Hello everyone, it’s that time of year again where everyone is on the move visiting family and friends. When you have to suffer all the difficulties that come with avoiding the urge to tear out the throat of that child kicking the back of your chair.

Here are some of the simple ways of getting around those urges and to avoid all Dark-less contact.

All through the winter time we have Genocide Travels choosing routes that will pull in at any raging coastline, alcove, or cave with their five-star accommodation rated by Decay and Allergy.

Genocide Travels promise that there will always be a Dark-less village or town nearby for those who need sustenance. They also inform us that they will take pets, large or small. They have several packages from basic to diamond plated so there’s a price convenient for everyone, but of course there are limited places, so get in early.

For those of you who get trapped or get lost in the grains of time. We have the emergency travel sleigh. It’s very expensive and the driver dresses rather brightly and can something be a bit dangerous, so we suggest best behaviour and definitely don't steal from him or you may find yourself falling from a great height.

The emergency travel is especially good if you find yourself landlocked and you need to get away but the driver has many obligations that could mean a long wait for pick up.

I should point out that he only works in one half of the globe at a time. From month three to month nine he travels the southern globe and then into the northern hemisphere for the other half.

So, you must be wondering, if he is always travelling, how do you contact him. He has an iPhone, 0360 is his phone number. For those of you who don't own or cannot use mobile phones he will still answer the old call.

Stick out an olive branch and say Ho, ho ho.

You will need to pay him a small gold coin or something of equal value. If you struggle to know what items to get, we suggest supplying mincemeat, woodworking supplies, green cloth, paint and bright baubles.

You can also offer hay to his team but beware the horns and the lead animal’s hot nose. It leaves a nasty burn.

His name is Nicholas and if you behave until the end of your trip you may receive a gift or your gold coin back.

If you live in a town or city and you live far from the sea and there is no need for an emergency lift we recommend Possessed By Thee. They are a taxi service that can provide both long and short journeys where you can forget about driving, and just sit back and relax as you experience the most advanced vehicles in the world and will willingly take you anywhere as long as you can pay.

Possessed By Thee also have an ambitious plan to take themselves into the mainstream and provide an additional service of meals on wheels.

These are just some of the best ways to travel in winter. We wish you the most depressing Christmas of your life and see you next year.

By Starfury.