The two gods huddled on their ornate couch, a large bowl of popcorn sitting between them. Their eyes were glued to a massive screen, taking up most of the wall it was mounted on. This round’s final showdown was about to begin.

“I do hope my Paragon delivers a good monologue. I haven’t had a good monologue in forever.” The Shadowlord took a handful of popcorn.

The Lady of Light sighed. “Please. The Paragons haven’t been interesting in generations. It’s really been quite disappointing.”

The Paragon of Light entered the Sanctum of Shadows, finding the Paragon of Shadows sitting upon his throne. The room was dark, illuminated only by torches sitting in dark metal sconces on pillars placed along the sides of the room. Other than the decidedly uncomfortable looking throne, the room was unadorned. A perfect place for battle.

The Paragons’ eyes locked. The Paragon of Shadows stood from his throne, and pointed at the Paragon of light. Suddenly, wordlessly, the two charged at each other.

“You’re not wrong.” The Shadowlord gestured angrily at the screen. “They didn’t even talk, they’re just going at it.”

Shink.

“Are they? I could hardly tell.” The Lady of Light leaned forward and squinted. “What...are they doing?”

Shink. Shink.

“They’re just standing there stabbing each other.” The Shadowlord’s volume rose as his gestures became more animated. “Where are the flips? Where’s the magic?!”

The two Paragons stood square against each other, each swinging wildly at the other. There was no attempt at defense—no flinching, or any other reaction, from the incoming blow. There was only the mechanical lifting of arms, taking a swing, and moving in for another. Even the two combatants look almost bored of this.

The Lady of Light reclined back, visibly dismissing the battle. “In your Paragon’s defense, opening the Gates of Hell takes a solid 60 seconds of complete concentration and chanting, and leaves him completely vulnerable to just being knocked the hell out.”

Shink.

The Shadowlord threw his arms out in a desperate attempt to assert his will over the situation. “Then where are his minions to cover him?”

Shink.

“Did you see my Paragon? He’s like an incredibly angry sentient blender.” The Lady of Light giggled. “They’re quite dead.”

Shink.

The Shadowlord sagged, defeated. “Sentient might be a stretch. Has he ever talked to anyone without attempting to rob them, murder them, or both?”

Shink. Shink. Shink.

“I’m not sure he’s attempted to talk to anyone, period.” The Lady of Light grimaced.

The Paragon of Light landed one final blow. Suddenly, the Paragon of Shadow’s attacks ceased, and an unseen force rocketed him into the roof of his throne room.

“Oh, us damn it all.” The Shadowlord threw his hands up in one last motion of frustration and surrender. “Can we just turn physics off? They keep breaking.”

The Lady of Light took his hand and shook it, but looked distracted. “I had a thought. Pause for a second?”

“Sure.” The Shadowlord pulled out the remote and paused the world.

“So,” the Lady of Light said, “I think the issue here isn’t with the mortals, but with the system.”

“What do you mean?” The Shadowlord asked.

“As it is now, it seems to fundamentally favor the basic tactics.” The Lady of Light said. “Anything more advanced than swinging a sword or a sidestep is just… impractical, at best, and likely to end in having the wrong end of a sword stuck in your chest.”

“Right. Like with the Gates of Hell.” The Shadowlord nodded, then leaned in. “At the rate the mortals are going with it now, this is more likely to culminate in a backslide rather than a significant improvement over our efforts.

“So we’re gonna want to emphasize magic, I think.” The Lady of Light continued. “We need a system that’s going to let the mortals actually practice and develop large-scale magical assaults and defenses if they’re going to have any chance.”

“And the more martial disciplines?”

The Lady of Light frowned. “Those will almost certainly take a hit, but they’ve proven to be relatively ineffective in the grand scheme of things in cycles past. We’ll see if we can get them up to snuff, but I’m not sure mortals will be able to pull off the feats we need.”

“These are all solid ideas.” The Shadowlord rested his head on one of his hands, looking at his counterpart. “But how do we actually accomplish them? All of them have been stated goals of ours for a very long time, and we’re no closer to solving the issue now than we were when we started.”

“Well, here’s what we do…”