《Matters of the Heart》Chapter 17
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"I love you, Jareth," Terra murmured, feeling the tears endlessly flowing down her face, "I always have."
In that instant, she was plunged into a memory, a memory of her in a black and white ball gown racing through the streets of the palace court. She was sobbing, half-blinded by her tears, stumbling over her own bare feet. She tripped, scraping her hands on the cobblestones. She sat there for a moment, unable to muster the will to stand. A drop of water hit the path next to her and she looked up at the dark and overcast sky just as another raindrop descended and struck her cheek. Within seconds it was pouring, soaking her to the bone and making her dress twice as heavy. Terra forced herself to her feet, fighting her way forward. Home wasn't too far; she could seek shelter there. She staggered on down the path, her hand over her mouth as sobs continued to rack her body. She found the door of her home and leaned against it as she made repeated attempts to turn the slippery handle. The door flew open, pitching her forward onto the shining tiles of her floor. She crawled inside, kicking the door shut behind her. Terra watched as water began to pool around her. Her mother was going to have a fit when she came home from the ball, but Terra hardly cared at that moment. Her mother could scream all she wanted; she didn't care about anything anymore. Jareth was leaving, leaving her, leaving her all alone to fend for herself in a world that cared nothing for her.
Terra dragged herself up the staircase, pausing at the top and using the rail to pull herself to her feet. She wandered slowly to her bedroom, having to fight with the door again before being able to retreat into her little sanctuary. Her eyes instantly went to the flower on her table. When Jareth was gone, that little daisy would be all she had left of him. She plucked it out of the vase it occupied, bringing it close to her face and watching as her tears dripped onto it and spilled over its stark white petals. She brought it the window, kneeling down in front of the large pane and just watching as the rain fell.
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And she cried.
And cried.
And cried.
Exhaustion soon overtook her though, and when she woke it was late morning. She snapped upright, her muscles shrieking in agony from having not had the comfort of her bed. Terra looked down quickly at the daisy still clutched in her hand. It glowed as brightly as ever, giving her a small sense of comfort. She turned her head to the window, throwing it open without further delay. She leaned out, looking down at the street. It was already crowded with courtiers trying to bid farewell to their prince. In their midst, Terra could see a carriage standing ready, with the royal family grouped next to it. Terra made out the wild blonde head of Jareth receiving farewells from his older brothers. She gasped, leaning further out the window. She opened her mouth to scream or shout, anything! But the noise died in her throat. She watched helplessly as Jareth climbed into his carriage and started off down the path away from her. Hot tears stung at Terra's eyes, streaking her face as she sat open-mouthed. In some sort of sad attempt to reach out and stop her friend from leaving her life forever, she extended her free hand out the open window, her palm facing outward and her fingers spread wide in a silent plea.
"Jareth," she cried hoarsely, "Don't go. Jareth, I love you. I love you so much."
Her arm fell, dangling uselessly out the window as the carriage grew farther and farther away.
In just a few short moments, the thing she had lived for was stolen away from her. She couldn't help but wonder if it would have changed anything had she told Jareth her true feelings. Would he have stayed instead of pursuing his dream? Was that really what Terra wanted? To take away the most wonderful opportunity in his life simply for her own selfish needs? No, she couldn't have done that to him. All that mattered was that he was happy.
Until she had realized he wasn't. The loneliness she had masked for her whole life had been reflected in his beautiful eyes. And she couldn't stand it. In that trying moment, she had made a choice. Even if it destroyed what was left of her broken heart, she would make him happy. So she'd given him what he wanted, helping the pieces fall into place. But now she realized she was trying to force a puzzle piece that would never fit: Sarah. Despite all Terra's hard work, Sarah seemed incapable of stopping herself from ripping it all apart. She had argued and complained, slighted Jareth, revealed the truth of who Terra's master really was. And even when Terra had believed things were finally going her way, Sarah had pulled the last pin out of place, letting the whole picture unravel. Terra couldn't even imagine how Jareth was feeling just then. She lifted her face from his chest, meeting his gaze. It was full of pain and confusion.
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"Jareth," Sarah said quietly, "I know what you and Terra were trying to do. You were trying to trick me into falling in love with you. But even if you had succeeded, you know I couldn't stay. I don't understand this place. I don't understand your world. And besides, I have a life to get back to. I've been away far too long. Even though I love the adventures I've had here, and you two, despite my first thoughts, are wonderful companions, I just want to go home and be with my family."
Jareth looked up at her, nodding sadly.
"I know," he said, still holding Terra close to him, "I've always known that would be your decision in the end."
"Thank you for understanding," Sarah murmured, "Now I'll leave you two alone."
She walked away, snatching up the pile of firewood she had dropped before. Terra watched her go, feeling the full impact of her failure sink in as Sarah vanished from view.
"I suppose I understand now how unrequited love feels," Jareth murmured.
Terra broke away from him, looking at him with something like betrayal in her eyes.
"You're just giving up?" she demanded.
Jareth sighed, "I already told you Sarah could never love me. And she's right: she doesn't belong here, especially not with me."
"So what then?" Terra snapped, leaping to her feet, "All this was for nothing? We're just going to escort her home like nothing ever happened? Jareth, I didn't bring her here so you could immediately give up on her!"
"It's what she wants."
"What about what you want?"
Jareth looked Terra fiercely in the eye, "Why did you let me go all those years ago instead of telling me how you really felt?"
"Because I didn't want to stand in the way of your happiness!" Terra shouted, "You wanted to go rule the goblin city! So I let you go!"
"Yes!" Jareth hissed, getting to his feet, "And I don't want to stand in the way of Sarah's happiness, so I'm letting her go!"
"My, my," Terra said, unable to help the venomous tone of her voice, "How selfless of you."
"Yes, Terra!" Jareth snapped, "For once in my life I'm not taking what I want! Is it so wrong of me?"
"I'd hardly call it selfless!" Terra said angrily, "I'd call it cowardice! You've had your feelings hurt a second time and now you're too afraid to pursue what you want so you're giving up on your dreams!"
"Terra, enough—"
"No!" Terra shrieked, clenching her fists tightly, "I never gave up on my dreams so I'm not going to let you do it either! I may have lost you but I still travelled like I wanted, I still had my own adventures, I still became a warrior, I still became a protector! I created my own happiness!"
"Then that's what I'll do as well," Jareth insisted.
"With what? You said yourself that you're not happy just being the Goblin King anymore! What will you do, Jareth? Tell me!"
"I don't know!" Jareth shouted, "I don't know..." His voice faltered and his gaze fell, his shoulders slumping in defeat. "I don't know what I'm going to do, Terra. Will you..." He faced Terra once more, a lost look in his mismatched eyes. "Will you help me?"
Terra hesitated, taken aback. She had been in his place before, but from that dark time in her life, she had risen, taking control of her life like she never had before and pushing herself to accomplish everything she'd ever wanted. Now Jareth was looking to her for guidance. Was she willing to help him now, after everything?
"You want me...to help you?" Terra echoed, "Jareth, I—I don't know how to help you anymore."
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