„So this is your dorm?“

It's not what I expected Delilah's room to look like. I was thinking many posters and pics of her with friends, maybe some books. But none of that is to be found in here. Only a lot of clothes thrown over the bedpost and a chair. Her desk is littered with make up.

Delilah herself is wearing booty shorts and a loose shirt. It's from a singer I know. I think of Delilah at one of her concerts and have to stifle a smile.

„My roommate is back home for break,“ Delilah says and sits down on the bed.

She pats the mattress next to her. Clumsily, I sit down.

„So? Any specific reason why you're here? You sounded upset.“

I shake my head and try not to be so overwhelmed by her intoxicating scent. Maybe I should write and essay about that – why it is that we're so attracted to smell. I mean, it's not like Delilah and I could reproduce. So what is my nose telling me? What sort of match could we biologically make?

I shake my head.

„Just my mom. I'd rather not talk about it.“

Delilah hums and turns to me. I close my eyes before her lips have even found mine.

Kissing is another thing I could write an essay about. Before Delilah, I thought kissing was often nice and sometimes gross. Now I'm scared of it because it's so addicting. It's like there is something in her saliva that makes my head spin.

Which sounds gross enough. Yet it's not.

„What happened with your mom?“ she asks me, one manicured finger tracing my cheek.

There are some barely visible freckles splattered over her nose. A little zit right next to her left nostril.

„I don't want to talk about it,“ I repeat.

Delilah's dark eyes flick to mine, then back to my mouth.

„Okay. Then let's not talk.“

I think I'm surprised when she takes off her shirt. At the same time, it's like this is the only thing that could possibly be happening right now. Nothing else would make sense.

I follow the curve of her waist to her hip and whisper against her skin: „Have you? With a girl?“

Her fingers are in my hair.

„Yes. Never with you though.“

I respond by tasting her skin. It's salty and warm.

„Don't be shy,“ she says, quietly.

Teasingly.

I smirk against her belly button.

„Oh, darling. I'm not shy.“

„I always knew you'd be like that,“ she says, her fingers lazily playing with my hair, my head heavy on her chest.

„Like what?“

I think she's smiling.

„So unexpectedly confident.“

I hold her a little tighter.

„You're unexpectedly noisy,“ I retort.

She lightly swats my head.

„Shut up. You love it.“

I smile against her warm skin.

„I do.“

„Why are you so smiley?“

Caden eyes me curiously. I try to overlook the fact that his brown skin is ashey and find that I can't.

„No reason.“

„You're never smiley for no reason,“ he states.

I look at his hands. I want to tell him. But part of me wonders it might jinx it.

„I might have hooked up with someone.“

Huge eyes with impossible lashes twinkle at me.

„Delilah?“

I don't answer.

Of course Delilah.

„So you're together now?“

„Jesus, stop.“

I put my hair into a high ponytail.

Part of me tries to fool itself into thinking I could still taste Delilah on my tongue.

„No, but seriousley. Are you?“

Caden's lips are a little blue.

„I don't know, Cades. Dating in your twenties means you never know.“

Listen to me, dating expert at twenty-one.

„Oh. So it is serious.“

„Cades, honestly. Just shut your mouth.“

My brother smiles.

„Hey, it's okay. You like her.“

What a stupid fucking statement. I obviously like her.

„Did you talk about it?“ he asks.

„I was thinking we could watch Netflix together?“ I ask him.

„Don't dodge the question.“

I sigh.

„No, we didn't talk about it.“

I left, eventually. Left the bed with messed-up sheets that now smelled like sex. Left the girl in those sheets that told me she had to attend an audition in the evening.

„Maybe you should.“

„What the hell, Caden? It's enough now, yeah?“

He gives me another look.

„Okay.“

„Great.“

I slip into bed with him and rest my head on his bony shoulder.

He picks one of those stupid action movies he loves that I would never admit I like as well and for a while, we don't talk at all.

„Leah?“

„Hm.“

„If I die -“

My head shoots up.

„Don't say that.“

He frowns and waves his hand.

„Listen to me, please.“

My heart is stuttering in my chest, but I shut my mouth.

„I want to see Adrian. Just in case.“

I'm still struggling to regain my ability to speak.

„Don't worry, I'm not planning on dying. But... I'd really like to see Adrian.“

I nod slowly.

„Yeah. Of course. Did you already... have you told him?“

Caden shakes his head, not looking at me.

„Tell him. I'm sure you won't even have to ask him to visit.“

I'm positive Adrian will drop everything and fly over. He wouldn't even have to miss classes, since we're on summer break anyway.

„You think so?“

„Yes.“

„Okay, then...“

I hand him his phone from the nighstand.

„Those are really good.“

Delilah grins at me from her place on my kitchen counter with her mouth full of the muffins my mom insisted I'd take home.

„I don't want them,“ I say, knowing I'm being childish.

Delilah swallows and puts a sticky finger over my lips.

„You're stupid then. Whatever your mom did – it's not worth you refusing those heavenly muffins.“

I open my mouth and close my lips around her finger.

Delilah's lips part. I swirl my tongue around the tip, faintly tasting a bit of sugary dough.

„Not bad,“ I say, releasing her finger.

Smirking.

After a moment of recovery, Delilah grins, her eyes crinkling a little.

„Such a dirty one,“ she says, sparkle in her eyes.

„But, really. What happened with your mom? Why are you so mad at her?“

I look down and put one hand on her knee, slowly tracing the bones there.

„She just... didn't do a very good job as a parent,“ I say.

„That's awfully vague,“ she says gently.

„I know. Delilah?“

„Yes?“

„I want to ask you something.“

I look up at her.

„Okay. What is it?“

„Will you be my girlfriend?“

My heart is pounding.

It seems so not like me. I never asked this question before. I don't think I usually would.

But my brother is in the hospital and might die any day and I'm painfully lonely because I never let anyone close to me and here is this girl. This horribly rich girl that is way too good for me.

And I don't care. I'm done fucking around.

Delilah's eyes are wide.

„Oh.“

I bite my lip.

„Look, I don't – it's not like I mean that much by it. Just... well. I'd like to be girlfriends. If you're down.“

My palms are sweaty now. Delilah looks down at her knees.

„Leah...“

My heart is sinking. She takes my hand.

„I like you. I really do. But this is – this is a little too fast for me, okay? I like how things are right now.“

I try to swallow my disappointment.

Part of me wants to object. Tell her that it really isn't that fast. We've kissed for the first time weeks ago. We've slept together and she spent countless boring days with me at the hospital.

I look at the strap of her white top. It's always threatening to slide off her shoulder.

„Alright.“

Delilah tilts her head. Searches my eyes.

„Really?“

The two choices I have are either take what she's offering or walk away. Which means it's not really a choice at all.

„Yeah,“ I say and try for a smile.

She kisses me and I think that this might be enough.

I need it to be.

Seeing Adrian again is like taking a trip through a Pensive (if you peasant haven't read Harry Potter, replace that with down memory lane).

His shirt fits him a little tighter than I remember, his hair is shorter – no bangs covering his dark brows anymore.

„Leah. Nice to see you again.“

He grins at me and that is the one I remember. All teeth and shit-eating.

„I'm glad you could make it.“

I hug him and his solid body calms me. He smells like one of those hyper masculine body-washs and fresh clothes.

„How's your family?“ I ask.

„Oh, they're good. I mean, Mamá still won't let me hear the end of it, how I ruined my life with moving to Chicago, but everyone else got over it. I actually think papá is kinda proud of me.“

He grins and I envy his ease.

„He should be.“

Adrian shrugs.

„I'm trying.“

When Adrian, to everyone's surprise, got a sports-scholarship for a college in Chicago, his parents wanted to talk him into staying. Adrian was to take over his parents' restaurant and having those dreams crushed took a while for the family to get over.

But now, Adrian's little sister took a liking to the business and his father is all too happy to teach her everything she has to know.

„What about your siblings?“ I ask.

„Nina's graduating this year, so everyone's excited. And Louis – I mean, you know him.“

Adrian shrugs.

„He's keeping Mamá busy.“

I haven't met Louis very often. He's a lot younger than Adrian.

„Is he in highschool already?“

„No. He'll start in two years.“

„Have you seen Caden already?“ I ask him.

He shakes his head.

„I'm kinda scared, actually.“

He laughs, a little embarrassedly. Then he sobers.

„How bad is it? Like, for real.“

I hold his gaze.

„If we find a donor in time, his chances aren't too bad.“

Adrian nods curtly.

„Then let's hope someone dies.“

Going back to work is a challenge. But I can't use up all my free days – I'll likely need them after Caden's surgery. Anne and the staff gift me with food and good wishes and I almost can't bear their pitiful looks.

„I'll take your shift if you're needed at the hospital,“ Brian tells me and that's the first time I'm truly grateful.

I've just cleaned up my equipment and taken off my apron, when the doorbell tingles.

I almost trip at the sight of high-waisted shorts and expensive sneakers. Delilah smiles at me.

„Hey.“

„What are you doing here?“

I stand in front of her and my heart is pounding as if this wasn't just a person I'm having sex with sometimes.

„Picking you up,“ she says.

Her nailpolish is chipped and a thin layer of sweat makes her baby hair cling to her skin. I'm looking at her lips. She has a mouth out of a magazine for make up. Her mouth deserves a whole editorial.

„I was about to head to the hospital.“

„I figured. Maybe we could grab a bite on the way?“

I nod. I'm not sure I'm smiling. My heart just keeps pounding away.

„See you tomorrow,“ Anne calls after us.

Outside the shop, humid air hits me, hot and stuffy, trapped between the skyscrapers. Delilah reaches for my hand.

„My palms are sweaty,“ I say.

„Mine too.“

It's a little gross, holding hands like this, our sweat mixing. I make it even grosser by thinking about licking the sweat off her body.

„I was thinking wraps?“

„Alright.“

Whatever you want, I might as well have added.

I let her lead me to one of those places where the rich kids eat, with tiny portions and a lot of green and a working AC.

„My treat,“ she says as I'm fishing for my wallet.

„You don't have to pay for me.“

She winks at me.

„I know. But I dragged you here, so I'm paying.“

I can't keep her from it without causing a scene, so I instead opt for staring at her legs.

„How was your audition?“ I ask her as we're eating our wraps on high stools, elbows on the table.

„Not very good,“ she says, holding a hand in front of her mouth.

„I think they were looking for some blond model.“

She shrugs as if it was nothing. I'm never sure it really is.

„The next one will be better,“ I say.

„I hope so.“

Under the table, her foot bumps against my shin. Then, she puts it on the rod of my stool, between my feet. We're staring at each other, smiling, mouthes smeared with sauce.

„Think I'm pretty?“ she asks cheekily.

I swallow.

„Almost as pretty as when you're naked in my bed.“

That makes her laugh and almost choke and blush and I wait for her to regain her composure.

„You're horrible, Leah.“

But her eyes are shining and I know that labels don't matter. I don't need to call her a certain thing to know that what we have, no one can touch.

I'm smiling on my way to Caden's room, hand in hand with Delilah.

Dr. Navarro stops me in the hallway. His face is serious. I stop smiling.

„What is it?“

„Caden's condition worsened. We had to mechanically stabilize his heart function to prevent another failure.“

My skin tears open.

„Oh. What does that mean?“

„That we need a donor, as soon as possible.“

„Can I see him?“

„He's asleep now. I'd adivse you go check on him later,“ the doctor says, brown eyes full of sympathy.

I think I might faint. I almost don't feel Delilah squeezing my hand.

Navarro hold my gaze.

„There is no reason to lose hope. We can keep him in that state for many days, often weeks. I'm sure we'll find a donor in time.“