《What I'll Become》Shame
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“SHIT!!!” A familiar voice cried. Footsteps filled the quiet night as Tommy ran. I gasped as I was pushed into the unyielding dusty ground, rough hands frantically patting out the flaming skin that enveloped my arm.The pain seared up racking the entirety of my left side, for a moment everything was black as intense pain wracked my head, which had ungracefully bounced twice when I was tackled. For a second I saw black then I opened my eyes again and sunlight stabbed at my eyes, my head felt like it was exploding. Confusion shoved it’s way towards the front of my mind ‘where was I?’ Finally I realized ‘I must be in the military hospital’.
The damage turned out to be quite minimal not to say it never hurt, a tiny part of me was upset Tommy had stopped me now I had to live with the pain. Tommy had come to see me after I passed out, and woke up three days later, he’d stepped through the doorway and immediately I knew how upset he was.
“Michael?” His voice was quiet.
“ Why did you do that?” He didn’t look at me while asking.
“I-I don’t know I just wanted to disappear” I was ashamed, when I was in the moment I had felt nothing, but looking over at Tommy’s masked face his haunted eyes I felt all too much.
“ I just don’t understand? Why did you have to try and commit suicide, after Ray you would leave me to deal with two friends gone? Wh-why?” Right in front of my eyes he began to crumble to shake, and cry. I thought about how strong he’d been through Ray’s death, the death of that small child, I had never seen him cry he’d just look off at what I couldn’t see. Now his faraway look was cleaved in two everything that had been building up, grinding him into a dull skeletal figure, came to the surface rearing its ugly head.
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“I-I’m sorry, I know I shouldn’t, I shouldn’t be like this” I had nothing left to say, nothing left to give, not even tears.
“Michael I want to get you help. I need to get you help. This isn’t for you it’s for me because I can’t stand another friend… another friend’s death.” With that he turned and left.
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