“Eris, Do you know why I have called you here?”

Sitting at the throne that is ornamented with an array of jewels and gold is my father, the man that governs the Odola Empire as it’s one and only Ruler.

I don’t really meet or talk to him that much other than when he needs my help with something or I have done something wrong.

And myself being called here means either of those things but the lack of paperworks around and this place being the throne room means I have done something wrong.

But I don’t think I have done anything wrong. Yes I have been slacking on my studies quite a bit these past few months but still it was barely noticeable since I cover up my slacking by doubling my effort, so what could I have done wrong this time...

...Don’t tell me he finally found out of my usual escapade!

No, it can’t be. For if he actually found out he would have chastitated me the moment he found out.

My father isn’t really well known to allow pity to those who broke the rules.

So if it’s not that then....I guess it must be that.

“No Dear Father, but if I could guess...is it about the choosing of my knight?”

It is one of the rule laid by the founders of Odola Empire that heirs for the throne shall choose one knight to be by his or her side anywhere and everywhere, these knight will be the unbending and unbreakable shield and sword of those that wish to take on the challenge to be on the throne.

They live only to serve the heirs and die serving them through the end.

And same as my brothers and sister I too shall pick one to my liking on my 10th birthday but still 4 years later and nothing...I still haven’t picked one despite being in the lead.

My father has been quite patient with me because of my hefty contribution for the past years or so but being stickler to the rules I doubt even I would be saved from his punishments.

“Still an impeccable deduction.”

“Your words are too kind for the offence I have caused you this past 4 years.”

Trying to deescalate the situation with my words my whole shiver as my father.....No the Emperor looked down upon myself kneeling before him with his stone cold gaze.

“A week.”

“A week?”

Slowly raising my head up, I barely contained myself from screaming in fear as the Emperor had now left his throne and was now standing in front of me.

“Yes, I’ll give you a week to pick a knight and if you still fail to acquire one during the given time period then I have no choice but to disqualify your run as an heir. I have already told your mother regarding this order so feel free to ask her for help.”

Still kneeling I bit my lip in aggravation in my situation, not for the punishment that I received but the part where my father just had to tell my mother.

Yes, she has the right to know but does she really need to know.

First, just what could she do to help exactly?

Answer; Nothing, she’ll probably just vent out her anger on me after this, goodness gracious if not for the Emperor being in front of me I would have screamed my lungs out.

With the growing irritation inside of my body I slowly found it hard to maintain a straight face.

I guess I’ll take my leave before my tip finally boils.

“Understood, then I shall make haste and take my leave for now.”

Still maintaining my indifferent demeanor I gave a small before leaving the Emperor in his throne room.

…...

……………….

“She has changed.”

“As much as she tries to hide it, the change within her is still quite apparent.”

“Before she was nothing but a mere doll controlled by the puppeteer on this stage.”

“Someone who is technically living yet has truly never lived at all.”

“Her eyes being as foggy and empty as a glass ball left to gather dust in an attic of an abandoned home.”

“But now her eyes contain something else, something else that doesn’t belong there.”

“Something else that has been laid down by someone else that has now blossomed and grown.”

“And that something else being hope.”

“Now I wonder....whose the someone that has given that hope that she now so dearly clings on.”

Tapping my chin with crystal clear frustration, I carefully skimmed through dozens of applications laying on my desk.

“Oiii~”

“Hmmm? Is something wrong?”

“That’s what I wanted to ask you, You’ve been ignoring me for over 3 hours already.”

“Well I already warned you to refrain from visiting for a while, since I am busy with lots of things at the moment.”

“I know, I know....but can’t you do it later, I’m dying of boredom here!”

“Should have listened to me then.”

Whining on my bed is Ori who had come to visit yet again despite my initial telling that I would be busy for a week or so, but I really shouldn’t have expected this idiot to listen to me in the first place.

So in a sense the situation is still a fault that stems from my complacency.

“If only picking someone will be as easy as those in novels…”

Grumbling under my breath my face-planted into my desk as my frustration finally gets the better of me.

“If only..…”

“If only what?”

Turning my head slowly my face met two pairs of blue eyes peeking from below my desk on the right, her face resembling that of a dog waiting for his master to notice him.

‘Ori…”

‘...If only you could become my knight.’

“Hmmm…Eri? Got a tummy ache? Want a lap pillow or something?”

Cocking her head as she stares at me in confusion I reached out as I patted her head with a smile.

“I’m fine now...I’m fine, in the first place if I did have a stomach ache I doubt a lap pillow would fix that.”

“That is true…...Eh, Fine now? Were you not fine before?!”

“Well...who knows…”

“Khk! There you are again with your confusing way of talking! Will it kill you to speak more clearly!”

“Yes it will now leave me alone, I have work to do~.”

Receiving an irritated response I withhold the urge to start teasing her at that moment as I will surely be derailed from my work if I do so.

Stretching my arms due to the fatigue on my shoulder and back I quickly resumed looking through the papers again as Ori sat beside my chair grabbing a book nearby.

“Wouldn’t it be better to leave if you’re bored here? Those 3 snot kids at the market are probably waiting for you.”

“You really don’t like calling people by the name, huh.”

“I only call people I trust by the name and they still have yet to earn such privilege.”

“What a snobbish attitude, as expected from the princess of this empire.”

“As the princess of the empire I could have your head cut from those snarky remarks. I hope you were aware of that.”

While it is true that we two are friends, still insulting me would be a sure way to be executed especially if heard by other people, mostly nobles.

I’ve already advised her from time and time again that she should watch her mouth when in public but yet again my voice faded out inside that thick skull of hers.

Though I do not hate the treatment she is giving me, people around me do not share that line of thought and would surely misunderstand causing problems in the long run.

“Yes, yes, thanks for the concern. I'll be more careful.”

“I'd rather have you straight up tell me that you wouldn’t be careful instead of saying such bold-faced lies.”

“Could say the same thing to you.”

“….…….”

“Hey, Eris, why do you always lie? Do you not trust me that much?”

Silence was all I could give to her question as I couldn't find the right words to say for her.

The words in my mind clogged down my throat before it could leave my mouth.

I want to say that I do trust her and that I see her as a friend, my only friend for that matter.

But when I go by that line of thought then why do I always lie to her? Why say she's my friend when I couldn't even confide my problems to her?

Those questions have been living inside my mind for a while now, yet I still couldn't find myself acknowledging the answer.

That I am afraid.

Afraid for what she will do, afraid for what my family would do, afraid that she will leave, afraid that our relationship will be gone & afraid that I would be yet again alone.

I am afraid...Afraid of the consequences of my inability to move and fight, that I will fail to protect and stand firm when the time comes.

“In the end you don't plan to answer again.”

“…….………”

“Eris, I know I'm an idiot.”

“Eh–? What brought that on”

Caught off guard by the sudden self insult, I turned my head down to the girl sitting next to me still reading a book with an expression hidden away behind her brown hair.

“I'm stupid, uncool, and filthy. I'm also a talentless laughing stock that don't have any special skills other than stealing and sneaking, I live in the streets with the rats and dogs because I don't have a house to sleep on, I always play with the kids down at the market because I want to be with someone, to fill the gaping loneliness within me but when I see them returning to their homes that emptiness grew larger.”

“Just as I said, why bring that up!”

Agitated by the sheer self deprecation I was hearing from the one person I truly cared for, I stood up out of instinct and grabbed her by the shoulder, pulling her towards my sight and finally seeing the expression she had.

“Why…..?” I croaked out with trembling lips.

Her face, despite the harsh reality and truths she was spewing, contains a smile of pure happiness yet her deep ocean eyes looking at me in pity and anger.

“I don't remember the face of my own parents since they left me when I was still an infant. I didn't receive any sort of affection nor care throughout my whole childhood because I have no one beside me. My aunt threw me out upon finding it hard to support both me and her own son. My whole life was nothing but a never-ending uphill battle that has started to chip away at my spirit.”

Continuing to stare at me with clear animosity, I tried to turn my head away from those kind eyes now turning to daggers stabbing right at my chest.

“After that I was kidnapped by bandits planning to use me as their toy and sell me as a slave for rich pigs afterward when I'm finally broken beyond repair. But I managed to escape on some dumb luck and finally entered this empire which I have started stealing to live but even then I would still be harassed by everyone on a constant basis due to my inability to protect myself. My life didn't get better, instead it only got worse and worse to the point that I'm surprised I'm still hanging.”

“..…..Ori”

I have lost the strength within my body.

My eyes fixated at both of my feet as I couldn't lift my face up, my eyes wavered as my heart broke into a thousand pieces hearing her story.

It ached me that someone I cared for had suffered so much under my nose.

Is this what she was feeling?

Is this the reason as to why she told her story?

For me to empathize with what she was feeling towards me.

Questions after questions slowly piled up in my head as my legs finally gave up, resulting for a thud resounding in the quiet room.

Clenching my dress amidst the pain a gentle touch caressed my cheek.

Lifting my face up she wiped off the tears that were welling in my eyes as she looked at me directly in the eye now with a fond tender look on her face.

Tilting her forehead towards mine, a nostalgic warm feeling on my chest emerged as she whispered.

“But I was saved.”

“Huh.”

“I met her at a grassy courtyard, she was reading a book alone with an air of sorrow and loneliness around her, curious as to what is wrong with her I approached her out of concern in which she in turn returned with an unrelenting insult. Her attitude is condescending and snobbish that will put anyone off in a matter of seconds but in reality she was just a shy little girl that couldn't be honest with herself.”

Holding out her arm she pulled my head into a warm embrace as she continued on where she left off.

“At first I'm quite intimidated by how cold her words are and how easily she would threaten to have me beheaded but after a while I understood that she merely couldn't bring herself to admit that she does need company, always pushing everyone away thinking they would get hurt when they get too close to her, always afraid and in pain yet would go into crazy lengths to assure that she was fine when in actuality she's not. Honestly she always says that I'm troublesome and annoying but in my eyes it's her that is the troublesome one.”

A weary sigh then followed by a chuckle as she pointed at my flaws and insecurities.

I'm always the tease in this relationship so I can see that she holds quite the blight for me.

“She really is a troublesome person to be with….and that troublesome person saved me.”

“Saved?”

Nodding to my question she started tracing her fingertips on my hair, her eyes holding an unwavering sense of serenity as she held me in her chest.

Our heartbeats pumped in unison as I borrowed my head on her arms.

“She gave me everything that I didn't get the chance to have. Everything that the world took away from me, she gave them back.”

Her voice, her words, her touch, her warmth all of them carries that same unprecedented affection and trust.

Those unconditional feelings that I pretended not to notice or see for this the first I have encountered such a thing.

“Upon realizing my poor upbringing, resulting in me being ignorant of certain things in life, she quickly took it upon herself to teach me everything she knows. Despite not being related to me in any shape, way or form she gave me the house I could sleep comfortably in, warm and clean clothes to wear, and food that would actually fill up my stomach.”

Whispering those words quietly into my ears, my body tensed up as I realized where this conversation would lead.

“Being just with her is enough for my spirit to be healed, her smile is comparable to the brightest of stars, her voice is a lullaby to soothe my worries for the night, her face my guiding light and strength to always never give up, and to continue on fighting.”

Ori continued to press on seemingly waiting for my answer.

“That is why I can't be angry and mad at what has happened in my life so far, because if not for all those things, I don't know if I would be here with her. Laughing with her, smiling with her, and just spending my time with her. If not for all the tragedy I experienced then I don't think I'll have this moment with her right now, that is why I can't be mad for my misfortune for it leads me to my savior.”

My hearts loud and vicious pumping reverberated onto my chest, as those words entered both my ears.

“…….No, stop.”

“No I will not because that is what I want you to know, those are things that you have given to someone like me.”

“Why…..”

Just why?!

Why are you telling me all this to give me guilt?

To show me how I saved you?

Or to show me how painful your life is?

Tell me why?!

“Because I want you to know why I’m feeling this way when I’m seeing you suffering quietly like this!”

“Seeing the one that gave me the hope I have lost, suffering as I can do nothing but watch is more painful than anything this world has given me before!”

Suddenly raising her voice Ori’s arms tightened around my body as I could now feel the sheer anger and frustration she was feeling from simple a touch.

“Saying you’re fine and nothing is wrong thinking I’m that stupid to believe is just insulting! Do you really think I wouldn’t notice?! Your forced smile, your tired eyes, and frail weak body all tell otherwise yet you still continue to lie like I was blind!”

Startled by the sudden rise of anger from her I held my breath for a moment before I noticed the slight dampness on my head that came from the tears she shed.

Slowly I too became short of breath as my tears welled up in both my eyes and as snot rolled down my nose my breath hitched as I couldn’t get out of Oriana’s passionate embrace.

“Ah! I’m sorry! I didn’t mean..!”

Feeling my struggles to breathe she panicky let go of me.

Coughing from the sudden breath of air that had entered my lungs along with my snot, Ori approached me by my side gently rubbing my back.

“It’s fine...I know you didn’t mean it…...it was my fault to begin.”

“Eris…”

Wiping my face off I turned to face her with a tired smile.

This is the result of my constant avoidance and lies that have piled up.

That result was this, my only friend suffering for me, what a disgusting selfish brat I am.

To make someone so kind and caring as her to suffer for my sake.

Truly disgusting and filthy.

“I’m sorry....because of me you have suffered so much.”

Holding my head down my tears fell down the red carpet as my voice trembles and break, my strong facade disappearing in front of her very eyes.

“I….couldn’t..No! I didn’t say anything!...All because I was scared! I’m terrified you’ll leave me or that you’ll do something stupid if I told so I didn’t!”

All my pent up hidden emotions all burst forth in an instant——My self loathing, My wrath, My hatred, My envy, My yearning, My love, My fragility, My weakness, and My pride all being laid out in the open.

With emotions and judgement going array I slammed my fist down on the floor drawing blood in the carpet and my knuckles.

“I don’t want you to get hurt so I didn’t say anything! I’m so sorry! I’m sorry for treating you like this! I’m sorry for being pushy and annoying, I’m sorry for only thinking for myself and not considering what you will feel, I’m sorry for my own stupidity that has caused you to be hurt like this!

Everyone has their own needs they have sought and wanted, dreams or maybe a person they wanted to protect to the end of times, to do everything for them or it.

Yet I don’t know that I have never come across anything like that——Until now. I didn’t know how to protect you, how to always make you have a comfortable life so I built these walls of lies to not worry the only person that gave me light.

Unknowingly hurting you in that process of wanting to protect you from everything.

“I’m sorry for being this kind of person! I tried hiding everything despite knowing it would just make things worse! Ignoring my problems from time and time again thinking it would disappear or someone will fix it for me was arrogant beyond reason!”

Choosing to run away when that option is available has made me a sickening coward, fooling everyone with extravagant words and cold elegant mannerism has made me lose everything that closely resembles what I truly am.

Desperately waiting for someone to reach out their hand and save me instead of striving to be that person myself made me incapable of moving forward.

“I…….I—I’m disgusted with myself!”

I fooled myself with these lies that I couldn’t do anything, that I’m trapped here against my will and I couldn’t get help when in reality the only person that is holding myself back from change is me, only me and no one else.

Trying to be damsel in distress instead of moving forward, blaming the past, the future, and the world for my pain when I’m the one who chose not to fight back to lay on the ground as reality drags me further down.

“I complain and complain why no one has come to save me, yet I haven’t even put in the effort to save myself is the peak of hubris! Unable to swallow both my pride and fear has turned me into a filth that only knows how to talk conceitedly but is unable to show results!”

I couldn't even help myself yet I expected someone to help me is nothing but a disgusting sense of entitlement.

Unable to improve anything about myself made me resort to extreme loathing towards everything just like a child that couldn't do anything other than throw a tantrum.

Sense of pride so disgusting that I looked down upon someone's own suffering with the reasoning that; I have suffered more, I should be the one saved not you, You don’t deserve that——is the most vulgar feeling wriggling inside this filthy body.

“I knew fully that everything until now was my fault. My inability to be strong has caused me great pain resulting in you being hurted as well.”

Complaining and running, unwillingness to face one's weaknesses resulted in what I am now.

I want to be saved—yet I couldn’t even save myself, I don’t want to be alone—yet I don’t want to reach out, I want to be happy—yet I don’t want to make the first move, I want to be loved——yet I couldn’t love myself.

“I—I’m…...sorry…..I’m sorry for being…....truly….pathetic.”

All of the darkness in my heart spilled spewing in the room filled with silence.

The filthiness in my heart that I have tried to hide with all my might now spilled and laid in front for everyone to see.

Yet that heavy suffocating feeling in my chest still hasn't left nor has it decreased. I thought letting it all out would lessen that abhorrent feeling, yet nothing happened it didn’t left. Is this how low I have sunk into depravity that I’m beyond saving with simple words? Am I too far back now? Was it not enough to let those feelings out to be saved?

Nothing changed for the better in a sense as the only thing I’m feeling is the growing shame and hatred for myself, for the things I have said and done.

Putting my own actions into words has made me see clearly how foolish and pathetic I am. Feeding my weakness until it grew to an uncontrollable monster that is now feeding off everything I have left in me if there is still something left.

Thinking of all the times we have spent together there isn’t one time where I let my feelings out in the open like this with her.

This is the end, she will probably leave me as well now knowing how disgusting I am, how foolish and stupid I have been living my life till now, I have been disparaging everything and anyone including her so I will not be the least surprised if she abandoned me here right now.

I hope she just leaves without a word as I’m not even worth a single word. Her listening to my self hatred ramble is already enough, she doesn’t entertain this failure of a human being anymore.

Yes, it’s for the better that she should just leave...she should just—

“You idiot! None of this was your fault, stop taking all this burden on yourself!”

Suddenly embracing me from behind is her with red shot eyes.

Instead of leaving me behind she is there hugging me tightly like I would disappear at any moment.

I couldn’t say anything as I do not understand how she could still be with me despite how bothersome of a person I am.

How even now her trust and affection for me has not wavered even by a little bit, more so it has been amplified to the highest extent.

Confessing all those unsightly but true feelings hidden within me, removing that facade full of lies, and exposing how much of a I was garbage that is beyond saving.

But still even then….

……....Why was she treating me with care and passion as if I did nothing wrong in my life?

“You were suffering so much from those around you yet you still blame yourself from the pain how stupid can you be!”

She scolded as her loud voice bounced off the room's wall. I will not be surprised if the guards will bust inside any second now.

“Burdening yourself for crimes that you imposed to yourself is idiotic! Isn’t the one that made you like this the one who should be punished?!”

“No! I’m the one who should be punished because of my weakness, that I was unable to fight back!”

My failures, my weakness, everything that has happened to me was my fault. Because I’m not strong enough, because I'm not smart enough—I wasn’t able to do anything.

“Everything that has happened was the fault of my own disgusting self!”

“Disgusting this, disgusting that, can’t you just see how amazing you are! Saying that you see yourself as pathetic and disgusting but how about the you that I see! The person who always tries to be kind and gentle yet failing miserably! That girl who always tried her best to make something right, that girl who just wants to have a happy life! Is she disgusting?!”

“No! She’s not! Stop deluding yourself with these negative thoughts inside your damn head! I am right here, right now with you saying how kind and caring a person you are yet how could you not still see it!”

“Are you really that stupid to not see it or are just that stupid to acknowledge it!?”

“And if it's painful then damn say so—I would be here to lessen that pain, if there is loneliness within your heart—then I would be by your side never leaving you at anytime, If it’s cold during those nights in your bed—then I would stay with you to warm you up until the morning came, If everything you have built slipped down your fingers—I would be their to offer you my hand so we could hold it together!”

“And If you can’t carry that burden you have in your back anymore—Then I would be there to carry it with you. I’m here you can ask me for help you fucking idiot!”

My eyes bulged as my ears twitched in disbelief for Oriana’s reprimand of everything I have said about myself. My tears stopped flowing from the pure shock my mind had received from that simple scolding.

My lips quivered and my hands trembled as I was unable to let out a single word from my dry throat.

Left with not a choice I turned towards her with a shocked expression.

“You don’t need to fight alone anymore, I am here with you.”

Putting her forehead into mine, an inexplicable feeling rose up in me as the warmth from her touch lifted that heavy feeling in my chest.

The noises and the colors of the world slowly returned as my head and voice cleared up.

“Can I really lean on you?”

“Of course, I will always be here with you.”

“Is it really fine to be with a bothersome individual like me?”

“I’m used to your bothersomeness already so not a problem.”

“What if I can’t do it? What if I still failed?”

“I will be here to support you so trust me that you will not fail and if you somehow did lose, then I would fail with you.”

Leaning closer to me she touched both my hands that are cold to the touch and dampened with sweat.

“You don’t have to worry about me leaving you as well, for how could I leave the most important person in my life alone.”

Upon hearing those words my eyes started to tear up as everything became foggy and unclear.

Releasing one of my hand I started to wiped off the dripping tears on me face, as I chuckled lightly.

“That sounds like a confession you know.”

With a sly expression painted on her face she laughed smugly.

“You’re a free to interpret it as anyway you can possible can~”

This girl!

Realizing I have been duped to interpreting it that way, I flicked her forehead in annoyance.

“—Ouch! Oi that hurts!”

“Your fault, I’m the tease in this relationship you don’t get to take my job!”

Seeing my reply with a genuine smile and laugh, she herself finally laughed after all the crying and bawling we had done.

“Ori...are you really fine, that's....it’s me?”

“Of course idiot! I wouldn’t have offered it to anyone else!”

Flicking my forehead in annoyance, I chuckled as the heavy feeling in my chest was finally gone.

I wanted to cry but I guess I have cried enough which is fine as we have finally talked to each other heart to heart.

I didn’t really expect that things would go this way but I couldn’t have hoped for a better outcome.

Approaching her I was about to give her an embrace but a sudden knock coming from outside the door resounded into the room and with it was the dreaded voice I didn’t want to hear right now.

“Eris……”

“Huh….mother?”