Let’s start with a guy, a young man in some sort of shitty village. That’s a good start for self insert purposes I think. His village is like really shit, and he has to have some sort of underdog feature so let’s go with something like a disability and his hair is weird. Yeah his hair is black and no one has any black hair, this way he’s super edgy. He also has black eyes and a pale skin this way he can just get some random power up of awakening some sort of edgy demon bloodline of some kind whenever he’s in any actual danger.

Now I’ll try to switch to actual narration since that may be harder and more useful than whatever this currently is, so goodbye, your friendly narrator goes into hiding.

DarkBoi69 woke up in a normal day and he hated this day. There wasn’t anything special happening on this day but he hated it because it was a day, and darkboi69 hated every day as much as [redacted] already hated having to write the numbers at the end of his name. His friends, if he had any, and thus the narrator for convenience’s sake, would simply call him Darkboi, dropping the numbers at the end of the name out of familiarity.

He didn’t have a house, he lived in the middle of a fucking forest because that was the best idea he had ever had of housing, and had never tried to construct anything sturdy or lasting to hide in. For food he tried his best to find animal corpses because he couldn’t hunt, and tried to beg for food in the shitty village he was next to. Sometimes he tried to steal but that was very dangerous, because the populace hated him for absolutely no obvious reason and would be on the lookout whenever he walked by muttering about his profound hatred for the world and all life on it and specifically this village, shifty eyes shifting in shifted directions as he did his best to appear suspicious in literally every social interactions.

Really a wonder why he would be hated so much.

Anyway, back to the food. Such a tiny amount of food was obviously not even close to be enough for him to survive long enough to the present day, but that was a plot hole that would be left hidden away, along with who could be his parents and what could have happened to them. This would allow to have some dramatic information reveal in a moment of crisis and pretend that what would be suddenly pulled out of the author’s ass was planned all along.

“Fuck you!” Darkboi, shouted at the bright sky. There was even a sun, no two suns because that’s more exotic even though not really interesting. Can you believe that, though? A sun? Light?

“Ugh. I hate light.” he grumbled darkly to appeal to the overwatch’s reaper fanbase. “Oh hey this is a reference to some pop culture! You can’t do that without taking out the reader from his self-insertion.”

“Yes.” A figure appeared behind a tree. It was the narrator, because no meta reference can be made right without suddenly inserting the narrator in the story and breaking the fourth-wall. “Now would be a good time for excessive punctuation and overall really annoying-to-read writing decisions.”

“WHAT?!!!!!” Darkboi shouted as he jumped up, a bit dizzy from the sudden movement.

Now this could also be a good time to enter into some sort of chinese light-novel narration where everything is explained three times in a row even though they are blatantly obvious before having been explained even once, but that doesn’t sound interesting to anyone including the author, so let’s not.

An explosion sounded out somewhere in the forest, because we have to start getting somewhere and can’t really afford to show we don’t care at all about the backstory of the village or any world building.

Darkboi ran towards it, hiding expertly behind bushes and trees even though that doesn’t really sound plausible considering how sparse a forest near a village would probably be. Hiding behind a big tree, he could just lean his head to take a peak.

Out in the middle of a clearing there was a big metal rod. sticking out of the ground, where it seemed to have cracked its surroundings upon landing. Looking up, darkboi didn't find anything that would explain its fall from anywhere and so kept looking.

The metal rod fell sideways and revealed that it was attached to a very badly explained and describe design. IT was actually a scythe but that would be impossible to guess for most of the story considering the author would have described in an impossibly-convoluted way to overkill the concept of trying to portray the lack of knowledge of the protagonist.

“What is this?” muttered Darkboi in a not really useful interjection, considering we’re not in first person view. Thankfully, else I would have to write his thoughts.

He hesitated to approach but was too scared. This wasn’t cowardice at all, though, but an ingrained fear of having been trapped and bullied by the village people.

So he decided to wait this one out and wait to see what would happen, in one of the smartest decisions fate had in store for him.

The scythe glowed in a dark, red, and edgy glow. Darkboi could pretty much feel the edginess oozing out of the glow as he shielded his light-sensitive eyes behind his arm, nearly falling down from the unexplained magical waves of pressure.

Finally the glow settled down and Darkboi could see a small girl laying down unconscious. But it wasn’t really a girl, it was some sort of demon ! gasp! She had some kind of horns, wings and a tail which shape won’t be described because that could bring an interesting take on demon-like fantasy species. But that wasn’t what was important.

She was impossibly beautiful. More beautiful than any other women darkboi had ever seen, even though that doesn’t say much. Really, the reader can trust the author on this one, she was really beautiful. No need for an actual description or explanation on that, except for one vital proof :

“HoLy shIT Her TiTS aRe FucKinG BiG.” Darkboi shouted, finally telling us what everyone wanted to know while reading the prologue. Also she had transformed from a scythe to a woman but that was a detail.

Now it’s important to detail a bit more on how big her breasts were. They were the biggest he had ever seen. The biggest on the country, which was probably an empire because every fantasy story starts in an empire. They were nearly spilling out in every single possible directions from her lewd clothing, because we’re really going to need to keep milking out the interest of our readers with lewd imagery to distract them from how bad the rest is going to be.

And that’s about the half hour I had allocated myself so let’s conclude with a shitty cliffhanger that’s going to be resolved disappointingly quickly in the next episode :

“HEHEHEHE.” a man came out of the bush, rubbing his hands. He was bald, ugly, a bit fat, ugly, not very well-dressed and ugly. He looked like a damn bandit and was ugly. “Surely if I bring this woman to the chief he’ll reward me. But first I CaN HaVe SoMe fUN hehe.”

This didn’t make much sense but he wasn’t supposed to be an actual thought-out character.

Darkboi was horrified but I’ll tell you much more on that tomorrow.

Cheers.