Confession

Rose cycled through a lot of faces and emotions as I told my story. As usual, I don't expect her to have remembered even half of what I said. Then again, I am no longer the Zeroth.

It seems more so, now, that her hesitation is simply due to disbelief. For a few minutes afterwards, I lay here and stare at her voluptuous mounds. After too long, I can't resist reaching out and sliding my fingers down one of their peaks.

"S-stop that."

Having Rose flushed is pretty great.

"So…what are you?" I ask again, sitting up.

She rises up alongside me, hesitant.

"Are you really the Zero from before? I can't believe it…"

"I don't know what else to tell you."

"It is true Zero changed so much after Nina… We just assumed it was his grief."

I can't say anything more. I just hang my head. "Everyone around me dies. There is something haunting me and those I'm close to. I'll destroy it all, no matter the cost to myself."

She lays her head on my shoulder and rests for a moment before whispering something under her breath. "Alvina."

"What?"

"I am… an Alvina. The last Alvina actually. That is what I am."

"What about Voltin?"

Rose merely closes her eyes and stifles a sob, like a woman once possessed and made sane again, her crestfallen face tells of a lifetime of grief.

It dawns on me. "Oh gods, Rose. I'm so sorry."

"The Alvina tribe was decimated during the rebellion. Our numbers dwindled in the war, and our complicated lives took care of the rest."

She snuggles into me. I slide my arms around her and hold tight. "We are a rare breed of people,” she continues. “I'm sure you've heard of the way those from the Outerlands use the magiks, as opposed to how the rest do, yes?"

I nod into her soft hair as I breathe her in.

"My magik is… disgusting. Worse, comes with a price."

"So, when you said your husband died during a battle…"

She nods. "Alvina are much like everyone else, but so much of it is simple mimicry. The food, delicious it may be, cannot fully sustain us due to the magiks we use."

I feel myself gulp from the tension of her story and her connection to dodging my question.

"What magik we use… the magik that is a part of us, is magik of the soul."

At that, my body starts to tingle.

"You can feel it, yes? As you have felt it before. That seemingly innocuous pull. I am the last of my kind. I am the Vagar, the best that exists, of soul magik… though I wouldn’t be if any other remained. I was never the best…”

Suddenly, I feel much more exhausted as I nod along. "That explains one thing. But what about you biting me, and… drinking my blood?"

She sits up completely and reaches for her discarded clothing, continuing her explanation as she dresses.

"A person's blood carries trace amounts of the soul. It would take an inordinate amount to satiate me."

"Enough to… kill me? You were going to kill me, Rose?"

She looks over at me, fully dressed. Her beautiful, long hair is everywhere. It's dragging on the ground now that it isn't pulled up.

Noticing my gaze, she clumps some of her still-wet hair and rolls threads of it between her fingers. Looking between it and me, she seems to finally speak up.

"I didn't know who you were. I'm not sure I even fully believe it yet. But what you did to Mimi justified it in my eyes – to try and take her away from Zero was unthinkable. Nevermind that I am so hungry.

She grabs strands of her hair harder and they crumble between her fingers, bringing an unsolicited wince to me.

"But it doesn't kill a person if I do it slowly, you see. During the first days of the war, I needed just a bit more power just a bit more often. Of course, only Zero knew what I could do and the limitations therein. Entire battalions of the Eld could be rendered as quick corpses if I was able to have my way."

To be so strong, to carry such a burden for that strength…I can only imagine the toll it takes on not only her, but on those around her.

"There was just one thing, though. Zero couldn't afford to use his own people as fuel sources for me. They were too important for the war,” she says, starting to shake. I watch as she wraps her arms around herself.

"So, for Zeroth, for our people, for this godsdamn war… non-combatants and those too weak or frail to defend themselves…"

Rose falls to her knees and weeps. Shaking like a woman gone mad, she starts to scream hysterically. "They all served the greater good! They all found solace in their sacrifices. I did nothing wrong! Voltin could have served no better for no greater a cause!"

Her confession baffles me. I don't know what to say – there aren't words to speak to such a sin. No words of consolation, no utterances of false forgiveness.

No, there weren’t even words of condemnation that would put this woman before me into a deeper pit of despair.

I reached out to her tiny form, running my fingers through her hair. Part of it turns to dust in my hands. Regardless of her transgressions, I cannot simply just let her die.

"My blood may be too different. But if you feed from my soul, will it be enough for you and to not kill me?"

She looks up at me with frosty, glazed eyes and shakes her head. "You will die. I won't be able to hold back."

"If I do, then I do. I made so many mistakes along the way. I failed at everything I have ever set out to do. I let down everyone who ever knew me. I caused the lives of some of the most important people in my life to be lost, well before their time. If I have to fade away here to save a girl I love, then I will."

"What?" Rose looks at me wide-eyed and shocked.

It dawns on me what I said. I thrash my hands through my hair wildly in embarrassment. I open up my mouth to deny and clear up the entire misunderstanding, but everything that happened in my world with Rei pops into my head, causing me to close my mouth.

I let out a growl, fuck it, and push Rose down. I straddle either side of her before she can understand what is happening and place my mouth on hers. I let up long enough to order her to feed before continuing my invasion of her mouth.

Seeming to give up quickly enough, I feel my body start to tingle. It isn’t long before I lose my vision and darkness envelops me. All of my senses dull, except the connection I feel to Rose. I still feel her tongue slide against mine, those soft lips nipping at my own, but my very being hurts, as if my soul was being pulled from my body – and it very well likely was.

I focus my efforts on the woman under me. I pay attention to what she has endured and has to bear for the rest of her life. I think of nothing but making her better. I believe in a world at the end of all of this where Rose and I, and Mimi, and Kay, Charlie, and Kyle, Dom… and Rei… where all of us can be together.

I cannot and will not deny my love for the people of this world anymore. I cannot deny all that I feel for my girls. If I could make Rose see me for who I am, then I will do the same for the others. If they cannot love me for who I am, then so be it.

But I will try with all that I am.

I must save this world, but first, I must survive this.