Chapter XXXVI

“I want to fight by your side.”

“No, Grigori,” Hadar said. “You weren't trained as a warrior, you said so yourself. You were trained as an inquisitor.”

“I can learn to fight well enough. The Grand Duke let those other peasants form a militia, they've had far less training than I have.”

The two of them were in King Hadar's private tent, surrounded by soldiers from his castle, and, in tents nearby, paladins from Caelum Academy. They'd not truly had a moment to themselves since they left the castle, which was frustrating for both of them, and now Hadar had told Grigori to go back to the capital where he'd be safe. Grigori would have none of that. He would not be kept out of the fight.

“Well, the Grand Duke isn't making this decision, I am,” Hadar said.

“You're my king, and the man who showed me the light, led me away from the Inquisition's path and saved my life. I must stand with you, it's the least I can do.”

“I can't allow it.”

“Sounds like you've learned nothing since locking me in my room.”

This was a low blow, but it was also a good point. Since then Hadar had sworn not to be so controlling, even when Grigori's life was in jeopardy.

Hadar sighed. “Can you fire a bow?”

“No.”

“Then I suggest you learn, because that's how you would be of the best use to us. Most of the militia forces the Grand Duke has allowed are training in the use of bow and arrow right now. I suggest you meet up with them.”

“But I want to be by your side...”

“Do you know how to fight with a sword and shield while wearing full armor? Or even how to move in full armor?”

“I've never done it before, but...”

“It takes a lifetime to learn how,” Hadar said. “If you fought beside me, using your short sword in a real battle like that you'd be more of a hindrance than a help.” Hadar leaned in close to Grigori and whispered so that none of the soldiers outside could hear him. “I understand what you're trying to do, and it's sweet, but I must ask you to understand...I want you to live, so that when this war is over we can be together again.”

“Thank you, Hadar,” Grigori whispered, giving him a quick and quiet kiss on the cheek.

Both Hadar and Grigori exited the tent, but while Grigori headed off to his own tent, Hadar just stood at the entrance and looked around the camp. Kamal stood nearby, probably having heard the louder parts of the conversation.

“Sounds like he wants to be your husband,” Kamal said, laughing.

“What?” Hadar asked, his pulse racing.

“It's an old saying. Knights who'd dedicated their entire lives to war spoke of how they'd left their old families behind and formed new ones on the battlefield. The generals were their mothers and fathers, their squires and pages were their sons and daughters, and their fellow knights were their brothers and sisters. But most knights always had a special comrade at arms, one who fought beside them constantly, and was even a great friend during the down times. These close friends became their husbands and wives.”

“Oh. Well, I suppose he might,” Hadar said, relieved that this was all Kamal meant by it.

“And why not? You'd make a pretty wife!” Kamal said, laughing again.

“Hey!”

“I jest, I jest!” Kamal patted Hadar's back and gave a hearty laugh. Hadar joined him in laughing, though his laugh was a bit more out of being nervous than out of thinking that what Kamal said was actually funny.

The camp they were in was stretched out across the far end of Dead-River Pass. The pass had gotten its name from the fact that a river actually used to flow there, coming down from the mountains and splitting off in two directions. For reasons the Arxians didn't completely understand, the river was completely dried up now, leaving a dry way to get through the mountains.

In the mountains overlooking the camp were set trebuchets, ballistae, and catapults, ready to fire on the Nihilite army when it arrived, and at the front of the camp stood a wall of golems. On the far western side of the camp was the peasant militia. Most of them trained in archery, firing arrows over and over again at stationary targets. Each time they tried to shoot closer and closer to the bulls-eyes at the center. More experienced archers were training them. There were other militiamen who trained with long-spears; a matter of precaution should the enemy get too close to the archers. Grigori took his place among the peasants there, diligently listening to the instructor, paying close attention to his every word, and studying the long bow placed in his hands carefully.

Even from a distance Hadar could see that Grigori was a natural with a bow, and was picking up the skills rapidly. Hadar ventured a guess that it would be a short time until Grigori could consistently land a bulls-eye with every shot. He just hoped that Grigori had enough time to get that good before he had to put those skills to use.

With Sarahi's eldest sister, Estelle, “out of commission,” as it were, control of the castle passed down to Nerissa, the middle-child, who arrived at the castle days later, coming back from an ill-timed pilgrimage. They still had heard nothing of Marquise Zoe's death, partly because the survivors of that battle weren't even entirely sure that she was dead. They just knew that she was missing, and they intended to say nothing about it either way until they knew something for certain. The truth was that the Nihilites had cremated Zoe's body just like they'd cremated the bodies of their own. Meriel may have hated Zoe, but Lorna saw her as an honorable adversary, who did all she did for the sake of her people. But had the Arxians learned of what the Nihilites did to Zoe's body it would have been misinterpreted as a sign of disrespect, though it was quite the opposite, to burn her rather than bury her.

Estelle was locked in her room, forbidden to leave for the time being. Sarahi still wasn't sure what to do with her. On the one hand, what she had attempted was truly horrible, something that Sarahi felt definitely deserved some sort of punishment. On the other hand what she was doing was a command decision, something that she technically had the legal power to do, even if it was an abuse of that power. Along that line of thought, it was ultimately up to Hadar to decide what to do with Estelle, but Hadar wasn't anywhere near them, not close enough to make such a decision. Then there was the fact that Estelle was Sarahi's sister on top of all of that. The most fitting punishment Sarahi could think of for such a crime was execution, and Sarahi couldn't imagine doing that to her own sister. She'd hoped that when Nerissa arrived that Nerissa would make the decision, but Nerissa simply made sure that Estelle was put in shackles as well as locked in her room, just in case she did manage to get out.

“Mother will have to decide what to do when she gets back,” Nerissa said.

“In the meantime we'll make the refugees live with the fact that the woman who tried to have them all slaughtered hasn't truly been punished?” Sarahi asked.

“You've done more than could be expected of you. You managed to save their lives in spite of being greatly outnumbered. You stood up to your older sister and prevailed. Stop worrying about it so much and let someone else take the burden from here.”

“What's to be done about the guards who were going to execute the refugees?”

“They were following orders. They can't be expected to do much else.”

“They had free will, and they still chose to do as she said. Some of the guards refused.”

“Others perhaps agreed with her that it was the only way to be sure the spy was gone. From what you've told me everyone around here was panicking.”

“And the very person whose job it was to keep everyone calm and help them through such hard times turned on them!”

“Fine, then let's execute her.” Nerissa only said it to prove her point, and she did. Once that line of thought was taken to its logical end that was the only justifiable outcome. “You're a paladin, aren't you? You've studied the Sacred Scriptures you're whole life. Tell me, what's the right thing to do according to the Scriptures, then?”

“I...honestly don't know,” Sarahi said. Nowhere in all of the stories the Sacred Scriptures told was there ever a circumstance quite like this. There were stories of brothers killing brothers, but those were always treated as horrible betrayals, and outright murder. The Scriptures always said that compassion was the greatest of all virtues. That unconditional love was divine, but what course of action showed more compassion? Would it be more compassionate to put all of the people's fears to rest by executing the one who meant to kill them all? Would it be compassionate to end the life of a woman who insisted that she desperately wanted to die because all she felt was despair? Or would it be more compassionate to forgive Estelle of her crimes? Even then there was the matter that the Law stated that the lives of cold-blooded murderers were forfeit, blood was paid with blood, and Estelle could be considered a cold-blooded murderer, considering that it was her order that had led to a few of the refugees dying. By that same line of thought they'd have to execute a few of the guards for following those orders, as well as whoever killed Almana, Nephi, and Mosiah.

“If you can't work out the moral course of action with all your knowledge of the Sacred Scriptures,” Nerissa said, “Then this matter is clearly outside your realm of expertise. It shall be up to me to decide, and I say we wait for Mother to return before we decide for certain what to do.”

“We don't know how long that will be,” Sarahi pointed out. “In the meantime the refugees will live in fear. They might think that if we've chosen to spare her that we agree with her.”

“No one can think that of you, not after the way you protected them!”

“But they can think it of you!”

“Then I must come to a decision now, and you must honor it and live by it.”

“I...I agree.”

“Very well, then. Give me one hour to deliberate and I'll come up with a solution.”

Sarahi left Nerissa's room with a heavy heart. She didn't know what Nerissa would decide to do with Estelle, but she knew that whatever happened it would be unpleasant, one way or another. It was no comfort to her that this difficult decision was no longer hers to make. Before it had been a hard moral dilemma, trying to decide which course of action was the least horrible. Now she felt totally helpless in the matter.

In case she would never get the chance to speak to her again, Sarahi went to see Estelle in her room. “Step away from the door,” she yelled into the room, through the wooden door.

“Alright,” she heard Estelle say. She next heard the sound of metal chains dragging on the stone floor from one end of the room to the other.

As soon as she was convinced that Estelle was on the opposite end of the room, Sarahi unlocked the door and walked in. Estelle was wearing manacles on her wrists, keeping her hands close together, and two chains on her ankles, one that led to a large, lead ball and the other that wrapped around the bed-frame several times. Even if she had been near the door it would have been difficult for her to go anywhere. Estelle still had the bruise on the side of her head from where Sarahi hit her. Sarahi felt a little guilty seeing that, but reminded herself that it was better than the alternative.

“Hello,” Sarahi said, awkwardly.

Estelle sat down on the bed. “Hi. So, have you and Nerissa decided what to do with me yet?”

“Nerissa is deliberating on the matter as we speak.”

“You know what the right thing to do is.”

“No, actually I don't.”

Estelle sighed. “You of all people...you know I can't be allowed to live after something like that.”

“You panicked in a terrible situation. Frankly, everyone was panicking.”

“And my panic cost people their lives, and could have cost many more had you not stepped in.”

“Aye, but I think on some level you wanted me to step in, maybe intended for me to step in. That's why you stopped by the infirmary to talk to me like you did. You didn't tell me outright, but you let me know what you were up to with enough time for me to stop you. You even said to me, 'Be the heroine they need.' Hard to imagine that no part of you wanted me to save those people.”

“Maybe, but my conscious mind saw no way out except for all of them to die. I could only see that the next victims the spy might claim could be me, or Jesse, or you, or perhaps everyone, soldiers, paladins, servants, and all living in this castle!”

“And that's part of why this decision is so hard. You were trying to save lives, Estelle.”

“To save more lives than I take, that's noble enough, I guess...”

“Exactly.”

“So you'll just let me go, then? Even still let me be Marquise some day?”

“...No...”

“So what I was trying to do wasn't right. You and I both know it.”

Sarahi sighed and shook her head. “It's not my place to decide what to do with you anyway. Not anymore.”

“Right. Well, do I get any last requests? Just in case I do get to face God's judgment soon.”

“Last request? That depends, what do you have in mind?”

“Well, Jesse's gone, making me a widow. Widows can't commit adultery, so could you ask Milo for me if he'd want to...”

“NO!”

“Why so defensive? You said yourself he's not your lover.”

“That's aside from the point,” Sarahi said, trying to come up with another excuse for her protest. “He's...he's been my friend since we were children. It would just be...beyond awkward having that conversation with him. 'Hey, Milo, you want to sleep with my sister?' No!”

“You won't even endure that kind of awkwardness for your dear sister whom you may never see again in this lifetime?”

“Don't play that card. Not for this.”

“You love him.”

“I do not!”

“Yes you do. He might not be your lover, but you do love him.”

“No I don't!” Sarahi could barely even speak those words, it pained her. Deep down she wanted to shout out to the whole world that she loved Milo, and damn the consequences. Anyone who couldn't accept their love could mount it, but she knew she couldn't proclaim it. She had to put Arx and its people first.

“It's alright. I understand you don't want everyone to know,” Estelle said. “I'm sorry I teased you both so much about...you know, wanting him. I can see why you've fallen for him, he is pretty fetching.”

“And reliable...and trustworthy...and funny...” Sarahi said, half under her breath.

“And righteous, he has great integrity,” Estelle continued. “Confident but not arrogant...”

“Strong-willed...”

“And he has a cute bum.”

“Estelle!”

“Doesn't he?”

“...Aye, he does.”

The two of them laughed together for a moment, but both fell completely silent once the laugh was through. Estelle stood from the bed and walked over to Sarahi. She tried to reach out her arms for a hug at first, but was immediately reminded that her hands were still bound together. She lifted her arms up instead, lowering them around Sarahi, and Sarahi in turn wrapped her arms around her older sister, holding her tightly.

Milo and the other paladins in the castle saw to a memorial service and burial of those who fell during the attempted purge in the dining hall. Paladins buried the very same men they struck down in defense of the refugees, sometimes right next to refugees whom they’d killed. The brothers who had turned on each other in life were reunited in death. Maybe this was the purpose of death; to put an end to the conflict and turmoil, provide peace between those who could not have it in life.

“Fear not, brothers and sisters,” Milo said. “Even those of you who did wrong seemed to mean well, your hearts were in the right place, and your souls may still see the halls of Heaven.”

As they left the graveyard, one of the paladins sidled up to Milo. “What do you think is going to happen to us?”

“What do you mean to us? We did nothing wrong,” Milo said.

“I'm not so sure about that. When you look at the way the laws of Arx are written, technically what we did was insubordination, maybe even treason. The acting Marquise gave us all orders and we went against them. We even fought against those who were just following her orders, even killed some of them. It's possible that all of us might see the inside of a prison cell, or worse.”

“You think we're the ones who need to worry about what will happen to us? We did the right thing! Estelle was going to have all the refugees killed!”

“I agree, we did the right thing, but it was illegal. Under the circumstances Estelle made a command decision, one she was in her right to make. The only ones of enough authority to tell her she was wrong and tell us that we were in the right are the King and Marquise Zoe, neither of whom are here to make that call.”

“Is there no precedent in the law for a situation like this?” Milo asked.

“There is, and that's part of what scares me. Long ago there was a man who was accused of being a warlock. The duke in charge ordered that the accused be executed. Several of the duke's soldiers were not so convinced that the man was guilty, so they helped him escape. Even though it turned out that their hunch was right, that he wasn't a warlock after all, the soldiers who disobeyed the duke's orders were thrown in prison for insubordination.”

“Did the King ever pardon them?”

“No. He didn't want to undermine his cousin's authority, for his cousin could in turn undermine his.”

“Well, we have a different king now,” Milo said. “And our situation is still a lot different from that.”

“And yet the similarities are there. That's what worries me.”

Nerissa called together a private meeting with a handful of the castle's guards, specifically some of the ones who had followed Estelle's orders, telling them to bring in Estelle. She'd specifically made sure that Sarahi wouldn't be present for the meeting, not sure how Sarahi would react to what she was about to do. She certainly didn't want her younger sister making a scene.

Estelle was brought into the barracks, still in chains, and giving Nerissa a soft, understanding smile and a shrug. “Looks like you're going to be Marquise,” she said.

Nerissa simply ignored the comment. “Estelle, before we begin, I need to know a few things. First of all, if you could go back and do all of that again, what would you do differently?”

“I can't say for sure,” Estelle said. “Maybe...not hint to Sarahi about what I was going to do?”

“So you feel no remorse for what you did? Rather...what you attempted to do?”

“Of course I feel remorse, but at the time it seemed like the only course of action I could take.”

“But even knowing what you know now you would do the same thing?”

“It's not a fair comparison,” Estelle said. “To ask what I'd do knowing what I know now...if I'd known then what I know now, that there probably never was a spy, that something else was at work, maybe a demon possessing someone in the castle...the situation wouldn't have come up. The solution isn't an option without the problem.”

“Fair enough. My next question is...what do you think should be done to you?”

“According to the Law? I should be hanged or stoned.”

“I didn't ask you what the Law says should be done. I asked you what you think should be done.”

“I agree with the Law, how could I not? It was written by God. But, if you don't mind, I'd prefer hanging over stoning for...well, obvious reasons,” Estelle chuckled.

“This isn't a joke, Estelle.”

“Maybe it should be. Death's laughing at me, maybe I should laugh along.” Her tone was somber, but she wore a forced smile on her face.

“Estelle, I'm not going to have you executed.”

“Why not?”

“My reasons are my own,” Nerissa said. “Here's what I will do. I will announce to the refugees and everyone in the castle that you are to be executed in a day's time. Then, during the night, I will have these men here guarding your room. They will sneak you out of the castle, remove your shackles, and give you a horse and some gold with which you can start a new life. Ride as far away from here as you can. I don't care where you go, but you cannot show your face in Muri or anywhere in Arx again. Maybe go to Subra or Sabura down south.” Nerissa turned to the guards in the room. “And, gentlemen, you had better do everything in your power to make sure my sister escapes unharmed. If she does not escape and must face the penalty for her crimes then you will share in that penalty, as is fitting.”

“Understood, m'lady.”

Nerissa called together everyone in the castle, into the same dining hall where the purge had nearly taken place. A few of the refugees were nervous about being called back to the same place again, but they had to have faith that Nerissa was less desperate than her older sister. Estelle was brought up to the balcony, dragging her heavy chains along. Sarahi stood next to Nerissa, still not yet knowing the sentence Nerissa was about to pass. Nerissa had advised her to stay far away from this, but Sarahi insisted that she wanted to know what was going to happen.

“As acting Marquise,” Nerissa began, “I have come to a decision. Estelle went too far when she did what she did. Whether or not it was done in panic, or in an attempt to do something good, she must pay for her crimes, as we all do. She has accepted this, and has asked me to apologize to all of you on her behalf. As punishment for her crimes I hereby condemn her to hang by the neck until dead.”

“No!” Sarahi yelled.

“Sarahi, you said you would abide by this decision,” Nerissa hissed.

“Well, I can't.”

“I am in charge here,” Nerissa said. “I have to make this decision, step back!”

“No! By my right as Queen I overturn this decision!” Sarahi said.

There was a murmur through the crowd. Nerissa held both of her temples in her hands and sighed. Sarahi was ruining everything, even Estelle's chance to escape. “The Queen only has power if either she has inherited the throne or if her husband, the King, is recently deceased and she carries his child. The King lives.”

“The laws do not say that the King need be dead in order for the Queen to be able to wield power,” Sarahi said. “It actually says that she may wield power in his place if he is unable to make a decision and if she is carrying his heir. He is unable to make a decision in this matter because he is not here, and we cannot reach him at this time, and...I am carrying his heir.” Sarahi could say that with confidence now. She wondered about it for a while, but it had just been confirmed for her, biologically, that she was pregnant. True, she carried Milo's child, but the child was Hadar’s heir nonetheless.

There was another murmur from the crowd. “Very well, then,” Nerissa said, still feeling like this was leading in a terrible direction. If Sarahi released Estelle like this then Estelle would still live, as Nerissa intended, but the refugees would know about it and decide that no justice had been done here. “What do you intend to do?”

“You say that we all must be held accountable for our crimes. I agree, but I say that if we hold Estelle accountable we have to hold everyone accountable. So, Nephi, Mosiah, and Almana were not murdered by a Nihilite spy, but rather out of paranoia, the same thing that motivated Estelle to do what she did. Those of you who murdered these three, step forward, and you will be hanged alongside Estelle. Those of the guards who obeyed Estelle's order to kill the refugees? You step forward too. You'll face the noose the same as she. If all of you are willing to do that, and if the rest of you are willing to let that many people hang for this, THEN we can execute Estelle! Let's not pretend this crime was hers alone. If you cannot step forward and take responsibility for your crimes, or if you would not see most of the guards in this castle protecting you from the Nihilite army hanged, then do not call for justice. Justice is fair, if you want Estelle to be the only one executed for the attempted purge then I say it is not justice you call for but vengeance, and we will not indulge vengeance!”

There was another murmur through the crowd. A few of the men involved in the murders she mentioned considered stepping forward and owning up to what they'd done. But they decided to remain where they were, and live by the excuse that if they admitted to what they did then they'd condemn others as well, others not in such a hurry to die. Hearing the matter spelled out to them like this, the people realized that Estelle's crime was not so different from their own; she just had the power to do it on a far larger scale.

“But,” Sarahi continued. “We cannot allow Estelle to go totally unpunished. She abused her power in one of the worst ways imaginable. So, Estelle, I order you to renounce any claim to the position of marquise. Name Nerissa as the rightful heir to that office, and declare yourself no longer nobility, but a commoner, and you will work as a servant in this very castle, often serving even the very people whom you have wronged.”

Estelle tried to hide her smile. As much as she'd talked about how much she wanted to die for what she'd done, when she was offered mercy she couldn't help but feel overjoyed at that. And she was offered not only mercy, but a chance to redeem herself as well. She wouldn’t even have to leave her home. “I swear to do as you say,” Estelle said. “Nerissa shall take my place as next in line for the office of marquise. I am no longer nobility, I am a commoner, and a servant in this castle.”

“Then it is done,” Sarahi said. “Without the kind of power she had before Estelle is no longer a threat to anyone, and the punishment suits the crime.”

Nerissa had been skeptical about where this all was going, but once Sarahi was finished Nerissa realized that Sarahi had become far wiser than she could have ever imagined, and the outcome was far better than anything Nerissa could have come up with herself. Sarahi had become a powerful and just queen.