Drip. Drip. Drip. It was a cold and soggy night, and was even dark despite the smoky pitch-soaked torches lining Camberdyne’s alleyways. Down those dark alleyways a man, if he’s sensible, must not walk. He will, instead, either stride confidently, and hope to the Gods he has the blades to back it up, or skulk and melt into the shadows. Hoping, probably, for someone to come striding confidently without watching his back, or his purse. Greasy Jonny was very much the second kind of man, and he had become very good at skulking in the week since he’d first logged into Ever After.

Unfortunately for Greasy Jonny, the person striding confidently down that particular dark alleyway was a Paladin of Thrakar, and she wasn’t carrying a purse.

Jazzvir the Implacable paced slowly down the dark alley, enjoying the slow metallic drumbeat of her footsteps, and focused briefly on what she’d taken to calling her copsense. A petty criminal was… that way… and, if he was anything like the last seven, would somehow not hear an eight-foot-tall ton of iron and carnelian completely fail to sneak up on him.

“Jonathon William Carmichael, also known as ‘Greasy Jonny’, you are under arrest!” she rumbled loudly, and now the ratty little guy jumped – literally shot three feet straight up in the air – and her arm shot out with a whirring of pistons and a brief hiss of steam from her elbow. Dangling the crook from her outstretched arm, she recited from the charge sheet the UI had helpfully popped up next to him.

“You have been convicted by the court of Queensright under the authority of Her Emerald Majesty in Session of three counts of petty theft, two counts of breaking and entering, one count of minor theft, seventeen counts of evading arrest, twenty-seven counts of fleeing an officer of the Law in the performance of his, her, or their duties, and three counts of harbouring an illegal gnome. Furthermore, you are suspected of nineteen counts of petty theft, seven counts of minor theft, and offending the eyes of a Magistrate of the court of Queensright. You have the right to remain silent, and are cordially invited to do so.”

“Hey, you can’t do that!” Jonny objected. “I do not consent to PVP! Put me down!”

“...you’re a player too? Sorry, mate, I still gotta take you in now, or I’ll fail this class quest. Is this even PVP, though? I mean, it’s more R. v P. at this point.”

“...what? It just says ‘Jazzvir the Implacable [player] applied the effect Arrested to you’.”

“Huh. Must be a quest thing. Anyway, you’re off to the cells, and presumably it’ll give you an opportunity to escape. Or fall down the stairs. One or the other.”

“I’ll just… dangle then I suppose. Hey, that thing about gnomes? They’re good people really. Don’t s’pose you can go over after your shift ends and help ‘em get out of the city?”

“...it’s less than a week into my career, and you want me to aid and abet you in illegal gnome smuggling? They could have my badge for this.”

“But what a quest line that would be! Anyway, c’mon, it’ll be fun. And they’re good people. You should try the gnome ale – wait, can you even drink in that weird armour?”

“Hey, this isn’t armour! What you’re looking at is pure unadulterated stark naked awesome unlike you weird meat people with your plant fibre stuff to keep you warm.”

“Naked at work? You should at least get a hat. Anyway, I’m going to have to fall down the stairs to the cells for your class quest, you can go and do a teensy-weensy favourette for some friends of mine. What’s been happening to them is a terrible injustice, after all...” Greasy Jonny fluttered his eyes hopefully at her, and a quest window popped up.

New quest! Toads and Butterflies: Help the Underharrow family get out of Camberdyne before the police find them. The other police. Reward: XP, gnome faction, Thieves’ Guild faction, the potential (but unlikely) loss of a promising career.

“Fine! Just… stop DOING THAT and I’ll do almost anything.”