I rubbed my eyes and tried to focus on the world around me, the Italian people, the shops, the smells.

Many blocks later I found myself standing outside the English radio house.

‘She’s worth it,’ I reminded myself, ‘She’s worth it even if you can’t convince her.’

Taking a breath, I walked into the radio house.

Inside I found that the radio house also shared its building with an accounting firm and a laundromat.

I walked into the radio place and rang the bell for reception, then sat on their lone chair. The only thing hanging from the walls was a menu for a local pizza place that looked about five years out of date.

After waiting a few minutes, a young woman’s head popped through the reception window, ‘Oh hello there!’

‘Hello, I’m…’ my nervous pitch was cut short as she disappeared. The sound of a bolt dropping came from a door to the reception.

‘Ciao!’ she said, shaking my hand, ‘Come in I’ll show you around.’

‘Okay,’ I said, my voice lifted a little in surprise.

The woman took me through the door and into the second half of their building which was marginally bigger than the reception area – only this one had two booths with microphones and sound pads and cables running everywhere.

‘So that’s Chris,’ she said pointing at the man sitting in one of the sound booths, ‘He’s our journalist here, he prepares the news bulletins and sometimes does work for the BBC.’ She waved her hand, ‘Well very occasionally.’

‘Then there’s Andrea who’s not here but sells our advertising.’ She pointed to a desk between the booths, ‘That’s where Andrea works.’

She pointed to herself, ‘I’m Caitlynn, and you’re… Brian, right?’

‘Ahh, Danny actually.’

She frowned for a moment, ‘Sorry…. I swear I was told it was Brian… anyway let me introduce you to the equipment.

Caitlynn took me through to the empty booth and sat me down in a chair in front of one of the microphones.

‘Do international stations ever pick this up?’

Caitlynn shrugged, ‘They’re allowed to pick up pretty much whatever they want but basically don’t. I think the last time someone picked up my station was two years ago when we had a big fire here and I spoke to the mayor. It does happen but only if it’s big news or something crazy.’

I nodded, feeling rather sure my story would qualify as at least crazy.

She checked her watch, ‘Hey sorry to throw this at you on your first like day, but I’m going live in like thirty seconds, want to join me?’

I grinned, ‘Yeah that’s what I was hoping for… but what do you mean by first day?’

She smiled, adjusting knobs and switches, ‘Well I hope you’re going to come back. It gets boring here by myself.’

I went to speak, to try to explain that we were both talking about two completely different things but Caitlynn held her hand up, ‘And we’re live in 5 – 4 – 3…‘

I drew in a breath and ran a palm over my forehead. This is not what I was expecting.

‘Hello and welcome to Radio Milan, your favourite English language show, the time is currently nine o’clock and we’re here for the first time with my new co-host Danny!’

I sat unsure how to respond, Caitlynn stared at me for just a few seconds before leaning over her microphone again, ‘Why don’t you tell us a bit about yourself.’

I nodded and looked from her to my microphone, ‘Actually I’m not trying to become a co-host.’

Caitlynn’s eyes went wide, ‘That’s why I thought your name was Brian,’ she gave a nervous laugh, ‘He must’ve never shown up.’

I nodded, wringing my hands a little as she thought for just a split second,

‘Well, on radio we have two golden rules – one is that you must never say these words,’ she held up a sheet with a list of swear words on it, ‘And the other is to never have ‘dead air’ – to never let the radio go silent. That’s basically all you need to know to have a career in radio Danny.’

She grinned, but it was still slightly forced, ‘Why don’t you tell us why you came to our station in the first place, we don’t usually get social calls.’

I grinned, ‘We have an hour, right?’

Caitlynn shrugged, ‘More or less.’

I nodded and began to tell my story.

‘It was Friday, a school day, and once again I was stuck in court…’

I told Caitlynn everything, or as near to everything I could fit into one hour. At the start she interrupted a few times, ‘How old were you? What about your parents? Why did you follow her?’

But as the journey wore on, she fell silent, and for a long time, I felt like I couldn’t see her anymore. Instead, my eyes were focused on the inflatable we’d used to travel to Greece, the waiting in the North Macedonia camp, the old man with the weed and the guitar in Budapest, by the time I arrived back here at the radio house we’d gone ten minutes over time and Caitlynn had been silent for over half an hour.

‘And the last thing I want to say is Ayamin I am so sorry for lying to you. I’m an idiot, but I’m also an idiot that can’t go without you. In a week I’m going to be in the same place that Samantha sat waiting – the place where the lights were dark to save electricity – and where she only had the moon to find Rudy.

Please come and see me. Please. I’m an idiot, but even idiots deserve second chances.’

I sniffed, wiped my nose then looked at Caitlynn, ‘I think that’s all I wanted to say.’

Caitlynn’s eyes looked as far away as mine had been, they refocused and then she broke the first golden rule of radio by swearing her head off, ‘I think I believe you.’

I nodded, and for the next five minutes she broke the second golden rule – she fell silent and just stared ahead like she was trying to process what happened. Eventually, she seemed to come to her senses and flicked a few knobs.

Bon Jovi’s Living on a Prayer came on – sort of a fitting theme song, I guess. The door next to us burst open and Chris the journalist came in.

‘The BBC want it.’

They want what?’ I asked, as Caitlynn continued to stare ahead.

‘They want your interview,’ said Chris, ‘Is it true?’

I nodded.

Chris shook his head and now he was staring too, Damn man, damn.’

‘Y-you said the government was after you?’ Caitlynn said.

‘Of course, they are,’ said Chris, ‘His face has been plastered across the news for the last few days.’

‘Then you’ve got to get out of here,’ said Caitlynn, ‘They’re probably on their way.’

I nodded and stood to my feet just as Chris’s phone rung.

‘Hold up,’ he said as I moved past him to the door, ‘It’s the BBC,’ he called.

Caitlynn unlocked the door and pushed me through reception and onto the street.

‘CNN, the Guardian, they all want you, Danny,’ Chris yelled behind me.