“Hey, swallow this,” I feed Marki one of Niko’s balls of sunshine and some water. The end is coming and I want it to be done as easy as possible. Marshall didn’t seem keen on the idea of me holding on to Niko’s drugs, but he understood the usefulness in this situation. At this point I can’t tell if she’s awake or just responding to stimuli. Sometimes it sounds as if she’s snoring, other times it sounds like growling. Watching her toss and turn in her sleep is like watching a person struggle between becoming two people. A person can only be one person, and eventually one will have to win. She’ll either be Marki the soldier or the grub formerly known as Marki.

“Thanks,” a raspy version of her voice responds.

“Oh, I didn’t know you were awake.”

“Yeah, it’s further and further apart these days.”

“Don’t say that, you’ve got plenty of days ahead of you,” Marshall responds from the other side of the room.

“Hopefully not. My body aches, my hair is falling out and I keep blacking out. Every time I black out, I lose a little bit of myself. Memories of the past. I can’t remember my favorite uncle’s voice or face or even why he’s my favorite uncle anymore. I don’t remember my favorite color, food, sherbet flavor or even what the last book I read was. What I’m trying to say is that I want to die, you don’t have to do it, I think I’ve got enough in me that I can do it myself, I just need my gun.”

Nobody speaks, Marki’s words hang around in the air making the air smell sour. It’s the conclusion I had reached, but hearing someone else say it feels different. It feels cold, unreasonable and rushed. I want to say she’s not in her right mind to make the decision.

“I’m not going to lie to you. I’m not okay with this,” Marshall is the first to speak up.

“I’m not okay with dying as some mindless bug,” Marki shoots back without hesitation.

I listen as the two of them go back and forth on the merits of suicide and there are still alternative options we can try. Marshall knows as well as I do that this is one of the few logical conclusions we could come to. We can’t just let her wander out into the streets and join the masses. She’s more aware of what’s going on than either of us.

“I don’t want to die like some bug unaware of what’s happening to me. Sometimes I wake up, and I can’t even see. If you don’t want to do it, I can do it myself.”

“It doesn’t have to be a bullet,” I break up the argument. “We could do it medically, it’s pretty common in parts of Sol.”

“You’re not going to murder her,” Marshall shouts at me, I prepare for another punch to the face.

“Marshall,” Marki struggles to shout. “This is what I want. You don’t get to have the final say here.

Marshall storms out of the room, defeated in the argument. He knew our options were limited. He just told me he cares too much; this is probably weighing heavily on his mind. It’s on mine too, he’s lead me through things, I suppose I can get us through this one.

“Do you have any last requests or a preference for how we do this,” I ask.

“Painless, but whatever you gave me seems to be kicking in.”

“Funny story about those, there’s a kid in the building who spent his entire life trying to create the perfect recreational drug.”

Marki laughs, “the weirdness of life, that’s what I’m going to miss.”

“Would you mind telling me about your life,” I ask. “Just so I can record it for archival purposes. If we get out of here, I want people to know you. I haven’t asked Marshall to record anything yet. I haven’t even recorded my own, but I feel like these recordings will be more important than any scientific data.”

“What do you want to know? It’s not as if my secrets are going to do me much good where I’m going,” Marki tries to laugh again.

I press record on my wrist comp, “Final testament of Marki Hill.”

“Final testament, damn, no need to be so depressing. How about Marki’s Going Away Party,” it appears as if the muscles in her face fight as she tries to smile. “You didn’t even let me fix my hair first.”

Giving her the sunshine was a good call; she seems to be in a good mood despite knowing what’s about to happen. I’ll slip an overdose of a painkiller when she isn’t paying attention. A painless way to go as she requested. We’ll need to destroy the brain stem, as well after she’s dead. Otherwise, the probability of her coming back is going to increase.

“Marki, do you have any family members,” I ask.

“Not really, I’m an only child, and both my parents are dead. It’s just me out here, all by myself.”

“Romantic partners?”

“Never had any interest in anyone. I’ve never even had the urge to have sex, at my big age. Is that weird,” she laughs.

“No, not really. You’d be surprised how many people don’t have an interest in sex. Sexual orientation is a lot more complex than having a few different answers. Did you know there is a species out there that cannot reproduce sexually at all? Their language has no word for sex,

“Then how do they continue their species?”

“Genetic modification. They create clones and alter a few pieces of DNA then pop out a baby. It’s an interesting process that brings up the question of genetic modification in unborn children.”

“I should have gone into biology,” Marki laughs.

“Is there anything you want to tell the future of humanity or the entire galaxy?”

“This is really weird. I don’t know what I expected. I thought I’d have so much more to stay but to be honest with you, I don’t remember anything. It’s like I’m living in a dream that I can’t wake up from right now. I know I’m in the dream, and eventually I’ll go back to the real world. I’m trying to break through the dream, but I know the real world is worse. This is you fault for drugging me,” Marki smiles. “Thanks Duane, I know this can’t be easy on you. Thanks for putting your cowardice to the side to see me out. I thought you might be afraid of dead bodies,” Marki’s smile fades. “It’s fine if you’re scared, being scared is natural. Being scared is just a sign that you’ve got an opportunity to be brave. Sometimes we have to do something we don’t want to. Something we never considered an option. Something that’s going to end everything we’ve ever known, but it’s the only choice. Even if we never considered it a choice before.”

I feel like Marki is talking to herself more than me as she starts to fade. Once I’m sure she’s asleep again, I fill her IV up and wait. She probably won’t wake up again, so there’s no chance to say goodbye. I end my recording wondering if it meant anything. Marshall comes to wait, we don’t argue about the decision anymore. I release the restraints, there’s no reason she should die being imprisoned. She flatlines, and I shut down the equipment. Marshall signals me to walk out of the room. I know what’s next. It’s the part that I can’t do.

Outside the room I look away from the door and wait for the sound. For a moment it sounds like Marshall may be crying, but I’ve been wrong before. There’s a slight muffled pop sound. He probably covered the barrel of the gun with some pillows or something. I don’t need to know the details. I just know he finished the job.