Chapter 46

I hit the water hard, but harder than that was the coldness of the icy seawater. It seized me like a crushing hand, and I felt every muscle in my body lock up. Whatever breath I might have been trying to keep then seemed to disappear as the cold seemed to pierce through even to my lungs. Stupidly, the intense cold had made me gasp in a mouthful of salty, foul-tasting water.

It was so dark.

I couldn’t figure out which way was up and which way was down, but with all my limbs constricted, all I could really do was thrash around and go nowhere. The saltwater stung my eyes and everywhere I’d been cut, especially my arm.

Anger and frustration tore at my throat like a pair of wolves. I could feel my pulse struggling, moving through my body uselessly as oxygen began to run out. I think… I think I was sinking, because I could feel the water pushing at my nostrils, trying to force its way in.

Slimy things, I didn’t know what, slid over my skin as I continued to sink into the darkness, and each time, the disgusting feeling compounded my fear and panic. I jerked to a stop, held by the chain around my legs which must have run out. With the chain taut, now I knew which way was up but I couldnt – why?! – why couldn’t I go that way?!

I tried but I couldn’t right myself. I was upside down, stuck upside down, and no matter how I twisted and thrashed, I couldn’t force myself to go the right way. My winter clothes had grown heavy and tight around me, weighing me down like concrete.

I thought I’d known agony. I thought I’d known fear. Every sense in my body was screaming for air, screaming for mercy, for help, for something, something that no one could give in these dark, watery depths. My heart beat faster and faster, as though by sheer speed alone it could force what remained of the little oxygen I’d gone down with to the rest of my body to prolong— prolong what–?

Each moment I was still alive and conscious was brutal torment.

It was like something had gripped my entire upper half in a clawed grasp, squeezing and tearing me. I felt like I was being crushed, bit by bit. Dizziness overwhelmed me as I felt myself losing consciousness at last. All the fight went out of me then, and I felt myself seize up one last time and go limp.

Unable to resist anymore, my body inhaled automatically. But nothing came in but water. When I plunged into it, it had been colder than ice, but going into me, it felt like molten lava, burning my throat and lungs. It was endless. It kept coming, pushing through both my nose and my mouth forcefully, mercilessly, and the agony of it jerked me back into consciousness, for a moment, for one maliciously excruciating moment.

I wished for death but it wouldn’t come.

I was coughing, hyperventilating, drawing more and more water in. Just more water, more darkness, more agony.

I screamed then, as though I could scream out all the pain and fury and vengeance and cold water.

I vomited. The water burned just as severely coming out as it did coming in. I couldn’t see, I couldn’t hear, but when I gasped in, it was air, not water, that went in. But it too burned, and I heaved and coughed even as I was gasping in and out. My veins cried out in relief but my lungs seared with pain at every breath.

I heard someone swearing, almost fearfully. I was barely conscious, and I desperately wanted not to be conscious, but I wasn’t allowed. Someone’s boot pressed down on my stomach and even more water came pouring out of my mouth.

It still didn’t make sense to me what had happened. I felt sure that I had died, and yet I was here again, clawing my way back to life despite every cell in my body begging for release. Bit by bit, clarity, excruciating clarity returned. I’d been pulled back up– but who, and why? There was no way Taejun knew where I was.

“Look at what you’ve done, Sungmin. You think you did him a favor? Look at him,” rumbled a voice so deep, it could only belong to Han Jungho. I groaned. Their voices seemed far, and weirdly muffled, as though they were the ones under water.

“We can use him,” Sungmin insisted. “I can use him.”

Jungho didn’t say anything, and I couldn’t. I wanted to tell Sungmin to go to hell, but I couldn’t manage to do anything other than cough and sob for breath.

“He won’t refuse us now,” Sungmin reasoned. His voice was shaking. “No one would go through that again.”

My vision was still blurry and spotty but I managed to glare in what I was pretty sure was Han Jungho and his son’s direction.

“And,” Sungmin added, “now that he knows how it feels to drown, he wouldn’t wish for his family or friends to go through the same fate.”

Shock rippled through me. What Sungmin said even gave Jungho some pause. He guffawed. “Looks like you’ve got some potential after all, Sungmin. But do you really have the spine to go through with it?”

Sungmin was silent.

“I didn’t think so,” Han Jungho said. “Throw him back.”

Now I wasn’t so sure that death by drowning was a preferable alternative to doing some minor tasks or drug running for a gang. Weakened as I was, when someone seized me, I tried to resist.

“Wait, Jungho-hyungnim.”

A voice that I was pretty sure I knew cut in. But in this state I couldn’t remember where I knew that voice from.

“We know the Demon is coming. Do we really want to antagonize him by killing his younger brother?” The man who was speaking was the small boss from the warehouse. Han Jungho held up a hand. The person dragging me stopped and I sagged limply in relief.

“What’s your point?” Jungho rumbled.

“If we kill JJ here, there’s no doubt that Baek Taejun will know exactly who did it, even if we cover our tracks. He’ll put not just you, but also your son on death row if he gets us,” the man said thoughtfully.

“You assume that we’ll just lay belly up and let him, do you?” Han Jungho growled threateningly.

“There’s always a chance. I’m not a gambling man, Jungho. I like my chances as good as I can get them,” the other replied coolly. “And if Sungi-yah thinks he can JJ to work for him proper, we’ll have a guy who knows the movements of the Demon himself.”

Han Jungho seemed a little swayed, but he continued to press the other guy. “Or he could go running right back to his brother letting him know everything we’re up to. I’m surprised that hasn’t occurred to you, Jihoon. He’s done it before. In fact, he’s the one that ratted on your warehouse location.”

“Ssi-bal. I know that. But he didn’t do it for money. He did it for love, or some stupid noble shit like that as young people like him do. And now that he’s gotten a taste of saltwater, I doubt he’ll be wanting to try that again. And even if he does, well, I like Sungi’s idea. Sungi might not yet have the stomach to hurl his friend’s family into the ocean. But I do. And I’ll make this little gaesaekki watch them first. So if he fucks up again…” he trailed off menacingly.

I felt trapped. I never wanted to go back to those dark depths below. But being coerced to work for this gang would be another hell in itself. And if I tried to get out of it, I’d be risking not just my own life, but those I cared about.

“So. You’re telling me to hold you responsible for taking on this guy?” Jungho nudged me with his foot, none too gently.

“Sure. Have I ever let you down, hyung-nim? I only propose plans that I know will work.” Jihoon said. “If not for me, we’ll all have been cuffed and dragged off to prison several times over already.”

What he said must have been true, because Han Jungho seemed convinced at last. The thug holding me let me drop down to the floor with a wet plop.

“If your end game is to get leniency from the Demon for saving his brother’s life, you’re cracked in the head, Jihoon. But since you and my son are so determined to keep this stray, take him. Just don’t come running back when this dog bites the hands that helped him.”

“Give us something,” Jihoon said. I realized he was talking to me.

Maybe it was better to live and bide my time rather than die here and now. My anger had been fairly tempered by the icy winter waters.

The first time I tried to say something, my voice rasped and the rattling of my tortured windpipe only invoked another fit of wet coughing.

“My hyung,” I rasped. Each word was agonizing. I could barely put any breath to them, and Jihoon had to come in close to hear what I was trying to say. “Shot. Different case. Not focused… on… you…”

Jihoon grinned. “Well well, good for the bastard that managed to put a bullet into the Demon. It seems the Demon of Seoul’s a bit preoccupied with some other guys. Thank you, Jaehyun. This is good to know.”

Jungho seemed to consider this information.

“So what’s he up to tonight?” Jihoon asked me.

The idea of telling these gangsters what my brother was doing was terrifying. I didn’t know if it would be considered a federal violation. But the punishment of prison was far less horrible than being thrown back into the ocean. “Working,” I murmured. “Some… stakeout?”

“Where?”

“... North Incheon,” I groaned. I didn’t actually know where he was, but I was afraid of being punished for not knowing.

“I see he’s had a complete change of heart,” Jungho rumbled. He was definitely pleased. “Tell the guys that we’ll move out tonight then. If the NIS is looking elsewhere tonight, we might as well take advantage of it. Let’s go. We have no time to lose.”

Jungho stepped over me and most of the others moved off with him. Sungmin and Jihoon didn’t follow. I slumped down weakly on the dock, relieved that my ordeal seemed over for the time being and that I’d survived this encounter.

“Thank you, Jihoon,” Sungmin murmured, so low that I barely heard it.

“I didn’t do it for you, Sungi. Like your dad said, I’m trying to save myself,” Jihoon said, but his voice was surprisingly sympathetic. “But you’ve got to shake off your childish notions. Your dad won’t be so lenient on you forever.”

That was lenient? Sungmin had been pretty thrown around by his father just now.

“What do we do with him?” Sungmin asked Jihoon.

“Fuck if I know. You wanted to keep him. He’s your problem now.” With that last comment, Jihoon followed the rest of the guys disappearing.

Sungmin dropped down next to me. I ignored him for a bit. I was still a little preoccupied with just how badly every breath hurt.

“I’m sorry, Jae,” Sungmin said miserably. He cut my hands free at last. I just let them flop down like two pieces of dead meat. I had no energy to move or do anything yet.

I wanted to be pissed with him still. But the only reason I was still alive and shivering on this dock like a landed fish was because he’d intervened, so I had to be at least a little grateful to him, even if I was still in a world of pain.

“Thank you,” I managed to say. Sungmin looked even more miserable when I thanked him.

“I can’t believe you’re thanking me,” Sungmin said.

“You saved my life.” A fit of coughing followed those words and I flopped to my back to stare up into the night sky. Though it was dark, unlike the pure blackness of the sea below, a few dim stars glimmered. I was grateful to be able to see them again. Even though I still throbbed all over with agony from this terrible night, every pulse of pain was a reminder that I was still alive. Still alive to fight on.

I didn’t need my brother to avenge me.

I'd survived, and I was alive to carry it out myself.