cat dropped her eyeliner back in her makeup bin and started wiping what she’d drawn off her face.

“I get my test back. And I kind of have a date tonight. But I’m more worried about the test.”

“Typical Cat.” Hannah dismissed her worries just like that. Maybe it should have been a sign that she was taking this too seriously, but instead, Cat switched to her mascara and opted to go without the eyeliner today. Pumpkin couldn’t see her through the screen anyway. And she had time after her math class to de-stress and beat herself up anyway. A few hours, in fact.

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But the time just moved so slowly....

In pre-calc, the professor spoke extra slowly today. He must have been doing it on purpose. He was a sadist, after all, and prided himself on failing students even though it was his job to teach them. Cat didn’t absorb a single word of the lecture. And when Professor Whatshisface finally got out to passing out the tests, he went in alphabetical order by last name. Ugh!

“Do you know if he curves?” the person in front of her whispered to the next. Just a shrug in response. Cat’s stomach twisted into knots for a full ten minutes while she awaited for the professor to call her name. And when he did, she almost fell over her own feet to get to him.

Her heart stopped. The professor handed her exam results to her folded, face-down: the telltale sign that her grade was embarrassing and to not let anyone else see it.

“C-c-c-can I get extra credit?” she blurted out as she took her paper. The professor looked to her like she’d grown a second head.

“Hm? Oh, um....extra credit is to complete chapter seven review questions. We aren’t going to be able to get there by the end of the semester, so just turn it in with your final.” Oh! That’s it?

“Th-th-thank you.” She thought that maybe this would give her the strength to look at her grade, but her hands wouldn’t stop shaking, even when she left the classroom.

She could hardly text Peter, tears rushed to her eyes so fast. I failed. I totally failed.

What? was his prompt reply, as if he was waiting for her results just as anxiously. That’s not possible.

It is. I did. I failed. Well, she hadn’t looked at the paper yet.

I’m in the library right now. Come to the fourth floor study cubes. Let’s see what we missed. Didn’t he work? But her feet already took her in the direction of the library, and her hands were too busy wiping away at her lashes to keep any tears from spilling.

Peter was where he said he’d be. He sat in a study cubicle, and already had started to move his things to a table for group work. Cat collapsed into a chair without being invited.

“Don’t you have work?” she asked as she carefully set her paper, still face-down, on the table.

“You didn’t book me for today,” he said simply. She scrunched her brows together. “You asked me to open my schedule for you. So I did. Tuesdays and Thursdays for an hour after your class.” All that because she asked for his help? Cat blinked, then glanced down to her paper and sighed, the tender pang in her chest sinking to guilt.

“You shouldn’t have bothered. I didn’t even finish the test.”

“Let me see--”

“Wait, don’t--!” Cat slapped her hand onto the paper before he could grab it, startling him. “Don’t look.” He only had to raise a brow at her for her to realize how stupid that was. “Okay, fine.” She released the paper. “Look, but don’t tell me the grade.”

“Don’t tell you the--have you not looked yet?" Before she could stop him again, Peter stole the paper from the table and flipped it over. Cat covered her eyes with both hands; she shook so bad, she could feel her face vibrate beneath her fingers. Peter sighed, seemingly defeated. Oh, God. It was that bad.

“Don’t tell me,” Cat said through her palms.

“I don’t--I don’t know what you want me to do with this.” He sounded--what was that, defeat? Was he giving up on her? She slowly lowered her hands to look at him, comforted in his immense confusion.

“I got extra credit. Do chapter seven review questions. That’s all. I turn it in with my final. Maybe that, with enough studying, will get me to pass.” Peter tapped the paper on the table.

“Don’t you want to know how much you have to study first?”

“No,” Cat insisted.

He shrugged. “Alright, fine. Let’s see what you have to work with for extra credit.” She hadn’t even realized she was holding her breath. At his signal, Cat’s hand slipped into her bag to grab her book and notebook, and flipped to the appropriate spot.

She slid the book over to him and let him flip through the pages as she gathered her colored pens and laid everything out, ready for his directions.

“Maybe--” she started meekly, “Maybe you could check my answers before I turn it in?” He nodded while he scanned the pages. But she hesitated. “Do you have time right now? I normally--I mean, do you want me to--” Peter shook his head and looked up at her.

“This is fine. I don’t have anything specific going on for a little bit.” Though he took his time familiarizing himself with the content before he let her in on his thoughts. “Okay, this is a new concept, but I don’t think it’ll give you trouble. I’m going to write a practice problem and give you a couple minutes to read those two pages, then you can try to apply it to the problem. Then if it gives you any hiccups, we'll focus there. Okay?” She nodded and accepted the book he slid over to her, and let him take her notebook and a pen to write some things down.

It took her a while to let the words absorb the words on the page. Her nerves were still striking her from all sides, though now considerably softened. Maybe it was the language of the book. But even then, she was still reading even by the time Peter had pulled out his phone to wait for her.

“O-o-okay,” she said finally once she’d gotten to the final paragraph. Yeah, none of this made sense. But maybe trying to apply it would help.

“Okay?” Peter asked as he set his phone down. As if reminding her of how little time she had left, her own phone buzzed in her bag.

“Yeah.” As he slid the problem over to her, she retrieved her phone, mostly to look at the time, partially to see what notification went off. Okay, she had two hours before her date. And, speak of the devil, that was him texting her!

How’s it going? :)

Somehow, she hid her smile in her hand, and set her phone in her lap while she glanced at the problem Peter gave her. Pen in hand, she began to jot down some initial notes, then picked up her phone for the calculator app. Well, there was Pumpkin’s question, right there. She could message him back really quick. Peter wouldn't even notice.

Excited to talk to you, finally, even though it’s my fault it’s taken this long, lol.

Ding. Cat looked up from her phone. Peter was looking at his own, waiting for her to be finished with her equation. His phone got an alert right when she pressed “send.” That better have been a Goddamn coincidence, she thought with a deep frown. Cat swapped apps to her calculator, her heart racing. She listened to the soft taptaptaps of him texting, and waited.

Her phone vibrated with a notification from Talkative. Peter’s eyes shifted from his phone to hers, the tiniest crease in his brow growing more and more pronounced. This better be a Goddamn coincidence. Oh, God. Was she sweating? It felt like she was starting to sweat.

Cat lifted her phone off her book and held it in her hand to keep it from Peter’s prying gaze, and tapped her notification.

Message from PumpkinKing: It’ll be worth the wait.

Silent, feigning as if she never opened the message, she typed as if she was poking numbers into her calculator. Slowly, she typed, I hope you still think so later. Send.

Ding. Notification for Peter.

Cat’s phone slipped out of her hand and clattered on the table. A loud, high-pitched screech dominated her senses. The moment Peter looked up at her to see what was going on, she immediately reached for her papers, her pens, and shoved them in her book.

“Hannah--emergency!” was all she could manage to say. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God.

“What?”

The only sound she could get herself to say was a gentle, “Uhhh” as she rose from the seat to shove everything haphazardly in her bag.

“Is she okay?” Cat ignored him. Her hands shook so bad, she couldn’t even close her bag. She especially couldn’t bring herself to look at him, just swept her phone into her bag and started running toward the library elevators.

When the doors shut to indicate her descent, Cat fished for her phone again. No response on Talkative. Oh, God. Was she really talking to Peter this whole time? That was impossible. There was no way. She’d have to...delete the app, change schools--move countries! There was no way. This was insane.

The elevator spat her out on the second floor, and by the time she got out, she’d already dialed Hannah’s number. The elevator was taking too long. It was time to take the stairs.

“Hello?” Hannah answered on the second ring.

“Hannah! God, please tell me you’re home. Tell me you’re available.” Her feet moved so fast she nearly slipped down the concrete steps. (Though she'd be lying if she didn't think it would have been faster to just fall down the stairs.)

“Um--yeah, I’m--I was supposed to meet up with someone--”

“Cancel it.”

“Okay, consider it cancelled. What’s wrong?”

“Y-you know--um--have you ever--” She was babbling.

“Cat? Hold on a second. I’m getting another call.” Hannah hesitated. “Peter’s calling. Can I call you--”

"Don’t answer it!” she shouted into the phone. A passerby flinched from her shout as she burst through the stairwell doors. “I’ll be right there.”

“Okay, okay! Are you running?” And instead of answering her roommate, Cat hung up and threw her phone in her bag. Even if she missed and threw her phone on the ground, she would have probably kept going.

“Cat! What’s going on?” Cat slammed the dorm room door behind her and threw her incredibly messy bag on her bed. Hannah sat at her desk, wringing her hands together in worry. Oh, God, she had no clue what was in store. She had no idea that Cat's heart drummed in her ears because for the past few months, she was accidentally dating Peter.

“So--so you know how I’ve been on Talkative and I was all, I think I want to meet that guy--”

“Oh, you met him?” Her voice was too peppy. She was too peppy. She didn’t get it. This was a nightmare.

"Kind of!” Cat’s voice was very shrill, and for a brief moment she seriously wondered if maybe this was all a cruel joke. “It--he’s--I was just--” She sucked in a breath. “I was just--I was at an impromptu tutoring session, and I was messaging him, and then--”

Hannah gasped. “What, he was there?”

“He is my tutor.” Like a stitch in a quilt, the two images began to meet: PumpkinKing was Peter. This whole. Damn. Time. Every time they had a moment and she beat herself up for semi-cheating on Pumpkin, it was for nothing. Wait, that's not what she was freaked out about--

“Oh! That’s so cool!”

“No,” Cat corrected in a deep voice, “I guarantee you, Hannah, it is not cool!" Was he horrified? Did he feel disgusted, now knowing who she was? Did he regret everything now?

Hannah blinked, settling a bit in her desk chair. “Oh. Is he a creep?”

Cat grabbed for her pillow and smashed it against her face, and let a long-overdue scream. She was hoping it would help her feel better. But when she finished screaming maybe a minute later and took the pillow away to try and breathe again, her heart still hammered so hard against her chest, she would be completely unsurprised if she cracked a rib. How was she supposed to breathe again? Peter’s soft counting filled her head to remind her, and all she could do was try to beat it away by slamming the pillow against her head over and over again.

“Is he a perv?” Hannah pressed, seemingly even more concerned. “Did he do something?”

“No, no--I don’t--” After a few more deep breaths, Cat shut her eyes. “I don’t know if he noticed.”

Hannah hesitated, though the air in her breath had a bit of an amused edge to it. “Um. Did you just run out of there like it sounds like you just did?” Cat opted not to respond. That was probably the worst thing she could have done, wasn’t it? Rather than just left the possibility of coincidence in the air, her departure almost guaranteed confirmation. She could've tested him, find out how he felt first. As her roommate sighed and went to retreat back to her desk, a knock echoed through the room.

Dammit, Hannah. Cat threw her pillow to the side.

“I thought you said you’d cancel.” But as Cat went to open the door to their dorm, her skin suddenly grew very cold. She didn’t hear Hannah’s answer, but she knew before she even finished opening the door that Peter stood on the other side.

“Is Hannah--?” Slam. The moment his face came into view, she shut the door again, and took several steps back.

“What the Hell, Cat?” her roommate sounded, deviating from her desk. She looked like she was about to rush to the door, but Cat held her hand up.

“Don’t--” Cat whispered, looking at her with wide eyes. Peter knocked at the door again.

“Hannah? Are you okay?”

Hannah furrowed her brows and stared at Cat like she grew a second head.

“Uh--uh, girl problems!" Cat blurted toward the door. She could hear Peter sigh. Hannah’s face grew even more contorted.

“Are you kidding me? You fly out of there yelling about a Hannah emergency, Hannah doesn’t answer my calls, I run all the way over here because I think she’s dying, and this whole thing’s about a low tampon supply?” Every syllable was layered with doubt, drumming Cat’s heart lower and lower into her stomach.

Cat was still panting from running and screaming, but kept her gaze to the floor. She didn’t want to look up to see her roommate’s expression.

Peter continued his rant, “I thought it was something important. For crying out loud, Cat--”

She could only react by covering her face with her hands. Thankfully, Hannah was a fast thinker.

“Sorry, Peter--my phone died. It’s an absolute bloodbath in here. I got it everywhere. Heavy flow month, you know? Could you come back later?” Oh, she could hear the grin in her voice.

“Your phone died." He didn't believe it for a moment. "Jesus Christ. I’m glad you’re okay. We’ll talk later.”

At the sound of his disappearing footsteps, Cat shyly let herself peek at her roommate from between her fingers.

Hannah was grinning like the Cheshire cat, a full, gleeful grin like she’d never seen before. Cat’s phone blipped, indicating a notification from Talkative. To the sound of Hannah’s laughter, she opened the message from PumpkinKing: Maybe we should talk. She let out a pathetic whimper and looked up from her phone.

"Peter’s your tutor, huh?” Hannah confirmed. “Oh, this is literally the funniest thing I’ve ever seen in my life.”

And suddenly, Cat felt the urge to file for an emergency roommate swap.

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