《The Dark Times》Article 18: Lost Property News

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Melting Pot Dell the Midlands repository of lost property for the ley line network has announced today that they are teaming up with the Patch and Sew company that cater for the disintegrating and discerning Zombie.

‘We have such a large collection of lost limbs and clothing and it seems a shame to simply throw it away when it can be recycled,” said Mr S. Tirpot, manager of the lost property office. “We do have to wait the years grace for collection of course, but after that we are free to dispose of the property as we like.”

Mrs C. Reel of Patch and Sew said, “It seemed only logical to team up with Melting Pot Dell. They acquire a number of suitably dis-animated parts over a year, and gain a large variety of clothing that can replace the worn-out remnants on our clients.”

The deal has been brokered for an unspecified sum but both sides have agreed that it is reasonable. Mr Tirpot has pointed out that a large part of the yearly payment will go towards the upkeep of the network, something that has become very necessary in recent decades.

For Patch and Sew it has expanded their ability to provide a bespoke service to their clients, but without the costly outlay to bribe undertakers to look the other way while they pick and chose parts.

For those who want to know more about Patch and Sew’s lines look no further than Lady Dee Dar of Mulch End who was sporting some of the first fruits of the new deal, at the bi-annual Rock and Groan Ball last week. She was stunning in a pair of slim legs and a nineteen seventies flower power slit robe to show them off.

Other high-end items up for grabs, is a complete head of golden blonde hair, worn out eyes in the skies, a large selection of dark glasses, and a multitude of hands and feet that have been severed off during transit of the network due to mis-use. Please note that the enchantment has been taken off the eyes in the skies for low altitude use.

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Patch and Sew can be contacted on Gauze Street, from Midnight to two am, Paisley Abbey, Paisley.

Melting Pot Dell lost property office can be contacted via the network, or Melting Pot Dell post office. Alternatively visit the Melting Pot Dell office directly. Please provide proof of ownership of the item claimed. There are also other items of lost property that have been held for more than a year and are up for sale, such as spells, pet dragons, wands, umbrellas, staffs, violins, 7 league boots (too fast for zombies), brooms, tooth sharpeners, ectoplasm, shed hair, nail clippings and spades.

Byline by Quothe, the raven

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