Lol my art skills are bad.

Minor formatting changes: spacing 2.0 -> 1.0, + 1 space after paragraphs

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Although there is much fun to be had in killing a target, it is arguably much more fun looting the corpse. After all, the food you didn't pay for tastes the best.

I immediately discard the trash that is my swub and pick up one of the jumbo goblin’s shiner swords.

Although it’s a bit chipped, it’s definitely sharper. Pity it's a bit heavy.

Oh well, nice swords don't grow on trees. Not on the trees near me, anyways.

I go around and gather the three knives the goblins had.

Useful little things, yet highly expendable when you have multiple.

I take a little fanny pack off one of the goblins and store the knives in it.

None of the goblins, big or small, have anything else of use.

What kind of bastard has a sword, but no sheathe?!

If you don't have one, I guess I'll just have to make my own.

I use one of the knives to skin a significant portion of the jumbo goblin’s back off.

Using the belts from the goblins, I create a simplistic sheathe.

Sure, the moisture might rust the sword, but I’ll just get another if that happens.

A more pressing issue is food.

I'm trapped in what seems to be a massive underground cave system.

And I'm hungry.

Surely, there's food somewhere around here, right?

Right?

RIGHT?

Which way is the way out of this place?

A tunnel ahead and a tunnel behind. Exactly a fifty-fifty chance of getting the correct path, assuming there is one.

Without further ado, I began walking forward.

This is going to end well.

As I rounded a curve, I noticed a chest lying next to the wall. It was about the size of a large shoebox.

Damn, I love big chests!

Just as I was about to open it, the top opened to reveal a gaping maw full of rows of teeth. The box instantly jumped at me with the agility one would not expect a box to have.

“Motherfucker!”

I instantly leapt back and drew my sword as it latched onto my arm.

A searing pain set into my arm as the rows of teeth sank into my flesh.

Panicking, I bashed the thing with my sword, but that just seemed to only drive the top teeth deeper into my arm.

I need to calm the fuck down.

I took a few deep breaths. Blood dripped onto the ground.

Calmly, I turned the box onto the side, and I broke both hinges.

The bottom half of the box instantly detached from the top and clattered to the ground.

After stomping on it a few times, the bottom half stopped moving.

I then ripped the top half off of my arm and threw it on the ground to repeat the process.

In a very short amount of time, the ground was covered in a layer of broken, splintered wood and the splattered remains of what looked like… a raw meatball.

Almost automatically, I tore a strip off my shirt and wrapped up my bloody arm.

I already hate this place.

You know what I really want right now? An AK.

Or even better, an automatic shotgun.

I could have killed all these bastards by just moving my pointer finger a tiny bit.

One day.

Ahhhh~ my arm hurts… I swear I’m going to murder every box I see in this fucked place.

I need to get out of here…

Hmm, this should be one of those ‘dungeon’ settings, so if I begin encountering more dangerous enemies, I know that I'm going the wrong direction, while if I encounter less dangerous enemies, I should theoretically be headed for the entrance.

Wonderful! I'll be out of here in no time at all!

I continued to walk forward, but soon, I encountered a solid wall of spider webs.

Just beyond the spider webs, there lay a flight of upward stairs.

I took out my knife and tried cutting through the silk, but the knife just got stuck. It was like the silk was covered in some kind of super glue or something.

In the end, I lost the knife.

“Dammit, fucking spiders!”

I'll be back!

“I'll genocide you… after I destroy all the chests!”

Suddenly, the wall of web fell towards the ground at me.

I turned and leapt away with all my might.

Dammit, if you got that on my shoes, I would have killed you all in a bonfire!

…

I'm still going to kill you all though!

Within the wall of webs, a spider looked at me curiously.

I flipped it off and ran away.

As I ran, I somehow went off on a path separate from the one I came from.

A few minutes later, I was hopelessly lost.

Not that I was ever un-lost.

Screw those spiders. I could have gotten slightly less lost if it weren’t for them.

I rounded a curve and spotted a goblin.

It seemed to be smashing a rock onto another rock in a corner.

Well, thanks for the useless EXP I guess?

I sent its head flying and took a look at what it was smashing.

A little head poked out of the rock.

Oh. It’s a turtle!

Although levels seemed to be worthless, I still had a strange desire to kill the turtle.

Ahhh~, how regrettable…

I was about to bring the rock down onto the turtle when it suddenly began to rapidly inflate.

I backed away slowly from the turtle whose head had now turned bright red.

BAM

The turtle violently exploded.

Next to my head, a shard of shell had embedded itself into the wall.

Note to self, stay away from turtles.

A long wail interrupted my thoughts.

A goblin charged out of the darkness and attacked me. It was frothing at the mouth and screaming furiously.

I killed it with relatively no effort.

The wails then began rising in volume and quantity.

I’ve got a bad feeling about this...