《Murder Hobo Society》PROLOGUE: PART III? SERIOUSLY? GET ON WITH IT
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This was it. The end. Doom. Destruction. Punishment. Eternal punishment. Undoubtedly. The goddess was not going to be pleased. “Oh, please just get better!” Her hands were clasped very tightly as she prayed over the bleeding figure. “Goddess, forgive me for not healing this poor, unfortunate creature. I am selfish beyond measure and accept your just punishment, but please, heal this sad, bleeding, wounded, hurt, poor, sad, sad person.”
She peeked, but only with one eye. Blood was still pouring out of the gash on the man’s head. “Oh, come on!” She decided to try a new tactic. Squeezing her eyes closed, she prayed harder. “Goddess, I know that you have given me this gift to heal others, that I may be your instrument in this mortal realm. However, I’ve heard that good leaders don’t ask their followers to do anything they aren’t willing to do themselves. If you will just heal this, sad, unfortunate, poor soul, of his wounds, then I will know that you do indeed wish for me to follow you. Do this much, that I may know that you are there, and listening.”
Taking a deep breath she peeked again. Both eyes opened wide. That blasted goddess was calling her bluff! The gash on the man’s head was healed. There were still plenty more wounds to deal with, however, and she had no intention of dealing with them. A painful moan escaped the patient’s mouth. Was he taunting her? “Oh, shut up,” she hissed.
Squeezing her eyes shut once again, she continued praying. “Goddess, I thank you for hearing my plea. You truly are great and wonderful, oh goddess of light, and goodness, and beauty, and light. I know now that you wish for me to use your light to heal those poor, sad, unfortunate, sad, sad, souls. However, it occurs to me, having seen the miracle of your healing powers, that what is difficult for me is simple for you. Wouldn’t it make more sense if you were to heal this sad, sad, sad creature, and all the others, and let me get to doing something that is more useful, something you can’t do yourself? Something like--” A crack of thunder boomed, shaking the room. “Well, fine, then. There’s no reason to get so testy.”
“Sister!” One of the priestesses came running into the room. “Oh, if the mine collapsing this morning wasn’t enough! A bolt of lightning just shot out of the blue sky and exploded the inn! They’re bringing in even more wounded! Are you finished with this one yet?”
The goddess hadn’t just called her bluff, she was doubling down. She was good. “Ooooo!” she shouted and the other priestess looked surprised. “Why me?” She said it to the beams overhead. Sighing, she stood up. “Very well, Sister Hebb, let’s get this done. Gather all of the wounded into one place.”
“The only place big enough would be the garden. I’ll get everyone started on it right away. Shall I bring this man as well, or do you want to heal him here?” Little old Sister Hebb was so practical.
Scowling the younger woman stood. “Leave him here. The goddess is going to heal this man while I heal the others.” The older woman’s eyes bulged.
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“The-the-the goddess?!”
The goddess was good, but she had an ace up her sleeve. “That’s right. This is the deal we have. If I heal the others, she’ll heal him. If the man dies, you’ll know exactly what kind of goddess you worship.” Take that you hag! Sister Hebb was stunned for only a moment, then rushed off, yelling commands at all of the other sisters and townsfolk tending to masses of wounded villagers. What a mess.
She followed Sister Hebb into the corridor, then made a quick trip to her own quarters. A cloak would be necessary if the healing was to be done outside. Pesky light. Pesky goddess and her pesky blessings. Why couldn’t she have been blessed with riches or fame? Why couldn’t she be blessed with extreme beauty or nobility? Why did she have to be blessed with the healing powers of the goddess herself? Of course, to be fair, that wouldn’t be so bad, if it weren’t for the curse. But to be even fairer, the curse had come first. On top of that, this so-called “blessing” was just a double curse!
Grabbing her gloves, she put them on as she left the room, heading towards the garden. The hallways were mostly empty now. These peasants made quick work of moving bodies when it was their own friends and family. Well, this was it. This was the last time. After this, the goddess would have to do any healing that needed doing in this dirty old town herself.
The sun was horribly bright. Wretched sun. She pulled at the hood again, but it was already covering her face as much as it could. “Well, let’s get this done quickly now. Is everyone here?”
“Wait!” Someone called from behind and she turned. Two creeps were dragging themselves through the hall of the temple, leaning on each other and dragging some kind of dead animal behind them. As they got closer she realized that it was really just one man that was injured, but he was so much larger than the one wearing the funny hat, that it took all of the smaller man’s effort to keep him upright. The beast of a man was the one dragging the limp creature. Was it a dog? No, they had snouts, didn’t they?
“Well, hurry it up!” She hissed and motioned for them to move quicker. Two sisters leapt to the rescue, helping carry the big man into the courtyard.
“Thank you, sisters,” said the man with the hat, massaging his shoulder. “Think I could use some of that healing as well.” She wanted to slap the grin off his face, but instead, she closed her eyes. This was going to hurt.
In spite of the murmured moans and loud cries of the wounded, the words of reassurance given by the many priestesses and townsfolk that were tending to them, everyone went silent and still the moment light began to pour out of the hooded figure that stood in their midst. It wasn’t the blessed healing light of the goddess, shining forth, brighter even than the sun, wrapping around them, sealing wounds, rejuvenating bodies, that stilled and hushed the crowd. It was the blood-curdling screams that came from the light’s source.
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It only lasted a few seconds, then the sister collapsed and the light faded. Kendrik moved swiftly, just barely not catching the young woman before she crashed into the ground. Sisters gather around as he helped her up.
“By the goddess, what happened?”
“Are you alright, sister?”
“Sister, your face, it’s covered with burns!”
“Sister Hebb, you have some healing powers, can you care for her burns?”
“Nooo!” She screamed and flailed, pushing them away.
“I’m fine! I’ll be fine!” Despite her words, she swayed. “It’s the goddess. She-she-she showed me a vision! That’s it! I saw… burning! Fires! I’m needed elsewhere. My good sisters, I must leave the temple, and travel far away. It is Her will.”
Thankfully, they ate it up. Everyone except that infernal man, who stared at her with a smirking grin. The giant he had brought with him was standing now, healed. Strangely enough, their animal was also standing. On its hind legs. It was wearing clothes. Then the big man picked it up and placed the creature on his back. The sisters were fawning over her story, congratulating her and wishing her well.
“But when will you leave?” It was Sister Hebb.
“Now.”
“You can barely stand! And it’s not safe to travel alone these days.”
“Dear sisters!” It was the grin. “Clearly, we have been fated by the goddess herself to be struck by that bolt of lightning. It lead us, poor wandering adventurers, to this good sister…” he paused, waiting for her name. Don’t say it, don’t say--
“Nancy. This is Sister Nancy.” Blasted old woman. The grin had actually wavered into something less confident for just a moment, however, so it had been worth it.
“Sister… Nancy?” He tested the name. “Well, as I was saying, we will devote ourselves to helping the goddess’ priestess on her quest.” How could anyone believe a word that came out of that grin? And yet, the sisters were eating that up as well. At least it would get her out of here.
“Good men, sent by the goddess,” she wasn’t being too dramatic was she? “I thank you for your devotion. I will grab my belongings quickly, then we shall be on our way immediately. Please wait for me by the temple’s entrance.”
Wading through the hugs and weepy farewells of the priestesses, she finally made it back into the temple. It would be a cold day in the Blasted Zone before she went anywhere with those creeps. She quickly changed into her gardening clothes, packed what little she had into her pack, and headed back into the garden. She’d be leaving by the back gate, of course. Those men would likely expect her to be a while. By the time they thought to go looking for her she’d be a mile down the road.
There were still quite a few people in the courtyard, but in her dark hooded blouse, she looked like just another peasant exiting through the back of the temple, getting back to the daily plebeian life.
About a minute later she realized that some of the other villagers that head exited through that gate were still walking beside her. She glanced to her right and saw bulging biceps. Daring a look to the left she saw a grin that made her want to puke, shaded by a ridiculous hat.
“Can’t fool everybody, I guess,” she said resignedly.
“Ah, don’t feel bad. We really do mean well, don’t we, Grim?”
The big man to her right grunted. That wasn’t particularly reassuring.
“What he means to say, is, while you may have been lying to your fellow priestesses, goddess forgive you, I was actually speaking the truth. Well, mostly, anyway. You’re obviously running away, and I’m offering you somewhere to run to, with the added bonus of safety in numbers. Not to mention a way to make some money while you’re at it.”
Nancy walked in silence for a minute while she thought. Surprisingly, the feather-capped man didn’t interrupt the silence. If the offer were genuine, it was an opportunity she would be a fool to pass up. If it wasn’t, then the honest truth was that she was just running into the trouble she eventually would early than expected.
“What are the details of this arrangement?” She asked cautiously.
She could feel his grin as he responded, “I am a person who has been commissioned by The Society to assist in the recovery of certain objects of interest to a very influential and wealthy benefactor. We have need of someone of your particular talents to assist us.” The line sounded rehearsed.
“That’s exactly what he said to me,” turning her head she started at the furry lump on the large man’s back. By the goddess, it was looking right at her, and it was talking! Slowly. “Tyboloth, at your service.”
“Well, I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to decline. You may think, after what you just saw, that I am a healer. You’d be wrong.”
He laughed, “Oh, you may not be very good at lying, but you are quite good at healing. We all saw it. However, I understand what you mean.” She glanced at him. The grin had managed to get even more insufferable. “As you said, can’t fool everybody. Those burns didn’t come from any vision. You’re undead.”
Who was this guy? “I am not!” Nancy hissed. “I’m just… cursed. With necrotic skin.”
“Look, I don’t care about your curse, all I care about is my contract. We came to Downsford looking for a healer, and we’ve found one. As far as the terms and conditions go, we just need someone talented at healing, and I’ve certainly never seen anyone better than you. If you can’t use your healing light, then you’ll simply be charged as designated potion carrier. Do we have a deal?” He held out his hand.
What was the worst that could happen? “Deal,” she said. Did a handshake count if you were wearing gloves? Certainly, it couldn’t be held to the same level of accountability as an ungloved handshake. If things went sideways, she’d just continue with her previous plan. Run away.
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