Xaxac sat at the dinner table and went over his plan.

He had to be very, very careful.

And there was no one left who could help him.

If Jimmy had still been here, he would have stolen a piece of paper from Lorsan’s room; Xac had stolen for him before, and he would repay the favor. Lorsan didn’t seem like the kind of person who would mind at all, either way. Lorsan might actually read it to him.

But Agalon wouldn’t. Agalon would think that sort of thing was dangerous. Agalon could not know about the man of Xac’s dreams. He would write it off somehow, would think it was dangerous or silly, and Xaxac would have to stop thinking about it. Sometimes, Xac thought, it was better if Agalon didn’t know certain things, just like it was better if he didn’t know certain things.

But Xac knew he was not supposed to think this way. He knew he needed to love Agalon, to trust him explicitly, to let him take care of him. He knew he was thinking too much. He knew Kenny had died from thinking too much.

The whole thing was stupid. He didn’t need to do this. Dreams didn’t mean anything; people couldn’t communicate through dreams; he needed to wait until after Agalon had fallen asleep and go back into the wardrobe and wipe away the secret he had drawn-

Not drawn.

Written.

Wipe away the secret he had written there.

Or, he could keep thinking, and find a way to write it down again, carefully copying it, and get it to Takashito. Takashito would read it to him. He would tell him what the man in his dreams had tried to tell him. What Lapus had tried to tell him.

He might know Lapus. That may be why Lapus was trying to contact Xaxac, because he needed to send a message to Takashito. Lapus was a prisoner too, wasn’t he? Like the other water elves? Were they all prisoners?

“What is your last name?” Takashito asked, knocking him out of his mind.

“Me?” Xac asked, confused by the question. “I’m Aggie’s.”

“OfAgalon,” Agalon explained, “All the humans are OfAgalon. Of and then whoever they belong to.”

“Ah,” Takashito said, “that… that makes sense.”

“Your grace,” Ara said, “I need to know what I’m supposed to do with him. Durin your party.”

“Right,” Agalon sighed, “Well… we got time. I was thinkin… but that’s probably a bad idea. I been gettin a big head and makin a lotta… snap decisions lately. Honey Bunny, you about finished? You quit eatin.”

“I don’t… really…” Xaxac said, trying to buy himself time to make up a lie on the spot, but he was too tired to come up with anything, and the flip flopping his brain had been doing all night decided to trust Agalon and tell him the truth, “like the new cook’s food. I can’t trust it.”

“What?” Agalon asked.

“The cornbread’s too… dense,” Xaxac explained, “And I’m scared I’m gonna get sick.”

“You ain’t gonna get sick, darlin,” Agalon said, “I seen to that.”

“Did you get a new cook?” Takashito asked, apparently to make conversation, “I enjoy it. Much better than what I have become accustomed to.”

“A while back,” Agalon said with a strange mixture of emotions he sometimes had that frightened Xaxac, the mood that looked perfectly calm, but wasn’t.

But he did get a new cook.

Where was Xaxac’s mother?

Xac drank the rest of the wine in his glass, but it did nothing to quiet his mind. He was thinking too much and he couldn’t stop. Where was everyone? What did the words from his dream mean? Who was Lapus?

But he smiled and tried to eat his supper. He wanted to be happy that it wasn’t a salad; it was a stew of root vegetables, but he had had this same stew before, when his mother made it, and this wasn’t it. His hands were shaking and he wondered why. Was the frost wearing off? Was he not drinking enough? Maybe he needed a cigarette?

Xaxac closed his eyes and tried to will himself to stop. This was stupid and he needed to stop. He was going to attract attention, and that was going to ruin anything.

What was wrong with him?

“Aggie?” He whispered, “Can I… can I go upstairs? I’m shakin again and I… I’m scared…”

“You need to eat, darlin,” Agalon said sensibly. “I thought you was getting better with that.”

Xaxac nodded. He did need to eat. He should be starving. He had been out all day, working hard, and he should be starving. He should be tired. But he felt wide awake and jittery. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes again, but when he did he saw the image of the Viper, missing half his head and staring back up at him.

He jumped from the shock of it and slammed his knees against the table hard enough to send the stew splashing over the side of his bowl.

“Honey Bunny?” Agalon asked, but Takashito beat him to Xaxac, and Xac stared into his eyes, the same color of Lapus’s, the color of the sky during a clear day.

“Something is clearly wrong,” Takashito said, “There is… something wrong with you.”

“Ain’t nothin wrong with him,” Agalon said, “He’s got that real quick metabolism. Probably got the DTs.” He snapped his fingers at the silent boy who had replaced Jimmy and demanded, “Bring us another bottle of that wine out here. The strawberry.”

“Thanks, Aggie,” Xac said and tried to smile.

“This is not detox shaking,” Takashito said as if he knew it to be fact, “this is nerves. This is the sort of thing I saw on the others… that I saw on myself. That I have seen in your eyes, when they vibrate. This boy has seen something he did not wish to see.”

“He ain’t never been in battle,” Agalon said as if he knew exactly what Takashito was talking about.

“Xaxac?” Takashito asked, “Do you want to be a fighter?”

“Sit down,” Ara said.

“He’s fine,” Agalon said dismissively as the boy returned and began to pour their wine. “Leave him alone. He ain’t gonna do nothin.”

“Yeah,” Xac said, trying to muster as much enthusiasm as he could. “It was really fun! Everybody loved me!”

Takashito’s eyes darted from Xaxac to Agalon, then back. He locked onto Xac’s gaze and held it as if looking for something.

“Xaxac?” He asked, speaking softly, “Have you ever done anything you did not want to do? Have you ever hurt… or…”

“I ain’t gonna hurt you!” Xac promised, “I… I been real good, I… think. I try. I’m doin… I’m tryin my best! I… Aggie don’t think I’m a monster.”

“God, love, you are shakin,” Agalon stood, pulled out his chair, and Xaxac instantly turned to snuggle into him. “You go lay down, darlin. Lee! Come here and take Xac to bed. Make sure he eats somethin. He’s getting skittish again. Thought we got that trained out of him.”

Lee appeared in the doorway, and as he approached Xaxac saw the familiar, boy, I know you ain’t been cryin again look on his face, but he was sure he wasn’t crying.

“Sorry, Aggie!” he begged, “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

“Probably wore out,” Agalon said, “These past couple a days have wore you plumb out. You ain’t used to it. Go on upstairs. I’ll send some food up for you, darlin. Get settled.”

“Thanks, Aggie,” Xaxac squeezed him tighter in order to work up the courage he felt he would need to follow Lee.

Lee silently led him from the room, always the good servant, quiet and unseen. As he closed the door, Xaxac heard Takashito say something else.

“A shifter,” Takashito said, “it is always… fearful to contemplate… what a monster is afraid of. Speed, strength, he heals so quickly. But he is afraid. What is that monster afraid of?”

Xaxac did not know he was looking at Agalon.

“What is it now, boy?” Lee asked, “What got into you this time?”

“I dunno,” Xac admitted as he followed him down the hall and wondered where they were going. They hadn’t walked in the direction of the servant’s staircase in the storeroom. Lee was taking him up the main stairs, but why? He was pretty sure they weren’t supposed to go that way by themselves.

“Lee,” Xac said with all the sincerity in his soul, “I’m scared. I’m scared there’s somethin real bad wrong with me. I think I’m crackin up. Please! I gotta talk to somebody.”

“You been thinkin too much,” Lee said.

“Where the hell is everybody!?” Xac snapped, “Why won’t you tell me!? You said humans had to stick together! You said we had to look out for each other! I know you know! Where is everybody?”

“Just tell him,” came a voice behind them, and Xac turned to see that, to his shock, it had come from one of the doormen. “It’s Abby’s boy! He deserves to know.”

“Watch your goddamn mouth,” Lee snapped, and the anger in his voice threw Xaxac off so severely he stumbled into the railing. Lee was often snippy, bitchy, but Xaxac had never seen him look at someone with real rage in his eyes before; it contorted his entire face, and Xaxac was, not for the first time, made more aware of his age. Lee had been in this house a long time. How much had he seen? “Go clean the porch.”

The doorman immediately did as he was told, and his companion slipped out with him as Lee grabbed Xac by the arm and dragged him up the stairs.

“Bobby’ll put up with that shit in his house and that’s why it’s fallin apart,” he explained to Xaxac.

“Please,” Xac begged, “Please just… I’m going crazy. I’m going crazy an’ it makes me worried. I don’t wanna go crazy, Lee, that’s how Kenny died!”

“Kenny fell,” Lee corrected.

“The old wardrobe,” Xaxac said as Lee dragged him into the sitting room, “was full a’ tally marks. He was countin the days.”

“Xaxac,” Lee said.

“I just wanna know what happened,” Xac begged, “I know I ain’t supposed to ask questions but… I can’t… I ain’t strong enough to… there’s so much and if I know anything I can… figure it out. Please.”

“You can’t be actin like this,” Lee said.

“I killed him!” Xac screamed, and Lee stared at him, “I killed him and I didn’t even know who he was! And nobody cared! Well… that…. That ain’t right. They cared. They cheered an… that was the first time anybody but Aggie has give a single shit about me in so long that I didn’t even- I killed him and I don’t care! I don’t care that he’s dead! I can see him when I close my eyes and it’s… it’s like he wouldn’t never alive, wouldn’t never a person, he’s just this thing that… that made them cheer for me on account’a I knew how to break it and they wanted it broke. It’s… it’s like… meat. Meat in a slaughterhouse. It… we’re…”

He didn’t know when he had started crying, but Lee had never told him to stop.

“Nobody loves me,” Xac said, “Nobody will… it’s.. Can we even… but they… they did and Aggie… does and… I just wanna know… Who I’m supposed to be and… what I’m supposed to do and… I want… I want my mama… I just wanna talk to… I just wanna know…”

“Let’s sit down,” Lee suggested, gently leading Xac to the sofa by his arm while Xac sobbed into his hands. He had wanted to say it for so long, but he couldn’t, because it wasn’t allowed to be true. He was going to get in so much trouble and he knew it.

“I knew it was gonna hit you,” Lee said, “Hold on. Don’t move none. I mean it. Sit right there.”

He was gone for a few minutes, but he returned with two glasses of what smelled like corn whiskey and Agalon’s cigarette case. He set an ashtray on the coffee table and spoke without turning around.

“Set it on the table back there and close the door.”

Xac heard the door open and close and suspected it was the boy who never spoke to him.

“I miss Jimmy,” Xac said, “I don’t even know that youngun’s name!”

“Pat’s his name,” Lee said, “Patrick. It ain’t you, he can’t talk. His tongue’s messed up.”

Lee leaned forward, opened the case, pulled out a cigarette, lit it, and handed the case to Xac. He stared at it, at the paper tubes all lined up in a row and the matchbook inside before he mimicked Lee.

“You did kill him,” Lee acknowledged, “killed him deader than hell. I been to a lot of them matches and I don’t think I can remember anybody killin somebody that dead. You can usually recognize the corpse. I ain’t never seen nobody ripped up like that, neither, like what you done to Billy. But,” he shrugged, “I ain’t never seen nobody like you, neither.”

“When I met you, I heard the rumor, but I didn’t… put a lotta stock in that kinda stuff. Not till I saw it. I… ain’t never seen nothin like that.” He picked up his glass and took a sip. “You’re dangerous, boy. I ain’t gonna lie about it. It’d scare the shit outta anybody. But it ain’t no devilry. When you first got here, you didn’t have that evil in you. That was put there. Kenny had that same evil in him, but it went in instead of out. And before him? The Lady of the house had that evil in her. Lorry’s got it in him. It grows here, like all the goddamn plants.”

Xaxac leaned back and took a long draw, then watched the smoke drift to the ceiling.

“It’s the house,” Xaxac said, “I felt it coming up in me… I… there’s sixty tiles in the ceiling, in the bedroom. I… I know everthing in here. I know… Too much. And there’s nothin here but me, and I’m already a monster-”

“It ain’t the house, Xac,” Lee scoffed, “We both know what it is. But you’re dangerous, so I need you to do somethin for me. As a personal favor. To me.”

“I’ll try,” Xac promised. “If you tell me where my family’s at.”

“That’s fair, but I can’t do that. On account of I don’t know. Don’t nobody know where they’re at. But I’ll tell you what I know, and then you’ll know more than most, on account of I went to the capital.”

“Ok,” Xac promised. “Whatcha want me to do?”

“I want you to promise me you won’t let that bastard wear you down,” Lee turned to stare into his eyes.

Oh.

Right.

That made sense.

“He… he don’t love me at all, does he?” Xac asked.

“He does, that’s the thing,” Lee said, “He loves you. He loves this house. He loves his drinkin, he loves his money. But he loves you like the house.”

“I’m… just another pretty little thing he owns,” Xac said.

“You ain’t that little no more.” Lee said, “You’re grown. You ain’t as little as he thinks you are.”

“I reckon I… think I… knew this,” Xac pulled a pillow to his chest and hugged it, “Already. I think I always knew it. Can you slide me my knittin?”

He leaned forward to snuff out his cigarette, Lee picked up the basket and handed it to him, and Xac pulled out the needles and began to cast on another hat.

“So… where they at?”

“I don’t know,” Lee said, “Don’t nobody know. Smart money is that they run.”

“They run?” Xac asked, “They… left?”

“Alley was always gonna leave,” Lee said, “She wouldn’t gonna have that baby here and everybody knew it.”

“They forgot somethin,” Xac said.

“They didn’t forget,” Lee promised, “they just… how would they a’ done it, Xac? How would they a’ got ya out? You’re always with him, ain’t got no clear schedule, ain’t got no way to tell nobody. They couldn’t take you right out from under him, you seen what he could do when he’s angry. You seen him take down fighters without breakin a sweat. What the hell was two old folks and a pregnant teenager gonna do? You can’t blame um for that.” He snuffed out his cigarette and said, “Well, I reckon you could, if you really wanted. But I wouldn’t.”

“So I’m… alone,” Xac said, “I’m really alone.”

“We’re all alone, boy,” Lee said, “We’re born alone, and we die alone.”

“And then it’s like none of it ever happened,” Xac said. He finished casting on, picked up the other needle, and began to knit the rib of the hat. “Takashito says that where he’s from, way across the sea, humans ain’t slaves. He says that folks go to school there, human folks.”

“I heard that,” Lee said.

“Maybe they’ll make it,” Xac said.

“Might as well,” Lee agreed, “Makes as much sense as anything else.”

“I been thinkin,” Xac said as his needles went clack clack clacking, “I think I’m gonna be alright. I’m just… I’m just gonna be real good, and smile, and look pretty, and fight, and do whatever he wants me to do, and I’m just gonna be as happy as I can because… I can’t… it ain’t never gonna end, not till I die. Because… On account of… I’m a shifter. He loves me on account of I’m a shifter. Ain’t nobody else got one and… that means I’ll always be ok. I was just born lucky.”

“I reckon you’re right.”

“Fuck it,” Xac said, stood, and walked to Agalon’s desk, “Will you do something for me?”

“Is it a big ask?” Lee asked.

“Yeah, but if you do it… it’ll help me…” Xac opened a drawer and pulled out the piece of paper on the top. It was completely blank, and Xac hoped that made it less valuable. “Not let the bastard wear me down.”

He walked into the bedroom and Lee got up to follow him as Xac pulled the matchbook from the nightstand and lit the lamp, took the pencil from Agalon’s little book he always wrote in, then pulled open the wardrobe and climbed inside.

“What are you doin?” Lee asked.

“I said, ‘fuck it’,” Xac explained as he copied down the squiggles he had written. He stood and held the paper out to Lee.

“What is this?” Lee asked him, “is this… this looks like writin. Did you write this? What’s it say?”

“I don’t know,” Xac said, “It come to me in a dream.”

“It come to you in a dream…”

“Can you… find a way to get Takashito alone? Can you ask him what it says?”

Lee carefully folded the paper and stuck it in his pocket.

“I’ll do my best,” he promised. “I probably oughta be gettin back. You put that pencil back right where you found it and go eat you a bite.”

“Thanks, Lee.” Xac smiled, and it reached his eyes, “I… reckon I’m gonna be ok.”