The girl then arrived at the northern gates. The officers she had encountered at school from the riot were absent today, which lifted the burden off her shoulders. Normally they’d be here, but today was not the case. As she strolled, the sky grayed and the clouds hung near the hills and valleys, and the flowers and plants around her wilted. The autumn air blanketed people into chills, most of them gathered around one another for warmth. At the gate, a pair of guards ambled about in circles.

Neha stopped. She eyed on the doors that stood ajar, and coming close, she saw the environment beyond the gate. The winds brushed over the fields and hills, collecting the petals from the flowers. The petals glistened as they moved—and it captivated the girl so much that she felt driven to frolic through them. Nearby the gates, there was a large cabin that housed resources, medical needs, and bedding for people working there. Further north, the mountains stood under the heavens, and the workers and soon-to-be prisoners labored deep in the quarries for the extraction of minerals, a mind-numbing task rather than a meaningful one. Using pickaxes and carts, they procured as much as they could in order to make ends meet.

Neha strode to the doors and took a long look at the place. “There are so many people here,” she said. “Never mind that, I have to go see her.”

Her mother, who was also working at the quarries, would get up at early dawn and labor. In the evening she would meet her daughter, no matter if she was tired or not. The girl expected that today she would show herself in the meantime, so she giddied up and stretched out her arms, about to push the doors. Her heart fluttered, and she was sweating. She could not afford to miss the opportunity—and it was not as though she’d miss it anyway.

But all the sudden, she kicked her feet against the ground. She stopped. From the side, a guard shoved her. She bit her tongue and pushed herself back a bit.

“Hey girl, where do you think you’re going? The damn weather is too cold for you. Scram!” that guard said. He burrowed his eyes towards Neha’s face, making her uncomfortable.

“I just want to visit my mom...” Neha fidgeted. She moved away from him. Then another guard walked to her side.

“Ah, you’re that kid again,” the second guard uttered. “Well if you want your mother to be here, then you should have came earlier.”

“But I just went home from school.”

The first guard shrugged, and he scowled at the mountains. The winds chapped his lips and frosted his cheeks. From his expression, Neha shivered. There was no telling what he was thinking, let alone what he was about to say. The girl wanted to run off, scared of the two personnel, but she had to make a visit.

Things were not what they seemed however. The first guard yanked a hair strand, apparently in gloom. “You really want to see her today?” he asked. “You might regret it.”

Neha pouted. “I do! Why else am I here? Please let me go.”

The second guard winced at the girl. “Well, if you want to, then be prepared.”

“I don’t understand, I’m sorry.”

“Then you’ll understand soon.”

The guards made way for Neha, and the girl headed a bit through the doors. She widened her eyes and rubbed her ears as to ignore the words of the guards, for she thought that they were trying to trick her again. Every time she came to the gate for visitation purposes, people like them would make tall tales about how there’d be a dragon or a giant snake coming forth the mountains and fields. Of course, it humored her, even if their tone was serious.

But at this point, the guards and the people around the gate did not look so well. They caved their attention towards their feet rather than the mountains. They walked stiff as though they had something in their pants and sleeves. With a bout of silence, Neha’s body tensed, and she gawked at the mountains for so long that her eyes could wilt like the flowers. Dryness occurred in her throat, it left her no room to say anything much.

She stood long, not willing to move. Her heart beat louder than the clinking of the pickaxes. Numbness possessed her legs and toes. Something rushed through her eardrums, it sounded like a river stream. This happened for less than a minute, annoying her, frightening her. Then, she heard a scream—it came from the field near the cabin. Slowly Neha shifted her eyes to that area. No days other than today would bring her a storm of torment.

Afar, a pack of workers and troops were transporting somebody on a gurney. An ocean of blood cloaked the blanket and sheets, and the iron smell invaded the air. The pale fingers and toes twitched, seeming to move by their own control. At once, the group headed for the cabin, and one of the workers knocked the door for help. Instantly, a medical team emerged from the building, they rushed into intensive care in response to the agony of the afflicted person. The team got to work.

Neha clutched her chest. She hung open her mouth, letting the coldness freeze her tongue. She asked herself many times of who could the person be, what the person had done to be in such a situation. She might stay here all day and guess a thousand times, and she’d still be here. And she felt sorry for the person. Whomever was lingering beneath the soaked blanket, there must have been something horrible that happened. A workplace accident seemed probable, since safety of the workers was lacking, and chances were that there were injuries and deaths earlier in the day. She wanted to help him or her, even if the individual was a stranger, or else she’d think she was here for nothing.

But such a suggestion fleeted in her mind as she knew it. It became only a pipe dream.

She closed her mouth and scratched her chest. Before Neha could take a step forward, she saw the person in details—she could not believe it. Still on the gurney, her clothes, ripped and stained with black marks, were also covered in blood. On the worker’s forehead there was a laceration that traveled near her eyebrows. It was fresh, enough for it to fountain more blood. Her face was just as worse, as her cheeks turned paler than the clouds and sunk deep into her face. And what was more, her eyes remained open, allowing the wind to dry up the tears, and allowing her to aimlessly stare at the heavens. Motionless she also was. By the seconds, her condition turned pallid, and although the medical team tried to keep her alive, at this rate there was no stopping the affliction. Horrifying. The girl, seeing this, squinted and swayed side to side before she regained her composure. Never did she expect such a sight to appear. It was then she hoped that the person would come back healthy and lively. But it wouldn’t be so.

She glanced one more time at her face. Anxiety. Confusion. Realization. When it came to her, she wailed from the bottom of her lungs. Her voice shook the flowers and the cabin and the mountains and the earth. Tears blurred everything before her eyes.

“Mommy! Mommy!” Neha burst away from the doors and tried to get to the field. But the guards, not willing to let her loose, seized her arms. They dragged her back to the gate. Now she was far off from her parent, who was by then, on the verge of nonexistence.

“Please, please! I have to see her up close! Let me go!”

“I’m sorry lass, you can’t,” said the first guard. “We heard the news an hour ago that the woman got into an argument with another laborer, and struck the latter with a brick. She groveled to the ground and began to bellow something about her husband. Right as the soldiers were going to restrain her, she hit her head on the quarry cart—then she fell unconscious. Be that as it may, there is a miniscule chance that she will recover.”

The second guard laughed all the sudden. He choked on his saliva. “A pretty nasty wound! She’s definitely a goner!” The two of them then laughed together.

“It’s not funny! Stop it!” Neha clawed her nails on the guards’ wrists and freed herself from their grasp. Again she took off for the fields as fast as ever. In a flash, she thought she could make it to the cabin. But the personnel managed to catch up to her. In anger, they tightened their restraint on her hands, wrenching her. They tossed Neha back to the doors, and the pair whistled at her and snapped their fingers.

Neha got up. She stomped. Then she bundled her strength in her voice and yelled. “I want to see her, I want to talk to her one more time! Please please, let me come to her side! Mommy, can you hear me? I’m here again, and I want to listen more to your lullabies! I don’t want things to be like this… not anymore!”

The second guard snickered. “Beat it kid! There’s nothing much to see here!”

“B-but-”

“Go away,” the first guard said. “No use running to her if she is gone for good.”

“She’s not gone! I know she’s still alive!”

“Kids. They can dream all they want.”

Neha wept. She dropped to the ground. The moment she realized nothing could be done, her heart snapped in half. All her hopes and wishes dwindled into specks of dust. Had this been the result of her mother’s wrongdoing, or worse, of the sins of her father? She believed so. If only her parents had not done what they did, none of this might have happened. The girl would have been living normally like her friend, and she would have not strained herself into seeing her mother at the gates. But overall, she blamed herself. She felt she had hurt her parents for being their child. She had brought them much suffering just for them to take care of her all these years. Especially her mother, Neha considered that her mental condition transpired from the exhaustion of raising the daughter. Likely it rang true, but it would never be confirmed. At the same time it occurred to Neha that perhaps, being a burden on their lives, it led Aijin and Yesun into doing crimes out of their sentiments, offloading their stress from the household. From her self-blame alone, she longed to give something back for her parents in the name of gratitude. But as of today it was too late to do anything of the sort. Now that the girl was the only one left in the family, she shouldered the guilt, and then she wondered if it was better to exist no longer. Joining her parents in heaven, she took this into account.

The ones she loved since she was born, the ones that raised her, all that was supposed to be in the future became imaginary. Without the both of them, there was nothing left for Neha to look forward to. And how could she live like this from here on, even with her guardian she considered to be unreliable? No answers appeared.

Soon the medical team declared that the woman could not be saved. They then shipped the body into the cabin for further examination, without informing the daughter of this unfortunate event. The guards ceased their laughter, they immediately returned to their posts. Neha sniffled, and no more tears were present for now. She became quiet. She stood, and wiping her uniform of the dirt, she ran off from the northern gate and returned to her neighborhood. She arrived at her house, and with Tulisen gone for work, she sat on the doorsteps. Nobody being around, she covered her face. As the leaves flew and the sky blackened, she pondered about her dream involving Usheniko. She lamented and blamed the woman for leading her into such a bad place by her words, and at one point she yearned to destroy the mound from the woman’s former abode. To be patient for the truth, the girl found it ridiculous to believe. In the first place there was no need in taking that phrase into heart, and Neha knew well that Usheniko would say random things. But there was certainty that Usheniko used magic to enter the child’s mind and attempted to warn her, something Neha thought it could be true. If so, she regretted ignoring her. And thanks to the dream, which she now dubbed it as a nightmare, Neha was suffering more and more.

Neha’s face grew heavy. A passing leaf sat on top of her head, and then it departed. As soon as she lifted her gaze, she heard gallops from her left. Frightened, she laid her forehead upon her knees and concealed her face again, hoping that the individual would go away. Meeting somebody at this time was the last thing she wanted.

The footsteps then stopped. Someone sighed. One peek at the person, Neha scowled. It was none other than her friend.

“Hey Neha, how are you?” Sachen asked, calming herself. “I just came back from school, after I had to do more of those dumb re-education classes, whatever you call it. You are here early today, so it must have been that the teacher let you go home. I guess you are too smart for your own good huh? And also, I don’t think anybody will believe what we did... you know, about the plan to expose the High Order and the Holy Army? At least they won’t be attacking us the second time, that’s great!” Sachen moved her eyebrows upwards when Neha said nothing. She stroked Neha’s head and poked her ears. “You must be tired. You should go inside your house.”

Neha remained. Sachen swayed her friend’s body back and forth to get her moving. But Neha anchored herself to the point where she did not want to move at all.

Sachen whimpered. She caressed Neha’s shoulders. “Your skin, it’s pale. You’re feeling sick lately? No wonder. You can go to my house if you want, I’ll treat you there.” Sachen grabbed her hands, only for Neha to look up. She showed her defeated expression.

“Oh my! Your eyes are puffy and red! So you’re not okay at all!” Sachen tried to pull her away with all her might. Neha gazed away from her. “What are you doing? Let’s go-”

Neha rattled her head. Raising herself up, she held onto the doorknob and opened the door slightly. This day being a disaster, there was no way she could confront her dear companion without hurting her.

She turned to Sachen. Her eyes turned foggy. Everything in her head went blank.

“Sachen. Please leave me alone. I don’t want to see you again. I just can’t.”

Right away Sachen stepped back. She seemed confused. “What are you saying? You know I can’t leave you alone. Ah! The sickness must be affecting you isn’t it, isn’t it?”

“No! Stop saying I’m sick! I just want to be alone!”

“W-what?! I don’t understand! What happened? Tell me-”

“Sachen, go away! You don’t know how much I have to go through!” Neha cried again. “My mom and dad, they’re gone forever! It’s all my fault! I should have done something, but I’m so stupid!”

“You’re not stupid.”

“Yes I am!”

“Don’t be silly.” Sachen grumbled, and she balled her hands into fists. “It sounds like you want to keep hurting yourself.”

“Because I deserve it!” Neha settled from her crying. “And now I think that I should go to the mission... I will prepare myself for the Lama. I believe it will help mend the pain.”

“Neha.” Sachen scraped her teeth. Her face turned red, and she walked upon the doorsteps. She thrust her nose close to Neha. “You’re just going to say that without knowing how much it’ll hurt you? You are not like this. I beg you, calm down and come with me. I’ll help you on whatever you want.”

Neha shook her head. To be a burden to her friend would give anything but satisfaction. “I’m sorry... I cannot be with you. Do me a favor and leave me be.”

“Are you serious now?” Sachen asked. She kicked the door. “Stop being a fool!”

“Go away! Get off of me!” Neha clicked her tongue, and she pushed Sachen’s face away. She turned back to the door. As she was about to step into her house, her friend grabbed her body and dragged her to the cobblestone in front of them. Neha couldn’t resist, for Sachen was too strong. By the time they were at the street, Sachen seethed. Veins bulged from her forehead and arms. Fire raged within her eyes. She looked as though she was going to explode. Calming her down was out of the option.

It was then Sachen raised her hand. She swung it towards Neha, and slapped her. Neha’s cheekbone popped. Snap, crack. In a matter of seconds a red mark burned upon her right cheek. The slap was so hard that Neha tumbled to the ground.

Sachen, biting her lips, glared at Neha. “I should have known you are feeling this way the whole time,” she said. “And I can do nothing about it, right? You’re the worst friend ever. So fine, I’ll leave you alone. Is that what you want? Then so be it.”

Sachen walked back and grimaced. Neha had no response. She was too terrified. This was the first time Neha had seen such a face from her, and it further ached her heart. What could have been averted from the start, the two girls would never take back their actions, and they would grieve over this squabble. Once the damage was done, sewing the gap between them was impossible.

Sachen left with her remarks. Neha trembled. She resigned that this confrontation was inevitable, and once again she took all the blame. Saying sorry to herself a thousand times over, it seemed to be the only cure for her misery. She soon felt she would never escape from the spiral she had dropped herself into. After all, what hope was left within her? She had repelled her hope, her light in the darkness—Sachen—from her side. From then on there was nobody in the world to rescue her, to comfort her among this dread. She was alone.

Without the will to apologize to Sachen for everything, Neha slammed the door. Doom would arrive in no time.