Peacefully laying on a void of white slate I hum a lullaby that accompanies the deafening silence,

Leaning beside a familiar visage of a woman wearing silver plates of armor, I traced my fragile fingers onto her soft red cheeks.

“It’s time for you to go.”

She said in a soft tone of voice, not a request but a reminder of what I should do next.

“I know…but please let me stay…just a little longer.”

“Fine…You’re really troublesome.”

“Yeah…I am, I’m sorry.”

Slowly from her cheeks my fingers soon traced towards her hand laying on my lap, holding it my eyes twitched in pain as I caressed it slowly.

It’s brittle and rough, full calluses and cuts one would say it is unbefitting on a lady, but in my eyes it’s a mark of hard work that one should take and show with pride, her body littered with gashes and stabs is another testament to that.

I didn’t hate it, those scars she is so ashamed of, in my eyes and heart it’s one of the things I love about her, the way she doesn’t give up and keeps on pushing till the end is one of the things that make my heart both jump from happiness and distress.

As I could feel my heart flutter when she tries her best just for me but the lengths she goes in order to achieve the goals we have set is making me drown in fear and worry as well with the thought that I might inevitably cause her demise in the process——and I did.

I’m the one that killed her, my dreams did.

Well aware of her tendencies but still did nothing to stop her, the corpse that was laying on my arms at that last moment was a product of my slothfulness and selfishness.

And nothing I will ever do will ever change.

Nothing….

For the fact that I killed the only person that has shown me warmth and kindness is a sin that will never be forgiven.

But the worst has come to pass as her death became the stepping stone for my reign as an Empress, vowing myself to that position to never waste the life she has given and putting my all to the goal we have in the first place, but alas what did you expect from a failure pathetic brat.

Even the dream we both yearned for, I failed to protect.

The cousins and brothers that I have protected and forgiven, rose and burned my dreams down to the ground, stealing everything from me.

Everything, from the rules I have made, domains I have managed, and people I have protected.

Everything is gone and all because of them.

I loathe them.

Those filthy greedy pigs that couldn’t get their desire in themselves sullied the castle I have built and the dreams I have dedicated my entire life to.

But the thing I loathe the most is none other than myself.

For being complacent.

For trusting them.

For being too naive.

And most of all for not being enough.

My skills and achievements were not enough, for the people still hated me and have even conjured up a Coup d'état to fight against my ideals.

If I were better, stronger, and even smarter maybe I could have given them something more, something to satiate their desire and continue to live peacefully under my wing.

But again I was not enough, my strength was not enough and I failed.

The sins I have committed and lives I have taken all become nothing but just sets heinous crimes I have done as the goal they were made for was now gone to ashes.

“....I’m truly the worst...I wasted everything.” Clutching her bloody hand between mine I could feel a slight tinge in my chest as my mask of indifference slowly faded away.

“Then why not try again? You are given another life, why not make it count?”

“Then what? Destroy everything for a second time? I think once is enough.” Letting out a dry chuckle, I let go of her hands as I moved away from her shoulders, setting myself upright.

I’ve been chasing all my life an impossible dream paying all the toll it carries thinking it would be enough yet came to not fruition, but just pain and suffering I have to live with.

“I’m…tired…I don’t know what I want to do and what am I supposed to do anymore.”

I closed my eyes, as I found the ability to see my failures unbearable.

My strong steel of heart now melted to nothing but rusted iron, falling apart from the slightest touch.

I’m tired….too tired to keep moving and too tired to even try to move.

I loathed the world and everything in it for taking everything away from me but in the end, what I failed to realize was I didn’t loathe the world…..but just myself for being in this world.

“Tsk, you’re really too bothersome to be with, Come here for a moment.”

“Wha—!”

Wallowing in my own mind a sudden tug on my shoulder pulled me to my sides resulting in my body falling on my back face up.

“Hey...Is this?”

“Yeah, a lap pillow, you liked it back then right.”

Feeling the hard plates of armor on the side of her hips I struggled back up only to be put back down.

“Dammit, stop struggling! It's just us here so no need to get embarrassed.”

“Insolent! I—I’m not embarrassed!”

“Yeah right~, you’re blushing like a pure heart maiden right now!”

Unable to overpower her pure strength, I was left with no choice but to settle on her lap facing on the other side away from her.

“You’re really easy to tease for an Empress who manages to take over the world~”

“S—shut up! Leave me be!”

Stuttering out of embarrassment I hid my tomato-red face away from her sight with both my hands which in turn just made it apparent that I am in fact embarrassed of the position I was put in.

Squirming in her lap from the embarrassing situation I was met with a painful pinch on my exposed right cheek coming from her.

“Ouch! Stop, stop, stop! It hurts!”

“Then stop wriggling like a worm on my lap and settle down!”

“Fine, fine! Just let go!”

Letting go of my cheeks, my head quickly slumped down back on her thighs.

About to turn my head to the other way again midway stopped as her hand grabbed my whole head, turning it to face upward towards her face, “And face here.” She added reaffirming that she will not bend down on my stubbornness.

Finally seeing her face that I tried to ignore, my eyes quivered along with my lips.

Her face littered with dry blood and bruises, the once brown wavy hair she once had now tainted red, and the once bright blue eyes she possessed have now turned glassy and unclear.

“Are you scared of me?” She asked, tilting her head.

Reaching my hand towards her face I could feel droplets of blood on my cheeks and forehead, “No…I just feel guilty because…I’m the one that caused this.” I stated while caressing her broken cheek.

“I’m the one who had chosen this outcome, not you.” She replied while wiping off the blood on my face.

“But I could have prevented this outcome from happening.”

“You probably could but I wouldn’t have wanted that….”

Hearing her response my body tensed up from anger and reflexively brushed off her hand.

“I didn’t want you to give your life for me….I didn’t ask for that.”

I grumbled in a low voice, retracting my hand away from her face, I quickly hid my eyes under both my arms as I slowly lost my composure.

Gritting my teeth from annoyance I shouted my response to her, aggravated and frustrated by the decision she made and my inability to stop her from making that decision.

“So why did you even do these things?!”

Closing her eyes seemingly finding the right answer to my question she nodded to herself after being quiet for a few seconds. And with confidence and a bright smile, she said—“Because…I love you, Eris. That's the only reason why I did it.”

There it is…that same answer I received on that bloody day, the day I lost you.

That cursed 3 words that resulted in what you are now, bloodied, bruised, and festoon with blades and spears on your back.

All happened because of those accursed feelings you hold for me, all because of me.

And hearing that response once again revolted me more than the first time I heard it.

“You damn idiot!”

With anger controlling my head I lunged onto her pinning her body down to the ground with my legs on both her arms and with no retaliation from her I briskly grabbed her by the plates that were on her chest and butted my head onto hers drawing blood in the process.

“If you actually love me then you should have known that I would rather be boiled alive than to lose you!”

Shouting at her face I didn’t notice as tears started to trail off my eyes, whether it was from the pain in my head or the pain in my heart is something I did not care about at the moment.

All I want is to say all the anger I was unable to let out during that time.

As everything happened in a flash of an eye.

“Yet you still did it…despite everything you still went on and gave your life thinking I would be happy for my dream to become a reality!”

“You didn’t once think how I would feel if I lost you….you damn selfish commoner....”

But slowly the anger that had built up inside me slowly turned to nothing but sadness and frustration, for those words echoed in the deepest crevices of my very soul.

Those words that yearned for the most, turned to nothing but a binding curse that is uttered in the wind in her last breath.

I wanted to hear that from her yet not like that—!.…dying from hundreds of arrows on her back and stabs from a variety of weapons on her chest.

I didn’t want that.

If I knew what would happen to her when she came and decided to serve me then…I would have rather been left alone in that damn castle.

“Y—you didn’t once think….how I would go on without you...”

Incoherent sobs soon followed as everything around me fell apart into a deep abyss.

Letting go of my hold of her chest, I slowly lifted my face up watching solemnly as the whole world cracked apart letting an endless darkness seep inside.

“But that doesn't mean you shouldn’t go on.”

Uttering in silence, I turned my face down on the woman I had pinned down.

“....Huh?”

“I didn’t throw my life for you to throw yours as well, I did it so you could continue on living even without me.”

She said in complete confidence, not a single regret and a shadow of a doubt could be found in her words and face.

This is what she had wanted and she would not have it any other way.

My eyes just trembled frantically as I could not understand the thought process behind her actions, grabbing her by the collar as my whole mind ran amok.

Why does she not understand what I’m saying?

“But how could I—”

“How could you live without me?.... That’s the problem you have Eris.…you made me your entire reason for living which truly makes me happy but that’s isn’t right. You should live for your own ideals and your own alone…being shackled by my existence just isn't what I wanted you to become.”

As if squeezing the petty reason word out of my broken soul, I groaned in pain as she nonchalantly pointed the way I’m living my life ever since she saved me that day.

The day we both lose a certain part of us.

Both of us knew yet we decided to stay blind… No, I'm the one who stayed blind to the problem, she didn’t.

She realized how flawed we are living and decided to change it, while I merely made everything take a turn for the worse.

“I know it might sound hypocritical but that’s what I wanted you to become: to not be reliant on my existence, to exist despite no one being by your side.”

“I want you to stop living for me and my validation or others for that matter…..and start living for yourself.”

She spoke in a calm, collected manner, despite the world falling apart around us.

As if her entire focus was given only to me at the moment, uncaring whether everything is gone and left to rot into obscurity.

Her glassy eyes and bloodied face regained its warmth just like before, a contrast to the one I’m looking at just a few moments ago.

“Stop letting yourself be shackled by me and everyone who has given their life…we know the consequences of our actions and we accept it with pride, So your tears are not needed the same for your guilt, we all did it because we adored you and we want you to live with your ideals.”

“So don’t let our actions be in vain and live… Live free from everything, it’s what we fought for in the first place.”

“We did it not expecting a ‘sorry’ but a ‘thank you’.”

Speaking in pure confidence as her body is slowly engulfed by the abyss around us, I stared at her in uncertainty.

The words she has spoken all held the truth yet my heart couldn’t find any way to accept it, only sinking much deeper into self-hatred and loathing.

“I know the guilt you carry will not be washed by mere pretty words but just knowing the fact that none of it was your fault is enough, you can change later but first you have to know it.”

Slowly as if a veil is lifted on her face the bright smile she holds cleanses the abyss engulfing our surroundings turning the dark void into an array of ornamental flowers, swirling into a tornado of colors.

Those eyes, that smile, and that face…. It’s been so long since I have seen it and how I’ve forgotten how brightly overwhelming they were.

Holding nothing but the sincerest of feelings for me, I could not help but avert my eyes from its sheer brilliance

The heaviness in my chest overwhelmed by that fierce passion her soul holds.

“How could you trust me like that…despite everything, do you think I could still go on?”

I mumbled as more of a question to myself rather than to her.

I did everything wrong and turned everything into a bloody tragedy yet—she still continued to believe in me when I couldn't even believe in myself.

Despite all the failures and all the patheticness, I have shown her, she still stayed by my side putting her trust and faith in me.

“Of course I’m sure you can go one without me, .…I’m your knight after all.”

My heart trembled as a familiar warmth circulated into my body, tightly holding my broken soul into her embrace. I shed a silent tear.

“Your troublesome idiotic knight, Oriana Nouvel.”

Not a whimper nor a groan, but silence is the only thing I could muster as everything went white.

The burning sensation on my chest, the hot dripping tears on my face, and the fragility of my entire being are all taken into that warm everlasting embrace.

This embrace being the last.

The inside of my being is going rampant yet with her words in my mind everything went still.

Yet….I still loathe myself more than anything….

But…

If she still believed that I can still do something…..

If her trust, love, and faith in me didn’t once waver in a single moment…..

Then how could I continue to stay in a standstill sullying her efforts?

This might be a dream conjured up in my own head but the warmth I felt and the words I heard were the most real thing I have ever experienced.

I might fail yet again but I think it’s better to die with your failure than fade to nothingness along with your slothfulness.

My courage might be borrowed but I would use it till I find my own courage….

Till then I have to take it slowly….

——One step at a time.

——『[This time not losing anyone.]』

Opening my eyes to a familiar room my retinas are quickly greeted by the blinding sun peeking in the open window.

[Huh…I’m back.]

Feeling my strength returning to my body, I took a sharp breath as I carefully lifted my body upright.

“Ah! No, don't stand...Stay in bed for now.”

Startled by a sudden warning on my side, I was quickly put back down on my bed by a familiar woman.

Blurry images in my eyes soon turned to definable faces.

“Ah…sorry.”

I mumbled as I laid my head down watching as my mother stirred up another herbal tea on a glass.

Looking around it seems that I’m still in my mothers' room, for how long I’ve been here is really beyond me at this point, maybe another week or so.

Eyeing my surroundings a bit more, my attention soon gravitated towards my mothers' desk filled with what seemed to be a dozen paperwork.

Pursing my lips, upon the realization that she is busy yet still here caring for me, unintentionally I have created more problems for her in the 3 years I have been here.

“Here…drink slowly in the meantime I will go get your food you must be hungry.”

Standing up to receive the glass I stared at me for a moment before turning back to my front catching a bit of her figure exiting the room in haste.

“How…should I talk to her?”

Now left alone with my thoughts I mumbled unconsciously with my head hung down as I fidgeted my fingers between the glass on my hand.

The burning courage I just got moments ago has simmered down to nothing but faint candlelight.

It is truly a laughable sight. The Bloodstained Empress who managed to rule the world with her mind and brutal tactics is having cold feet and anxiety about how she is supposed to talk to her mother after an argument with her.

If one would see my state I would surely be a laughing stock among the nobility.

This is one of those rare moments where I fail to calm my body and mind down.

[But this feeling is definitely perplexing if I do say so.]

It's akin to the feeling circulating my body when my old mother would visit me in my room. The only difference now is the fear and anxiety I’m feeling is not stemming from being punished but instead just how I could convey my intention in the most polite way possible.

Stakes that if I failed then the next time I tried to reconcile would surely be harder and more anxiety-inducing but if managed through then I could have taken my first step into my new life.

[This is harder than I initially thought.]

Occupied by my fears and thoughts I didn’t notice the return of my mother along with a tray with food.

“Here I’ll feed you.”

“Y—yes!?!”

I shouted upon hearing my mother's voice completely thrown off guard by her presence now outside of the simulation in my mind that I’ve been running and now sitting on my bedside.

“—Ah, sorry I was j—just startled but p—please do continue.”

Seeing her confused face I scooched over closer to her side with an awkward smile as I couldn’t get a hold of my nerves for a reason I’ve only heard from stories of fellow nobles in parties and such.

It’s the feeling of fear you hold towards your parents that you’re afraid they might get to you for something you’ve done.

I didn’t understand why they talk about that feeling when I feel fear from my parents on a daily basis but I seemed to have misunderstood it during that time, that feeling they always gossip about is different from the one I always felt.

This is the one they were talking about: a fear you feel not because you’re afraid of your parents' punishment but for you feel empathy and regret towards your actions that they now have to deal with.

“A-alright then.”

Slurring with her words she carefully took a seat on the left foot of my bed with a tray carrying a soup now on her lap.

“A~hhhh…”

With a bright smile, she held up a spoon filled with food towards my mouth.

“E-eh?”

“Come on, open your mouth, A~hhh.”

Trying my hardest to not run out of the room out of embarrassment of the situation I slowly leaned my head forward meeting the spoonful food.

“Now chew and swallow slowly.”

Seeing her bright eye determination even though the only thing on the soup that you can chew in the soup are a few vegetables I followed with red tomato cheeks.

“Now another, A~hhh.”

Holding up another spoonful she drew much closer this time, probably due to seeing my initial embarrassment at first.

“Then another…A~hhh.”

Relenting at first, I soon gave up trying to stop her and just accepted that I can’t win against my mother's doting tendencies.

This scenario continued on for a while until we finished the bowl of soup.

Seeing she was putting the tray away, I decided to start drinking the hot tea that is now cold on my hand.

“Are you feeling any better?” My mother asked while she held my hand.

It’s warm and soothing.

Despite not being connected in my heart in some way the warmth in my hand is still reaching my beating heart at that moment.

“Yeah…much better.”

She didn’t answer but just gave a warm smile.

[Too warm.]

The feeling is too strong, I have to say it.

Feeling the evident warmth in my body the fear and anxiety within have been flushed out replaced with that same courage.

[Right, One step at a time.]

With newfound confidence I tightened my grip on her, seeing her perplexion I cleared my throat to get her attention in my direction.

“.…I’m sorry.”

I said now with my face looking straight at my mother, not the ground, on the ceiling, or somewhere far away but to her, that is right in front of me.

“I have so many things I want to say but I think that’s the only word that can encapsulate it.”

I spent so much time thinking about what I’m about to say but in the end, aren't those just flowery words I have come up with to smooth things out?

So if that’s the case then I should stop thinking and let my emotions flow with my tongue.

It’s the only way out of this situation…. To convey how I truly feel not by thinking but just being honest with myself and my emotions

“I’m sorry for everything I’ve done up until now and probably more in the distant future and for that I am sorry.”

“Lore…there is nothing to be sorry about.”

“No there is, that is why I’m apologizing. I’m not that great at conveying emotions like other children so I’m sorry as well if my apology seems fake and lacks genuinity.”

“But nevertheless I still want to say that I’m sorry.”

Silence.

That’s what followed after what seemed to be the most genuine words that came out of my mouth for a very long time.

The most genuine emotions I have let out for a long time since her passing but my words lack everything.

Monotone, dry and emotionless.

It sounded nothing but a bored person reading a script laid in front.

It’s the most genuine I could muster yet it sounded anything but genuine.

I guess as much as I want to change certain things, there are still things that will not let you go.

My mother who was in front just stared at my face in total silence but slowly a gentle smile formed on her lips

My always crying mother is smiling as if she knows everything about me.

Waiting for her to say something, she suddenly extended her hand to my head and started patting me.

“Lore…, you say your apologies lack genuinity yet…….you’re crying right now.”

“H-huh—?”

Confused by what she was saying I started tracing my fingers to the side of my eyes—and to my surprise, my fingernails is immediately was met by a stream of tears

[I’m crying? Since when? During my apology or before I started?]

Wiping the streams off to continue my apology my mind was baffled as the stream won’t stop.

“Huh...it won't stop.”

Frantically I started using both my hands to wipe stopped the tears but it didn’t.

[Why won’t it stop?]

No matter how many times I wipe, no matter how many times I try they won't stop—The stream of tears in my eyes won't stop.

“Huh—that’s weird it won’t stop, why?”

Panicking about what I’m supposed to do in order to stop the stream, I started using the sheets and blankets on the bed as a sort of handkerchief yet still nothing.

“——Hussh..it’s fine…mommy is here.”

In an instant, my panicking body is suddenly pulled in a warm embrace by none other than my mother.

There is not a single tear that flowed on her eyes but just pure affection and understanding, and for the second time in this life of mine, I have felt it——a warm embrace.

“——Guughh.”

In just one action my chest went aching and tense.

Just a moment ago I resolved myself and my heart to apologize till the very end not wasting a single second stopping yet with these tears streaming along with that soothing voice and warm feelings everything I have conjured fell apart.

I was planning to say my sorry for all the wrongs I have done since I came into your life. That is why hearing your warm affection despite everything.

Made it all the more painful and frustrating.

“....I—I’m really sorry for everything.”

“Uh-huh.”

“I’m so sorry, I’m s—sorry, so.., I——I’m so sorry!”

The stream of tears now turned to something similar to a waterfall as everything in my vision turned blurry.

“I….didn’—ean it, those wor… I—I didn’t….so, sorry…”

Sobs and snot covered my nostrils and mouth.

My lungs rapidly inhaled in and out as I couldn’t get enough air into my body.

I couldn’t form any coherent words out of my mouth as well as my whole emotion goes into a complete frenzy.

I was scared that she was the same as her.

I was scared that I might be betrayed again.

I was scared that I might lose that warmth again.

I was just scared that I would experience something familiar yet again just like in my old world.

“I didn’t mean to say those cold words…, I didn’t really want to shove you away…, I didn’t, I’m—, I’m….sorry, I’m so sorry. I just….—”

Conveying the things I wanted to let out my mouth finally uttered the things I wanted to say and let out, despite not being coherent and understandable to anyone.

My mother listened to all of them as if she could understand my feelings without the need for words.

“It’s fine…. everything will be fine, I promise you that.”

The tears continued flowing intensely as I went on with my incoherent confession.

My body lost in strength by the minute as my whole core went rampant, with the only thing keeping me from collapsing into a mess on the bed is my mother's embrace.

—And with my last remaining strength, I pulled my arms around her as well.

Finally returning that embrace back.

“Are you fine now?”

“Yeah….sorry.”

“It’s fine, just rest for now.”

Lore has stopped crying for some time and is now just laying on my lap with a still sorrowful and apologetic expression

Seeing her expression made my heart sting a bit as I couldn’t understand the reason for her expression and the way she has acted for the past few weeks till now, even though I know she felt guilty about the way she has talked to me yet I still can’t help but feel that there is something more behind those tears and words.

Nevertheless, I’m still her mother, inexperienced as I was. My job is still to understand her feelings and help her with the things she was suffering from.

“But this is really quite an odd experience to ever happen, considering you seem so cold and distant to us that I didn’t once think that you’ll bawl your eyes out in front of me.”

Caressing her head gently I queried out loud to joke about her attitude towards me and everyone.

As much as I try to disagree, my daughter is definitely anti-social in some way but still holds some level of affection towards others and what she just did is proof of that.

Yet I wonder why is she like that, was it naturally born, or maybe it was ingrained in some way shape, or form?

“.....Is that a low self-diagnosis or just an indirect insult?”

“Hmmm…. I guess a little bit of both?”

Scratching my red cheeks I followed up with a dry chuckle as I didn’t expect her to return the joke in such a monotone way but it’s definitely better than nothing.

“Mother… I have a question.”

“Hmm? What is it?”

Perking up from her initiation I turned my curiosity to her waiting for her question and probably our first heart-to-heart conversation.

“About father, what is he like?”

Arthur?

“I didn’t really get to meet him so everything around him is a mystery in my eyes, other than books and portraits I honestly have no idea what he is like…. Can you tell me?”

“Your father, huh?”

Momentarily stopping from my caressing a sudden torrent of memories of decades-long gone came flooding from the mere mention of his name.

“It’s fine if you don’t find it comfortable.”

“—No, it’s fine. You’re our daughter, it will be more unusual that you don't know what he is like.”

“Now where do I begin….Hmmm, I guess it’s better to start with how we met.”

“...Our meeting back then was nothing short but fate now that I think about it.”

“I was merely a village girl living at the outskirts of town while he was the next to be given the title duke along with the achievements of being a genius there is no way we could have met one another in any other circumstance.”

“Then how did you two meet?”

A momentarily stopped for a deep breath is what I did before I started the story of when we first met.

It was both painful and a rejuvenating memory deep within my mind.

“.... It was during a raid of bandits that happened in my town when I met your father.”

“Raids have never been rare in the outskirts so it’s not surprising that we got raided.”

“During that event, I saw every family member I have died in front of my very eyes. I thought as well that it might be the end for me… but your father saved me at the last moments.”

“I thought I was a goner but just like some hero he showed up out of nowhere beating dozens of those bandits alone.”

I laughed a bit remembering that time how it was nothing short of fate for the only reason he was there was because he was on the way back home and merely passing by.

“Remembering that time still makes my heart skip a beat…”

Blushing a bit from the resurfacing memory, my daughter just smiled teasingly

“Heh, is that when you fall for him?”

“No, not yet.” I shook my head for her question.

That time isn’t the time I actually fell for him, back then the only thing I felt towards him was nothing but gratitude but before I knew it that gratitude turned to love.

Smiling with melancholy, my smile quickly went away as my daughter took another jab at me with her words.

“Well, that’s a surprise I thought you had fallen for him then and there.”

“Hey, do you really think your mother is that easy of a woman....”

“Questions better left unanswered.”

‘This girl is just too much for me.’ I thought as I heard her offhand insult.

I’m still confused as to why she talked like that as if she feels like there is no need to be respectful to anyone.

It’s not like we taught her to act like that, so I’m confused as to where she has picked up that haughty attitude from, I don’t really remember Arthur’s family members and Arthur himself to have that typical noble attitude.

“So what happens after that?”

“Well, I started working as a maid for them since I need a job to survive and all.”

“Heh… so you started at the bottom of the social standing.”

“You could say that.”

I really came so far with life now thinking back; from just a normal village girl to becoming a maid to the Crestfallen and finally becoming the duchess.

I don’t really know if I’m unlucky or lucky at this point.

God, what am I even saying…. There is nothing lucky about my situation, this is just pure misfortune played by damn fate on me and everyone around me.

Letting out a worn sigh, I twirled and combed my daughter's hair with the use of hand and even thoughtlessly passed by her horns unaware of her reactions to such actions.

“—Eek!”

“Eh—!? Lore you ok?” Startled by the sudden scream I looked at her with concern from her sudden scream.

“I—I’m not! P—please don’t touch my horns…!” Red like a tomato she answered as she stood up seemingly protecting her horns with a blanket nearby.

Don’t. Touch. My. Horns. ?

Eh?

Don’t tell me…

“Oh, my. Lore, do you perhaps feel weird if someone came in contact with your horn?” I said teasingly more like confirmation rather than a question.

“Don’t repeat what I just requested in question format! A—and stop s—smiling like that!.”

“Oh, my. Oh, my.”

That is truly unexpected, my daughter who seems to be always uncaring and indifferent, now blushing like a tomato from a simple touch on her horns.

Not the first time she turned bright red with the things I said and did but definitely one of the best embarrassed faces she has shown me till now.

This is definitely the rarest and best expression she has shown.

And to think it came from the touch of her horn, well now that I think about it she does tend to shove my hand away when it gets too close to her horns.

But still what a waste to think I would waste 3 years not seeing this cute embarrassed face of my daughter, but that is not a problem now for I WILL FOREVER INGRAINED THIS IN MY MEMORY!!!

“Lore come back here…, Let mommy pat you some more.”

“C—can I politely decline that offer?”

“Option Unavailable.”

“Noooo!”

“Fufufu…”

I’m just joking at first but seeing her flustered reaction I can’t help myself but indulge myself in my daughter’s cuteness some more.

After some time of scuffling and running away from me, we finally met an even ground as we now sit in front of one another 2 feet apart.

‘I got too carried away.’

We didn’t really have any kind of bonding time together so this is the closest thing we have that coincides with that word.

This has truly been an enjoyable day despite the week that came before being nothing but pure worry and distraught from the sight of my baby girl being bedridden.

But I guess fate has its way to repay that pain and worry I have felt.

Still, she really went full defensive of her horns as if her entire life depended on it, even throwing some of the pillows at my face and escaping out of the room.

Well, that is to be expected our horns are one of the most sensitive parts of our body where a slight touch from someone could send the bearer into a full-on flustered state. I vividly remember that some of my cousins do get embarrassed when their horns are touched though for me I couldn’t care less.

“Ehem! —Anyway, now that the whole fiasco is out of the way, let's get back to the topic.”

Cute… she is trying her best to regain her face of indifference, unaware that she is getting more embarrassed by the minute.

Just looking at it makes my whole body want to pamper her to oblivion.

“Sure ask away~”

I replied in an over giddily tone which turned her embarrassed face into a disgusted one.

Oi, stop looking at your mother like that.

“Tch.... so anyway...What was your first impression of father?”

“Hmm… I see my first impression..—Wait, did you just click your tongue on me?”

“I didn’t.”

“No, you did.”

“No, I didn’t.”

Staring at her in bafflement I decided to let it go for now as I know calling her out will not serve anyone.

“Hmmm… my first impression of your dad is he’s kind of like an idiotic genius, despite being a genius with almost everything he seems to be a total airhead to social norms; only caring if he ever needs to but most of the time he doesn’t really care for what others think of him, he does what he wants, and says what he wants, just like you.”

The man given the title by the king the {Golden Crow} with how bright his talents shine despite his whole aura engulfed with nothing but the darkest of feathers.

But in my eyes he was nothing but a lovable goofball, he is short-sighted only thinking at the moment and disregarding everything. Honestly, everyone has to keep a close watch on him at every time as one wrong move and he's gone for god knows where.

He always does what he only wants and what he thinks is best and most of the time those plans involve with him not caring for what happens to him, while people see him as the revered genius of the Crestfallen household; he was just Arthur for me the man that captured my heart with his carefree way of living and eccentric attitude.

“Well, that’s to be expected every genius has their own weird quirks that go with them….”

“So is your quirk something related to your disrespectful way of speaking?” I queried out loud as I deemed it the only time I could bring it up to her casually.

“Well sorry, it just kind of came to me naturally.”

“So it is your weird quirk.”

“Hey, how can you say that to your own daughter right in front of you.”

“No, I didn't say anything.”

“No, you just—.”

“No, I didn't say anything.”

I smiled as her face turned from confused to annoyed and embarrassed.

Well, I kind of expected it to be the case. I didn't expect her to be aware of it herself since most of them just think of it as just normal with their being and not odd in any way.

“So did your impression about him change?”

“Not really in particular.”

Both of us fell silent as we have nothing to continue on, Lore seems to be lost in thought while I’m waiting for her to say something.

I’m not really sure what is on her mind right now but she seems to be waiting for something.

Her eyes seem to be darting around the room trying to find something or maybe trying to get me to say something not aware that I’m in the same boat as her, trying to find my next word to say but nothing will come out but just passing glances.

Our eyes will meet at some instant but just as they met we avert our eyes away in an instant from one another still not saying anything to one another despite a pile-up of things to say to each other.

“You know Lore—!”

“Ummm, Mother—!”

Just like some sort of joke we both simultaneously called out to one another, quickly noticing what we both just did at the same time we again simultaneously turned away awkwardly.

“You can go first….”

I decided to break the awkward tension first as it’s my duty as a mother and a duchess to lead.

“I understand… I just want to properly apologize for how I berated your actions a few weeks ago. I didn’t mean to degrade your efforts along with your ideals.”

“I see…”

Solemnly I let out a grateful sigh as I heard her apologize for her actions, that she doesn’t hate me; but when I delve into what she said again my mind fumbled.

As if I didn’t notice a pebble in the road resulting in me tripping on it.

“You’re apologizing for how? not why?”

I questioned but more of a reiteration of the fact that has been laid in front.

“Yes… despite feeling guilty of the way I phrased I still couldn’t find myself agreeing with you in the slightest, I just can’t.”

I can’t help but feel both sad and confused as to why she doesn’t want what is to be the most carefree life one could ever imagine.

“May I ask why.”

“Because it’s too selfish, Mother, what you want is too selfish and too painful for me to just sit back and watch.”

Selfish, how was it selfish? I just did what a mother would have done in that situation.

I just did for you and yet it was selfish in your eyes.

“Lore….”

“I know it might sound nothing but rambling but please hear me out, I don’t want you to sacrifice yourself for me. I just want us to be together and happy but I can’t ever be happy if my happiness foundation is your whole being.”

Mouth just agape from my daughter's proclamation, a sudden earnest proclamation.

I couldn’t utter a single word but just be silent and stare in complete bafflement.

“You….want to be happy with me…?”

“You….want to be happy with me…?”

She said in complete disbelief that the mere thought of me wanting both of us to be happy is a foreign idea in her mind.

It made my heart squeeze in pain as if I was being stabbed with thousands of needles.

“Yes…that’s my wish mother, a complete opposite of yours, I can never be happy if my happiness is just made out of your life. I will rather be completely miserable as those two for me don’t have any difference”

“But this is for the best, it’s what I and your father wanted for you…”

“I disagree, I think what is best for both of us is to be by each other's side, no one is the front of another and no one is being protected in the back. but instead helping each other a hand with the other.”

“I know it might sound laughable coming from a 3-year-old but I would rather be laughed at than let you slowly destroy yourself with your promise with father.”

Saying those words out loud makes my tongue twist in many different ways as I just proclaimed right in front of my mother’s face that she should abandon her promise with my father.

Nevertheless, it has to be stated to her for if not then I’m fairly certain that she will follow the same footsteps Ori led, and that is unacceptable.

I can’t let that tragedy happen a second time, once is enough.

“You don’t understand Lore, the sheer severity of being the heir is nothing short of just trouble and pain, I can’t just let my daughter handle that.”

“Mother you’re giving me far too little credit, I know we are all aware that I can handle being the heir, so please stop hanging on to this promise and let me help you!”

Instinctively raising my voice I clutched my chest as if I was in pain as I stared at her in pure determination.

“I might be useless right now but I promise to lessen that burden you carry when I’m of the right age so please mother, let me share your burden. Let me share your pain.”

“After all, aren’t we a family?”

“Families are made up of people who support and love another. But how could we call ourselves a family if we can’t even share that burden that you are selfishly carrying.”

“So please mother….let me in.”

Ending with a bitter smile I noticed that tears had started to well up in my mothers' eyes after my speech, but quickly turning the other she wiped it off.

I too would have cried my eyes out if it weren't for the fact that I just cried just a few minutes ago.

Nevertheless what said is now said, all that’s left is her answer, I want for her to realize that her way of living and doing things is toxic to herself and everyone around.

I want her to realize and change before she meets the same fate as her, I have to because if I don’t then I don’t think I would ever forgive myself ever again.

After a few sniffs and wipes on her face, she finally returned to face me with an apprehensive look.

[This is it, her answer.]

Please… I’m begging you don’t make the same mistake, don’t be stubborn.

Silently, slowly, I waited as she opened her mouth to give the verdict.

As if I was condemned and she was the judge, I waited with bullets of sweat for an answer on my case.

“Lore, I—”

Knock, Knock.

“My lady, Tuon, has arrived to report the situation concerning the goods and trading routes.”

Cutting off between our conversations is Rita’s voice behind the door.

It seems that she has come with news concerning our newfound goods.

And she said Tuon right? If I remember correctly he’s the head of one of the trading companies in this world.

Then that means things are going fairly well outside.

“Ah Rita, can—.”

“No it’s fine, you can answer what I said later, please take your time to think.”

Seeing both the advantage of having for her to answer later I quickly brushed off her attempt to postpone the meeting.

“But—”

“It’s fine, mother, I want you to take your time to think.”

Apprehensive to my proposition at first soon she caved down and made her way to the door with still an uneasy look.

“Fine... I will come back later.”

“Please do… but one more thing, mother.”

“Huh? What is it?”

“You said that it was a promise with father, right? That’s why you were trying to fulfill it with your best.”

“Yes, it is.”

You’re really an idiot mother, if you haven’t noticed what I probably realized just based on what you have said about father.

But I can’t fault you on that as I probably have so many things left unrealized with Ori as well.

“Well, I think father loves you as much as you love him so I honestly doubt he wants you to destroy yourself like this.”

Saying that last sentence, My mother just stared at me in silence as if I was just something in a completely different language.

“My, lady, are you there?”

“Ah, yes! I’ll be going.”

Hearing Rita’s voice outside she instantaneously broke off her self-induced trance and briskly left without another word not also looking back at me.

[Did I do well or bad?]

I am confused and scared if I make things worse or better, I’m not great at expressing my feelings so this was a challenge for me but I guess it’s an experience I could use and learn from if I ever get out here.

Feeling the relief and fatigue that came washing over me I fell back down on my bed as I stared blankly at the ceiling.

“I guess this will be the first step, huh.”

It was midnight at the mansion and I was busy reading and checking the agreement form from the Frisk Company that Tuon managed.

It seems that we managed to secure a deal with him to trade goods from our domain though still checking if everything is in order since despite knowing each other for 5 years one still can’t trust a merchant.

Though focusing on reading this form is what I should be doing, my focus just won’t stop trailing off to the bed on the left of my room where my daughter is sleeping.

My mind still couldn’t break off from those parting words and everything she said in general.

I was planning to answer with a ‘No’ but when I came back here she was already back to sleep and now I was left with my own thoughts as to what I should do and what is right to do.

I oathed myself to throw away my happiness when I became the duchess as it will not coincide with what this domain needs. That also applied with my promise with Arthur to give our daughter the life away from these convoluted things but now that ideal and promise are shaken from the center.

And now I’m lost as to what I will do… and what I should do.

“Rita… do you think what I wanted for Lore is selfish and too much for me?”

I uttered out loud which caught the ears of my maid staring at me with her snake sharp eyes.

A moment of silence before she answered the question with a respectful tone.

“Not at all, My lady.”

“I see…”

“But still——I think you should consider what Lore wants from you as well, not just what you want, considering you two are family and all.”

Family….?

As if an orchestra played in my head the jumbled rules and wants in my head seize and are replaced by my daughter's voice repeating that same phrase. [After all, aren’t we a family?] she said with a bitter smile.

Pursing my lips upon the memory I let out a weary sigh as I laid my back on my chair comfortably.

“Rita… can you call up everyone, I will have an announcement.”

“Right now?”

“Yes, right now, make haste.”

“Understood.”

Giving a ceremonious bow, Rita slithered out of the room along with news that will now shake the foundation of the whole continent and probably the whole world.

Looking down on my hand a fond smile made its way on my face as I couldn’t stop myself chuckling from the sudden turn of events

“Arthur…..your daughter has really taken after you, I just hope she doesn’t make the same mistakes you have……But I guess that’s what I’m here for.”

Letting out one last chuckle I turn my gaze outside where the moon shines brightly as if watching everything unfold silently.

“This will be the turning point of history isn’t……”