Chapter Forty-Nine

The overcast of soft red light that sat on the air began to dwindle into a violet glow, serenely announcing Luna’s domination of the sky once more. Normally, Amberosin would’ve taken that as a sign to begin pursuing sleep, but not on this night. On this night, Amberosin was wide awake with an electrifying array of emotions; namely, a severe sense of dread.

Watching Mezir take his place in the dead center of an open terrinhive compounded that dread in her chest with a venomous mixture of anger, sorrow, and inextinguishable feelings of betrayal. Atop it all was a stone fortification of unmatched admiration. It was tearing her apart.

“Oh don’t look at me like that, not you three. You’re supposed to understand me! I suppose I truly am amongst the company of imbeciles-”

Mezir’s dramatized demonstration at the table, surely meant as a jest, had been stopped by Heria’s massive, leathery palm with an audible crack against his bushy bearded cheek. The woman’s huge arms were deceptively fast, a fact Amberosin knew all too well. She was also well aware of the fact that Heria didn’t hold back. When she swung, she swung with everything.

Amberosin was as equally impressed with Heria’s strength and speed as she was with Mezir’s ability to laugh off such a mighty, unexpected blow. Heria looked like she was caught between the notions of apologizing fiercely to Mezir and balling her fist and taking another go at him.

“Ha! Now that is a response I both understand and respect, Heria! Voids, that fucking hurt!” Mezir giggled to himself for a moment while holding his left hand to the afflicted cheek and shot forth a few quick streams of blue light into his face. “Much better.”Mezir smiled with boyishly filled cheeks at their shocked faces for a few moments before Heria finally spoke.

“You will die. If you’re lucky, White will kill you immediately. What do you expect us to do then, Mezir? Why bring us together, establish these connections, just- just to...” Heria’s words faded as she looked upon Mezir.

“Just to fuck off?” He still smiled, though his cheeks relented some, saddening the glint in his eyes. “Ah, guess I am a bit like my old man, aren’t I?” Mezir suddenly appeared older. Weaker. He hunched and shook his head, suddenly deflated by the prospect of being anything like his father.

Heria sighed and softened her voice. “I am… I’m sorry, Mezir. You are only like your father in the sharing of your extreme intellect. Your ability to plan and perform. I should not underestimate or berate you, no matter my station. I never meant to liken you to such a monstrous madman.” She laid a soft hand on the cheek she’d smacked. “Though, I am not sorry for the smack and I will do it again if need be.”

“I do find myself as more of a charming madman as opposed to monstrous. And I do concede, the slap was absolutely deserved. I often forget that my plans do not formulate in everyone else's mind as they do my own.” Just like that, Mezir’s contagious spark had come back to life. He smiled like a young street rat who was just offered a tart full of jelly.

One part, happy. One part, hungry. Completely high on desire.

“I suppose I should explain-”

Amberosin was lost by that point. Her thoughts were thrown into a chaotic frenzy like loose leaves caught in the wind, spinning round and round, clamoring into each other, and falling away before she could catch their meaning. Too many questions. Too many feelings. Too much shit thrown at her far too quickly. She felt confused and weak. Nauseous- dizzy with fear that she was going to lose what little, tattered strands of a family she had left. She’d spent far too long thinking she was alone to let go of everything- everyone, now. Amberosin thought about how selfish Mezir was being. Alternatively, she considered how he was likely suggesting that they trade his life for theirs.

What an honorable fucking piece of shit. Fucking fantastic. What about Trallengard? What about victory? What about everything? Everyone? What about- Amberosin felt small and pathetic. She barely heard herself speak out loud over the pounding heart in her ears; both because of her heart's veracity, and her voice's weakness. Her weakness. She spoke with tears spilling over and a quiver in her voice.

“What about me?”

Mezir stopped mid-sentence, stalling some energized explanation of the wildly impossible plan he’d concocted, and fell down to his knees before her.

“Amberosin.” He smiled and cupped her face gingerly in his hands. “Dear sister…. Have you truly gone lame?” Mezir cackled once with a swift and playful kiss on Amberosin’s forehead as he rose, “I was just explaining your, and Ta’K’s, part in the new and improved plan, silly girl! And here I thought you were quietly listening to your elder brother, like a good sista.

The pitch perfect of the noble impersonation did it. Amberosin burst into tears laughing and no one blamed her. No one judged her. Only Mezir poked any fun, but he seemed to feel it was his right. Or duty. Or some other confounding nonsense he held in his head. She found she didn’t mind it though. What could she do, but laugh? After a few moments of remembering how to breathe properly, she calmed herself and stood with the others.

“Alright, smartass, take it from the top for your slightly slow uh- sista.”

In short, she was to travel with Ta’K, on foot, all the way to Trallengard. On their way, they were to ‘collect the power hidden in stories’ told by locals in each and every wayward village or hobble.

“No tale or lore of the locals is inconsequential. Trace them to the truth and gain their power, or blessing- or what have you- I’m not quite sure, I’ve never found one- but you two will find them all! Ha!”

“Was that part of the prophecy?”

“It is now! Heria,” the beautifully adorned Blessed Queen jumped at the sound of her name coming out of the large man’s mouth so suddenly, “You will await my return and detain me upon arrival? Right?”

“What?” Amberosin missed that part of the plan.

“Yes. Good- Ji-Hu!” She then realized she’d missed most of the plan; she’d forgotten the little creature was even there.

“Yes!” They squeaked in a glitter of purple beneath their translucent skin.

“Gather the other Lumi and prepare! You’ve got a prisoner to take!”

***

Ta’K stood with stiffness in every muscle, entirely stoic next to Amberosin. He may as well have been carved from stone. All around him Lumifaen flew with glittering whispers and sighs, commanding hundreds of tree-like beings from one task to the next. The Mukeko, as Mezir had informed Ta’K, were older than even the Ta’, and had lived an absolutely benevolent and peaceful existence for millennia. Then they encountered Lord White. Only a few short months after their first meeting, the Mukeko had usurped and enslaved all Lumifaen and driven out many of the other Wilderfolk.

“You may see things that appear to be cruel, and make no mistake, they likely are, but remember young Ta’K… some cruelty is deserved.” Mezir smiled and walked towards his position between the inactive terrinhive and four massive Mukeko.

No time for questions or explanations anymore. The plan was in motion.

Amberosin was extremely quiet beside him and Ta’K couldn’t help but notice as she glanced around for Heria, as if she was hoping the Blessed Queen could somehow still stop this. She likely could, for a moment or two. But none of them, not even all of them together, could hold Mezir back against his will. Ta’K’s father had been very much the same.

A pride ridden madness that seems to come with age.

He sighed and leaned close to Amberosin. She pressed gently back into his touch and let out one single, silent sob before turning into his chest and shaking her head. Ta’K held Amberosin close as Lumifaen tightened the knot about Mezir’s wrist and started to beg the terrinhive to wake. Hundreds of tiny, glowing, golden-glittering hands were held high at the base of the limp section of living land until it convulsed once, twice, three times before suddenly snapping shut and diving into the ground.

And Mezir was gone. Just like that. Ta’K and Amberosin were on their own for the foreseeable future, something he found to be quite a bittersweet notion. Had Mezir simply gone ahead to meet them later Ta’K would have been ecstatic for the time with Amberosin, the journey back to Trallengard, however, he could not shake the feeling that he may never see Mezir again. His arms squeezed tighter around Amberosin and he buried his head on top of hers, letting his own silent tears soak his bandages.

He was afraid. He was tired. He was lost.

But he would keep her safe. No matter what.

***

Morning came upon them like an unwelcome dream that was completely detached from any semblance of sleep. All the world around him felt like a distant memory when Solas reigned supreme once again. A chilling fog fell down upon the Lumifaen’s domain and shrouded them in a mysterious, fuzzy glow, like distant lights flickering off and on in time with one another. Amberosin still snored soundly with her head in his lap when Ta’K finally spotted Heria making her way towards them through the wispy veil.

“We could just say fuck all to Mezir’s plan, couldn’t we? Considering he’s likely not much longer for this world as it is.” She spoke with a smile but Ta’K was unable to hear it in her voice. She knew they wouldn’t. They’d do everything that he asked, despite their own reservations.

Heria and Ta’K both looked down upon Amberosin sleeping in a fairly audible manner. Smiling. Thinking their own separate thoughts about the young woman there before them. The only person either of them had ever met that was completely incapable of casting. Of using essence. Someone that, in technical terms, should be one of the most inconsequential beings on the planet. Someone they would both die for.

Heria’s large hand stroked Amberosin’s cheek.

“Not sure why I feel so bad for her. Why I want her, specifically, to have better. To have more. But… I do. Could it be residual from bonding with Mezir?” Heria’s eyes found his bandaged face.

Ta’K only shrugged in return. There was no way to know, not really. Not easily, at least.

“Right…” Heria’s mouth opened and closed more than once before she took in a deep breath and spoke, quieter than before, “You know, he didn’t even ask about Korrin.” She laughed, unconvinced. “I bet he saw her pod in there and knew instantly. Didn’t need to ask.”

He had. He’d even sent Ta’K a quick mental message about the young woman’s current state. Mainly about how weird it was seeing her with two hands. Ta’K held a hand to Heria and replayed his exact words in the man’s burly voice.

“Ha! Fucking… ah. I guess we are all in now, aren’t we?”

He nodded. Slow. Unexcited. But decided nonetheless.

“So you will leave today?”

“Yes.” Ta’K spoke to her mind, a voice all his own.

Heria widened her eyes for a moment before smirking, “Sounds a bit younger than I imagine you to be.”

“Haven’t heard my own voice since I was ten, Blessed.”

“Oh. Right. I’m-”

Ta’K waved a hand, dismissing the apology. “I hope one day to hear it once more. To know it. And I hope you are there beside me when I do, Heria.”

She let tears cascade down her cheeks as she smiled, nodding her head up and down a good four or five times before she laughed. “I’d like that, Ta’K.”

“Hmumb- hiyah-” Amberosin suddenly choked back a snore full of drool and sprang forward fighting for air, nearly slamming her head into Heria’s chin as she rose. Face red, eyes leaking, mouth beset with sleep and drool, she smiled at Heria as soon as she caught her breath. “Morning beautiful.” She bowed her head loosely before spitting on the ground. Amberosin absentmindedly swept dirt over top of the spit.

Ta’K and Heria laughed hard enough that they sent themselves backwards onto the ground, eyes closed and hands wrapped about their guts. When Ta’K caught hold of himself and opened his eyes he nearly lost his breath once more. A viridescent sea of emerald swayed from one side to the next above them. The Lumifaen mentioned they’d be moving to a section of Wilder with more natural, stationary, plant life by morning, mainly due to the uncertainty of the Mukeko’s fate, but he never expected anything so grand.

Heria spotted him staring skyward, breathless.

“Ji-Hu tells me this is an ancient section of the Mother Forest- a term that evidently only refers to the Wilders across Blancana and not all of Noctra, though I am still not entirely sure if that is correct. Either way, these beauties are legitimate, gigantic, and entirely natural wildertrees.” Her face contorted into a series of questions. “That being said, I suppose the Mukeko’s method of creating more forest is actually part of the natural landscape… Huh.”

Ta’K nodded, entirely oblivious to Heria’s own pondering to his side. He hadn’t seen such a complete, unperverted scene of life in the Wilders since his last days in the Ta’ Lands. Over ten years ago. He could still name every variation of tree, leaf, bug, and beast.

He felt at home.

***

Amberosin decided to take the chance at a private piss behind some nearby shrubbery while Ta’K and Heria laughed their respective asses off at her morning state. She was exceptionally glad to have their company and found herself trying to speed along her steaming stream so she wasn’t left without them for too long. Left with her thoughts. Worries. What she often felt were pitiable concerns. Things that had often plagued her in the days since Ragoth’s first supposed death.

Who do I have? Who do I trust? Who am I? What do I have? What do I cherish? Recently added, thanks to her revealed lineage, there was a brand new worry slumbering lazily atop the others, waiting for the perfect time to topple Amberosin’s last nerve.

What am I?

The last thought rang out inside her head so loudly that it melded with the symphony of chirping, singing, growling, shuffling, and howling that rang out from each and every direction. Myriads of sound mixed together, choking out the quieter creatures and happenings that were more distant but still, over it all, she could hear her very own words riding an audible wave. Forever at the apex of sound, the forefront of her mind. So long as she was alone.

She hiked up her trousers hastily and felt glad to know that the thoughts could plague her no more once she was back with the others. Amberosin could always keep moving if she didn’t think too much about things, usually. She was nearly all the way back around the unbelievably massive base of her chosen “pee-tree” when she slammed into a stationary Heria rubbing her right knuckles against the palm of her left hand.

Both women stood nearly nose to nose with one another. Neither fell from their shared impact or recoiled once they realized who was before them.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to surprise you like that, Lady Amberosin.”

Amberosin returned Heria’s knowing smile, doubled it’s length across her own cheeks, and shook her head. “ I don’t think I will ever get used to that idea. Being a ‘Lady’ and all… but I like when you say it to me.” She shot out a quick wink and poked Heria’s muscular fur ridden shoulder. “Blessed Lady.”

Heria gave an exaggerated highbrow look and eyed Amberosin up and down before giving a single shrug. “I’d not be opposed.” The once contradictory duo of women paused only for a moment before they laughed together and leaned their heads as close as two long-lived lovers. Should anyone be looking or listening in they would never have been able to discern just how completely the two had despised each other only weeks before.

Heria’s laughter faded first. “ Amberosin… I,” her eyes grew languished and distant, “ I can’t apologize enough for how I treated you. I-”

“Why?”

“What?”

“Why apologize? We were enemies then- well, opponents at least. I said some awful things to you and you responded in kind; add the fact that you evidently weren’t really yourself, to begin with, and I honestly see nothing for you to apologize for. We may have been enemies before but now… now we’re…”

“The Lumifaen call you all my ‘allies’.”

“Fuck that. We are friends, Heria Du-Helena De Seires, Blessed Queen of the Lumifaen, and Mukeko of the Wilders. My Lady.” Amberosin bent her knees in a terribly lazy bow and bumped Heria with her rising head.

Heria gawked at Amberosin with salty oceans building in her eyes.

“Oh. no- no, don’t cry! Shit, I’m sorry, so, so sorry!”

Heria’s expression immediately morphed into a serene, savage smile. She laughed again, so hard this time that she was forced to lean against the tree trunk beside them.

“I’m glad that I held back against you in the courtyard, Amberosin. I thought I was doing it for Me- I mean, for Ragoth- but… I think I’m better off for you being around. I know you didn’t see what we all did in the field, didn’t feel everything from everyone all at once, but everyone there in that circle, we saw you Ameberosin. We saw you through so many eyes and perspectives and-”

“Wait. Did you just say you were holding back?” What a fucking Legend.

Heria lost her breath in another fit of boisterous joy.

***

Their walk back together was far too short in Heria’s opinion. She still had so much to tell Amberosin, advice to impart on her before she left to sneak across Noctra with Ta’K, but time was running out. As soon as the morning fog faded Ta’K and Amberosin were set to leave.

“Amberosin.”

Heria waited for her friend to cease her perverse chuckling. She seemed to have found great joy in the explicit nudity of the Lumifaen, glancing from left to right with a mischievous grin on her face. Heria placed one of her huge hands atop Amberosin’s lean shoulder and stared into her enchanting snow-white eyes. Terrifying and enamoring all the same.

“You are incredibly strong. Infuriatingly fast. Unbelievably stubborn. You’ve got a wit matched only by your brother and father, each prodigal in their own regards. You, Amberosin, are literally one of a kind on this planet. So far as I know there is not a single being left on Noctra that cannot cast or at least manifest essence in some way. There is no one like you.”

“You forgot my domineering beauty.” Amberosin smiled but her laugh was weak.

“Listen, please. You are one of the fiercest, youngest warriors to ever bless the roads of Noctra. I doubt you’ll ever find a person, man, woman, Legend, or otherwise who can best you in a fair fight while at full health. I would’ve surely slipped up and faltered during our encounters had you not been so obviously starved. You would have capitalized. Just like with Senfe.”

The name seemed to visibly sting Amberosin but she kept a soft smile.

“But… you are a woman. A young, lovely, spirited woman. You are traveling with a magnificent man. A moral, humble, and kind young man. He is an outlier. No matter what you’ve heard about White’s actions on banning rape or subjugation of someone due to their sex, it is all just talk. Men still kill, rape, and beat women simply for rejecting their advances. For speaking out of turn. For fun.” Heria let the silence hang there for a moment, focusing her gaze at the dead center of Amberosin’s pupil.

“But White’s decree…”

“True, most men who make an offense are taken and publicly executed at some point or another… but not until someone is brave and capable enough to stand up on their own. Not until someone else trusts the victimized party’s word over the attacker. And as a woman in a recently shambled world…. You’ll often find your word disputed for the simple fact that you lack a dangling sac between your legs.”

Amberosin’s gaze sat on the ground for a moment before she looked up and reconnected with Heria’s eyes. “Any way to tell which men to avoid?” She wasn’t joking at all anymore. Her mouth was as straight as a line. Eyes lit aflame. Focused.

“Sometimes. Sometimes not. Sometimes they are subtle, so subtle in fact, that you won’t even believe it. The best thing you can do is trust your intuition. We live on Mother Noctra. We are basked in the light of Mother Moon’s all through the day and night. We, women, can tell when something is wrong in the world. Never let anyone make you doubt yourself, Amberosin. For now, I would stick to only trusting Ta’K. No one else. Even in Trallengard.”

Amberosin nodded, though there were plenty of questions and worries left painted on her face, and gave a gentle grin before laying her head on Heria’s chest. “I don’t trust easily, Heria, don’t worry… but while we are on the subject of being women can you answer me one more question?”

“Of course, quickly though. Ta’K is nearly done packing for the both of you.”

“Fucking gentleman.”

“Ha! Right you are. Now your question?”

“Yeah, uhm…. Do your ‘parts’ ever bleed… for seemingly no reason?”

“Parts? Don’t go getting bashful on me now, Amberosin. I can’t help if you aren’t more specific than that.” Heria grinned and scraped her cheek with a fang, sending blood down her chin. She moved back to keep it off of Amberosin. When Heria looked back down at the young woman her face was a brighter red than Heria’s trail of blood.

“The… lower parts?” Amberosin seemed genuinely confused. Thinking with great effort.

Oh shit. Does she really not know? And then Heria remembered what she first thought of Amberosin. How she seemed like a feral, beastly young woman. In some ways, it seemed, she was. Out in the field with the others, Mezir’s shared memories had included a great deal about Amberosin’s mother, Alicena, and her unconventional teachings. Right… Right.

“Are we talking inside or outside?”

Amberosin’s eyes widened as a shocking revelation overtook her face.

Heria smiled, stifling laughter with a hand over her lips, and cleared her throat.

“The outside of what you’ve got down there is called a vulva. The inside is called a vagina. If the vulva is bleeding-”

“The little lippy folds down there?”

Heria grunted over a quick giggle. “The labia are part of the inside and outside… technically.”

Amberosin thought for a moment. Behind her, Heria could see Ta’K pulling two packs onto his shoulders before shaking his head and letting his metal hands hang in the air with his and Amberosin’s luggage in tow.

“Hm… well I guess it comes from inside, but it gets everywhere. A big fucking mess. And my insides crunch up and squeeze me until I want to scream. Sometimes I do scream. Only had it happen once so far but I’d be just as glad if it never happened again.”

Heria mentally scanned through all the texts she’d read as Helena, nearly twenty years ago. She could see most of them as if they were right before her eyes. Nearly all were scribed and distributed by Argonia Slib, even the ones on women, oddly enough. She could see it there in her mind and was reciting the words before she realized their implications.

“The women of Noctra, like all of our gargantuan mother world’s inhabitants, are extremely varied, inexplicably diverse, and despite contemporary thoughts on the matter, quite fearsome. They are also the sole reason that human and Alta life on Noctra persists to this day.” Ta’K was beside Amberosin listening intently with his legs crossed, floating in mid-air. He reminded Heria of a child listening to a Weaver’s tale. “Every Legend, every monarch, every noble, and every peasant; each living being on this planet owes its existence to someone with biologically female ‘innards’. From the craggy rocks of Blancana’s southernmost shores to the tips of the crystalline covered Shardlands above Trallengard, every biological female on Noctra is perpetually fertile. Decisive about which pregnancies she keeps and which she terminates. She is the ultimate decider. All she’s. It's astounding, truly. Long ago this was not the case, of course, at one point in time women were only fertile during small windows and they bled often when disposing of their unused eggs. Something ancient scholars have referred to as menstruation. While it seems evolution may have simply dropped the need for menstruation in women on Noctra, the sudden disappearance altogether is a bit questionable. Many sisters in Matria speak of a day when the true “Blood Mother” shall return. Should that day ever come, I feel Lord Elias White may come to rue the day he defied the Grand Mother Matria.”

Heria smiled and took a deep breath, reveling in the feeling she used to get when reading alone in a large windowed cove at her family's estate. Then she saw Amberosin’s face. Then she realized what she had just inadvertently implied. She blanched and shook her head.

“Sorry, I just mean to say, I’ve never bled like that before but-”

“Oh Legends, that's not what I want to hear!”

“I’m sorry!”

“Shut up!”

They looked at each other before bursting out into squalling laughter, tears littering the ground. Ta’K only looked back and forth between both women, obviously perplexed. His cluelessness only made the moment more hilarious for both women. Amberosin slapped Heria’s furry forearm and snorted.

“Who the hell named it that, a vulva?”

Heria squeaked, giddy and red, “A man! A fucking man!”

***

Ta’K wrapped his arms tight around Heria who returned the embrace in kind. Behind her, between both of his floating hands that held their packs, Amberosin stood with her hands crossed in front of her like an unsure child awaiting their summons. He bid his left hand to release its load and placed it gently on her shoulder, ensuring to warm the touch before she felt it. A subtle invitation which she promptly accepted by sprinting and slamming into them.

All three sobbed while clinging to each other. The fog was fading faster and dawn was quickly becoming morning. This was their goodbye, standing beneath a massive gigan-pine on the only bare patch of land to be seen for leagues. The duo emptied their eyes and wailed their laments, their wishes for one another, with single hard sobs and tightening grips. Ta’K saw his hands waver behind Heria and fought the urge to steel and steady himself. He let them fall to the ground.

This was their goodbye. He refused to cut it short. Ta’K Cried with Amberosin and Heria until the last foggy particle ascended to an invisible solace high above. The trio likely would’ve held onto one another until Luna rode across the sky with night fast on her heels had the Lumifaen not gathered, awaiting direction from their queen. Still, Heria held to her companions a few moments longer, letting Solas deepen the red of her reign for the day. They were young, afraid, broken, and in a worried kind of sense, excessively excited. When they let go the world would never be the same.

When they let go nothing would ever be the same.