Dean and the cashier turned. I think Dean swore.

‘Really? Really? How the hell did we lose to France again?’

I turned to the screen. The news programme had switched to sport. The Netherlands had taken a thumping in the football.

While Mila taunted him I let out a laugh of relief, ‘That was damn close.’

Dean shook his head,’ It wasn’t close. We don’t know what we’re doing on the field this year.’

Back on the road, everyone else took turns roasting the Netherlands football team. Dean, their most loyal supporter was also their harshest critic.

‘Conor, you me and Mila could give them a whipping. We’ll make our own team. This can be our tour bus.’

Conor shook his head, ‘I’ve got the reflexes of a whale.’

‘You’ll still be better than The Flying Dutchmen,’ Ayamin yelled.

There was a chorus of cheers from Mila and Conor, and sobbing from Dean.

But all the fun seemed muted to me. My mind just kept cycling back to the gas station. It seemed like the world was closing in on me.

And I haven’t even told Ayamin yet.

That was the part that was freaking me out. How’s she going to react? How am I going to tell her? I could feel my past catching up with me.

‘Danny?’

I looked away from the window. Ayamin was staring at me. She had a smile on her face.

‘All good Danny?’

I shrugged, trying to put myself back in the moment, ‘Yeah I’m good.’

I slapped a fake smile on my face and raised my voice, ‘Better than the Netherlands national football team anyway.’

Everyone laughed. But Ayamin didn’t laugh quite as much as the others. She nudged my shoulder with her chin, ‘Are you sure?’

‘I’m sure Aya.’

Ayamin nodded and leaned her head against my shoulder, ‘It’s getting dark outside.’

Out the window, the first stars were beginning to appear. They flickered and disappeared when we passed through towns, but re-joined our journey in the countryside. I looked at Ayamin, she had this warm sleepy smile on her face that broke my heart a little.

Forget about it, I told myself, enjoy this Danny, live in the moment.

I wrapped my arm around her and tried to focus on the rise and fall of her body as she breathed. Her eyes closed and not long after she slumped against me.

‘People’s faces never lie when they’re asleep,’ Connor said from the seat in front of me, ‘You’ve got a genuine human right there Danny.’

I stared at him, and his hoody pulled up around his head.

‘I know. Hell, I know.’

He smiled and nodded away to some beat in his head. I turned back to the window and wondered, what does my face look like when I’m asleep?