This morning I set out for the cockpit. The star hasn’t risen in the sky yet but I don’t want to take the lights in case they catch the attention of one of my crew. I’ve put up some obvious signs to show that my shelter is safe and that it’s mine. Hopefully while I’m gone someone will set up shop inside it. I’m leaving a note saying where I’m going. I have this feeling that’s eating at me. What if no one survived? I had to think about that a lot last night. I lost sleep because of it. I don’t want to imagine that I’m the only one on this abandoned planet. It makes me feel really small, especially in the screaming winds that shake and rattle the shelter.

I’m not sure how many hours I spent listening to those sounds. I spent a lot of time thinking about what I did wrong. I thought I did everything right. I had spent so many hours studying, learning from predecessors. I even spent an internship shadowing one of the greatest captains on the IronSiege. And I messed it up on a mission that wasn’t even supposed to have any dangers or obstacles.

I can’t get sucked into this hole again. I need to get across the crash site. I’m taking my log with me in case it’s needed.

I haven’t made it to the cockpit yet. I was intercepted. I hope the shaking in my hands isn’t limiting the readability of my handwriting. I set out in the early morning, before the light of the star was up. Snow was falling in large clumps and the wind was blowing it sideways. The chill was so violent I had to wrap cloth around the crack in my helmet to stop it from getting in. The survival suits are rated for much colder planets than this so after patching up my helmet I was fairly warm. As the red dot started to rise the storm got harsher. It got so bad I had to find a place to weather it out.

There are lots of little hovels that I inspected. I found a room that was mostly still together that I thought would weather the storm. The floor was covered in iced over blood, At the far end of the shelter was Dr. Katida Mariana. S s s

She is covered in shards of red ice, Literally stuck to t he ground and th e metal wall. I found another place to wait out the storm. I can’t be in there with her. It keeps haunting me. The ice preserved her injuries so perfectly. I just keep wondering. Did the crash and impact kill her or did she suffer? How long Did she suffer? How cold must it have been adn she couldnt call out or do anything but wait for death.

I need to go in and breaking through the ice to take her identifications. I can’t leave her here like this Some part of her has to leave.

I

I messed this up so bad.