“What the fuck? You really put the ‘anus’ in ‘Ortelanus’, huh?!”

Sarah stood in the kitchen as the pale white alien sat in her chair, cup of tea in hand as the sun radiated in from the glass double doors that led to the thin alleyway one would have a hard time considering a backyard.

“I don’t see the big deal, bitch girl! If anything, you helped lil’ Jess become more of a man! ...Er, woman?” Ortelanus shrugged, “Regardless, I’ve made her into the second most beautiful woman in all the worlds, all she needs is the confidence to match!”

Carbuncle idly sat on the table between the two. With an uneaten bowl of dog food beside him, he watched the two women ping pong insults back and forth between each other.

“And besides, what’s wrong with changing genders? Anyone who has considered trying out the other side should certainly try it, if they really wanted to.”

“There’s nothing fucking wrong about that, but only if, like you said, they wanted to try it! Jess didn’t seem too fucking thrilled about it!”

Orty sat back in her chair, having set the cup down, “It could’ve been worse. There are ACEs out there with far worse manifestations. If anything, I should be thanked for such a simple ask of having my wielder be so beautiful.”

“Wait.” Sarah stopped, “So you were the one who made the conscious effort to turn him into a girl?” I’ve seen ACEs possess a person entirely, bring someone back to life, and… I guess that big turtle never really manifested, huh?

Brushing her palid hair in the golden sunrise, the Alcademian alchemist adorned an ostentatious grin, “Of course! Anyone worth a damn gets what they want, even out of the worst situation. Ain’t that right, Sea Otter?”

Perking up at the attention, Carbuncle sat upright next to the still full bowl, “Squeak?”

“Oh, so you don’t? What’s your deal anyways?” She leaned in and poked him on the nose, “What even is your manifestation? Short Stack over there looks and acts somewhat normal. Did you change the way she smells perhaps? She is kinda rank…”

Subtly sniffing her pits, Sarah stuck her tongue out and crossed her eyes, “Hey, it’s because I couldn’t fucking shower! I’ll take one when I get home!”

Carbuncle locked glances with his fellow Ul’Danian and replied calmly, “Squeak.”

She stopped. It seemed impossible, but all color drained out the already pale Sea Sage’s face, “Wait a minute! That makes absolutely zero fucking sense! How could you be- Why does that even- I just- I just…”

Sarah crossed her arms, “Damn, looks like he told you, bitch.” Looking at Carbuncle, her tough façade dropped, “So what did you tell her?”

Leaning on the table before her, Ortelanus brushed the hair out of her face, “Do you- Do you know anything about your partner?”

With a shrug, Sarah pulled a groan from the alien, “This little guy right here is the fucking TREASURE!”

The Treasure? Where have I heard that term before?

“You don’t get it, do you?! The entire fucking world fell into her lap and she just doesn’t get it!”

Turning to see Jesse come in from a morning run, Sarah returned to the matter at hand, “Why not try educating me, Professor Ortel-asshole?”

With the tried and true method of deep breathing, Ortelanus regained her composure, but kept a wary eye on the glowing fox-like creature on the table before her, “I’ll keep it simple for your little monkey brain: you literally had the power to wish for anything in the world and fucking blew it.”

“What? When?! That doesn’t-”

“Yes it absolutely does.” Orty pinched the bridge of her nose and tilted her head back, “The goal of this whole thing, the World Game, is to grant the wish for both ACE and wielder. This is accomplished by utilizing the power of what is called ‘The Treasure of the Storm’, a legendary item that no one has ever seen in recorded history and is sequestered away in the middle of the source of every meteorological condition in Ul’Dana.

This thing is said to be able to create entire galaxies, universes maybe, and you threw it all away!”

Sarah bit her lip. Ortelanus is a fucking dick, but she’s a smart fucking dick. If she’s right then-

“Wait. If he’s being used as the reward for the World Game, how is Carbuncle right here in front of us at the same time?”

“Come on bitch girl, fucking think! It’s both! It’s fucking both! Every creature gathered to participate in the World Game was taken from any point in Ul’Dana’s history! This apparently includes The fucking Treasure itself!”

Jesse came into the kitchen, still panting, “That sounds similar to an anime I’ve watched a while back…” Downing an entire glass of water in half a second, she gasped for air before asking her question, “So you’re saying the Carbuncle we see today is the one that existed before the one being used as the prize?”

Ortelanus bit the spot between her forefinger and her thumb, “Or after, as stupid as that sounds… Which is it, Squeaky?”

Flopping his ears over as he turned his head sideways a few times, he came to a conclusion, “Squeak.”

“Yeah, I figured it’d be a crapshoot.” This time, Orty bit her lip as she continued to ponder loudly, glancing at the blackened diamond-shaped hole in ‘Buncle’s forehead, “All we know is that he looks like he isn’t at full power. So I might’ve had an incorrect hypothesis in saying that you could’ve wished for anything.”

“You can admit when you’re wrong, fish bitch.” Sarah finally took a seat at the table, petting Carbuncle.

“I know what I said. There’s nothing wrong with having an incorrect hypothesis when that is all the information you had at the time. It’s not an error of judgement on my behalf.” Clearing her throat, she sat up straight, “The residual power could have gotten you plenty however, depending on how long he was split from either what is The Treasure or what made him The Treasure.”

Jesse joined the other women at the table, all sitting around the fox-thing of the hour.

“Squeak!”

“What did he say?”

The Sea Sage sat back in her seat, finally coming down from the heart attack she nearly suffered, “He said he’s sorry he dragged you into all of this. That, and he pooped in the gym bag you had him in yesterday.”

“I fucking knew it! You do shit!” Sarah stood, pointing down at the glowing creature.

“Squeak.” With a paw to her face, Carbuncle slapped the other alien’s nose.

“Okay! Geez. He doesn’t defecate, he doesn’t even eat.” Rubbing her delicate nose, she pointed towards her own wielder with a wink, “Sounds familiar, right Jess?”

Getting up, the sweaty girl turned her frequent shade of red, “Not funny!”

“Oh…” Sarah looked down at the tabletop. The past two and a half months had been quite long. “Tell him, ‘It’s fine. I’ve almost been having fun. In a kinda weird way…”

“He can understand you.” Ortelanus crossed her arms, “Haven’t you noticed?”

Carbuncle nodded in approval. His bushy tail ran along the table, pushing dust and other particles off of the top.

“I knew that!” Sarah locked eyes with her partner. “He’s really smart for someone who doesn’t say a whole lot.”

Carbuncle turned towards Orty and chirped once more.

“What did he say there?” Sarah shouted.

Ortelanus staunchly crossed her arms, “I’m not your translator.”

Wobbling over to her partner, Jesse placed her hand on the ACE’s shoulder, “C- Come on, Orty! You’re the only one who understands him. Since we’re working with them now, we need to help them out too!”

“Fine…” Ortelanus pinched her nose, “But you’re going to need to get in the shower, I’m not going to have my wielder smell like a bag of manure much like another ACE holder at this table…

He said he’s been enjoying his time on Earth too. Also he got onto me for saying that your wish was a waste.”

“What exactly was my wish again?” The question had been clawing at Sarah.

“Squeak!”

Orty crossed her arms and closed her eyes, “You’re kidding! Ugh...” She grumbled to herself before speaking out loud again, “Your wish apparently was ‘To save whoever you’re dueling in the World Game’. Now, I’m not sure if that meant just in that moment or permanently.”

She opened her eyes and resumed her thinking position, “We don’t have a precedent on how wishes act, so we can only postulate. If the wish was temporary, that’d be useless. But if it was a more permanent thing, then what exactly does ‘save’ mean? What happened when you were making that wish?”

Leaning her head back to look at the ceiling, Sarah rubbed her head concentrating on something that was only a month ago. “I was duelling Bruno... It was an ACE duel… We were in that weird time-space bubble and shit…”

“Yeah,” Jesse interrupted, “We were there watching the duel. I just remember it ending with a flash of light and both of you were there when that bubble faded away.”

“Right… I remember feeling awful that little what's-his-face was gonna die if I won and remembering there what Carbuncle was trying to say to me.”

Prompted once more, he hopped over to Sarah’s side, “Squeak!”

The exertion looked to be weighing on Ortelanus, “So let’s lay this out: you duelled that Elderbeast, you won, Carbuncle manifested, and before trapping them in that pocket dimension, you made your wish and got the old guy and kid out?”

“When you put it like that, it sounds more hectic than what it felt like. I genuinely had no clue what was going on.” Sarah rubbed the back of her neck, looking down at the table once more.

Orty crossed her arms once more, “So his manifestation is an entire wish. And he gave it to you free of charge. No condition.”

Holy shit this is a lot. The day hasn’t even started and I’m already fucking beat…

“Last question, then we should probably start heading out…” Sarah looked at her partner, contentedly smiling back, “Do either of you know about some heavier set goth chick with black hair? Has a rude puddle of water and goes by something like ‘Miranda Montenegro’?”

Ortelanus looked at the still sweaty Jesse and shrugged, “No clue. But that puddle of water sounds like a Slimoid creature. They were pretty useless back where I’m from, just failed attempts at a homunculus that lives in sewers.”

“Got it.” Hearing things like ‘Slimoid’ outside of the card game felt strange. Sounds like something I’d need to get more info from Mr. Rotewasser… “I think she said his name was ‘Hermes’ or something?”

Ortelanus fell out of her chair.

“No fucking way!” She then snapped from her panicked state to her thinking pose on the floor, murmuring to herself, “But it very much could be, since we even have The Treasure in front of us…”

Sarah rubbed her forehead before cupping her hands around her mouth, “Earth to fish bitch! You’re not helping by thinking to yourself!”

Picking up her chair and sitting at the table once more, taking on a grave expression, she grimmaced, “Well, if we’re going against the Founder of Alchemy himself, then we’re all fucking dead.”

“I can’t believe the boss has me out ‘ere.” Lighting up his cigarette and taking a long drag, ‘The Ripper’ leaned against the back of the small card shop in the middle of an unassuming shopping center. The spot he chose in particular was covered from the winds, but still nice enough to see the sunrise.

Middle aged and already bald, ‘The Ripper’ tightened his sleeveless leather jacket and straightened up. With a disfiguring burn covering most of his face, he had to be careful about being seen.

“‘Ey Melt.” As he called out, a tall, slender humanoid being appeared beside him. Her face appeared to be a blank slate, just her peach skin stretched over her skull with no signs of eyes, nose or a mouth. With no hair as well, a single glance was all it took to see she did not belong in this world. Thankfully, in long flowing navy blue robes, she did not attract any more unnecessary attention outside of her egg head.

“Hello, Terrence.” The feminine entity spoke directly to his mind, something that took a long time for him to get used to. “The sun looks quite lovely today. A shame there isn’t a second one to keep it company…”

Putting out his cigarette against the brick wall behind him, Ripper turned to address his ACE, “It ain’t bad. But we ain’t got long ta enjoy it.” Pointing a thick finger to his partner, he slid into a cheesy grin with what little teeth he had left, “Ya pick out our target today?”

It was hard to tell how she felt by looking at her, but Meltlilith expressed herself through other means, “I believe so.” Her rhythmic pattern of speech sang cognitively, “You wanted to get involved directly, so I selected a competitor that might even be facing our quarry.”

“Oi Melt, I love ya!” Ripper picked out a card from his deck box, “We gon’ ‘aveta pay off a judge or two, but we might act’ly see what that lil’ blondie can do for ourselves.”

‘The Ripper’ was not a man of subtlety. As someone who stood out in a crowd partnered with yet another freakshow, a trick or two was necessary to get results. Wiping his hand in front of his face, the 5’2” cueball turned into a tall, swarthy older man with long grey hair, a quick look he picked up that morning from the news.

Coming into the shopping center, the bespeckled man adjusted his plain white button up and eccentric tie.

“Where’d ya find our target?” He whispered under his breath.

“He’s sitting in his car. A forest green soft top playing some loud, twangy music.” Even though her voice sang through his mind, he knew she was close by.

Spotting the car parked in front of an older looking coffee joint, he stepped onto the pavement.

“Is that? Oh God, it is!”

The bellowing voice came from behind him, shooting his heart out his chest.

“Weatherford? What in the absolute hell brings your shit-stained underwear around these parts?” A large redheaded man stood in the open door of the card shop. Wearing a simple white tee covered with a blue and yellow Hawaiian shirt, he did not seem like he wanted to cause trouble for this ‘Weatherford’ guy.

“I will keep an eye on our target, you maintain impressions.”

The ginger giant stomped over to Ripper and threw his arms around his now scrawny shoulders, nearly shaking off the thin glasses delicately balancing on his small nose, “What’s wrong, Tim? Forgot about the one good programmer you let get away?”

“Eh- I could never forget a pretty face like yours!” Ripper had a hard time with American accents. The hard ‘T’ sounds always shook him up. “I just was headed over for a good ol’ cuppa- joe! A cup of joe.”

The man paused to give way to scrutiny. “You sure sound like you need one!” Patting him on the shoulder, thankfully he had more than just a basic illusion. “Mind if I join you? It’s been a sec since we caught up!”

“I can’t! You know me, super busy and stuff!” Quickly trying to remember what he could about the article, his pits were immediately flooded, “I gotta get back to the aquarium and make sure those seahorses hatch!”

Jumping back to scrutiny, the large man scratched his short beard. “Well…” The parking lot echoed with his jovial laughter, “Congrats on parenthood again, Weatherford! You and your hobbies are always a treat! Speaking of fathers, I saw your daughter recently.”

“Oh yeah?” Trying to edge out of the conversation, every step made towards the coffee shop was competed with another from his persistent pursuer, “What has she been up to? She’s been making me quite proud lately!”

“I thought you and Sarah were fighting lately?”

“Oh, that one!” At this point, they looked as if they were walking to the cafe together, “Sorry, you never specified which one!”

Scratching his beard once more, the large man loomed over Ripper’s new svelte form, “I could’ve sworn you only had one daughter, Weatherford.”

“How’s the conversation going?” Melt invisibly sat on the car chuckling to herself with such a show.

Steeling himself, ‘Weatherford’ stood his ground. Violently throwing his head, a few pops eked out of the similarly bearded gentleman’s neck, “I’m sorry, man. I guess you haven’t heard the news, my former son decided to come out. That’s what I meant by me being proud of her.”

“Oh geez!” Finally the big man showed a sign of weakness, “I had no clue you got back with your so- daughter! Congrats again, man!”

“No problem, just quit harassing me, man!” The older man stormed off, leaving the other party confused and forced to relent. “Why didn’t ya ‘elp out, ya ninnie?”

A chuckle echoed throughout his headspace, “Sorry, you looked like you were having the time of your life!”

Almost dropping his new look, Ripper groaned loudly, “Now I t’ink I’ll need ta coffee after all…”

“Mind if we get coffee before going in?”

“A-are you sure you’re supposed to be using your phone while driving?” Jesse’s voice sounded distant.

Sarah reminded herself to peek out over the dashboard, something she needed to get into the habit of doing more often, “Aren’t you doing the same thing though? Besides, no one’s on the road righ- SHUT THE FUCK UP! DON’T BE SUCH A FUCKING ROAD HOG!” She corrected herself back into her lane and cleared her throat, “Nobody's out on the roads right now, ONLY ASSHOLES!”

Having watched the exchange safely half a mile away, Jesse waved in apology to the car as it passed her as well, “Sure, but I don’t think me or Orty need one…”

“Fine, more for me! Just make sure you let ol’ Montgomery I’m there too!”

Pulling into The Cardinal Cafe, she hopped out of the car and left Carbuncle inside. Huh, Marty’s here. What else is new?

Opening the door, she immediately wanted to close it. A tall, lanky man with grey slicked back hair and a light patch of hair on his chin sat at the table closest to the door. The standard white shirt was wrinkled as usual and the tie was his typical shade of strange, this time depicting a cascading series of the famous canine character “Dooby Scroos”. His glasses, which she was sure were wholly for aesthetics, sat delicately on his small nose and his grey eyes shot wide upon her entry.

“D-dad?”