“I want to break up”

I stir a little in my coffee cup and lean against the kitchen counter with a calm and indifferent expression. He looks a little roughed up by the dreary weather outside; Droplets of rain clinging to his golden locks and his shirt has wet spots where it soaked through his jacket.

He chuckles.

“No”

“I said that if I didn’t like it, we would be breaking up. So, here I am breaking up with you” I tell him a little more sternly.

“Well, I never agreed to that” he says and takes a step forward, grabbing my hand.

His finger traces it a little before he pulls it to his lips and gives it a gentle kiss. His touch sends shivers throughout my body. It’s uncomfortable, so I quickly pull away.

“Well, that is not something for you to decide” I tell him and take a sip of my coffee.

“Is it?” he says with a smirk and now he is uncomfortably close, learning in over me. I can’t really look him in the eye.

“It’s only been a few days, so you haven’t really given me a chance yet. Isn’t that kind of unfair?” he says and tucks my chin so I meet his gaze.

That sea-blue gaze, like an ocean that pulls you in to drown you, yet you can’t help but want to swim in it. I swallow.

“Tell me that you don’t want to see me ever again and I’ll leave” he says, but before I have time to open my mouth and answer, his soft lips touch mine.

A kiss that sends warm shivers throughout my body, making me forget all my protests. How does he do this to me?

“I-I… I don’t!” I say as I push him away from me.

Why do I always lose my bearings with this man?

“You don’t what?” he asks me softly gazing into my eyes, a hand caressing my cheek.

“Why are you so adamant about this anyway?” is ask him looking away.

He sighs.

“I don’t know…? Because I like you, because I want to get to know you…?”

“And when you have? When you’ve gotten to know all about me; then what?”

“Then there’ll be something new to learn about you, and new things to experience together” he says, “there doesn’t have to be a finish line, you know?”

It doesn’t make any sense to me at all. People get together because they want something from each other, but the way he puts it makes it sound like he doesn’t want anything from me. It sounds so bland, boring and meaningless.

And yet… The look in his eyes is so warm and comforting, his embrace so pleasant and reassuring. It makes me utterly confused. He seems to notice my confusion, because he smiles and adds:

“Just give me a chance, you’ll see. What’s the harm?”

‘Everything’ I want to say, but the words won’t come out and instead we just stand there in silence. Then he finally bends down and kisses me again, his lips eagerly searching, and I feel myself respond to his touch.

“Bedroom?”

“Couch. I’m putting you in cuffs” I smirk.

…

“So, are you and Aaron like a couple now, or what?”

I look at Jen with a grimace. She’s wearing a rather perky outfit today; A pink tulle skirt and fishnet stockings with a colorful band t-shirt and her lips are red instead of black.

“Did he tell you that?”

The two of them seem to have gotten on good terms and I’ve sometimes found them talking and laughing in the cafeteria, waiting for me. It makes me quite uneasy. Jen is so loose-lipped I fear she’ll spill all of my secrets when I’m not looking and Aaron with his silver tongue is just as dangerous. But I seem unable to stop them from talking, so I have to stick close by when they’re together, which means I’ve been spending quite a lot of time with the both of them – much to my dismay. I mean, because of Aaron of course.

He is so insistent about keeping us in this relationship where we have to talk to each other and share our feelings, and stuff like that. Though, I must admit it hasn’t been all that bad. And it’s not like he presses me for answers or ask about things I don’t want to talk about. He’s actually been pretty relaxed about all that, despite seeming so eager to learn all about me before.

It confuses me.

The first time Aaron gave me a kiss in public I was a hair’s breadth away from slapping him. It was in the middle of the crowded entrance to the university, where we had met coincidentally on our way to morning classes. People stared at us with wide-eyed expressions and I was burning with shame.

I mean, it’s not like I appreciate my reputation as a slut, but letting people know that I’m in a serious relationship is almost worse.

But something about his happy demeanor made my hand stop before I even raised it and could only sigh. He’s really got me wrapped around his finger, doesn’t he? The thought kind of scares me.

“He seems to think we are” I tell her indifferently and she sends me a skeptical look.

“Oh, come on! He told me he asked you out and you agreed, so you guys are totally a couple!”

“Why are you even asking, then?”

“I just wanted to hear it straight from the turtle’s mouth. I’ve never heard of you having a boyfriend before!”

She has a way of getting her proverbs mixed up, which is just like her personality.

“It’s been going pretty well with Christian, so maybe we could all go out on a double-date?” she excitedly exclaims.

I’ve been expecting this suggestion, dreading it.

She began seeing this guy named Christian around the same time I got entangled with Aaron and he seems nice. A good guy and a total nerd, which is just right for Jen. The girl is so starved for love that she’s been I countless short lived relationship, where most of the guys used or abused her. So, it’s nice she’s found someone who treats her well and who can keep up with her eccentric behavior.

But I really don’t want to go on a double-date. I’ve barely been on any regular dates with Aaron, and the thought just makes me cringe.

“I don’t know, Jen. I’m not really comfortable enough with Aaron…” I begin my protests, but I fear I’m just delaying the inevitable.

“Then that’s exactly why you should do it!” she smiles.

I knew it.

“Though I think you guys seem pretty comfortable” she says with a smirk, “but if you think you aren’t, it would totally be good idea to go out with other people. The mood kind of rubs off and before you know it, you’ve become closer!”

I repress the urge to give her a dead-pan look. Jen, this is a horrible idea.

“Or it could turn out really awkward…”

This is the last dying gasp of my protests. This girl gets oddly stubborn when there is something, she is excited about. This is a losing battle.

“Of course it wouldn’t! I’m here remember?” she says with excitement.

Yup, losing battle.

I sigh.

“…Fine…” I say but continue as I see the elated expression form on her face: “But I have to ask Aaron first, so it really depends on him.”

“Oh, sure!” she smiles.

Please god, let Aaron turn down this dreadful suggestion.