《Gods & Monsters (The Reaper Chronicles, #1)》Chapter 35 - Dark Illusions
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Doku. Doku. Doku.
That word struck Ava’s mind on repeat, like a plague, feeding on her soul. It was in her veins, on her hair, and in her skin. She couldn’t take a shower without feeling the difference in temperature. The water went hot one moment, then cold the next, until it finally reached a lukewarm temperature.
Then the cycle started all over again.
Doku. Doku. Doku.
The word weighed heavy on her heart. The curse mark was worse. She’d never seen it this bad. Cracks broke the dark perfect lines and characters apart, it was hardly readable.
Breathe in… Breathe out…
After zipping her combat jacket, Ava dried her hair and dug through the gray bathroom drawers until she found bobby pins randomly stashed away. Her eyebrows scrunched in as she pinned her bangs back with anger.
The jacket was suffocating. Every time she breathed, the zipper pressed against her stomach. It got to the point where she stopped and stared at her reflection.
Doku. Doku. Doku.
Marc’s necklace dangled along her neck. The weight of its pendant suffocated her further when she remembered Mika’s soft lips and his hot touch. The way he dug his fingers through her hair, and those eyes. God, those tender eyes.
This was all his fault.
Ava acted on instinct. He was there. He was ready to kiss her, and she took the plunge. And now here she was, confused as fuck and left with ghostly memories. Mika just had to be another Ama prince. Worse, that he was the god of death. She shouldn't be thinking about him. She shouldn’t trust him.
But then again, he asked for her help.
Ava went into her closet and yanked open the drawer full of deadly gadgets. Her favorite hunter’s knife sat on top of all the rest, waiting to be used. It weighed heavy in her palm and on her thigh as she slipped it into the holster. She’d take more weapons, but she didn't want to weigh herself down too much.
Ava glanced at the uniforms embedded watch. She had eight minutes to spare. There was a knock at her door. As luck would have it, it seemed someone else would be wasting her eight minutes of silence.
Mika stood at the threshold, decked out in his UFE uniform. Just seeing him made her anxiety diminish, and she hated that. He shouldn’t have this much effect over her in such a short period of time.
“What are you doing here?” she asked. Without a word, he walked past and into her room. “We only have eight minutes left. I suggest you use it wisely.”
“I am,” he said. “We need to talk.”
Reluctantly, Ava shut the door but refrained from locking it.
It was surreal, watching him stand near her window. The warmth from the late afternoon sun shined on him, depicting him as an angel and not the devil in disguise. Now that she knew he was the god of death, he seemed different—like she didn’t know this Mika.
He fidgeted with his gloves, desperately tried to lock them and failed miserably at the same time. Sighing, Ava took Mika’s forearm and worked the glove. The material was slick beneath her touch, yet had enough texture to hold his hand sturdy.
She pressed her finger on the side of the cuff. It took seconds for the glove to seal shut against his wrist, taking all the remaining air out to shape his hand. Except for his head, no skin was left exposed, a safety measure established when fighting. Less exposed skin meant fewer chances of getting wounds meant greater life expectancy.
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Ava glanced at her wristwatch. “You’ve wasted two minutes. The clock is ticking.”
His mouth trembled as he refused to meet her eyes. She barely heard him when he finally whispered, “Do you hate me for keeping my identity a secret?”
She messed with Mika’s other glove. “No, I don’t hate you. I understand why you did it. I would’ve done the same thing in your position. Especially with Zephyrus after you. I can see why you didn’t tell me.”
The more she spoke, the more she tried to convince herself. Ava bit her cheek and drew blood. It still hurt he kept it secret for this long, and she had no one to blame but herself. She wasn’t exactly welcoming when they first arrived.
Mika tipped her chin and kissed her. His long lashes brushed her cheeks, and it was so easy to fall into this step with him. He made her want to kiss him more. Was this the god of death’s temptation or because he was Mika?
Ava gently pushed on his chest. “We can’t. We shouldn’t be doing this.”
“Right. Because who would want to kiss death,” he said.
“It’s because you’re in cahoots with that reaper.”
Mika dragged both hands down his face. When he continued hiding, she pried them off. He still refused to meet her gaze. “What are you doing? What does he mean join you?” she asked, whispering, “Mika, what did you get yourself into?”
As the sun set, shadows spread across the room, on the couch and the wilting red roses from Marc. They danced on Mika’s uniform from the wind blowing outside—and on his face. If she had noticed these little clues earlier, then she would’ve noticed he was different from Marc—that he was different from the rest. What other clues have I missed?
Without a word, Mika approached the coffee table. He touched a dead rose, and for a split second, the petals came back to life. “When I first came to Earth, my main goal was to retrieve my weapon. And once I did, I would leave Earth with it and never return.”
Her throat went dry—heart stopped. She wasn’t expecting a confession of thievery.
Ava glanced towards her bed where the god's weapon leaned against the headboard. Its slick metal shined dull off the overhead lighting. Mika summoned it to his hand before. He could easily do that now.
“So then what's stopping you?” she asked. Her fingers stretched out, concealed at her hip. If he tried anything she’d snatch it first before he could.
A sly smile curled on the corner of his mouth. He flicked his wrist. Instantly, the Bō appeared in his grip. Ava glanced back just to make sure it was the same one. Dammit.
Mika slid the pole up his hand and presented one end to her. She took it without hesitation, but he didn’t let go. “I want to make a deal with you.”
She looked him up and down, not sure what to make of this. “What kind of deal?”
“You need this weapon to help protect your planet. It’s the sole reason you were born, correct?” he asked. Through narrowed eyes, Ava gave him a nod. “Then let’s make a deal. After you’ve finished with the war against Primordial, you’ll hand this weapon over to me—”
“You’d wait that long for the war to be over?”
He stepped closer, gliding his glove up the pole. “Once Zephyrus finds out you’re a Doku, this war will end soon. And once it does, you’ll hand this weapon over to me and go into hiding.”
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That’s assuming I live through the war.
Ava let out a curt laugh. “There are two things wrong with your deal. You never mentioned killing Zephyrus. And you should know by now I never run away from a fight.”
“He’s a god.”
“Does it look like I care?”
Mika yanked the Bō forward. Ava collided into him, refusing to let go of the weapon. She took in a sharp breath, tried to ignore her instincts as they screamed at her to run away. The closer they got, the harder it became to resist his temptations.
“He will kill you,” he stated so matter-of-factly it felt like a stab to the heart.
Her fingers curled further around the weapon, twisting it in her hand. “He can try but he won’t succeed.”
Mika silently searched her determined eyes, then let go of the Bō. It was now back in her grasp. Any trained soldier would either fight or flee, instead she stood here, listening to every word from a potential enemy.
“You don’t need to worry about killing him. I will do that myself,” he said.
“Is that why you’re working with the Reaper? To kill Zephyrus?”
“Not just Zephyrus. I will end the gods once and for all.”
This time Ava took a quick step back towards the door. Mika just declared war on the gods. If she didn’t witness his fight with Raz, then she’d put it off as a joke, but that wasn’t the case. Mika was stronger than he let on.
His dark gaze trailed her every move and she couldn’t stop moving. Ava paced between the monitor hanging on the wall and the nightstand. There were so many questions, so much to take in, she didn’t know where to begin. The anxiety riddled her brain.
“So that’s why you want my help,” Ava said, more so to herself.
“I don’t need your help anymore.”
She stopped mid-step. “What? But earlier you said—”
Mika stared off in a daze at the bathroom and closet doors. “That was before I knew you were a Doku,” he said. “It changes everything. I can’t risk you dying now.”
It felt like everything inside Ava cracked in half. She laughed at the absurdity of his words, at the life she now faced as a half Doku. A race she knew nothing about, yet it kept Mika at a distance and everyone on their toes.
“You can’t risk me dying, but the UFE can. Do you know how crazy that sounds?” she snapped. “Regardless of what you want, if a god attacks my planet, then I have no choice but to retaliate!”
His hands folded out in front of him, begging her to understand. “This isn’t a game, Ava. This will cost you your life!”
“And you think I care if I die?”
“I don’t want you to die!”
A horrible pain flicked across his face. He clutched his chest, reminding her of Marc. She was always being protected, always being shielded by their own bodies. They’d die for her, and yet, she gave them nothing in return.
She couldn’t be that way anymore. She couldn’t let her emotions or anyone’s feelings impede her decisions. Ava needed to step up and take responsibility for her actions and act. She refused to cower in fear. She was tired of running away. I know what I need to do.
With her grip still fastened tight, Ava set the Bō down next to her side. Mika glanced at it. Ava saw the wheels turning, contemplating whether he should snatch the Bō right out of her hand again. And he should if he was serious about stopping her.
“I will kill Zephyrus. So if any god wants to come after me then so be it,” she stated. “I’m doing this for my planet. Not for you or anyone else.”
Ava picked up the medallion resting on her uniform. She squeezed it, felt every curve and every petal of its flowery design. This wouldn’t protect her against Zephyrus. There was no point in wearing it anymore.
She unclasped the necklace and dangled it in front of Mika. “The only reason I wore this was to protect myself against koto, but I see no point in wearing it anymore.”
He didn’t reach for it. He wouldn’t even look her in the eyes.
Ava shoved the medallion onto his chest. “I don’t know if you have any feelings for me, Mika, but if you do, this is the wrong way to go about showing you care.” She clenched her eyes to stop the tears. “Fighting back is the only thing I know how to do, so don’t you dare try to take that away from me.”
Still, she was met with silence.
He said nothing as he stared at the floor. He appeared to be in deep thought, but she was tired of analyzing his moods—his every action. She was just tired.
“You can give this back to him for me.” Ava let the medallion go. He barely caught it before it hit the wood floor.
With the Bō in tow, she walked fast towards the door and swung it open. Sam jumped with his hand cupped in a fist, hovering where the door should’ve been. A tiny beep went off on her wristwatch. Times up. What perfect timing.
“Gio’s already upstairs with the others.” Sam glanced back and forth between them. “Did something happen?”
Mika brushed past them and into the hallway and up the stairs. It didn’t matter that he was the god of death, he still acted like a brat.
After a moment of awkwardness, Sam and Ava joined the others in the foyer. Almost everyone was mingling, dressed and ready to go in their UFE uniform—their weapons strapped to their waists and back.
Mika stood by Darious, talking up a storm in hushed whispers. The longer he did, Darious’ eyes turned into slits. Ava tried looking everywhere else but them.
“Where’s Mom and Josh?” Ava asked Gio, he stood alone by the door.
He barely glanced her way and gave a monotone response. “Josh is with Gregori. And Mom went ahead with Leo to the safe zone.”
Ever since they left Harry’s room, he’d been acting strange. No, even before that. He was in a sour mood and she didn’t understand why, and now they didn’t have time to talk about this. Mika used all of that up. Ava had to deal with this later. With a quick tug, she pulled on her collar. It was suffocating and becoming hot.
“All right. Everyone listen up,” Marc said. “I can’t be out there to help you fight, but I’m sure you don’t need it. You guys have skills. You have proven you’re capable of teamwork. Now, all that’s left is for you to prove yourselves on the battleground.”
“Come back alive,” Darious said. “The last thing I want to report to your grandparents is how one of you died under my supervision.” He pulled on a coat over his gray blazer. “Now, if you’ll excuse me. I’m late for a meeting. May the stars watch over all of you.”
What meeting could he possibly be going to at a time like this?
Marc stood beside her as they watched Darious disappear from the snowy terrain. “What was that about?” he asked.
He wore the UFE uniform. Better to be prepared than be struck by surprise. He was like that—ready to take on anyone if they double-crossed him.
The siren went off on their watches—red flashed in alert. Coordinates appeared on the square screen, directing them to the battleground. Primordial Warships were here and they were heading straight for the Capitol—a place that had never been hit by the war until now. That meant Zephyrus was serious about ending this.
It was time.
One by one they left. Gio was quick to teleport and then Sam. Mika unsheathed his blades. For a moment Ava thought he might snatch the Bō from her hands this time, but he didn’t. He met her eyes one last time before vanishing.
Marc and Ava were alone at last.
The house fell silent. The wind whispered and occasional snow dropped onto the roof in clumps. They were far from the battleground. By now, the trees had lost all their leaves, covered in dried wrinkles of life and their forgotten memories.
She took a deep breath. “We need to talk.”
“I also need to talk to you,” he said. “But you can go first.”
Marc intertwined their fingers together. Ava used to love holding his hand. She had so many happy memories thanks to him, but the more she thought back to those times, it felt like the sad ones outweighed the good. Like snow, they easily slipped through the cracks of leafless branches. She picked away at the good parts and saw what she’d been blind to all along. She could no longer hide, no longer run away from the truth right in front of her.
“I want you to release the curse mark.”
Horrified, he retracted his hand immediately. “Why would you ask such a thing?”
Ava stood her ground and swallowed the unease. “I shouldn’t have to explain why. It’s what I should have done a year ago—after I recovered.”
“After you recovered?” He scoffed. “But you’re still unstable. And you’ve only gotten worse. You need my help—you’re still broken!”
Broken, like I’m just a tool that can be fixed. She gripped the Bō. “I’m not asking you, Marc. I’m telling you to remove it.”
His eyes narrowed behind the specs, scrutinizing every detail on her face, honing in on her hair. “No, I won’t do it,” he stated. “What I should do is seal it back up.”
He reached for her neck, but she swatted him off. Frustrated, she moved towards the dining room table. “Are we seriously going to be arguing about this when the Prim are in the middle of attacking the Capitol!”
The overhead light flickered off the table’s glass top and china plates, reflecting a pissed off and tired Ava. “When you placed this curse mark on the back of my neck, you promised me you’d remove it one day when I asked. You swore on your name. So don’t you dare stand there and tell me no. You have no right!”
She hit the tabletop. The dishes clattered together.
His footsteps quickly approached. Her heart sped out of anticipation, out of love and hate. Her body shook, the Bō trembled in her grip. God, I am so pissed off right now.
Ava gasped as Marc embraced her. He was warm, inviting. It made her second guess herself. “When you disappeared I lost it. I couldn’t sleep at night. I couldn’t stop thinking about where you had gone, if they hurt you, what they did to you.” His forehead tapped against her head. “I was afraid I’d lost you forever.”
Those words tugged at her heartstrings. She felt drawn to him all over again, and the fight with Mika earlier only pushed her further back into Marc’s arms. But she couldn’t. I can’t let that happen. I can’t do this to myself anymore.
Gently, she removed his arms and faced him head on. His eyes glistened with hope with the warmest smile she’d ever seen on his face. “You were right. Let’s run away. You and me. We’ll fight whatever comes our way. As long as we’re together, we can get through this.”
Ava waited so long to hear these words. Her heart quickened, recalling them over and over, and yet, every single time Mika’s face popped up like a shield. He wormed his way in so deep, she couldn’t even bask in this unforgettable moment with Marc.
She clenched her chest, knowing what she was about to say would hurt them both. “I’m sorry but I won’t run away… I can’t be with you.”
Marc’s smile waned, eyes twitched. He gripped the table’s edge and it cracked. “You’re kidding,” he said. “It’s only been four days. What happened!”
She looked away. “A lot can happen in four days.”
He pursed his mouth before pacing the room. His boots stomped with each long stride as he went back and forth from the front door to the living room, running a hand through his black hair, mumbling to himself.
As Ava watched him, she came to understand it’d been more than four days. Her feelings for him had been wavering for the past two years, ever since the last battle, ever since he decided to run away when she needed him the most.
Marc suddenly stopped dead in his tracks.
When he turned in her direction, his eyes were so piercing. Ava stepped back as he approached. He searched her face, her clothes, her hair. She became self-conscious. “Where’s my pendant?” he asked.
Afraid he might connect the dots, she lied, “It’s on my nightstand. I can go get it.”
“No, that’s fine.” He calmly folded the specs into his pocket. “I’ll get it later.”
It was odd seeing his face exposed like this. He was beautiful back then, and he was beautiful now, proof he hadn’t changed. He was still just a prince from another world.
“I need you to remove the curse mark. If you won’t do it for me, then at least do it for yourself. You’ll be in hot water if your grandfather finds out about this,” she said, hoping this would finally change his mind.
He dragged a hand down his face between amusing chuckles, and like a mask being stripped away, his warm smile fell into a twisted grin. Ghostly shivers ran across her skin, reminiscent of the Reaper and his venomous tongue. “You are so naïve,” Marc said. “What makes you believe he doesn’t already know?”
Fear ran cold through her veins.
Instinctively, Ava backed away. Her lower back bumped into the cracked table’s edge as he closed the distance. His fingers slipped over her hair, bringing it to his lips. “For years, I’ve been patient with you. I tried molding you into a better god. A pretty, perfect god,” he seethed. “I hoped you would be better than her, instead you are so much worse.”
Marc grabbed Ava’s neck.
He squeezed under an iron grip and crushed her wristwatch as if he were squishing a bug. The pain was a fleeting sting. It happened so fast, she had no time to react.
He ripped the Bō out of her hands.
Glass shattered. Metal clanged to the floor in the living room. It all replicated her heart: the terrifying situation and moment she realized how truly alone she really was.
Ava struggled for her knife. Marc yanked it out of its holder and stabbed into the wall in the foyer. “If you had just run away with me this never would’ve happened. You’d be free. Instead, you forced my hand. You’ve left me no choice!”
Her tailbone smashed against the glass edge as he brought her close to his lips. His eyes were dead and full of ice. She scratched at his hand, his arm, anywhere to get herself free. He squeezed tighter. She kicked and kicked and still it did nothing.
Black dots clouded her vision, lungs burned and heart rapidly drummed in her ears. His breath was scorching hot like a serpent breathing fire on her skin.
I can’t breathe… I can’t breathe…
I can’t… breathe…
…help me.
“I should’ve killed you from the start.”
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