Now I had a new struggle to undertake, readjusting to life back ‘home’. I had been back in the states for nearly a month, and everything made me nervous. I had a part time job at a grocery store as a cashier, no actual place to live besides my friend’s couch, but I was still getting help which was the one thing I had any control over. I wanted to be strong by myself, I was my own person and I didn’t need any help I wasn’t broken.These were the thoughts that kept me from help these thoughts were poisonous, yet they weren’t uncommon. I learned to accept these feelings because they were apart of me, but they did NOT define me.Still with therapy and even when I was happy , dismal thoughts would strike me ‘maybe I should just die’ it didn’t make sense I was trying so hard just to feel okay. Registers slammed open making me jump, while any sort of abrupt movement made me anxious I didn’t know anyone and I was afraid they all wanted to hurt me, I knew sooner or later they would.

Shhh. The endless fall of rain hitting earth, silenced the throngs of people as they rushed for some sort of shelter… for this I was thankful, I didn’t have to deal with the mass of people and the panic that would sprout from those faceless faces. The scar on my left arm ached from the colds icy touch, it was 11:00 p.m, and my shift finally ended, I was exhausted anxiety had crushed me every moment of today. Gray sidewalks and dark roads concealed pools of water,‘Great’ I thought as my foot landed in a deep expansive puddle that covered a dip in the road while I crossed the street, along with my sopping wet shoes I now had a soaked sock. Fat drops plopped onto my head streaking down my face like the tears I wanted to cry, hastily I found a nearby diner, the whoosh of warm air escaping into the cold night as I entered through the heavy glass doors put my iced bones at ease. A short girl with purple streaked black hair, greeted me with a smile from behind a counter.

“ Hi, welcome to Benji’s. Just you tonight?” She asked in the robotic customer service voice we all know too well.

“ Yep, just me” I said .

“ Alright follow me and we’ll get you started” she sped around tables finding a small booth near the back of the diner. I sat on the hard green bench folding my freezing hands on the smoothe table’s surface while I waited to order a sandwich and a bowl of hot soup to warm my body. A tall man with a spike through his lower lip, appeared to ask what drink I wanted.

“ I’ll have a hot chocolate with extra whip cream, and your butternut squash soup with the BLT” I said as he scratched my order on the ticket.

“ Okay we’ll have that right out for you” he gave a quick smile before scurrying off through a swinging dark green door.

It took about 15 minutes before my server came back with a steaming bowl of creamy butternut squash soup and a crisp BLT, one spoon for my soup the other for my hot chocolate. I sat enjoying my food, until the bell above the diner’s front door rang signaling another customer.

Hair stuck to her face, drops of water tracing each strand finally pooling at the ends of each tip to fall on the shiny dark wood floor. Her small slender frame trembled trying to shake the freezing numbness that clung to her skin. Faint black lines of makeup ran down full pale cheeks, eyes puffy and red she crossed her arms over her chest taking comfort in only herself. The waitress took pity on her and escorted her out of the midnight crowd’s way, to a isolated booth which happened to be the only one near me.

I was concerned for this girl she’d clearly been crying, and even now her eyes watered. The thing that worried me most was the lip that openly oozed blood onto her chin. She looked out to the rainy street from the window internally analyzing something I knew nothing of; then the bell dinged once more.

A man with a sleeve of tattoos strolled in completely dry, he didn’t look for a waiter he just scanned the small diner until his eyes finally fell on the shivering girl in the corner. Calmly he made his way to her booth and took a seat opposite her. When the bench squeaked from the man’s weight the girl’s head snapped towards his dour face eyes widening at the sight of him. A slight gasp escaped her plump red lips, she was obviously shocked to see the stranger.

“You can’t run, I love you and I’m sorry... you know how I get when I’m stressed” the man said. Tears brimmed at her eyes on the brink of spilling over, but she managed to let out a shaky response.

“ I don’t care. You said the same thing last time a-and I’m done. I can’t do this anymore”she looked away avoiding his eyes. He shot his hand across the table trying to grasp her fragile small hand, quickly she pulled away as if his touch would burn her skin.

“ Baby, I never meant to hurt you I just had a bad day” ‘ha’ I thought as I listened in. ‘ Of course you didn’t mean to hurt her they never mean to hurt anybody’ his attempt to soothe her fears were absolutely comical to me because I knew he lied.

“Jackson I … know you’ll do it again” her voice came out in a whisper as she finally meant his muddy brown eyes.

“ You always do it again. I know you and that’s why I know we can’t be together no-not like this” there was still a shadow of hesitance in the depths of her aquamarine eyes, and the man knew saw it.

“ No. I swear this is the last time I’ll never do it again” He emphasized with a gesture.

“ No Jackson just stop. We need to stop I refuse to be hurt again I can’t take it anymore..you scare me” she left off all hesitation had gone from her eyes.

“ You can’t leave me. I won’t let you” his voice was low and menacing, I could see why she’d be afraid of someone like that.

“ What do you mean you won’t let me? It’s not your call, you don’t own me” her voice pitched as she spoke.

“ I can’t live without you! If I can’t live you won’t either, I swear to God, if you leave me I will find you and you’ll be sorry” his voice started to raise in an angry gravelly rumble.

“ You will not! Jackson I carry a gun if you come after me I-I’ll shoot, then the only one who’ll be sorry is you” I could tell she was starting to get angry as her face pinched into a scowl.

“ No you listen here bitch! You are mine. You don’t have a choice, I’m taking you back home NOW!” Heads turned as he shouted, his rage finally rearing its ugly head. People clearly wanted to help concern splayed on their faces, but nobody moved a finger to help the girl they all just watched. The man stood up peering down at the girl as she flinched expecting a hand to strike her face, but instead his hand enveloped her wrist and he violently yanked her slight form from the seat as she fell to her knees on the hard floor. He drug her about like a rag doll even though she clawed at his hand, faces watched on in horror I have to admit even I was shocked into immobility for a second or two. I shot up from my seat and moved directly in his path, the girl still squirming behind him.

“ You’re not taking her anywhere, what’s going to happen is I’m going to pull out my cell phone and dial 9-1-1, then the cops are going to show up and arrest your abusive ass for battery and the nice thing is there’s all these witnesses” I gestured to the audience that had gathered cell phones already pulled out as they taped the assault. His jaw went slack as he realized all the people around him,quickly his expression turned to anger as he glowered at me.

“FINE!” He shoved the girl’s wrist away as a child would their veggies, then he stormed off to a black sudan outside the diner, everyone watched as he sped away. He left the girl on the floor like a crumpled piece of trash. I lowered myself to my knees so I could see her face clearly.

“ Are you alright?” It probably wasn’t the smartest question to ask considering the situation, but I wasn’t sure what to really say.

“ I-I’m fine, just a little bruised” she rubbed her wrist looking at the already forming dark ringed bruise.

“ Let me give you a hand” I offered her my hand, and to my relief she took it steadying herself as she arose.

“ Th-thanks” she stuttered out.

“ No problem, here take a seat you can even have my hot cocoa” I said as I helped her to my booth. She didn’t say much, and I didn’t blame her. Slowly she sipped at the rich chocolatey drink focusing on its dark color until she gained the confidence to speak.

“ Really thank you… I never should have stayed with him. Thank you, whoever you are” her aquamarine eyes glance up at me.

“ It’s Michael, and no problem animals like him should be caged” I despised people like him.

“ If it’s okay can I ask your name?” I asked thinking it probably wasn’t a good idea to keep referring to her as ‘the girl’.

“ It’s Sarai” she said, giving a small quirk of her lips.